Checking in

I am down another 2.4 pounds for a total of 24.2 pounds lost on WW. I am very close to my first goal of 10% of my weight gone and I hope to make that by next week.

Sorry I haven't been checking out people's blogs or posting more. There are some serious things going on in my house and I can't seem to get my mind focused on other things right now. The only upside to all that stress is that my appetite has diminished and I think that's why I've been doing so well these days.

I hope everyone else is doing fine and enjoying the sunny August days. Take care!

Weigh in

I'm down 1 pound this week so I'm officially in the 230's. It's so nice to have seen that number drop from the 260's. I have lost 21.8 pounds on WW but my total weight loss since the very beginning of my journey is now  183 pounds. It blows my mind to think that I've lost that much weight. That's why I try not to get too frustrated when I'm not doing as well on WW as I think I should be. I try to remember where I started and where I am now.

Anyway, off to bed. I've been so tired and run down lately. Probably just a side effect from all this blasted heat! I hope everyone else had a great weigh in!

Yay!

Quick note then I'm off. Weighed in today and I'm down 3.4 pounds which means I've finally broke 20 pounds. I'm at a 20.8 pound loss! I feel great!

Hey, Obese!

I was thinking a lot about chickofegg's blog from yesterday entitled "Empathy" and it made me think of those oh so horrible times when I was targeted because of my weight. At my largest I was over 400 pounds but I was teased/ridiculed/harassed about my weight the whole way up to that size, from just being chubby to morbidly obese. I don't know why people think making fun of fat people is okay. They would never make fun of a handicapped person or someone with a birth defect but fat people are fair game. Although it's painful to remember those times sometimes a word or situation will remind me of them and I can play the scene over in my head as clearly as if it had just happened.

-A wonderful family trip to Virginia Beach. I was about 16 at the time and we were walking along the crowded boardwalk. It was nice until we walked past a hotel with a balcony full of drunk college boys. "HEY, OBESE!!!" "FATTY GIRL, FATTY GIRL!" I pretended not to hear as I walked on. So did my family.

-At the grocery store waiting for prescription. I was tired of standing and all the benches were taken up so I decided to sit in a resin chair they had sitting around near the counter. I must have sat down too hard (so I'd like to think) because the next thing I knew I was on the floor, resin legs sticking out from under me. Some people nearby couldn't contain their laughter and it apparently was catching because more people started laughing unabashedly. I might have found it funny if I were skinny but I was pushing 275 at that time. I know what they were laughing at.

-Walking down the street to the mall. I accidentally bump into a little girl who was standing close to me (I didn't see her). Apparently her father thought I did it on purpose because he proceeded to cuss me out for being ignorant and ended with "You big fat bitch!". There was a bus stop full of people watching the whole exchange. I just kept walking, again pretending I didn't hear.

-Working as a cashier at CVS. I was ringing out this older gentleman who was very cordial and making pretty good conversation as I bagged his purchases. After giving him his change he smiled and said goodbye but then leaned back in and said "Don't get any fatter, okay?". I guess he figured he was giving me good advice but it really just shot my self esteem to crap.

-The ex-boyfriend's friend. He was always nice to my face but apparently constantly questioned how my thin boyfriend could want to be with me. "Fat girl legs are repulsive, what do Kia's knees look like from the back?" Ex thought it was funny to tell me that. That's one of the reasons he's an ex.

That's just a handful but I have lots more. Its painful but I'm glad chickofegg's blog reminded me of them because I have been feeling a little ho-hum about the weight loss gambit here lately and it was just what I needed to kick my butt back into gear. I got five points worth of activity today and I ate pretty well, not just keeping within my points but choosing healthier food. It was kind of hard to write these instances out in black and white but maybe I'll remember to read this blog the next time I start feeling lackluster about my efforts.

Oh, Poop!

TMI: I'm back to drinking my Super Slimming tea by Triple Leaf teas. Not because I'm trying to lose weight (because really, I don't think dieters' teas really work all that great for that) but because I've been having...er..."issues" that fiber and lots of water are not helping me resolve! I think it might be to my vitamins. I switched to one that has more iron and I think that's where the problem lays. So hopefully this tea will help. It's helped me a lot in the past! (See Michelle! I talk about it, too! LOL!)

I'm really glad we got that toy car for my son. It's become an after dinner routine for he and I to take a brisk walk for at least a half an hour. My husband used to come along but I found with him we'd walk half the distance in double the time. When I take Bailey on my own we zoom around the neighborhood and I work up a great sweat while he enjoys the simulation of driving really fast. I mapped our normal route on Google pedometer and found that I walk 1.5 miles with him. Then after I push him around in the car he likes to get out and we walk on foot for about 15 minutes more. Great for me because I'm getting my activity in but great for him because the fresh air seems to tire him out and makes the bedtime routine run a little smoother.

I'm really looking forward to dinner tonight.  My friend Elsy, whose Indian, gave me a container of lemon pickles she made. It's not pickle in our American sense but cut up lemons in some spicy spicy Masala seasoning. Anyhoo, I didn't like it. The lemon pieces. But I love the hot spices and with the juice from the lemons it made a nice sauce. So I took the whole container and threw it in a bag of chicken thighs and let it marinate all day. Then I'm going to broil the chicken (minus the lemon pieces). I guess I'm just looking forward to eating it because since I've been on WW I haven't really had any food with real spice in it! I mean I've had curry once but for the most part everything I like that's spicy has a lot of fat or salt in it. I guess I need to find more kick-it-up spicy recipes.

How is everyone else doing this week?

Gained, but not upset about it...

...because I know it was water weight. I have done so extremely well this week and have not gone over my points too badly. I even had several flex points left. Why the gain? Bad snack choices! Low fat, low calorie but high in sodium. 

As most of you know the last Harry Potter book came out midnight Friday (that's when I got mine, of course!) and as with every Harry Potter book I locked myself away to read the entire novel with no TV, radio, internet...nada. (I do this so no one can ruin the ending for me). Anyhoo, when I read I have to snack. I don't know why that is but it's like watching a movie, I need to be eating something. I stocked the house with lots of fruit and I did eat them but I need something more like gnosh. So what do I pick? Orville Redenbacher's Smart Pop. Not the mini bags but the big bags. I ate 2 bags. Then for dinner I ate a  beef curry I made but that had a lot of sodium too. I tried to counter it by drinking a lot of water but I still woke up this morning with my fingers swollen and my ring tight.

I fought the desire to skip my WW meeting because I figured the whole process includes the good and the bad and that I shouldn't just pick and choose when I want to participate because I don't want to hear bad news. But like I said I wasn't upset. I had weighed myself in the middle of the week and was down a pound so I know I was doing well. In hindsight I should have just skipped the popcorn and stuck with the fruit but that's water under the bridge now. I plan on keeping up with staying on track and hopefully next weekend will show a great weight loss.

Hope everyone else did okay!

Been too lazy to blog!

I don't know why but I've been in a "blah" mood about doing things I normally love to do. I used to love to get on EP and MySpace but I just haven't felt too much like signing on. I bet it has a lot to do with the heat. We got A/C for the downstairs but not the upstairs but the big box fan we have seems to be doing an alright job of keeping things manageable climate wise.

I've done very well with eating so far this week. I've been pretty much on target with my points. Yesterday we did order a pizza but I only ate one lone slice. I stocked up on peaches, watermelon, grapes, and plums and some very lean luncheon meats. I also got the makings for my favorite pita pizzas that I used to eat all the time but for some reason stopped. I was feeling so lackluster about my weight loss and almost quit WW but I think I just needed to see something big happen because after weeks of small losses I needed something. Being so close to 20 pounds gone is that "something".

I've been getting activity in every day this week. After dinner my husband and I take our son out for a walk in the new toy car I mentioned in my last post. We walk at least 20 minutes around the neighborhood. Today I did that crazy 3.5 mile walk that I got suckered into doing last week. I told the ladies that I could commit to doing the walk once a week for now, but that I aim to increase the days later. Now that I've started back to moving again I will gradually phase in the daily workouts I used to do so diligently. Well, diligently for 3 weeks.

My wedding ring is very loose. I need to find a guard for it. I would get it sized but I hope to lose a lot more weight before I do that. When I first got my wedding ring it was a sized 12 and it didn't fit. My husband had to place it on my pinky and even then it was a tight fit. Now I am wearing a size 9 but I bet I could get into an 8. It's a nice gauge of how I'm doing.

Well, I'm off to go check my other e-mail before I get my nightly fix of animé on Adult Swim. I'm such a geek! I'll be on tomorrow to check out everyone's blog. I promise!

A small loss but still good.

I weighed in on Sunday and to my surprise lost a pound. I was surprised because it's TOM and I usually go up the scale not down. I accredit the loss to my eating much watermelon and peaches this week instead of junk. I love summer fruits and veggies! So now I'm just 7 pounds away from my first 10% goal and 1 pound away from a 20 pound weight loss. I'm very determined to do well this week because I want to make 20 pounds lost.

Sundays are officially my "cheat" day when I allow myself to eat things I usually avoid (I still count the points), mainly at Sunday dinner at Grandma's house. I noticed something about myself yesterday though. When I first started with the cheat days I would usually go to a fast food restaurant and blow most of my points on burgers and fries. As time has gone on I realized that although I do indulge it's not as grand as that anymore. Yesterday my indulgence was a spoonful of my Grandma's candied sweet potatoes and extra helping of her mashed potatoes. I haven't used cheat day at a fast food place in a long time. I'm proud of the fact that I am starting to make wiser decisions about eating. I do slip now and again but for the most part I choose wisely.

My Dad bought my son a cool gift this past Saturday that will be loads of fun for him but will force Mommy and Daddy to do some walking: Convertible Car. I look forward to fun walks using the car. Oh, my brother, Mr. Fitness, paid me a compliment (of sorts) yesterday. When I walked in the door he says "Damn, Kia, you are getting skinny!" Skinny is a reach but I loved getting the compliment, especially since my brother's compliments are few and far between.

Well let me go get my son dressed and out for our maiden voyage with his new toy. I want to get him tired out so we can take a nap together. I'm exhausted. I didn't get much sleep because last night on the way home from Grandma's I had the misfortune of seeing my first road casualty. I'll be writing about it on my myspace blog here in a few. Anyway I had nightmares, understandably. I can watch it on TV but in real life I'm a punk.

Anyway, I hope everyone had a great weekend and a good weigh in!

Let's take the kids for a walk.

That's what my friend says to me yesterday. It's been so crazy hot the last few days and today was forcasted as being a nice day (it is!) so she called me and two other moms from our playgroup and arranged a walk to a local park. Now I've never been to this park but the other moms have. I'm thinking pop the kids in their strollers, take a quick walk to the park and the kids would get a chance to play while us moms rested up and watched them. Nope nope nope! I was bamboozled! Duped! I'd been had!

It was a hella walk and more exercise than I planned to do today, LOL. Actually, more exercise than I planned to do this month! I'm waiting for my husband to get home and map the route for me so I can see how many miles (yes MILES plural, Kia walked MILES) the walk was.  I drive to my friend's house for playgroup because she's not around the corner. In fact a mile up from her house is one city limit line and a mile up from mine is another city limit line, so we are on opposite ends. Anyhoo, we start walking and I realize I'm seeing familiar scenery. Oh yeah, it's the scenery I see as I'm driving to her place. Then we leave the sidewalk to hop onto a bike path into the woods. I'm thinking that the park can't be too far. I was right. The park wasn't too far but it was not THE park she wanted to take me too. We passed two parks, one very nice playground, a pool and an hour later we were at our destination. I have to admit it was a very nice spot hidden away from traffic and green and lush and shady and nice. So I'm taking in the scenery and I look over and see a popular nursing home. I say "Wow, that looks like the one near my house!" to which another mom says "Oh, it is! Your street is about ten minutes walking down the path." I was like ! We had walked me home! And now I had to walk back! And to add insult to injury while walking down had been long but fairly easy, walking back was UPHILL! Sheesh!

I have to say I was proud of myself because I didn't think I had it in me to walk miles. I didn't get winded, I kept up a good conversation while walking and I kept up with my friend's quick pace. Now that I know I can do it I told her that I would try to come out walking with them at least once a week. I'm not quite ready to commit to more time just yet. I wonder how many miles it was? Watch it be something like a dinky 2 miles round trip, LOL!

*Update: Thanks to shrrlygrrl I used Google Maps and figured out the trip was about 1.788 miles one way, so a total of about 3.5 miles roundtrip. Sure felt like a lot more! LOL! I also found that there was a quicker way to get from A to B but I guess the scenery wouldn't have been as nice! I'm not sore today at all so I guess I have no excuse not to do this again.

Reminding myself of why I'm here.

Although I have been doing what I need to do (for the most part) to lose this weight for the last week I've felt kind of exhausted with the whole thing. I want to be thin, I want to be healthy, but I'm just kind of tired of counting points and watching what I eat. There is so much good food out there and I really want to eat it with no limits! My TOM is due tomorrow and that could be a factor in the way I'm feeling (I have eaten way more than my daily points today, I know it) but I don't know. I think I'm a little disappointed that my results for the last month have been lower than I'd like, losing only mere ounces every week instead of pounds. I haven't worked out in over a week because even with exercising I wasn't losing much. So yes, I'm on the brink of giving up. But I'm not. I'm just feeling like I want to.

The thing that keeps me going, even grudgingly so, is the reason that I signed up for WW in the first place. On Christmas Day 2006 I found out I was pregnant with my 2nd child. What a great but unexpected Christmas gift! But sadly, February 8, 2007 I had to go into the hospital for a D&C because my baby had died and had apparently been dead for a while. At the time I found out I was pregnant I wasn't thrilled with my weight but I wasn't heartbroken either because hell, I was 422 pounds a few years ago and losing 170 pounds was fine enough for me. Well after the miscarriage I did what other women who suffered the same fate usually do...I tried to figure out just what  I did wrong. I felt (and to a point still feel) like I just wasn't healthy enough to sustain the pregnancy. With my first I was 16 pounds lighter than I was when I was pregnant with the 2nd. I took prenatal vitamins months before trying to conceive, I didn't drink caffeine, and I ate healthy. With the 2nd I rarely remembered to take my vitamins, I drank Diet Pepsi like it was going out of style, and I ate so much junk that in my first month of pregnancy I gained 10 pounds. When I went for my follow up appointment after my D&C my OB said that I could wait a couple months and try to conceive again. All I said was "I think I'd rather wait until I got a little healthier" and she said "Yes, and losing some weight might be beneficial to you as well." I took what she said to the bank and after allowing myself a few weeks to grieve I signed up for Weight Watchers. My plan is to lose as much weight as I can by the time we are ready to start trying for a baby, probably sometime early in the Fall after my son turns 2.

Wow, typing all that out helped a lot. The story was never far from my mind but putting it in black and white helped give me perspective. I want to take the easy way out and just live and let live but I do want another baby, I want a sibling for my son so it's important that I stay the course. I really thank all of you for your support. The WW meetings are great but in the last couple months it's been the comments and the encouragement from my blog readers on this site that has kept me on the path (or lead me back to it when I strayed). I think it's a shame that my biggest supporters in my weight loss efforts are people who I've never had the pleasure of meeting in person and not my closest friends or my family, but I am so glad to have you all.

Well, my TOM must be coming! Talk about wearing my emotions on my sleeve. I hope everyone else is doing fine!