I'm almost there, and I'm excited about it . 185 lbs is the highest weight at which I feel comfortable. It feels like a good place because I will be able to fit some of my size 12 clothes, and I will be motivated to hit the 170's (for the first time in 4 years, fingers crossed!)
175 lbs
This is how much I weighed when I met my boyfriend back in 2007. I was pretty comfortable with my weight back then, but new romance took its toll on me. Working out and eating healthy flew out the window. All I wanted to do was spend time with my man . Now we live together, and I couldn't be happier. And I'm not trying to reach 175 for him. I'm doing this solely for me. At 175, I'll be able to fit my Brooks Brothers shirts again!
162 lbs
This is the least I've ever weighed as an adult, and that lasted all of one month. Hitting this goal would be so emotionally triumphant. I honestly believe I'll cry. At 162, I'll be able to fit EVERYTHING I own. And I will have proved to myself that my first time at 162 wasn't luck, but the rewards of hard work.
155 lbs
This is what I need to weigh in order to be considered "normal weight". I've never been in that category in my life. I've been overweight and obese, but never normal. I close my eyes and pray I see this day
I was sitting here at work and a random memory popped into my head...
Several years ago, I weighed 230lbs. I was in college then, and several of my really good girlfriends were athletes (track and basketball). They carried a full academic schedule AND worked out for 15-20 hours per week. One day, I said to myself, "If they can go to school and do athletics, then I can get off my fat ass and exercise 30 minutes a day!" And so I did. I went to a gym for the first time, got on an elliptical for the first time (embarassed myself in the process) and ran on a track for the first time. I had no idea what dieting was all about, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that fried food, burgers and ice cream were bad and veggies were good. I bought some sports bras, a pair of running shoes and a rinky-dink analog scale. I started exercising and eating a little bit better. I didn't really have a scale obsession then, so I only weighed in sporadically. There are two moments that I remember clearly. The first was when i stepped on the scale and the little orange marker was on the left side of 200lbs. I called my mom and almost cried. Oh my goodness, I was below 200! The second time was when I was in the shower and in the process of washing, I felt what turned out to be collar bones. Oh my goodness, I had collar bones! I remember shrugging my shoulders really high so that I would create a pocket between my collar bones and shoulders to catch the water as it showered down over me.
I'm happy to tell you that I've had collar bones ever since. I always write about the woes of my current weight struggle but I never talk about the success I've had. I have been around 190 for the past few years and have maintained that weight. Keeping off 40lbs for that long is a blessing. That in itself ought to be enough to let me know that I can get to 170 and stay there!
I've been reading many posts about rewarding oneself for reaching weight loss milestones. Clothing seems to be the reward of choice as everyone wants to validate their weight loss by fitting into something smaller. I feel the exact same way. In fact, I had an enlightening conversation with Self about that very thing.
"Self," I said to myself, "how would you like a new dress as a reward for reaching your 10% goal?"
"That would be AWESOME," said Self, "but what about all those size 10 dresses and things you have in your closet?"
"Crap!" I said. "You're right, I do have clothes I can't fit. Let me go check them out."
So I raided my closet, and you know what? I have a bunch of magnificent clothing that I had forgotten all about. I haven't been able to fit them in so long (about 2 years) that they weren't even a thought. I started to admire all the things I have and began to reminisce about how great I looked in them. The best part is that I saved myself at least $200! Now I don't have to go and buy a nice dress to validate my weight loss! I have more than enough "tests" in my closet to last me a while.
Yep, you guessed it! I went to Red Lobster this evening and didn't have ONE cheddar bay biscuit. It's really a win/lose situation. I won because I beat temptation. I lost because I WENT TO RED LOBSTER AND DIDN'T EAT A FRIGGIN' CHEDDAR BAY BISCUIT!!!
Whew, had to let that out. I feel better now
I have a weigh-in tomorrow. I have a feeling I won't see a loss, but I have my fingers crossed.
...since I last blogged on this site! In the last two years, I've done the following:
1. Moved from Chicago to D.C. and back to Chicago 2. Changed jobs 3. Started grad school 4. Moved in with the bf 5. Started a cake business 6. Grown my hair WAY long
And the one thing that hasn't changed: I'm still trying to lose weight, lol! I'm ok with that, though. I think about health and weight loss in an entirely different light than I did before. Two years ago, it was about making aesthetic changes. Today, it's about making healthy changes. I mean, it's not like I'm trying to snag a guy this time around (see point #4 above).
I can't diet or find the energy to exercise. I want the reward of weightloss, but I don't think I can be successful. I'm tired of the rollercoaster. it's like I'm a fat person inside, and no matter what I do the real me is fighting to get out. 163 (back in Feb 2007) is the lowest I've been since I was 10 years old. Now I'm 30 pounds over that. 30 pounds! I know it can be done, this weightloss thing, but I don't know if I'm the one to do it. You all know that I've tried, but the enemy within continues to be victorious. Why can't I like working out? Why can't I love veggies? Why can't I train myself to be a gym rat? 20+ years of being fat and feeling bad about myself seems to put me in a psychological cage. The continuous trying and failing has worn me out. Where do I go from here?
Sorry for being so depressing. I hope you ladies are in better shape than I am.
I've been EXTREMELY reluctant to make a New Year's resolution because I think I might break it. Gosh, I hate breaking promises to myself! We all know the key to weight loss: diet and exercise...the real problem is motivation/dedication. We all beat oursleves up because of what we ate and why we didn't exercise, but I think the underlying issues of motivation/dedication need to be addressed first. WHY IS MY MOTIVATION SO DAMN RAGGEDY???! ARGHHHH!!!
What are your New Year plans? I need some ideas people.
So I'm starting to re-think this low-carb thing. I'm sitting at my desk right now with absolutely no energy! My workout this morning was awful (I never made it the gym yesterday, in case you were wondering). I did 45 mins on the elliptical and was tired and fatigued from the start. I feel worse now and I just had lunch! Go figure! Does this change?? Is it just the first couple of days?
Remember I said that this week was supposed to be low-carb week? Well I sabotaged myself yesterday. I was doing fine up until around 8pm. What happened, you ask? I baked cookies. Yes, of all the time I could bake, I baked during my low-carb week. WTF? I had about 2.5 cookies (about 2.5 inches in diameter, yikes!), so I blew that.
Yesterday, I had two boiled eggs for breakfast, lamb and asparagus for lunch, another boiled egg for snack, and peanut butter and celery for dinner. And then I scarfed down those damn cookies! Funny thing is that I don't feel too bad about it. I'm like "aww man, I just wasted a day" but that's it. Good news is that my cookies were delish. I made ginger cookies and oatmeal cookies. The bf walked into my condo and immediately headed for the sweet smells. He ate about 4-5 and then took the rest for his co-workers this morning. I packaged them in a really cute basket with a red and white checkered cloth towel. They looked so cute!
For those of you who don't know, I love to bake. My bf doesn't like me baking things for his colleagues (he doesn't want them to get spoiled), but I refuse to bake anything for mine (mostly snobbish a-holes, except for the assistants). I always need ginuea pigs thought :)
I haven't worked out yet, and that bothers me a bit. I'm used to working out before work so that I can get it out the way and feel invigorated. When I wait til later in the day, the chance of me not going increases. I'm going to try and go within the next couple of hours if things slow down at work.
Hope you ladies are having a good day!
P.S. Has anyone ever thought about why there are zero guys on this site??? Just a thought.
This week, I'm going to change it up. My scale isn't moving very much, but my clothes are fitting better and the towels at the gym now close all the way around me (mini-successes!), so the sticky numbers aren't getting to me so much. This week I'm going to adopt a low-carb eating plan. I've been doing low fat/low cal for the last few weeks and think it might be a good idea to keep my body guessing. I've tried the low-carb diet before, but I wasn't good at it. I like fruit and bread and sweets, and depriving myself only made me binge. I figure doing it a week isn't so bad and knowing that I can have all the fruit I want next week is comforting.
On a different note, my eating habits this weekend showed improvement. I didn't eat the healthiest foods, but I held myself accountable for my eating decisions and tried to adjust to accout for them. I went to Six Flags on Saturday and knew that I would have a funnel cake sundae (idk, probably 1000 calories, but who knows?). I had 1c. of cereal and skim milk for breakfast, an apple for a snack, the funnel cake at the park, and 1/2 serving of chicken and shrimp carbonara from Olive Garden. Again, the chicken and shrimp carbonara weren't the healthiest choices on the menu (cream based sauce), but I immediately divided my meal in half when I got it so that I wouldn't eat the whole thing. I didn't have ANY bread sticks and I had a few bites of minestrone soup. Not bad considering the damage the old me would have done.
On Sunday, I took my lil bro and my bf's niece to a corn maze/pumpkin patch. I woke up around noon, so I ate the other half of the carbonara for lunch and an apple for snack. After the corn maze, I took the kids to Connie's pizza. While there, I had two mozzerella cheeze wedges and two slices of thin crust pizza (I was soo tempted to order deep dish!). After every bite of pizza, I would put the slice down, chew and swallow my food, and then take a swig of water. Not the healthiest dinner, but not a complete disaster either.
. 185 lbs is the highest weight at which I feel comfortable. It feels like a good place because I will be able to fit some of my size 12 clothes, and I will be motivated to hit the 170's (for the first time in 4 years, fingers crossed!)
. Now we live together, and I couldn't be happier. And I'm not trying to reach 175 for him. I'm doing this solely for me. At 175, I'll be able to fit my Brooks Brothers shirts again! 
