I have no title for today's post. Not feeling great. Both my knees hurt a lot and I find myself looking at people, at their knees, and envy them for their good pair, wanting them for myself. I'm starting to behave like men looking at women's breast instead of the face, only I'm looking at the knees. I hate my knees. I hate them so much, I so want a brand new pair. The thing is I haven't yet bought the whole fibromyalgia thing especially where my knees are concerned. I want my good knees back so that i can go on long treks and go from a rock to the other with a springy step. I so miss good knees. Well there goes today's first rant.
Second one, I haven't been able to take the guy off my mind and have not been able to get him online again. I'm tempted to just ask him out myself so that he can say no now and life can go on as it has been going on so far. I feel pretty stupid at how I deluded myself at thinking he could even be remotely interested in coming up with the question notwithstanding the fact that he said he wanted to ask me out 8 years ago. If he was not lying he is a stupid idiot cause he didn't ask me out and I'm a stupid idiot cause for a couple of hours I thought that simple fact (or maybe lie) would make a difference now. That is the 2nd rant.
Food for today - 1 apple, 1 banana, 1 light yoghurt, grilled chicken, boiled veggies, 2 ice-creams (comfort eating), 3 nectarines, 1 peach, 1 packet of skips. 1 apple, 6 chicken wings at pizza hut 2 breadsticks
I have to thank you for commenting on my blog posts - I've been very selfish there as I'm not reading much of other people's. So sorry about that.
No food diary today - let's say it was neither good nor a bad day.
More on the guy however, yesterday we chatted for nearly 2 hours up until 1:30am - he admitted he was on the verge of asking me out about 8 years ago as he really fancied me then but then thought I would reject him and went against it. I just told him that had he told me that face-to-face I would have slapped him as I would have most probably said yes. Anyway, he still did not ask me out. He has said that he has come out of a 3.5 year relationship a few months ago and that he is reluctant to do the getting-to-know someone else game again. We'll see. Today did not get him online - pity. Will keep you posted.
As for gym, i did not go again, knees hurting too much - think I'll pop some anti-inflammatories for a week and go swimming later in the week.
with the Saturday man. We are on each other's msn now and this morning he came online. I resisted the urge to just go hi, go out with me!!!!! I said nothing to see whether he initiated contact, which he did with a bonjour madmoiselle. We only chatted for a couple of mins and no mention of will go out with me but still, there is contact. It will probably come to nothing and I'm not actually thinking he's going to ask me out - very few people do eventually, very very few. A male friend once told me that I do give a certain 'don't get too close' vibe which scares men and I guess he's right. But what the hell, I think about him and smile and that is good enough for this week.
Foooooooooooooooood
cereal with milk, apple, banana, 2 ham and cheese toasted sandwiches, peach. and it's 5pm. actually i have a b bque this evening at my brother's and it will be a pig out for everyone. I read somewhere that one should go with a full stomach to these things but I'm a person who can eat on a full stomach sobetter be good during the day to compensate, no?
So I made it to the gym after ages. Did not do much. Just 25 mins cycling with very little resistence and 15 mins walking. Do not want to push it as my muscles started to ache immediately as it seems fibromyalgia is triggered off by pushing oneself too much. I got a book about it but to be honest I'm keen of finishing the last book of Harry Potter first. Even in pain we have our priorities. I can't say I'm in pain to be honest, just mild discomfort so feeling quite well.
Food so far
apple, mashed potatoes, some roasted pumpkin - doing well so far. I have given myself the allowance of an ice-cream serving today but no chocolate or skips packet - so I'm trying to leave the ice-cream for this evening. Right now trying to resist digging into the peanuts jar and still have to go to cinema and resist popcorn. Am also taking kids to pizza hut but will not take any. Today I have to be extra good as yesterday I was extra bad in the evening and tomorrow I have a b-b-que.
1 yoghurt light, 1 apple, some popcorn at the cinema - so no i did not manage the popcorn temptation at the cinema but I did stay off the pizza at Pizza Hut and had a ceaser salad well less than half of it actually - the dressing was pretty much horrible and if I'm going to get fat over eating fattening salad dressing at least it will have to be good.
2 peacher, 1 soya yoghurt and one packet of snacks - I shouldn't have with the snacks I know but my nephew brought them for me and I felt guilty not taking them. A good thing is that I skipped teh ice-cream.
Well I'm far from being a teenager and I don't have a crush on anyone. But I did see someone I hadn't seen for a loooooooong time who looked really great and with whom I had a 5 mins conversation where I blabbered like a teenager who has got a crush. To be honest it was brought on by the sudden attraction I felt for the man and the hard muscles I found when I touched his arm at one point!!!! And was it my midnight distorted impression or did he look really pleased to see me again too? Well, he did ask for my email and msn contact before we went on our ways which obviously fills me with hope of further contact in the near future. Maybe it was just the midnight distortion of facts syndrome.
Food diary
Cereal apple 1 skips
steamed chicken breast salad 1 ice cream lolly handful of nuts apple chocolate
Why can't I stay off the unhealthy snacks? Am just going out and tried out a few of my beautiful tight summer sexy tops which just need about 4-5kg off my body to be worn!!! I would say I want to be able to wear them at all costs but do I really want it so much given that I can't say no to ice-cream and chocolate? And I feel so bad cause it's just 4-5kg and most of you lose that in 2-3 weeks. Going out and we're going to a wine bar which does not augur well for me. Will try to stick to one glass but I can't promise anything about those delicious dips. Life is so hard.
Evening
2 glasses of wine, 1 tea, lots of bread with cold cuts, cheese and dips
Aim for tomorrow
Eat lightly as I have no outings and so I can control my eating not like yesterday. Eat only one helping of ice-cream, no chocolate and no skips. I will probably take the kids to the cinema - no buttery popcorn - take apple with me.
So, here we are - end of july. Ironically the date I had set up for myself to be the svelte beautiful 65kg woman in February. Well I'm still 73kg so not much success there. Weight loss is difficult especially when something called willpower to say no to the wrong food is lacking.
I'm going to start trying to keep a food diary here to try and monitor the eating. Would still love to loose weight obviously. Maybe if i know i have to write it down, I will turn down a second helping of ice-cream which I thoroughly enjoying this summer!!!!
And btw. It seems I have fibromyalgia as all blood work and MRI came back super normal which is very reassuring but when there is pain, one would really like it explained. It is better though - it seems I will have cycles fo 4 mths good, 2 mths bad until I find a way to control it.
Food
So far until 12pm - 2 cups of tea, 2 apples, 1 packet of skips (about 100 cals)
Lunch - pretty big plate of pasta with tuna red sauce, 4 squares of chocolate
Snack - yoghurt
Evening - 2 beers, 1 bowl cereal with milk and apple.
Not too bad - could have done without chocolate I guess. But I got no ice-cream today which is encouraging. Also the beers - could I have done without the beers - I don't think so - it was such an enjoyable evening.
Today someone told me whether I had ever heard the saying - If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything. It was a fellow blogger after I criticised something in her post. It was an observation to which she did not take too kindly it seems. But really, should we criticise when we feel that there is something to criticise or not? I have always tried to be fair and constructive although I might not always have been so. I really do try to be diplomatic. I have also been criticized and no-one really likes that but I did change a few things for the better after that other people had criticized me for something and heeded their criticism.
It's Thursday already. I had meant to post Monday but there you go,the week has gone by. I've strated my Maths qualifying course this week - 3 times a week 2 hours each time for 5 weeks - then a 1.5 hr exam which I have to pass to be able to start reading for a B. Sc in Computing come September. I am in the oldest in this qualifying class!!!! It hits you when 20-year old start calling MRS!!!! I'm32!!! After 18 years of not touching any academic Maths except for my bank statement minus & plus, it is taking some time for all the quadratic equations and points of intersaction working to sink it. And having 3 times a week, I barely had time to recover for my 2hr barrage of Maths on Monday when Wednesday another 2hrs came barging down!!! But at least I'm understand this super crash course. Next week it will be joined by a JAVA course of which i know nothing but if I do my B.Sc I will have JAVA as part of the course and I really don't want to go there knowing nothing at all. So it will provide be with some good expensive groundwork.
Hope you had a good week. Oh and I weighed in at a 1kg less on Monday - so now I'm 72kg. Be well
for us here in Malta has already started as we get a long weekend - today is a public holiday as we celebrate the feast of St Peter and St Paul. We do have a good half a dozen of these religious public holidays throughout the year which do not really do much for the economy but make even the most non-religious Maltese appreciative of the Christian culture.
Wouldn't have minded a usual day of work really - only working from 8 to 12 now although as from next week I start a 5 week Maths Advanced crash course which should see me qualify to read for my B. Sc part-time. I have to pass a 1.5 hr paper successfully to be eligible for the degree. I'm a bit on edge about this as I haven't done any maths for around 18 years or so and when my nephew asks for my help with some of the things thrown at him at school I always have to consult the book's notes to try and make sense of it and he's not even 13. So it seems there will have to be some serious studying going on in the next few weeks. Will also start a JAVA programming course about which I currently know nothing. so this Summer should see me learning a lot of things!!!!
Bryan Adams - what a wonderful concert it was yesterday! Loved it though we got seated tickets and we were a bit away from the action. Would have been great to be able to be in the crowd jumping and doing all the concert stuff - but let's not dent the occasion with the pain rant. He was really really good and I'm glad we went. What wonderful songs. He gave a solid 2.5 hr performance.
What else? This weekend should as usual be quiet like all my other weekends really. Might put in some serious sea swimming time. I think I might have lost a kg (2lbs) along the week but will have to wait for Monday weigh-in to confirm that. You all have a good Friday.
So, am I geting addictedto this again? Unfortunately, it doesnot mean I'm getting addicted to good and healthy eating.
Didn't tell you about my overnight stay with nephew and niece. It went well and we had fun especially at the game centre - you know where you spend an obscene amount of money to get tickets to chose a gift which would have cost you a fiver in the first place? Well we had fun. During our stay at this posh hotel we took out a few of their drinks in the mini-bar and put some fruit and other drinks we bought from outside cause as you might well know mini-bar stuff is like 1000% more expensive than the outside lot. We also fooled around like the kids were bringing me vodka on order, just the miniature bottle as if I was at a bar ordering. Anyway we did put everything backin place but as we were doing so my nephew noticed a warning on the mini-bar saying that each thing removed would be automatically lodged on our hotel account!!! At least the hotel was reasonable in that they reversed all charges as they were telling me I had consumed vodka, etc... but for an hour I thought I was out by a few pieces of gold.
MRI back date - 13th August. Yes ladies, you heard well, another 6 weeks. Obviously I 'm not waiting that long. I'll try and getit done earlier eventhough i might have to go private. Maybe Insurance will cover it or i might have to fork out the money myself with a huge dent on my credit card but thereis no way I'm staying in unexplained pain for 6 weeks, at least my pain willhaveto be explained.
that's all really. Wanted to update even though no-one haslooked at yesterday's blog post
It is a new week. No change in weight which is good I guess seeing I'm not really paying much attentionto what I'm eating though not that I'm eating a lot - ice-cream seems to be my downfall at the moment. I have not been eating chocolate since it's too hot and it gets messy. Ice-cream is cold and good and tasty especially the stracciatella flavour.
Back status quo - at times a bit worse - trying to take it day by day. Started doing one stretching exercise from the McKenzie regime. Some people have said that this regime has worked miracles and people who, by description, worse far worse then me, seem to have been able to resume their life. In the meatime, I wait for my MRI appointment, hopefully this week I'll get something. Have I not bored you enough with all this?
This week looking forward to the Bryan Adams concert on Thursday - so looking forward to it. We have seating tickets. It is true that a concert is best enjoyed standing up and jumping and dancing but with my knee and back as they are we went for the sitting ticket which cost an arm and a leg but which I'm hoping will be a night to remember. It has also been made known that the local band Winter Moods will be the supporting act for Bryan Adams and Winder Moods is just one of my favourite local bands along with Scream Daisy. So it's a great 2 in 1 package.
Thank you for your kind words. I hadn't realized how much I missed in here until I heard from you again although some of you were so kind as to send me a couple of 'I'm thinking about you' messages during my absence.
So, am I geting addictedto this again? Unfortunately, it doesnot mean I'm getting addicted to good and healthy eating.