Hi there, It's been 6 weeks since I wrote. How sweet of you, Tracy to urge me write even after such a long time!!! I'm touched that a person whom I have never met, cares that much. Really.
Well here I am. End of September. Still alive. Still kicking. Not doing too badly. At least, right now, only lower back is hurting. I can live with that. I'm going to theraupetic massage every week but I'm getting sick of being told how tense I am!!! Maybe some of us are just born naturally tense. Cause I'm not stressed out but apparently my shoulders are permanently tense. And they are not even the part of the body that is hurting.
Let's talk weight. It seems I'm going through weeks characterised either by IBS where I loose weight (at one point hitting 68.5kg 3 weeks ago) or not by IBS where I eat everything (and I mean everything) in sight and I gain shamelessly (I now hit 73-74kg - oh the shame!!!) Today I have eaten a lot of anything you might think off. What a pig. And you know why? Cause I decided to loose weight through October so it's like the people who get their last meal before execution. I'm hving my last meal(s) before I start watching what I eat again (I'm hating the word diet). My aim? Being 69kg end of October.
Now I acknoweldge that it might sound ambitious in getting 5kg off in 4.5 weeks but really the 74kg I hit was the after meal(s) weight so I'm guessing my weight is at 73kg. I'm hoping October is a good month and that I'm successful as I'm off to London for the first weekend of November and I want to shop for a -70kg girl not 74kg. Also I then have another weekend in Paris mid-November and I just want to look stunningly slim in my London clothes. I haven't been abroad for over 12 months and I'm so looking forward to these two potentionally wonderful trips. My first week will see a no more than 1 small chocolate a day (I've been eating as many as three), no ice-cream (I'm eating at least 1 a day) and no buttered bread (another daily staple right now) No wonder I get IBS then.
So wish me luck. It's my birthday on Thursday and I'm thinking two trips abroad looking stunning and totally confident would be such a great birthday present from me to myself.
Today it's the feast of ST Mary here in Malta, a big public holiday here as in World War II, 3 warships totally bombarded by the enemy miraclously made their way to port with precious food cargo as the nation was going hungry. So we celebrate the feast of St Mary. It is celebrated in 7 local villages and it is a big thing. This evening I should be going to the one in Mosta which will be an experience seeing that I hate local village festas. I make sure i'm never around when my own village's festa comes around. When I was young, everyone used to get the new dress and show off the family's gold jewellery!!!! You have no idea what the traditional lifestyle here is and I'm sure it's something most ofyou will never have experienced in your lives.
Today is also the 42nd or something like that death anniversary of my nanna Carmen, she is actually the nanna I was named after. She is my mother's mother and died of breast cancer. I obviously never met her but from what I hear she was a true saint. She died in her fifties. We shall be off for mass in her repose in about 15 mins. Dad is not coming as he is not really the church going type though in his own way I find him spiritual. But as he was reasoning yesterday, my nanna Carmen was such a saint (and he was not being sarcastic here) she hardly needed all these masses said in her repose all these years!!! To be honest I do not feel that going to church will get my nanna closer to heaven and everyone really feels she should have made it there for quite some time anyway given the life she lived but the mass is still a way to celebrate the life of the person rather than the her death as well as honour her memory and the impact she left on our lives. Cause even though she was dead for a few years when I was born, she still left me her name and that is a pretty huge impact if you tell me.
I'm feeling better though not 100%. My arms hurt and I hate it. I still would love for someone to tell me something concrete about it. I've given up swimming and physical exercise for now. We;ll see eventually . For now I'm ok with being out and about. AS for weight, even though I have not been eating too much it's still all there, hanging on to my thighs and everywhere else really like a loveable puppy.
Have severe diarrheoa - it works!!!!! I've lost a good 3kg in as much days. I don't have diarreheoa now but I still am eating only rice and boiled potatoes and bananas. And I'm drinking like hell, cause I saw the doctor this morning, she said i'm severly dehydrated and that if I don't drink and have diarrhea again, I have to go for some drip action in hospital. And I don't want to go to hospital.
As a result of this or despite this my arms and legs - wow they are hurting!!!!! And my head is all fuzzy and foggy - could be the fibro but I think I've told you that I haven't really bought into the fibro diagnosis yet!!! Seems I might have to. Seems it's real and seems it's set to make my life crap.
On the guy front - it is official - the hunk guy and myself - not going to happen, now or ever. He pushed some more crap about how he respects me too much to kiss me and have some proper action with me while knowing he does not want a relationship. As far as I'm concerned? He is just not into me. That is a phrase made famous by an equally famous episode from Sex and the City.
Nothing much else happening except me drinking water and hoping to God the diarrhea does not restart and hoping yet more ambitiously that my arms and legs DO NOT HURT. And Thank God for the loads of Grey's Anatomy DVDs that I got. Seeing surgery dramas from morning to night really wiles the time away. Hope you are having a good week everyone.
I have always tried to leave my Sundays as relaxing as possible. These last few Sundays I have gained the healthy habit of going for a swim in the morning at the pool but then leaving it pretty clear for the rest of the day. It's a bit boring however. And boredom means food. Today I decided to swim 1 mile instead of 1km and succeeded. My arms are feeling the aftermath however.
Guy update - I think the way it's going it's pretty clear he has not been hit by my magic so this is probably the last guy update you'll get. There is so much a girl can do to show interest without humiliating oneself and I will not go there. The other guy I went out with who wanted to meet again, has nto contactedmeagain since I pretty much gave him the cold shoulder. I feel guilty cause he was nice and everything but I need chemistry and of course I have to feel the chemistry with the guy who does not reciprocate!!!
to my brother Peter who doesn't know about the blog like the rest of my family bar 2 persons in Australia. But still, he's a great brother and it's his birthday.
Yesterday did not blog and did not go to my 1km swim. Reason, swimwear, only bought a few months ago and out of which I got very limited use, is thinning out - like it becomes transparent or something. Now let's be clear- this was an adidas swimsuit - a pool adidas swimsuit. Anyway, spend the hour and a half which was going to be dedicated to going to pool, swimming 1 km, having shower and getting back, buying a new swimsuit. I hope it's a little bit more resistant. Bought it a bit tight - am I being optimistic - but this has been a good week so far - no ice-cream and no chocolate - should be given an award or something. Did have peanuts though.
Guy update - I've lost a bit of faith actually in anything more happening. I've decided not to contact him even online, to wait for him to initialize contact which he did yesterday - he knows how to flirt - I'll give you that - but really if he wanted to go out with me he would just ask to see me, no? And why does this always happen? I like him and he is very reluctant to make a move and this week I went out with another guy, he's nice and everything but does nothing for me as guy no. 1does. But, since I'm more into guy no.1 than no. 2, guy no.1 plays it cool, guy no.2 wants to meet again. Maybe I'll just ask him out myself and get it over and done with. But then I think maybe I'll scare him off like that. Why can't he just make it easier on me and pursue me like a puppy in love? Although what would happen then is probably me going off him and try and get rid of his puppy love. Am I making sense? Probably not.
Today I have my 7th java programming lesson. I'm not looking forward. Monday's lesson I felt very lost as the tutor started giving us assignments which I just couldn't get to. I need to study and practice and get my act together - the course runs for 22 weeks and if I lose the gist by the 6th lesson, I'll be navigating in storms for the rest of the way and it's not nice going to a 2 hour lesson feeling like the most stupid in class out of 4 people where the other 3 are 16 years old!!!! Makes me think about those kids who for one reason or another are illiterate but are made to sit through difficult lessons with the rest of the class day after day. Poor things. Well good day girlfriends, I'm off to summer school with my nephews and niece. Will try and swim today as well. And am finally waxing my legs - I'm sure a yeti has less hair than me right now - might even lose a pound or two there actually. How's that for positive thinking??!!!!
I have the first free day in ages for Summer. Although I'm a teacher and we have Summer holidays, the section I work with still needs us to go in a few times a week since we handle school's administration software and schools do not close administratively speaking in Summer. I also teach twice a week crafts at a summer school. I only do this since I take my youngest nephew and niece with me to join in at the Summer school and my oldest nephew to help me out during lessons - also a way for him to get some pocket money out of Summer by helping me. But today it's free.
Very happy about yesterday since it was the first time in ages that I ate healthily throughout, first day in weeks where there was no ice-cream and first day in even more weeks where there was no chocolate and no late-night snack that ruins the day. Also managed to go swimming my 1km again - that's 2 days in a row, that's brave!!!! :) My arms are hurting to be honest but as I've said before , they hurt if I do nothing and they hurt if I do so I'll try and do.
is on the 4th October - wouldn't it be great if I could give myself the present of -8kg weight? If I really put my mind (and body) to it I would succeed in losing 8 kg in about 9 weeks or so.
Swimming went ok. Am doing only 1km cause apparently with fibromyalgia the more one exerts oneself the worse it can get. But to be honest if I don't do anything it hurts and if I swim it hurts so I'll do my modest 1km. I will try to be more active and keep it more regular than once a week!!!! As for my birthday present, I don't know - I really find myself lacking the will power. I am pondering on getting some professional help in that Ijoin a structured programme. On the one hand I don't want to do it cause it costs a lot of money and this is something I should be able to do by myself but on the other hand, if I pay the money, I will feel I have to go through with the programme. Actually about 18 months ago I did do something similar and went down to about 68kg but I found the people at the programme too soft with me - and a strange thing I found was that they did not weigh me as things went along and relied on me doing it adopting an understanding approach when I got stuck. I found they were not much help to be honest and what I thought was a structured programme left me feeling very unstructured. What I need is someone to literally shame me if I go after 2 weeks and have no loss - I don't need someone telling me it's ok things will get better. Cause, really we all know that barring an exception once in a while, if you stick to the good eating regime and move a bit there should be a change. We'll see. Have a good week everyone.
P.S. - No update on the guy situation as nothing has happened since.
at midnight in the capital city which right now is housing a cultural festival. We spent a couple of hours walking and talking, with just a couple of lip smacks at the end. Will it go anywhere from here? Maybe yes, maybe not. We'll have to wait and see, won't we? It will certainly not be the first time things fizzled out after a first meeting.
It's Sunday 8:30 and I am wearning my swimsuit. Everywhere hurts quite a bit also because yesterday for the first time this Summer I wore my high heels cause I'm sick and tired of wearing my winter shoes which are the only ones that accomodate my over-the-top insoles. Should be going to swim and I will but I'm tired. On Friday, I tried on some of the clothes I have and it's always, ah if i had 6/7 less kilos this would be perfect.... this has been the story of my life. It's been like that since I can remember. A friend of minejust celebrated the 90- pound mark loss - he's doing great and I get embarrassed that everyone seems to have the willpower to shed the weight and I don't.
Yesterday we watched flamenco - spanish dance. The dancers were great but how much can one take of feet stamping to the ground? It started at 9pm, finished at 11:30pm and anything done after 11pm they could have done without cause it was more of the same really. This is a personal perception of things and probably fuelled by the fact that I was dead tired wearing high heels sitting in uncomfortable wooden chairs. Well I'm off for a swim. Happy Sunday.
It seems the guy and me are meeting this evening. But it seems he is not really looking for a relationship although I made it clear I'm not into one night stands. Maybe a smooch!!! Lol - I don't know we'll see how it goes but wanted to updated for my faithful friends who kindly read this .
Here in Malta we have had a heatwave from Saturday till yesterday. However, although the temperature indicator indicates temperatures hovering between 30-32 degrees C, a good 8 degrees less than the last 5 days, I still feel as hot as yesterday, and it has nothing to do with my fantasy guy. (My fantasy man is currently online but not chatting as he is at work according to what's typed - don't know what is more frustrating him not being online or him being online and not available to chat)
Food so far
1 banana, 1 light yoghurt, 1 apple, grilled meat veg, 1 nectarine, 1 ice-cream, 3 cookies (could have done without these but they are cereal cookies, does that count?)
