well well well

Um, I dont know where to start. Thank you so much for all the loving words that you all sent to me over my day of sadness. They really touched me. Actually I tried to respond and it kept telling me inaccurate security code. Bright old me decided today to try going through IE to post...who woulda thunk!

I stepped on the scale the other day and it said 187. Unofficial of course, BUTTTTTTTTT...dun dun dun...do you hear the music. I realized I hadnt not had TOM, so I was like eh, its from stress weight loss, all those good things. And to my surprise yesterday morning...NOPE...the good old pee test says I am pregnant. Imagine that. drop 50 plus pounds and I get pregnant. It is amazing to me. I was putting aside the thoughts of another child. Thinking I can be content with a family of 4. As soon as I thought that...Nice pink 2 lines. I still cant get over it. I need to make a dr appt asap because of all the medicines I have been on.

I have missed you all

Gail

A day of sadness

Today is the 5 year anniversary for my dad's death. It has been so hard emotionally. I cry at the drop of a hat, all I want to do is stay in bed and just be. I realized last night that I am so filled with anger, and bitterness. Its not a good place for me to be but Its where I am. I am so angry that we were robbed of the time with you, all for a selfish act. I am so angry that he didnt get to see me get married, I am angry that he wont get to see my sister graduate college (the first in our family) I am angry that my boys were robbed of such love and affection from their pop-pop. It just hurts and I cant make it stop. I have been to my dr for depression and anxiety 4 times in the last 2 weeks, he is monitoring me closely. There are days when I think i have a handle on it, and then I crumble. Other than my emotional state..I am ok. If I could just get my head into check.

Sorry that I have gone on and on about this but I need to vent, rant and rave. And well...lunatics stick together. I hope you all have a great week.

Drum roll please!

I went to the "fat" doctor and stepped on the scale...I am down to 192. I have made it to Onederland...and I have never been so excited. I took my pants I wore to my first appt in today to show him the difference....he was so amazed he walked around his office showing everyone. I wanted to die! Yet was so proud.  The appt was kind of odd...I walked in...Dr grabbed my tatas and said....the weight isnt coming from here...we are gonna give it 2 more months then we will recommend you for a breast reduction. My mouth fell to the floor...Utterly amazed that he just groped me and didnt even say hello first. And not that my boobs are any of his business!! But...he said insurance will most likely pick up the cost since they are heavy and press on lungs. Im thinking whatever gets the job done!

Kids are great! Blockheads as usual...Hub is great! And I know where his children got that blockhead trait. My mother inlaw is in town and things are topsy turvy..I hope to see you all soon!!

ps im going to try to add new pics of me

Home on the range

Hiya!!! I swear I have the attention span of a gnat. I sit down to blog, or try to catch up and off I go! lol...Things have been semi hectic here...Hub working, me working, mother inlaw coming, parole hearing coming, and the holidays. Oy, when does the world ever stop?

Things are going great in the weight loss department. I stepped on the scale at the pet store, yea i know..kinda flakey but what the heck. It said I was 195. I about made a puddle in their floor...Clean up on aisle 4. I have my drs appt on the 16th to see my actual weight loss, but my clothes feel way different. I am now in a size 16 and they are getting lose in the waist. Instead of disliking myself for being fat, im disliking myself for having hanging skin. lol...Its never over! Trade one for another.

I am in the process of finding a new job. The one I just got decided for managers to make their bonus, they needed to cut hours, so they only wanted me to work 10 hours a week. I have lots of interviews coming up. Wedding planners, florists, catering companies, photography studios. So just keep the fingers crossed that something comes my way that fits with our schedules. I would love to get my foot into anyone of those doors!

Our new dog is Avery. She is a 9 month old boxer. The people were just going to abandon her so we got her. And instant love between her and the kids. it was amazing that she fit so well. I think im going to upload a pic so yall can see her. And i need to take more pics of me!

I hope everyone is doing well..im gonna now try to catch up with you all! I miss you!

Gail

Juggling Act!

I cant believe it has been so long since I have posted. Things have been pretty busy around here. Hub was on inventory for 2 weeks, so we literally saw each other in passing. He would come home, I would leave. But things are still pretty good for us. Thank you all that have checked in on me, its just busy.

My 2 year old has started this crazy nose bleed thing.  We heard him crying so we went upstairs, from nose down he was covered in blood, literally there was no white skin showing from his mouth down. It was on the wall, on his brother, on blankets. I seriously have never seen so much blood in my life come from a nose.  I said enough is enough. "Wiser" moms would say oh, its normal, dont worry, hes a boy its expected. UM NO! I listened to my gut and took him in this morning. The ped said the vessels in his nose are extremely close to the surface of the skin and just a simple sneeze can cause him to rupture the vessels. So plan as of now is saline in the nose 4 times a day and vaseline at night.  lol, good luck to us on holding him down, we dont call him bear for nothing!...Dr said if he gets 1 more he will have to go to and ENT. (ear, nose, throat dr) to have the vessels cauterized.

My 3 year has been doing this snoring thing. We can hear him when hes upstairs and we have the tv going downstairs. Our ped said its not normal that it could stop his breathing. He said sounds like his tonsils and adnoids are too large. Ugh, just what every mom wants to hear..their kid can stop breathing. So, Peyton is next in line for a dr appt.

My weight loss has been stuck at the same plateau for a few weeks now and that is ok with me, because I am still way smaller than I was before I started this venture.  I told myself...I am going all out from here on in. I cant let a busy life dictate my needs. At some point, I have to put myself first, or I wont be around to take care of those who need it.

I miss you all. And I promise I will be around more!! Cant wait to check up on you all!

Gail

All i hear is blah blah blah

Oh, where or where did my sanity go? I know you are probably thinking, if you find yours, please send mine home? Instead of 3 french hens, 2 calling birds and a partridge in a pear tree. We have added a puppy to the nut hut, i like to call my house! She is a 15 week old, mini daschund pup, we named her Fergie, because well...shes a royal PITA. (pain in the a**) But she makes the boys happy, and if you tell my hub...i will deny it...I catch him chuckling at her often. Ever seen a puppy on crack...well this is the first one i have seen. Never does she have down time. My living room to kitchen carpet is going to have a figure 8 cut into it from her racing. Just when you think its safe, her little snout comes from under the couch to attack your feet!

The last 4 days have been horrible for me. I had a migraine, dr said come in, we will give you a shot...I got 2 shots, and i still had the headache, so last night, the dr called me in meds. I seriously would bare his children for doing that. I feel soooo much better today. God bless a man who can call in a RX.

The boys are getting bigger day by day, and sometimes i think i am too, but my clothes still fall off. I guess everyone has the some days are better than others. We are coming up on the anniversary of my dads death, and the days dont get easier. How do you cope with the man killing your loved one is up for parole after getting a 20 year sentence and only serving 5. Injustice i tell you! I have missed all of you like crazy!! I hope you hear from you all!!

Love Gail

PS...Onederland keeps evading me...I go up, I go down...2 lbs away from Onederland...and I cant put my finger on it.

Shoe to drop?

I wanted to take the time to those who stopped by my blog to offer words of encouragement, and that signed the petition. I cant believe that absolute strangers could care so much!

Do you ever look for the shoe to fall? By this I mean, you ever think things are going well and you sit, wait, anticipate when is the bad going to happen? Work is good, kids are good, losing weight is going good. I just sat back and now Im waiting for that shoe. If your luck is anything like mine...its gonna happen. lol.

I went to my docter the other day. The cranky pulmonologist who rxed the diet meds, and said those who are fat are chosing to be so.  I went to his secretary to get a note for work..how lame is it you need a permission slip to drink water at the age of 30? yea tell me about it! The dr walked to his waiting area and he said OMG! come talk to me. He looked at me and said...you have lost so much weight, you are looking amazing...this coming from the man who had nothing nice to say about me. To the point of telling me, I would never be beautiful, but more cute. (oy, god bless men and their mouths) It made me feel so good that he of all people would notice.

Thank you once again for taking the time to care about my family and me.  It means a lot to us.

Love, Gail

HELPPP!!!

Hello all my friends or stopper bys!

I have blogged about my dad in the past but for those who missed it. My dad was a police officer killed in the line of duty. The reason I am writing this blog is...the man who killed him and another officer is up for parole again. On a 20 year sentence hes eligible after 4. How sad is that. This is the 2nd year we have had to oppose his parole. Our families should not be made to suffer and relive this. If you would like to help our families,  there is a way to help.  Click here! The inmate name is Brian Nelson. His SCDC # is 00292367. I know this isnt the easiest way to do it but I figured it could reach a lot of people. We need all the signatures we can get! So send to your friends, family, whoever you think would sign

For those of you who would like to read, I havent shared this with many, my dad, You can read the story. My family and I have missed out on so much with my dad. I hurt because I think that my kids never got to know their pop pop. They tell the stars at night, hi pop pop...i love you, pop pop..Its not fair that they missed out on how wonderful he is. I missed him walking me down the aisle, I missed him at the birth of my kids..Its not fair to hurt this much, and for the man who killed him to be free to roam the streets. This was not his first accident either, this was like his 5th. YES! a repeat offender..and nothing was ever done. They say time heals all wounds. So far this is the 5th year coming and it hasnt healed yet.

I got a mailing from the COPS organization (concerns of police survivors) and it listed my dad and gene (other officer) 5 year rememberance. And I broke down all over again.

Sorry this blog isnt about dieting or weight loss. But its a concern of mine...(((hugs to all))) and thank you in advance.

Gail

Busy busy

hello all my EP buddies! I have not forgotten about you! Things have been nutso here. Kids, husband, work. Trying to fit it all in.

So, the other day I went to a clothing store, picked out a pair of pants, my hub questioned my decision. I thought he was questioning me liking the pants...I told him no more comments. We got home, I tried the pants on..and they fell off...They were pants from my old size..my husband says with a smirk on his face. Thats what I was trying to tell you in the store. Oy, the days you just want to kick them. Work is going well, I am learning to gain self control again. I work with a couple lazy people and where as before i would just say what I thought. It has then hit me, maybe I shouldnt say what first comes to my mind. I would hate to know i hurt someone if that is the best job they can do. (although I know its not) The boys are doing well. I have started doing preschool work with them. Circle this color, X these items, trace and writing alphabet, blah blah blah..I think it takes its toll on me more than them. lol..but im loving it.

I hope you are all doing well.. i miss you all!!

Put a little windex on it?

I was reading and replying to blogs when i realized one of my favorite movies was on...My Big Fat Greek Wedding...if you have never seen it...you probably wont get my title. Basics, the father thinks putting windex on EVERYTHING will make it better.

I have been having a horrible day. It was my payday. My first check from my new job...*holds envelope eagerly...opens it up..WTF?? They didnt record almost 30 hours of work I had done. And my paycheck was crap. I spoke to the manager..ohhh, it will be on next weeks check.. Um, next week doesnt pay the bills due today. The bill would have been paid but we took that money, to buy me black pants, and black shoes which are mandatory for the job. So logically thinking...it balances out...my check comes the last day its due...WRONGGGG...they mess my check up. So after crying most of the day thinking my hard work has gone to waste, and that I somehow put my family at risk (by bill not being paid) because selfish me needed shoes. I then, sat here with my bottle of water and said...ya know...F it....and thats when it hit me.. Put a little windex on it. Whatever in my world makes things better just do it. That use to be eating a pint of ice cream and chasing it with reese cups...But no more!! I find myself wondering, I took my copeing habit away, what do I use now??

So, whatever it takes in your world for you to cope..."put a little windex on it"  Replace the old habit with some new "windex"