This week has been full. I dont know how to explain it, I have posted previously about ruts. My husband and I are the 2 most boring people on the face of the planet. I dont think its that we dont love each other, or that we are unhappy..I think its that we have become content in the fact we are always here for each other. We revolve around the kids, and when time permits, we think of ourselves. Our routine is set, he comes home hes tired so i play on the computer. Well, it finally hit me that we are living more like roommates than husband and wife. So we are working on trying to get our spark back. I dont know if any of you other married people have been there? I seriously could continue forever on how much i want to fix this but im sure you get the point. Advice, solutions, observations? I went to Fredericks (lingere store) to get some added "spice" to our lives. The sales lady said..."I dont think we have anything to fit your shape" pretty much just saying that im fat. I said look, I lost 40 lbs, and if you had shit to fit me then, you have shit to me now. Sorry for the language but its true. I did get some lingerie but i didnt buy it from her. That biyotchhhh is not getting a sales commission from me.
We got the kids their halloween costumes and if I did it right, you should be able to see them below. The 2 year old is dumbo, and the 3 year old is a spider, and every time he puts the costume on..he sings itsy bitsy spider. They look ohhh so cute.
The ups and downs have had me wanting to eat. But I havent as a matter of fact the opposite, I just dont eat. I have been working and liking it so far. Some of the people are pretty annoying but thats everywhere you go. And I get paid weekly so I guess I can sacrifice! At work you cant have liquid on the floor unless medically necessary by a dr so I think im going to get a drs note. How middle school?? I just need to keep up my water intake. When I dont drink like im supposed to...i notice the difference with UTI's. Oh the fun...
So if any of you have tips on how to spark a marriage or observations from your own..let me know?
Love
Rut rohhhhh Roommate.
Posted By: chickofegg
Comments to this post:
09/17/2007 11:48
How about a date?
Maybe once a week or per month you can schedule a date night. Get a sitter, go out for dinner and a movie. Hubby and I do that once in awhile, and it's fun. When you get home, the kids will be asleep, so you can throw on that sexy "thang".
You'll be glad to know that you are absolutely not the only person to have this problem. My boyfriend and I have lived together for the past three years. We had some major mojo chemistry!!! Now, we're like......nah, let's go to bed or paint the bedroom. Or we're too tired to do anything except cuddle. I'm the one who wants to be intimate he's just fine with either way. I had this problem in my first marriage. I got down to 90 lbs, changed my hair color, had braces put on my teeth. You know what? None of it mattered.
My friend is considering divorce because of this same issue. She and her husband have only been together maybe 2 1/2 years. Which is how the sex addict's meeting came about - to see that there are worse problems in a relationship.
Best of luck to you! Sincerely. Just do NOT blame yourself. Here's my fav saying about relationships: To have a good husband, you have to be a good wife. Try it for a day or two and see what happens (with or without lingerie!)
My husband and I are there too. I think it all comes down to making the effort. We take our relationships for granted and stop putting that extra work into it. And it does take work! But we are there too, so I understand. We've been married almost 8 years, but have lived together for over 11 years. Good luck!
Your encouraging words are awesome and I so appreciate it. Yeah life at the job has been good and I am enjoying it so much. I mean don't get me wrong, I have my days when it seems all I do is make mistakes! But mistakes can be fixed and I am still learning....Other than that life is GREAT! I am still losing (not as fast as I would like tooo!!! ) Nevertheless this stuff is strinking. Thanks again for helping me to get where I need to be and I pray that my blog is an encouraging source for you!
My husband and I have been together 4 1/2 years and married for a month yesterday. We started having that problem after living together for 3 months. I asked him once why we were never intimate anymore and it seemed like when I lived with mom and people were around we were always intimate. He didn't really have an answer and neither do I. I went through the stage where I blamed myself because I had gained weight, but you'll realize that losing doesn't make a difference. I read in Cosmo once that you lose it when you get comfortable, which is going to happen after a while.
The date night advice is great. That's what we do (or did before we started saving for the wedding) Even if you aren't intimate when you get home, it's still some time to remember how much fun you can have together.
Going through the same problem right now. Hubby works long hours and when he comes home he just wants to unwind and sits infront of his x-box and plays that for hours. We know there is a problem, we are trying to become more aware of it. We have been together for 10 years and like you said have become a little too comfortable and have been taking our relationship for granted. We try to get out and do little things together outside of the house. I find this helps.
I don't really have any great advice. I am a divorced mommy so that puts me out of the running in the "I give good advice" category. LOL. Maybe a date night would be good for the two of you. I wish you lots of luck!! The costumes are ADORABLE!!
Boys are looking too cute! Someday when I get disposable cameras and the kids costumes all together I will email ya their pics, digi cam biffed it . Molly wants us all to go as vamps this year lol. Wish I could offer some kind of idea on what you all could do....i am in sorta the same rut with what all we got going on.
Make the whole day romantic. Start the day with surprises like touching his tush or crotch each time you walk past him. Give him little short kisses, then long, lingering kisses. Talk to him about his body, whisper to him what you plan to do to him when the two of you are alone. Nibble on his ear. Rub your body against his while you are fully dressed. Be soft, excited, show your anticipation to make love to him. Ask him what he wants you to do to his body. Tell him what you want.
If you have family that the kids can spend the night with...do that....if not get a sitter and the two of you go out to eat and maybe parking with some heavy petting, then home to shower together (still nothing but touching) then LET THE GOOD TIMES BEGIN!!!!
The next day keep touching and talking and remembering. Everyday after that you should make a special effort to touch and say loving things. Maybe a kiss, hold hands, caress his tush, nibble on his ear, and tell him how sexy he is to you.
OK, YOU ASK FOR ADVICE!!!! We have been married for 24 years and still have a very passionate lovemaking date every week, somestime more. It is all about talk and touch!!!
Blessings to you. I wish you much success. Chargail
Your kids are so adorable. :) I love their costumes.
As for you and hubby, I'm not sure. Whenever BF and I feel as if we're starting to fall into a rut we try and get a hotel room for the weekend. Even if we're only 20 minutes away from home there's something about staying at a hotel that sort of sparks our interest. It makes me want to get dressed up and makes him feel romantic. If it's not out of the question financially and you can get a sitter, you might try it. It's like a little mini-vacation.
Good luck with everything!
Posted By:
09/20/2007 10:38
Totally understand
We are going through the same thing in my house. My husband and I agreed to do more things together, like a date night every pay period. But the biggest change that I'm making that seems to be having a more positive effect on our marriage is that I've started living for me again. After I had my son I became a title. I was "Bailey's Mom" and "Brian's Wife" but lost Kia. Now I'm going to go back to work, I started making dates with my girlfriend's again, and I'm starting to take more interest in my personal look...getting dressed in more than sweats, wearing makeup and my hair out. My confidence is better and I think this is doing something for my hubby. Firstly, he sees me as more than wife/mother now (I think) and secondly, I think it has motivated him to take more interest in himself which makes him more attractive to me. I can talk to you more about stuff privately if you want to e-mail me.
About the Frederick's bitch...screw her. First of all Frederick's carries plus sizes up to 3X or larger so she was just being cunty, excuse my French. I'd call and complain to her manager just to be a bitch!
Is so full of ups and downs. Yes the date night is a good idea. Another good idea is a back rub for your hard working hubby.
It gets so easy to take your spouse for granted after a while. Always make a point of telling him how much you appreciate him and his hard work. I read some poem somewhere that compared marriage to a garden. How nurturing words and acts of kindness help the marriage bloom.And the opposite how if we neglect it it withers and dies. Hang in there! It will get better if you tend your garden.
I guess I am with Gwynn and not able to give good advice since I am divorced LOL - but you gotta do this. Make your relationship #1 important - find a sitter and go out or find things to do in-home if cost is a factor.
Not saying you are negative, etc but be the best you can be attitude wise, etc and it will bring out the best in him.
I have to say, reading the other comments here that I am glad my b/f and I have not crossed the line into an intimate relationship outside of marriage.
