So new title to my blog...in case you didnt notice. I am watching lifetime tv (i absolutely HATE that channel) and the show is called "Life without a side" or something like that...Basic thought to it is a woman has cancer..and her friend is very structured, does things expected of her, etc. The lady with cancer tells her friend over lunch one day that her cancer has returned, and proceeds to order dessert first, then a big fat unhealthy meal. Her friend tries to order salad with dressing on the side, etc. The lady with cancer tells her to LIVE LIFE WITHOUT THE SIDES. Make the most of life, enjoy. No, I am not saying give into that big burger. I am saying we must live, and enjoy life. Take it day to day, life is short.
I havent posted the last couple of days, I have been having trouble with my 3 year old..YES, PEYTON! I dont know what has come over him, hes defiant, screams at the top of his lungs any time someone comes near, slaps, just very aggressive. No, hes not a bad kid...I swear...I just think its his age, and hes testing limits..Granted, his little brother loves to antagonize him into that shrill scream that only small animals and wilderbeast can hear. I love my son. I just feel like a horrible mom for telling him no most of the day, or making him stand in the corner, etc. I cry because it hurts my heart, I wonder what I have done. Its like nothing phases him. He will fold his arms and blatantly ignore you. At this point, I dont think military schools take 3 year olds. I just dont know what else to do about his attitude. People say, pick your battles but lately..its all battles and theres none to pick, hes going to engage you in one whether you choose to or not. Ideas are welcome...(and yes, we have even tried to spank)
Sorry about my long rant...I just needed to get that off my chest. I hope you all are having a wonderful week..
Gail
Posted By: chickofegg
Comments to this post:
07/15/2007 22:22
Hey, It's me!
Sounds like your little one needs some undivided, one on one time. Take him outside, read to him, or color with him. I hope it's that simple. GOOD LUCK! I need to do the same with mine...P.S. If your already giving him one on one time, just ignore my comment! ~Kimby~
Posted By:
07/15/2007 22:33
Hello....None of us have all the answers, but I can offer some advise....:o)
Hi Gail,
I can tell you that I have been thru it all. I have 1 daughter and 2 sons and I went through similar situations and I agree with Kimby. Your son is asking for something, but he doesn't know how to ask. I know you are a mother of 2 young children and for the most part, it is a very overwhelming job. YOU feel you can never do enough. YOU are not a bad mother, you are a busy mother. Breathe, and give yourself credit for the good job you do do. Take one day at a time and try to talk to your son individually (if that is possible). You say he can ignore you? But he can also listen, talk to him in a sweet, but firm manner. Sometimes it is not what we say, but how we say it. Time outs are good, and if you have to do it 65 times a day, do it. He will get tired. Lastly, never second guess you. You are a great mother, I am sure. Just give him lots of love (but remain firm and consistent in your discipline). And might I add, spanking does not work, I have done it too, it makes your children angry! My children are 9, 15 and 17 yrs old so currently I am not going thru what you are, but I have. Honestly, it does get easier. Raising children is the only things we don't get a how to book on....It is amazing! I wish you all the blessing and patience in the world.
Hi, there! Sorry to read about your troubles, but believe me, you are NOT alone!
I agree with prettydiva & kimby in that these sound like attention-seeking behaviors. He's going to get attention from you one way or another, even if it's bad attention. (Don't worry; that doesn't necessarily mean that you don't pay attention to him - most kids go through something similar at one time or another.)
As was said, try to sneak in some "alone" time with him but NOT right after he has pulled one of those stunts; otherwise, you'll just be teaching him to keep doing it. Also, during the course of the day, catch him being "good" and tell him specifically what you like about his behavior - "I really like that you're sharing with your brother" or "You did a great job of using a quiet voice". Be as specific as you can.... .and maybe you can even give him an index card or piece of construction paper and every time you "catch" the desired behavior, put a sticker on the card. That way he can SEE what a good job he's doing.
When he's doing the shrieking, give him 1 warning and tell him he'll go to time-out if he doesn't stop. When he doesn't stop (at first, he won't), take him to your time-out spot. He's only 3, so he doesn't need to be there a long time if he stays there - 5 minutes or so, maximum. BUT, he'll probably get up from the spot several times at first, so just keep taking him back....even if it's 65 times, like prettydiva said! haha YES, you'll be exhausted, but eventually he'll get tired, too, and keep his little hiney there. Just don't give in!
(I had to do this with a PreK student of mine last year.... I was 8 months pregnant and sweating like a pig.... haha... but, guess what? Eventually, he stayed where I told him to and then he rejoined us after a couple of minutes. It seems like a long battle for a short consequence.... but, the bigger payoff is that the little ones learn that they aren't the ones in control - the mom or the teacher is.)
Anyway, that's my looong 2 cents worth. Good luck....& keep us posted!
Your "babies" are adorable! My son is 13 now and sometimes I really miss those days when could scoop him up into my arms for hugs and kisses, no matter where we were. Now, if we're in public and I ask for even a peck on the cheek, he practically runs from me like the plague! haha Fortunately, in private he does still show affection, though... but that's top secret info.
you know what matters most.... you love him through every single shrill shriek. give yourself a high five for not going ballistic, exploding, or walking out - give your husband a hug for sticking it out too.... take a deep breath and then start over. take that rejuvination and remember that these are the battles that you will look back onto fondly later in life. that every moment is a memory that wont happen again and your son trusts you enough to have huge emotional moments and know you will still love him. i dont have kids, nor teach so i dont have any great parenting advice, so i wanted to give you some uplifting spirit advice... shoot you a huge hug online and let you know.... doing great girl!
but unfortunately, this is not a department I have any expereince with yet. All I can say is hang in there and I hope things get better. Sending big hugs!
Terrible twos had NOTHING on Tatum's Terrible Threes. (We're still in those until next month.) It's like they are developing a sense of their independence and we feel it! Hopefully things will get better soon!
And I do have to say that we had the Terrific Twos and the Terrible Tremendous Threes. . and now, I pray, we are off to a good start with the Fantastic Fours! Hugs
I am sorry that you are facing some troubles with your son. I remember being completely astonished that my DD's terrible twos did not end at two. Many of the ladies here have offered you some excellent advice. From working with children on a daily basis I can tell you that most don't care whether you give them negative attention or positive attention as long as you are giving them attention. I know that it is probably difficult right now, but catch him doing something good and give him lots of praise (much more than you would normally give him). Hopefully that will do the trick. Lots of (((hugs))) for you!!
The ladies have already provided some great advice to you, and I agree with them. The one thing I remember that worked best for my son was finding small things throughout the day to praise him about. He loved making mommy happy, and I was molding him into a better-behaved child. Win-win situation!
