Helloooooo, my good people! Tis' I the slacker! I have been slack with posting the last several days. I dont know exactly why I have been slack...just that I have been. No excuses.
Word of the day is...Arrogance: a feeling or impression of superiority, manifested in an overbearing manner or presumptious claims.
As I have been reading the blogs, I have noticed that a lot of us have something in common. Someone in our lives that feels they are superior to us. Whether it be, a coworker, weight loss buddy, friend/family. I have come to realize the people with the lofty thoughts of themselves are usually insecure in their being, so they feel the need to "one up" someone else. Arrogance isnt necessarily a bad thing, but its keeping it in check is the hard part.
The reason for this word today is: I have a friend that has decided, she needs to go on a diet with me. Every time we chat, I feel like poop about myself. And it shouldnt be that way. This is a typical conversation.
HER: How is weight loss going? ME: its good thanks. HER: how much have you lost? ME: I dont know, I havent weighed in almost 2 weeks. HER: Oh, well I have lost 25 lbs. ME: way to go! HER: What foods have you been eating? ME: usually a piece of raisin bread for breakfast and orange. HER: OMG, you are eating bread, that contains flour, you should stay away from products that contain flour, I cant believe you are actually eating bread. ME: My dr said I still need to eat some fat with the meds. HER: OMG, why dont you actually try doing it without meds, thats the way im doing it, you will just put all your weight back on. Meds are bad for you. Nothing is going to help you like the gym and watching what you eat. End conversation because I just stopped responding.
Why do we allow people to do this to us? Why do we let others make us feel like we arent good enough? The answer for this. I do not know, but it has to stop. There has to come a point when we stand up and say...I AM THE BEST ME, IM DOING THIS FOR ME, YOU DO FOR YOU, I DO FOR ME! Do we cut people like the above out of our lives, do we carry on normal and continue to recieve the who ha we get from them? I personally have had enough. I need to start speaking up for myself.
Can we fully be healthy, and the best we can be, with people like this in our lives? Can we full appreciate our struggles and our weaknesses when we have someone throwing them in our face all the time?
I hope you all have a great day. Congrats on working out, congrats on the weight loss! I have missed you all!
love, The person I am becoming despite others!
Posted By: chickofegg
Comments to this post:
06/05/2007 11:04
SIGH
I know exactly what you mean!!! always that one that has something to say about what you eat and your exercise and knows everything about everything..and yet they are miserable...I tried to have friends do the weightloss with me..but it never works out...cuz someone always has to say SOMETHING!!!! and when it doesnt go good with them..it's always SOMETHING HAS TO BE WRONG ...I JUST CANT DO IT..like they are the only ones with weightloss issues...that is the main reason why i came to this site...to meet people that i can talk to back and forth without them trying to be "better" then I and if so ...just wont go to their blogs...i'm very happy to have met ya chick!!!
You go girl! lol. Actually, in all honesty, how good of a friend is she? If she's worth 'keeping'---maybe you should tell her the way she is making you feel. It couldn't hurt, right? You're doing so great and your motivation is an inspiration!
Weight loss is such a touchy subject. I try not to offer advice unless it is requested. I don't mind getting the odd tip now and again, but I certainly wouldn't want someone telling me I'm doing it all wrong! I'm sure you'll find a way of making your feelings known without hurting her.
When I first started Jenny Craig I decided that I would only tell my family! So I had been on JC for about 2 months when someone finally asked me what I was doing. So I told them. Now this is a friend of mine, but the first thing out of her mouth was. "oh my sister did Weight Watchers and lost alot of weight, but as soon as she stopped she gained it all back and then some"! Well I did not need to hear that! I walked away kicking myself for opening up about JC. I know she didn't mean any harm but it was not a good time to hear that. I think it is important for me to be the kind of friend I want to have. There are times when some friendship just need to be put aside for a time.
People shouldn't assume their way is the right way. Does she really think she'll be able to not eat flour the rest of her life? She needs to be told you do it your way and I'll do it mine.
i am sitting here wondering if i know this person. LOL not sure if its an LFE'r or someone in your personal life. For that matter I dont recall this convo so I am sure its not me but if i EVER make you feel like that please please PLEASE tell me! Sometimes when we find our own personal way it seems like we want to share it with the world, and sometimes we put it out there in the wrong way. This person may not mean to make you feel bad kwim? Anyway, meds was the way for you to go, some people use surgery......but at least everyone is making an effort at fixing themselves!
This is what happened to me!!!!!! WHY! I don't hate the people who talk to me like this ( because hate is a strong word) but they get on my nerve...ugh!!!!!!! what do you say to someone like that?
I totally understand and can relate. This is what happened to me last week and felt like that. As if , all the hard work I had done was brushed off like some lint off a coat...oh! this really bothers me.......sorry had to get that off my chest: D
I hope you can figure a way to talk to your friend. I feel that weight loss is such a touchy subject that even friends who have lost weight and talk to you about it, can come across as arrogant! Some people even become jealous of what you are doing and how much you've lost!! or even try to sabotage your efforts. (been there ! )
So, I hope you realize that you are doing a fantasic job and as long as your doctors says its ok. Keep doing it: D (((BIG HUGS)))
I'm proud of you and you keep up the good work : D
That stinks. Unfortunately, I have been on both the receiving end of that arrogance and the giving end.
As I began to like who I am and actually love myself it caused me to reevaluate many areas of my life. One area was toxic people! Now I just sit closed lip and think to myself, "what a poor pathetic soul". This particular person in my life tries to bait me into confrontations on a regular basis. I won't even give her the satisfaction. Actually I think it is bothering her more that I just don't care anymore. Don't need drama in my life.
You just have to feel sorry for the poor little wretches! Too bad they haven't found the REAL truth like we have! LOL
So sorry to hear you have one of "those" in your life. You are right though - we all do. This whole thing ONLY works if you do it your way! We all know that! Keep up the great work. You are doing an awesome job!!!!
We are all faced with people like this in all facets of our lives. You need to hold your head up and and try to not bring yourself down to their level. You can do it!
I am not a big believer in the no ***...type diets. It's not realistic to live like that forever. I mean for real...could you live the rest of your life without flour??? I for sure couldn't!
BTW...I eat raisin toast for breakfast a couple days a week!
You are doing a great job, keep up the awesome work!
...for the most part I don't discuss my weight loss efforts with anyone. I know it's hard to keep it a secret but I don't like all the unsolicited advice or criticism. You have to do it the way you feel comfortable doing it.
You are doing great. Let her stick to her no bread diet and you do it your way.
and reading everyone's comments. One thing that stuck out was the whole no flour comment. We have to have flour, its just what kind of flour we eat thats the issue! But now that i reread that I know who it is......well i love her but gosh even that annoyed me (and i am the anti bad carb queen lol).
What I call your friend (and I use that term loosely) is an emotional sapper.
I like to look at life in terms of an emotional back account. Everything we do is either a deposit or a withdrawal. Spend time with our friends - deposit. Argue with our friends - withdrawal.
People can have the same withdrawal/deposit effect on our accounts - your friend there I fear is overdrawn.
You should feel BETTER after talking to her, not worse.
Oddly I think she's the one that's more insecure. For some reason she feels the need to compete with you. Her way of controlling the situation is to belittle everything you're doing. I strongly suggest making the subject of dieting and eating off limites when you talk to her. True friendship is to encourage each other no matter what. I wonder if she should really be called a friend. I question her tactics and her motives. Definitely guard yourself when speaking with her. You don't need the aggravation.
I think you've been doing a great job. You know what's best for you and your body. Keep it up.
I guess arrogance is a good word for it. It doesn't matter what plan we do, as long as we do it. It works while we do it, but not when we quit.
I know diets don't work, so people have to make changes they can stick with forever and if "pills" helps people get through the eating everything that is not nailed down phase, or surgery to help... use it as a tool, ya know?
I have to admit, I think I might be a little guilty of this, mostly becuase I don't get to talk a lot to people, since I work from home and have no social life to speak of. So in the rare times I do get to speak to another adult I tend to just blab on and on, however I try very hard to never say anything negative and to be completly supportive of whatever they are doing, but since my people skills are dulled down to a 16 month old, your post has made me wonder if I am this girl you talk about? I really hope not, I hate people like this. It also makes me wonder if that is why my one friend, yes I only have one friend, like I said I never get out, is pulling away from me. Auuggghh, facing reality sucks, but it's a good thing, maybe I need to reevluate my people skills. I don't want to be this person, I want to be so many things that it seems I'm not. When you encounter this person, be nice to her, but take everything she says with a grain of salt, she might not realize what she is saying is hurtful. Maybe you should tell her. Anyway, sorry for the ramble, see what I mean, I talk too much. Your doing great for yourself and that is all that matter.
I have finally gotten to the point where I say, "Well, it's working for me so I'll stick with it. Thanks!" Then I change the subject - really obviously and bluntly.
I've also gotten ornery lately. If someone asks why don't I do it without meds, I would say something to the effect of, "But the meds are what keep me calm," and then smile REALLY BIG.
You made a great choice by stopping engaging with her. Can you tell her next time that you just don't want to talk about it with her?
I totally get what you mean. I know tons of people like that. Here's my ADVICE (hahaha): 1) Try humor. Her: What are you eating? You: Raisin bread. Her: You won't lose weight if you eat flour! You: That's what I'm going for. I've decided that I love the large look and am going to see how much weight I can possibly gain by eating flour products that contain dehydrated fruits. No need to give me weight loss advice anymore, but if you have any tips on how you gained that 25 pounds, that would help me out. *Being sarcastic can be fun!!! 2) Talk to your friend!!! Her: You'll gain it all back if you do it that way! You: You know, I am so proud of what you have accomplished! However, I often feel like you are criticizing me. I know this is not your intention, but that is how I feel. I want and need your support, but it makes me feel like I can't talk to you when I feel like you are judging me. Our friendship is really important to me and I know that you would be sad if you knew my feelings were being hurt- especially if I was dishonest and didn't try to fix it with you. I value our friendship enough to have this tough conversation, and I know you do, too. Let's figure out a way we can work this out. I need you to respect my opinions and decisions, and I will respect yours. I will support you, but I need your support, too... *If she's a good friend, opening up the lines of communication with an open mind will help clear up the problem. 3) If you have already tried these two things and they haven't worked, then she is a toxic friend. Let her know that her negative attitude is making you feel negative, too, and you will have to take time off from talking to her. Take care of you, because you and your family are what matters! You can do it!
