I feel like I have started this a few times before.  But hey, 12th time's the charm.

 

I was not always fat.  I was doing aerobics at 13, I had a weightlifting program and a trainer...keep in mind, that was 1983.  How did I get fat?  My mother did not 'show her love' with food, I had a pretty good childhood, no truly traumatic events that I couldn't overcome.  I am fat because I ate too much and exercised too little...I own that.

 

I know when I gained weight...when I met my husband.  I was in a very loving relationship and his family's house was full of food.  We went out to eat a lot...basically, I was happy.  I didn't even notice that I put on 50 pounds.  As life went on, I put on more weight...30 pounds.  All of a sudden (not) I realized that I was huge, round, disgusting.  I was 247 lbs at 5'9"  What's going on???  I know how to be fit, I was fit, once.

 

Then I woke up.  I bought an elliptical and lost 30 lbs over the following 6 months.  Then I stopped working out.  I gained back 10 and that's where I am now. 

 

I like to hide my feelings, but not right now.  I feel sad.  I have missed out on so much because I can't keep my fat trap shut and I can't get my fat body in gear.  But, I am making the commitment.  Starting tomorrow, I am promising the following:

 

1. work out 30mins on elliptical

2. eat more fibre

3. bring lunch to work

 

How I feel today
remembering my inner athlete...she is still in there, trying to get out...maybe i need to teach her tae-bo