Tell Your Story
This is what I was asked to do last night from a good friend and director of the MOMS (Mothers Offering Maternal Support) program.
First, let me say that I was honored to be asked but am mortified by public speaking. Usually I am the type of person that is very external, a kind of what you see is what you get, type of person. But through sharing my story (since beginning & graduating this program) I actually was able to let complete strangers in to my trials and successes.
This may be long, but below are some highlights of what I shared with these young mothers that once were me:
1995 - Got pregnant right out of HS (literally graduated 6/15, found out I was pregnant 6/29), mom kicked me out, stayed with BF at the time (who was doing drugs, other girls, alcohol), had to get out of there so I went back home after 2 months. Found out about the MOMS program and met Norma 8/95 and I found the support I needed to get through my pregnancy.
1996 - Moved out of mom’s house for real when my son was 6 months. Found Crossway Community – a transitional housing program for women and children only
1998 - got married to the BF who was now a reformed knuckle-head and moved out of Crossway into my/our first apartment.
1999 - welcomed second son into the world. Discovered that marriage not that great. DH had been cheating the whole time during our marriage. He had not reformed, had went back to previous lifestyle and I was miserable and depressed.
2000-2002 - DH goes to jail for 18 months because of his lifestyle. I fell apart, I fell back into my old drug addictions and became homeless twice, my longest stay was 8 months. I was there during 9/11 and that made me bond with some of the women there and we are great friends, I still see them often. Got accepted into another transitional housing program and decided I would never be homeless again…EVER! So while in the program I paid off 90% of my bills to fix my credit, started a job with the County via a temp agency that offered all the benefits I needed to care for my boys. Found and read a great book (Financial Peace) that helped me make a plan to pay off my debt.
2003–2005 - Graduated from this program and it was the first time living with no assistance, it was pretty hard. DH is back in our lives and we decide to make a go of it. We went to counseling and worked really hard at getting the trust back. Very hard for me because I can hold a grudge like I need air to breath.
2005 - was very busy...we welcomed our little girl into the world and purchased and moved into our first home. We had a bad case of buyers remorse, but were so glad we made that decision.
2006–2007 - began trying to find the "me" that I was before all the above. Got recommitted to losing weight and exercise. I recommend that you try to find some time in your daily life to take a moment and spend time with yourself. I wish someone would have told me that long ago. My DH is a better man than he was back then...he's responsible and works very hard to take care of me and the kids...most importantly he's been clean and sober for over 7 years. There will always be hard times, but you can get through them...I hope my story proves that, all you need is positive support from programs like this to get where you need to be.
A new quote that I found and is posted by my computer at work, my bedroom wall and my treadmill is:
“The best inspiration is not to outdo others, but to outdo ourselves.”
I was so nervous and teary eyed by the end, I just hope that my story that may seem unimportant inspires one of those young ladies to never ever give up.
If you've read this far...thanks.