Thanksgiving week

Well, I did it. I made it through thanksgiving week. Boy did I enjoy the food. Sooo yummalicious. I was thinking before thanksgiving hit, oh it's just one day. Silly me. I didn't even imagine all the left overs I would get. I'm thinking I didn't lose much because of all this but I lost something so I'm happy. This week I think I will feel more motivated because I didn't lose much. I still have that little evil voice inside my head that says, "you can't do it, you can't do it." I heard him quite a bit last week. Well, I'll just keep on truckin' I guess. Ta! Ta! for now.

Binge

I have binged a couple of times since I started documenting my experience. Not to the point where I'll gain weight but it's definitely not a good habit. This last time I did it, it was kinda weird. Usually I just mindlessly gorge and feel so out of control. Like I just can't stop until I get that I'm stuffed feeling. Last night I didn't stuff my face until my belly couldn't handle it. I just said ok, one more cracker and that's it! And I put it away. I think the reason I binge is because I don't live with my support system. I have a good support system that helps me through life problems but I don't have any body to talk to at home. Last night I was feeling very anxious and worried about Thanksgiving. I'm bi-polar and have a social phobia so it's hard for me. But just me not talking around my brother in law's family just kills me. So I think that's why I went to food because it was the only thing that could comfort me at that very moment. So anyways it's a work in progress. Well, enjoy your Thanksgiving!

Cheer up, you are o.k.

Well, I have been doing O.K. Feels good to write my feelings down about how things have been. Maybe I need to more often. Who knows? Anyhow, I haven't been doing very good exercise wise this week. And I'm feeling bad about it. Ok well lets see let me just remind myself of the positive's before I put myself down in the dumps. I need to make a habit of recognizing the good changes. I'm so hard on myself sometimes! Well, first off I'm still not over eating. According to my body bug I have been burning anywhere from 2500 to 3200 calories per day. And I haven't been going over that.I have been having a deficit of at least 500 calories. So, no ever eating. And I suppose the high light of this week so far was yesterday night. I served up a large helping of some pasta and salad. And I actually left some food on my plate! I couldn't believe it because I always feel like I HAVE to eat every last bite. I just need to do my best to make sure this isn't a rare occasion. But I think after my weigh in I feel like I have to lose 2 lbs again. Maybe that's what my problem is. I don't have to lose anything as long as I'm making changes (and it should show over time). Like I said from the beginning, small changes, small baby steps that's all I need to do. I have this urge inside me that's like, "c'mon! hurry up lose weight, go out and run 5 miles." Well, maybe not five, but you get the point. But I always get discouraged and quit when I go that route. OK so deep breath *sigh*. Relax. And enjoy the ride, lol.

Had a good week

Mmmm...apple and pecan salad

Oh my goodness, I am trippin'. Because I ate the best salad of my life. Never have I tasted a salad so good. The crazy thing is that it's very nutritious. I found myself eating every last bite. Something I don't usually do with salads. But I was out and about today. I wanted to go to this store and it was closed. But it was going to open in 20 minutes. So I thought, "I'm hungry, I want to eat something good and filling." There was a Wendy's near by. I pulled up. I saw several advertisements for some salads. The apple pecan caught my eye but my first instinct was no, I won't like that. But I pulled up to the speaker and I looked and saw this great deal, half a salad with a baked potato. I was like hmmm that sounds good. Then I looked over at all the fried chicken sandwiches and of course I thought, "Oh my gosh that looks so good!" But then I looked over at the salad picture and thought, " apples and pecans, yummy." So I went with the salad and potato. Yay me! But the best part was the actual eating of the salad. I was surprised with goat cheese, cranberries, roasted pecans, chicken, apples and the best pomegranate vinaigrette I ever tasted. Oh my goodness I enjoyed every last bite! I can't wait to go back for more LOL.

Huh? You baked a cake?

A few more thoughts

So I was thinking about things yesterday. I was feeling SO inspired and happy! Like all this research on the internet has really helped me in adjusting my attitude about diet and exercise. One more day, one more choice is a day and a choice closer to me being thinner. As long as I'm making the right choices. Key statement. But this way of thinking I believe is helping me. For example, I would start weight watchers and then all I could think about is how long its gonna take to get to x amount of weight and that I'll NEVER get there. Blah! That's what I say to that. How is that way of thinking gonna get me to my goal? It's not, hello. But every moment in time is a choice. Including every moment I approach the refrigerator. Don't get me wrong mistakes are gonna be made. But! Focus on what you have done right! And remember your mistakes, that way you learn. I mean that abusive inner voice is about enough! I'm so sick of it. As far as weight loss goes, I'm still taking baby steps. And no more of, "you can't have that, you can't have this." Why? because now that's all I want LOL. And my own personal motivator? My dream husband. Yep, silly as it sounds. I'm never gonna get my husband if I'm like this. "Like this," being miserable!

Dreams and Desires

So many desires. I WANT so many things in life. Number one thing? To lose about 90 lbs. That would be a dream come true! I feel like if I could lose this weight I can get what I want in life...like my weight is holding me back. So many years have gone by being fat. And in those years I lost my spirit for life. I avoid social gatherings of all kind. I guess because I'm just so insecure that I feel like I have to be thinner in order to have fun. Why can't I be one of those big girls that go out and says "who gives a F@#$?" But I'm not. I have bought every diet book on the planet. I'm looking for a cure all. A one-stop shop where all my fat issues will decease. But that doesn't exist. I have also done weight watchers so many times it's not even funny. This "diet" experience is killing me. I will be good and follow the plan for a week. Then boom! Something happens and I just have to make some chocolate cake. So of course I'll make a box and slowly devour that thing in 24 hours! It's so horrible. And sad. So, I have been doing some research. And I see some people posting information on how they have lost weight. And it seems taking baby steps is the way to go. I'm not sure how to go about doing it. I think I'm gonna start by adding more water. But I drink diet pop so I'm not sure how much of a difference that would make weight loss wise. But I suppose it's about making permanent changes and not losing weight this instant. And also believing in myself! Really believing that I CAN do it. I'm also gonna figure out how to add more activity to my days.