That Was a Tough One

One measly pound, friends, but I didn't give up. I started walking and hiking my arse off (hopefully). Unfortunately, my taste for sugar has returned, and, fortunately, the savage beast can be somewhat tamed with fresh fruit. Covert Bailey is right. The only way that I'm going to be able to keep my butt in check (and waistline, and thighs, and abdomen, etc.) is to build as much muscle tissue as this wearing-out body can build. If I stay on my kiester, I'm doomed.

Delusional, Dahling

Okay, okay, okay, I admit it. I've been telling myself for years that it wasn't fair, I wan't eating all that much, I wasn't eating any more than the next person, blah blah blah. What a sling of sludge. I've lost 29 pounds in two months, and all I've done, with the help of phentermine, is eat smaller portions, ditch the fast food, and consume little sugar. No binging on a pound bag of M & Ms or Skittles. No quarter of stick of butter on my toast.  I go out to eat, and I bring home at least half of it in a doggy bag. Does this mean that, as soon as I stop taking the phentermine, that I'm going to balloon like the brat on Willy Wonka? Zounds...

Still Not Dancing but Maybe Could

Okay. Fat-related question number 1,002: I look in the mirror, and I see no changes. I feel like a puffer fish, get on the scale with fear and trembling, and find out that I've lost another pound or two. The scale reflects something that I can neither see nor sense. WHY?!?! Have I been so big for so long that my body image is set? Why can't I see myself with accuracy? My hubby, God bless'em, doesn't see the losses or the gains. He says that he just sees me. Why can't I see me?

Bouncing Blubber

225. 228. 227. 226. 228. 227. Like trying to watch a ping-pong match, my body is holding onto every ounce of grease like a two-year old with a treasured toy. What a crock. Didn't binge. Didn't "sneak." Didn't do anything different. Maybe it's one of those, "I love being a woman..." type of things. I shall persevere. ("Never give up! Never surrender!")

In the past, I dealt with frustration and anger by drowning it in dreck (sugar and grease). Seems pretty silly now, when frustrated with slow weight loss, to eat? Hmmm...)

Farewell, My Lardly?

Both of the boys had overnights at a friend's house, so my DH and I decided to have a date night. He took me to an Italian restaurant that can only be described as heavenly. I decided to "let up" on myself a bit, and not hate myself if I were a pound or two up this morning.

The bread and a wonderfully garlic-infused extra virgin olive oil were set on the table. I ate a small slice of the bread with a bit of the oil. I ordered the linguine al pesto, as fattening as can be. Four bites. A delightful dessert? Three bites. Coffee with cream and Splenda. I walked out of the place feeling full and not one bit deprived. I was convinced that I would wake up in the morning, channeling the spirit of Humpty Dumpty.

Got up this morning...2 1/2 pounds down.

Revelations and epiphanies! I had always envied skinny people for being able to eat all the time. False! They eat bits here and bites there, not snorking everything off the plate like a vacuum cleaner. I always thought that I didn't eat so much to be so heavy. False! I ate like a whale! I always believed that leaving food on my plate was wasteful. False! Better that food be put in the trash than on my ash!

Phen is giving me the edge to treat food as it should be treated. Healthy thin people are not addicted to food, do not self-medicate with food, and are sickened by the idea of food binges. Today's lesson, a la Nemo:

FOODS ARE FUEL, NOT FRIENDS!!!

Abbie-Normal Behavior

Is it me, or is it Memorex? Am I making the decisions, or is it the Phen? Hades has just frozen over.

At a staff meeting, I turned down a slab 'o' Julian apple pie.

A bag of potato chips still sits unopened in the kitchen.

An open tub of red licorice sits by the couch (hubby's), and I haven't touched it.

At Red Lobster last night, no cheese biscuits, no trough of seafood in butter, I picked at an appetizer.

No snacking at night. No chocolate. Happy with two slices of veggie pizza instead of six pieces of pepperoni and black olive.

Is this what freedom tastes like?

Getting' the Hang of This

One week gone, ten pounds down, I seem to have the right combo going of Phen and 5-HTP, I have a fantastic "loser" buddy, and my blood pressure is a bit elevated but fine. Do I dare hope beyond hope that this might work?

Ten Days, Eight Pounds. Not!

I started this blog on the 29th of December, but I didn't start the Phen until the 3rd of January. Hence (hence?!) most of the weight I've lost has been in the last five days.  

I've told no one about taking Phen, because I have failed so often at trying to keep weight off. It's analogous to the couple who has experienced multiple miscarriages, and waits until the pregnancy is advanced and stable before telling the family. I hate seeing what I perceive as disappointment in my family's eyes.

Less Bug-eyed

Day two, and I took some 5-HTP this afternoon, hoping to sleep tonight.

I realized that I have an unopened bag of chips in the kitchen that I haven't touched in four days. Unbelievable. That is so unlike me.

Bug-Eyed

Yesterday was my first day on Phen, and what a joy it was to not be hungry. I remotely knew that my stomach ws growling, but it took a mere fraction of my normal lunch to fill me up. Dinner was an afterthought. I'm ecstatic. I know that I will develop an immunity to the medication, but for now, I'm queen 'o' the world!

My blood pressure was fine, but last night? I couldn't fall asleep to save my life. Here I am, bleary-eyed, drooping over the computer, with four hours of sleep under my belt. The Rose Bowl game last night didn't help me, either. Hook'em Horns!