Day 192 Time flies when you’re having none.
When I first started LighterLife in 1872 (ha – this was supposed to be a post about how time contracts in retrospect, but it really does feel like I’ve been doing this since the dawn of time) anyway – yes – when I first started back in January I knew that to get to where I wanted to go (at that stage my confidence in myself was so shaky that I set that original goal at 11 stone with a secret – maybe just maybe goal of 10 stone) I would need to do LL abstinence until the beginning of August and every day felt like an eternity.
So I chunked my time together – at first I tentatively clung to each day, just keeping the next Sunday in mind, just waiting until I could type my new weight in on my special spreadsheet on Monday mornings and forecast when I might be which size and weight and when by. Eventually as I gained confidence and achieved the first 28 days, I relaxed a little and began looking forward to the end of the next month. It’s only since June arrived that I allowed myself to look up at the finishing line and now I am staring it in the face and pedalling as fast as I can – I’m picturing myself on the winners’ podium as we speak. Anyway…I did a little shopping today. Three pairs of sale shoes in Dune – some size 10 work trousers – I almost got an 8 skirt but didn’t want to get cocky even though my 12s have started falling off me the way my 22s used to in week 2! And a few jewellery bits to go with my DvF dress. As I hurried back to the tube, I passed a place where I piquantly remember sitting feeling about as low as I could possibly go with a terrible hangover (hangovers! I barely remember ever having one now and I never want one again!) it was the place where I would secretly wolf a MacDonalds and a bucket of hangover cure Coke whilst feeling so alone and unloved before going to M& S and buying myself loads of comfort food to eat as a reward for braving the Number 29 bus and to fend off my lonely Saturday night blues.
Without hangovers, I don’t need to sit in tawdry badly lit and uncomfortable fast food restaurants, ashamed of the junk I put into my body the night before and the junk it would take to clear it out of my system. I can sit in more interesting places, not absorbed by food as a drug but choosing what I want to eat because it’s what I actually want to eat and not assuming that I am medicating myself as part of some incorrectly established ritual. Anyway – I smiled to myself as I remembered that distant girl that I am not related to any more – I don’t revile her or pity her – I am just at one remove from her. And distant though that girl may seem I smiled even more when I remembered the moment like it was yesterday and thought to myself ‘It’s been no time at all – that was in the January sales – it was round about the time I bought my MacBook. Look how quickly you can change your life!’
All the pretty clothes
Well – here we go kids – the dream we all dreamed of – Sarah gets to attempt to emulate Ms. Catherine Zeta Jones in the publicity poster for Intolerable Cruelty. I look nothing like her, mind – we’re both svelte curvy ladies from Mumbles in Swansea with long dark brown hair, but that’s about it!
I may or may not attempt to buy a red Vivienne Westwood cowl neck dress as seen here:
Lovely red dress - yeah
But we shall see what occurs this weekend. After last weekend’s crises I have no idea what might happen as I shall be hopping into a West End make-up boutique of some sort to have my makeup done and then I shall have a pretty photo taken – hopefully! I know it’s not quite at the end of my LL journey – but it is just about the end of my abstinence journey and I think any real money on grooming and making me look all shiny and polished should be spend once I have my muscle tone after management. But I do want a picture of what I look like at 10 stone seeing as I haven’t really been here since I was 15!
I feel blessed really.