I know it's been a week since I last blogged. A lot has been going on that I just haven't had the energy to write. I've been so very tired lately. Work sucks. I can't stand a certain person who lives at home (and it isn't by choice by the way). My life is just filled with a lot of unhappiness right now, and I don't even know where to begin to try and fix it.
I'm tired of putting others first rather than myself. All my life it has been that way, and now more than ever I have to be. I can't tell certain people how I really feel because of the possible stress I might cause. I just want to tell this person exactly how I feel about someone who drives me insane, whose presence irks me, who makes me not want to come home from work, who is one of the most selfish people I've ever known in my life (far worse than someone else I know), who is immature, who asks for too much attention and doesn't understand that other people other than themselves should come first, who needs to grow the f--- up already, and who doesn't deserve the person they are with.
I'm sorry I'm venting but as each day passes by, the more I despise this person being in my life. I can't wait for the day in September when this person will finally be out of my life (somewhat). Yet I've been considered the "selfish" one considering how this person is. All I've ever wanted to do is take care of the ones I love, yet it doesn't seem to ever be good enough. It's too the point where I don't want to care anymore. What difference does it make anyway? These are the times where I wish I had a different life or lived far away from the life I have now.
I haven't been dieting this week. I don't care what I eat and I've been eating pretty bad at times. Old habits do die hard. When I'm stressed out or having a bad day, I go back to old reliable, my dear, old friend, FOOD, to make me feel better. It has been a trying week for me. I don't know if TOM is going to pay me a visit soon which just adds to everything else.
I know what I need to do, but I don't have any motivation right now to do it. I feel as if I'm surrounded by negativity right now which hinders my ability to do something with my life. I need to get out of the rut I've been for so long. I need to put myself first and find all that will make me happy. I need to focus my attention on the goals I've tried to set for myself. I need to get rid of all the bad auras and karma that is currently in my life. I need to organize the clutter that is called my life. I need to take it one day at a time. I need a vacation...
Less than 3 weeks and I'll be out of this hell hole I call my life and visit my cousin who I haven't seen since last November. I need to enjoy myself and forget about everything. I know she will help me out with that for she wants to forget all that is going on in her life too. This is a well deserved mini-vacation for both. :0)
Sorry for the weird blog. I hope everyone is having a better weekend than me. Take care, and I'll try to catch up with everyone soon.
Posted By: ~ M ~
Comments to this post:
07/15/2007 03:20
Well yeah
I think you are too young to have to feel this much stress
(( hugs ))
I hope things work out soon - try to take care of you. I know how stress is and heading to food. Try to make the best choices food-wise as possible. "If you aren't hungry, food won't solve the problem"..... Find someone you can talk with... sounds like too much to just endure, ya know?
I hope that by the time you read this you are feeling much better. I understand the feeling of putting other people's feelings before yours or trying to make everybody happy but you, and doing that because you don't want stress, in my case because I just can't and don't like to upset the people I love.
I wish I could have my own experience to share and how I deal with that, but I don't have any. I wish too life would be easier sometimes, not so hard and complicated.
I really hope you feel better. Just think about your vacation and have fun with your cousin :)
Sakura
I think this vacation will help you a lot! just by going away for a while will put you in a better mood. I'm sorry that so much is happening right now ( they say when it rains it pours?) Well, it can only get better?right? Hang in there: D
Pls don't turn to food, the only person you are going to end up hurting is yourself. Hopefully it all works out.
That you are wonderful. No, I don't know you but I feel I do from just reading your lastest blog. Although, I don't know who this person is that is making your life miserable, I have been there and the stress is not good for you. I want you to keep in touch with me, as I will be checking on you often. I want you to count me as one of your friends you can vent too. Not to get all up in your business but to offer you the best possibly support I can. I extend to you my Friendship and my courage and strength. YOU deserve so much. God Bless and take care!
Big hugs to you girly - it sounds like you sure need them. *squishes*
It's horrible when there are things we can't control that are so annoying.. but you'll get through it. And like you said, think of the positive vacation coming up! Should be great!
I turn to food during negative moments too, and use it to cheer me up when I'm down - just remember, eventually it comes around to bite us on the butt.. and if you need to chat, come visit me, okay? xo
Hi there, friend. I'm sorry you're unhappy and stressed right now. You just have to take a breath, take a step back, and evaluate what is going on. The vacation will do you good, but in the meantime, I suggest going on a walk (take your puppies with you) and think. Write even! What helps me is to write everything I'm feeling on a piece of paper. Don't worry about who you will hurt, if things are grammatically correct, etc....just write it all out-the uncensored truth! Then read it and throw it away. You'll feel better that it's all out.
Don't eat away your problems, k? Believe me, it makes things worse. Just find another outlet that won't sabotage what you've accomplished.
You really sound like you need one! I've so been where you are and I know what you mean 100%. In my case it was my youngest brother and I wound up kicking him out as him being there was depressing me and killing my marriage at the same time. Two months seem a long to to have to wait for this person to leave but if your hands are tied try and get some comfort out of the fact that it will all be over soon. I hope the days fly by for you and that your vacation will rejuvenate you to the point that you'll feel okay waiting for those final weeks to pass until this person is gone. Take care of yourself, girl!
Hey, At least you are still here blogging. A month ago I wasn't even doing that. So there's something. Don't give up on your blogs, try to be hopeful. You should be proud of yourself for even getting on this computer program!! It's a step toward a long healthful life!! Take care, Emi
