A Fresh Start

I've decided to start a new blog on here. I feel like I need a fresh new start on my weight loss journey. I would love for my friends here to check it out! Here is my new blog link: elnrie.extrapounds.com and my new name is elnrie.

Out with the old, in with the new! I hope this change will help me in my quest of reaching my goals. I feel as though it is like I'm cleansing my aura in a way. I've been in this rut for awhile, and I've come to the conclusion that I need to try and finally break it once and for all!

I hope everyone will continue to help and support me in my quest for weight loss. Take care, and have a great week!

C-ya at my new blog! :0)

Stuck in a Rut

I'm still stuck in this rut I've been feeling in my life for a while now. So much is going on in my life right now that I feel as though I have no control over it. Food has been a (bad) friend to me although I'm trying to resist temptation (to no avail). My 9 month old pups seem to be regressing back to when we first got them and peeing wherever they please. My sister is still battling her cancer. The "unhappiness" that was in my life has finally gone but still lingers on unfortunately. I don't feel very close to my sister right now, which totally sucks, and I absolutely HATE my job! The only person who truly understands what I'm going through right now is my mom. Life sucks!

I feel like I'm continually at a crossroads with my life. I'm stuck in the past, stagnant in the present, and somewhat scared of what the future holds. I know I want to lose all this weight but feel like I've lost my motivation and will to from everything else going on in my life. I'm tired of taking care of everyone and everything. I truly admire my mom for having patience when everything that can possibly go wrong in her life has this year. I'm glad I don't have kids right now (although my pups feel like my kids) for I can barely take care of myself as it is. My life is a mess, my room is a mess, and I feel like I'm becoming a mess too.

I've always been the strong one that everyone else came to when they were in need. I've always been a good listener and supported everyone as best as I could. I'm tired of being the go-to girl! I've been selfless for so long! I want to be selfish for once in my life and think about ME first and foremost before anyone else. It is a very hard trait to break though.

I am lonely yet anti-social. I want someone to take care of me for once, to be there for me when I need them, to actually listen when I have a bad day, and who isn't my mom. I haven't dated anyone in a couple of years. I don't want to put myself out there right now when I don't like the ME that I see in the mirror. I have so much excess baggage right now that it wouldn't be fair to bring a man into my life among the chaos.

I have trust issues. I've dealt with so many people causing me unnecessary drama in my life. I've had my heart broken so deeply that it took years for me to finally get over it. I don't know if I will ever completely be over it. I wonder sometimes if I weren't ever with this person my life would I have been different. I think it would have but you have to take the good with the bad in life. I can't change the past although I wish so many times to. What's done is done.

I need to now think of the future and what I truly want in my life. I just finished reading a book yesterday that made me think of what my life plan should consist of. So much to do, so little time. Will my life ever come to order? I hope so.

All I can do now is try to take my life back somehow. Try to regain the motivation I always lose and set forth with the weight loss I really do want. I know I have to do it for myself and no other. I don't know if I will truly find the answers I'm looking for once I do lose weight, but I know it will be a step in the right direction towards the happiness I truly desire!

Out of It

I feel so out of it right now. I don't feel like talking to my sister. I don't really feel like talking in general. I'm unhappy right now. I've hardly done anything all weekend. I did clean out our cabinets and got rid of most of the junk that was in there. Chips, old cookies, stuff that can be a temptation for me. The good thing is that I haven't really felt too tempted lately. Aunt Flow paid me a visit last week so I'm good off cravings for now.

I've been sitting in my room today watching a CSI Marathon. My true intention was to go out and finally watch The Simpsons movie by myself. Got too caught up with CSI lol. I should really start cleaning my room. It is such a mess right now that I feel slightly claustrophobic at times.

I feel like I have nowhere to go or anything to do with myself other than what I know I need to do. I just feel like disapearing right now. I don't want to be around anyone. I'm just tired of many things going on in my life right now. Nothing seems to be going the way I want it to...

We'll see what tomorrow brings...

Starting Over Again

I know I haven't written since the beginning of the month. I have thought about writing but never got around to it. I've been thinking about my weight, and I have decided to essentially start over again. Like a clean slate of sorts. My sister and I have been talking about going on a diet and exercising  more on and off the past week. We've decided that enough is enough!

Grant it, our weight loss goals are very different. She probably wants to lose 15-20 lbs while I want to lose over 100. All I know is we both want to change our eating habits and eat much healthier than we have been. We know what we want, and we are finally ready to begin a new chapter in our lives where weight loss is the end result.

My new weight loss goal is to try and lose 40 lbs by the time my birthday comes along. My original birthday goal seems too much to ask of myself now due to the time that has passed when I first made that goal. I need to be realistic now. I'm not going to overexert myself or my body. I have to take it day by day, pound by pound, and hope for the best! :0)

Wish me luck! (once again lol)

Hiatus

Hello Everyone! :0)

I'm sorry I haven't been on here for almost a month. I can't believe it has been that long already! I decided to take a hiatus from dieting and here. I just wasn't feeling it at the time with everything going on in my life. Life hasn't gotten any easier for me but now after my vacation last week, I am ready to start my weight loss journey again.

It's funny, I weighed myself before I left for Denver last Thursday, and I weighed 265.9. When I weighed myself this morning, I weighed 265.6. Crazy huh? My weight has fluctuated up and down in the 3 weeks I was away from here. I wasn't trying to diet, and I did eat really bad at times. I think the most I weighed was like 270. I thought I would actually gain weight during my mini vacation, but my cousin and I didn't eat a whole lot. We shopped and walked more than anything lol. I have more credit card debt now than weight gain. :0)

So I've decided to go back on a diet. It won't start today of course since I had McDonald's for dinner lol, but it will start this week. I'm going to try to eat much healthier than I have been and try to exercise more even if it is just taking my pups for a walk for now. I need to get back into the swing of things like blogging again. It will take some time to get my flow back in order. I will try my hardest. :0)

I hope everyone has done well during my absence here. I need to catch up with my EP friends to see how everyone is with their weight loss journeys. I want to thank everyone who has supported me and especially the ones who wrote me such encouraging comments on my last blog. Your encouragement and support mean a lot to me. Thank you! I hope everyone has a great week! :0) 

Unhappy :0(

I know it's been a week since I last blogged. A lot has been going on that I just haven't had the energy to write. I've been so very tired lately. Work sucks. I can't stand a certain person who lives at home (and it isn't by choice by the way). My life is just filled with a lot of unhappiness right now, and I don't even know where to begin to try and fix it.

I'm tired of putting others first rather than myself. All my life it has been that way, and now more than ever I have to be. I can't tell certain people how I really feel because of the possible stress I might cause. I just want to tell this person exactly how I feel about someone who drives me insane, whose presence irks me, who makes me not want to come home from work, who is one of the most selfish people I've ever known in my life (far worse than someone else I know), who is immature, who asks for too much attention and doesn't understand that other people other than themselves should come first, who needs to grow the f--- up already, and who doesn't deserve the person they are with.

I'm sorry I'm venting but as each day passes by, the more I despise this person being in my life. I can't wait for the day in September when this person will finally be out of my life (somewhat). Yet I've been considered the "selfish" one considering how this person is. All I've ever wanted to do is take care of the ones I love, yet it doesn't seem to ever be good enough. It's too the point where I don't want to care anymore. What difference does it make anyway? These are the times where I wish I had a different life or lived far away from the life I have now.

I haven't been dieting this week. I don't care what I eat and I've been eating pretty bad at times. Old habits do die hard. When I'm stressed out or having a bad day, I go back to old reliable, my dear, old friend, FOOD, to make me feel better. It has been a trying week for me. I don't know if TOM is going to pay me a visit soon which just adds to everything else.

I know what I need to do, but I don't have any motivation right now to do it. I feel as if I'm surrounded by negativity right now which hinders my ability to do something with my life. I need to get out of the rut I've been for so long. I need to put myself first and find all that will make me happy. I need to focus my attention on the goals I've tried to set for myself. I need to get rid of all the bad auras and karma that is currently in my life. I need to organize the clutter that is called my life. I need to take it one day at a time. I need a vacation...

Less than 3 weeks and I'll be out of this hell hole I call my life and visit my cousin who I haven't seen since last November. I need to enjoy myself and forget about everything. I know she will help me out with that for she wants to forget all that is going on in her life too. This is a well deserved mini-vacation for both. :0)

Sorry for the weird blog. I hope everyone is having a better weekend than me. Take care, and I'll try to catch up with everyone soon.

Lucky Sevens

I was looking for a notepad to write down some random notes while I watched tv earlier, and I came across one that I apparently haven't used since last year. On the very first page of the notebook, I had written some weight loss goals for 2006. This is what I wrote:

Ultimate Goal: to weigh 150lbs or be a size 8 (whichever comes first)
Goal for 2006: to lose at least 50lbs or to weigh 200lbs

No red meat from Mon-Fri
No soda from Sun-Fri -> water, milk, unsweetened cranberry juice, and fresh squeezed juice only
No junk food from Sun-Fri
No fast food from Sun-Fri
No fried food from Sun-Fri

No eating after 7pm (if dinner hasn't been eaten yet, only a small meal can be eaten; No eating after 9pm)

When eating at a restaurant, cut meal in half and only eat half of it.

I've always had an idea of how I was going to lose the weight. I just haven't had enough motivation to actually succeed. Maybe finding this today of all days, 7/7/07, is a blessing in disguise of sorts. It shows how far I've come considering how long I've been overweight. I've been thinking a lot about my journey after I read this page, and I know now how much I want to lose weight. I think about the goals I set for myself in July and how I haven't really followed through with much of it this week.

Today I didn't do so well food or exercise wise, but tomorrow is truly another day! I really need to dig deep inside of myself to try to work on achieving the goals I set out for myself this month. I know it is feasible. I just need to set my mind to it! I need to stop with this procrastination and laziness that I've kept with me for so many years! I need to break the cycle so I can finally be where I want to be mentally, physically, and health wise! :0)

Here's to tomorrow and the start to the new me! I can do this! I know I can! :0)

Actions do speak louder than words... We'll see what happens at the end of the month and I weigh myself right before I leave for Denver... Wish me luck! :0)

Hope everyone is having a great weekend! :0)

Lazy Saturday

I had good intentions for today. I was going to walk my pups after breakfast and start cleaning my room. Instead, I have been hanging out with my pups in the living room watching Live Earth on Bravo, VH1 Soul, MTV Hits, and the movie Walk the Line all day while eating every so often. -sigh- It is so ugly, cold, gray, windy, and I can see fog up further in the hills. So much for it being summer over here! It feels more like a normal fall/winter instead! This kind of weather makes me feel lazy to do nothing! :0(

I spoke to my sister on the phone a few hours ago. She is in San Diego with one of my least favorite people (her boyfriend). While talking to her, I started crying for the first time in awhile. A lot has been going on this year in my family from my sister's illness to the situation between my parents and my first steps into trying to lose weight.  It is a lot to handle right now. Sometimes I just want to hide under a rock and forget all that goes on in my life. This year has been another tough year for me, but I'm trying to turn it around by trying to lose some weight before I turn 30. That is a milestone in itself!

I'm just going to relax the rest of the day. I felt so sad after I got off the phone with my sister. I did snack and eat some leftover hot wings from KFC (I know...tomorrow is a new day to lay off the fried food...) which somewhat made me feel better. I used to eat much, much more when I used to be depressed. I say I've done better now that I'm more conscious of what I eat. Thank God for 100 calorie packs (although I've had like 3 different kinds so far today!). We'll see what tomorrow brings...

Healthier Alternative

I was craving McDonald's last night and again when I woke up this morning. Since I'm trying not to eat any fast food this month, I was trying to figure out what I can whip up to eat for brunch (since I woke up around 10am this morning lol). My mom had bought some french rolls from Costco. As I was looking in both the fridge and freezer, an idea popped in my head! We still had some leftover breaded tilapia in the freezer. I put 2 and 2 together and decided to bake one of the filets to make a fish sandwich along with some frozen french fries in the oven. My semi-homade version of fast food lol. A much healthier version actually since I baked it and used some light mayonaise instead of regular or even tartar sauce. I used ketchup instead of my normal staple of ranch dressing. I even had sweet watermelon for dessert! Not too shabby if you ask me! :0)

I weighed myself this morning and still weighed 265.5. Not bad considering I had some Funyons and ate a very late dinner last night. I had a salad with chicken in it yesterday and walked a lot with my co-workers after work. I'm about to walk my pups in a little while. I am kinda lazy today since I'm off. It's all good though because that's what holidays are for lol. I've done rather well food wise today and haven't eaten anything since my yummy brunch except for a mint. I'm about to go grab a little snack soon and hang out with my pups. I'm thinking of having a salad for dinner since we still have some leftover rotissere chicken from Costco. Mmmm....

Well I hope everyone is having a great 4th of July! (I hope everyone had a great Canada day last week too!) I'll check on how everyone is doing in a little while k? Take care until then! :0) 

So Sleepy

Just wanted to stop by and say hi before I pass out. Thank God for my sidekick to let me get on the internet lol. I've been so tired all day long! I was even falling asleep at one point this afternoon. It was so bad I had to eat a little snack plus get up and walk around to wake me up. I weighed myself this morning and considering I went to Reno over the weekend, I actually lost a little from the last time I weighed myself. Crazy! Well, I would write more but my eyes are getting really heavy...time to call it a night! Until maňana...