Tonight I realized that I haven't been taking care of myself lately and I can FEEL it. I haven't been sleeping enough or eating healthfully enough or exercising enough or drinking all my water. And I can feel it! But that's OK because I WANT to feel it. I want to take in how *blah* I feel so that I remember the effects of treating myself so badly.
my hair is limp
my skin is blotchy
my clothes feel tight
my tummy feels yucky (Gimme a break! I have 3 kids and am working with a limited vocabulary these days!!!)
my muscles ache
my left hip is just plain sore
I am TIRED
I am grumpy
I am feeling oooooooooooooooold
My inner brat needs a serious talking to....
Me: So, you big dummy, this is what it feels like when you don't take care of yourself! You feel miserable. Your family feels miserable because, let's face it, you aren't the easiest person to be around when you are feeling this way. Why do you do this to yourself???
Don't answer that! This is not the time to throw a pity party. I don't care why you've been treating yourself this way. I know -you've been doing OK with your program and you're technically within your points...but OK really isn't good enough when you have 100 pounds to lose, now is it? You need to get with the program 100%. You need to be millitant about it. 24/7/365! You need to not settle for "OK". This is your life we are talking about here. Look. You have 100 pounds to lose so this REALLY is your life we are talking about!
Do you want to lose the weight?
Inner Brat: Yes
Me: Do you want to do the work to lose the weight?
Inner Brat: Ummmm - well no, not really. I want to wake up tomorrow morning and be magically thinner.
Me: Do you want to do the work to lose the weight?
Inner Brat: Ummmmm - well no. I don't WANT to, but I know I have to and I am willing to do the work. Does willing count?
Me: Do you want to do the work to lose the weight?
Inner Brat: Fine! I'll do the work to lose the weight! I'll do it even though I don't want to. I'll do it even though it's completely unfair that I have to work so hard at something that comes so easy to other people. I'll do it even though my hubby is skinny and can eat whatever he wants and still stay skinny. I'll do it. I'll do it because I want to be a good example for my children. I'll do it because I am tired of being fat. I'll do it because I am tired of sitting out of life because I am too embarrassed to participate. I'll do it for my children. I'll do it for my hubby. I'll do it for me. I'll do the &$*@ work!
Me: Great. But do you WANT to do the work to lose the weight?
Inner Brat: I know you want me to say yes to this, but I can't! I don't want to do the work. I don't think I'll ever want to count calories or points or fat grams. But listen, I'll do the work. I'll do it because I have to. I KNOW I have to and I'm willing to do it. I'll do it because I want the end result. Isn't wanting the result good enough?
Me: I don't know. Is it?
Inner Brat: Wow! You're tough! Is wanting to be thin gonna' be enough to make me do the work? I think so! I think it will because I can start to visualize myself as thin and that will help pull me through those tough times. Visualizing a thinner me can help me make good choices when I eat out or when I'm grocery shopping or just grazing in the kitchen.
Me: Can you do that? Can you visualize a thinner you?
Inner Brat: It's been a long time, but yeah. I can remember what it looked and felt like to be 140 pounds. I remember jogging and hanging out with friends and shopping and not being so self conscious. I remember how much fun it was to go new places without worrying if there'd be a corner for me to hide in. I liked that girl! I kind of miss her. I wonder what kind of a mom she would be. Yeah. I can visualize it! And I think I even WANT to do the work now too!!!
I've been really bad about stopping by EP every day! I am sorry I haven't been keeping up with how well you've all been doing or being more encouraging during your struggles. (((HUGS)))
I have been busy trying to get things organized around here so we can start our school year on a positive note. I've been weeding through supplies, labeling shelves, planning lessons - all that fun teacher stuff I've also been dealing with 3 sick kids and was even so lucky to catch the dang virus TWICE myself *sigh* Thankfully it's not much more than a ridiculously high fever, slight headache and fatigue - but one kid at a time for a week has been fun. And, if that's not enough, I've also been behavior training (for lack of a better description) our puppy AND potty training my 2.5 year old daughter. Soooooooooo - that's what I've been up to!
Weight wise - it ain't been pretty. I'm up 2 pounds, but that's as far UP as I'm willing to go. From this point on I'll be working my tuschy off and not allow all this craziness to get in the way of my weightloss goals. That's a promise to myself!
1 (7.5 oz) can of refrigerated homestyle or buttermilk biscuits
1 cup (5 oz) cooked & diced chicken breast
1 (10.5 oz) can 98% FF cream of chicken soup
scant 2/3 cup (2.5 oz) shredded RF or FF cheddar cheese
1 tsp dried parsley flakes
1/4 tsp black pepper
Preheat oven to 400*. Separate biscuits and place each biscuit in a cup of an ungreased 12-hole muffin pan, pressing dough up sides to edge of cup. In a medium bowl, combine chicken, chicken soup, cheddar cheese, parsley flakes and black pepper. Mix well to combine. Evenly spoon chicken mixture into prepared biscuits cups. Bake for 12 to 15 minutes or until golden brown. Remove from oven. Place muffin pan on a wire rack and let set for 2-3 minutes. Serve at once.
5 points/2 muffins***
***Check the points against your own ingredients (DUH!)
I made this with regular cheddar cheese because I didn't have any FF on hand and I was surprised that it was TOOOOO cheesey. I would have never thought too cheesey was possible LOL Next time I plan to cut the cheese in half. I'd also like to try this recipe with the bigger biscuits (in bigger muffin cups LOL) and include some veggies (either canned mixed veggies or broccoli & cauliflower).
Oh and hubby and the kids LOVED it. Hubby wants me to make some more so he can take them to work. They are kind of messy when you first take them out of the oven, but they sat up pretty well in the 2-3 minutes that they cooled.
I had another epiphany while I was in the shower today. I've been feeling like my life is totally out of balance and I just can't do it all. I can concentrate on eating well, but then I don't exercise and can't get things done around the house because I'm searching for recipes and planning menus. I can exercise, but can't do anything else because I am too busy trying to find routines, equipment, heart rate levels, planning the time to fit it in, etc. I can take care of the house, but then I can't get school done and you can FORGET about exercise and healthy eating. I can hang out with the kids and be MOM, but then I eat on the run and neglect household duties. I can be a teacher, but then everything else is neglected so I can plan lessons and make visual aides. I can concentrate on organizing our financial life, but then lack the energy or desire to do ANYTHING else...Get my point? I've been feeling like I can only do ONE thing at a time and the reality is that nothing was getting done.
So I was in the shower this morning and realized DUH! (you just gotta' love applying that word!!!!) I am feeling out of balance because my life *IS* out of balance. Instead of focusing on diet, exercise, mommyhood, or school - I should be focusing on the Lord. He will guide me and provide that balance for me. I've been trying to work it all out for myself and guess what! I can't do it! I now realize that I truly do NEEEEED to spend time with Him each day and give it ALL to Him each day because I truly am lost in this wilderness.
I know that my losing weight is more about my walk with God than it is about the need to put down the bag of chips. I need to fully submit this and everything else in my life to Him so that He can lead me down HIS path. I've been trying to lose weight so that I could be a better servant - I've been trying to do it apart from God so I could be a part of God...Instead, I need to walk the walk WITH HIM - in all areas of my life. And that's how I will achieve my balance.
So I was taking a shower the other day and I had a small flash of brilliance. Happens sometimes. Especially in the shower. The one true place in my house I can be alone with my thoughts...because there's a lock on the door and I'm not afraid to use it
Anyway...I was enjoying my shower and reflecting on this weightloss journey and how discouraged I am that it's taking soooo long to make any real progress despite being 90ish pounds from goal. I didn't expect it to be as easy as the last time I lost weight. I'm older and have more thyroid issues than I did in 2002, but still! I was expecting the first 10 to 15 pounds to kind of melt off at least. But it didn't happen that way. I lost the first 5 pounds easily when I gave up Pepsi but I've been struggling since then. It's kind of crazy to be making all these healthful changes and not see many results. No. Not even inches lost.
So I started thinking about what I was doing with Core and how much I really do LOVE that program. Once you learn which foods are Core and have them in your pantry, it's an easy program to follow. I loved not having to weigh and measure, not worrying about Points, being able to eat fruit without counting Points for it. I feel like Core is a way of eating I can sustain for the rest of my life. BUT, I lack the ability (or desire???) to keep track of those pesky WPAs each week and because I could eat several foods until satisfied - I had no real need (or desire???) to exercise. So while I loved Core, I realized that my inner brat was kicking Core's tuschy and I needed to make some changes.
So yeah, as I already said I made the big switch to Flex. It actually worked out well for me because my Core pantry was getting low and I lacked the funds to restock some of my favorite Core staples. This has been a good Flex week for me. I'm actually down 2.4 pounds so I won't be complaining too much.
But back to my shower and my flash of brilliance...I was thinking about this journey and how I really need to have a few more Points each day but hate the idea of being out of WPAs (I get nervous when I get below 20 - like it won't be enough LOL). Then I started thinking about exercise and how hard it is for me to fit it in the day and how I don't like getting all hot and sweaty or having to figure out when I could possibly take a shower during the day (the kids always get up when I do - regardless of time *sigh*) and then I was like DUH! I could just do it after dinner when B is home to deal with the kids! And then I could take a long, leisurely, warm shower without guilt or interruption. DUH!!!!
Of course that does cut into my EP time, but I've been exercising and showering for the last two days and it feels good to be earning those APs again.
And BTW, there aren't nearly enough times in my life when I get to use the word DUH!!!! With 3 kids - you'd think it would happen more often, wouldn't you?
You'd think that with all the blood withdrawals the mosquitoes are making from my legs that I'd be down at least a few ounces. No such luck. I go up a few pounds, down a few pounds and such is the story of my life.
I have a bit of renewed WW energy now that I'm back to counting Points. I love Core, but I found it too easy to cheat on WPA's when I wasn't journaling. And let's face it, being wife, mommy to a 'tween, a rowdy 5yo and a potty training toddler and a puppy owner sucks up just about all my brain capacity - no room to keep track of those pesky WPA's I was using on Core. My brain is not THAT good at multi-tasking these days
Anyway, I've noticed that I am MUCH more conscientious about all those BLT's I was taking while making the kids their lunches. It all adds up even when *I'm* not journaling. So now that I AM journaling, I don't take those BLTs because I just don't want to use the Points or bother with writing them down. And how many Points DO you get for a pretzel, 2 gold fish crackers, a taste pf peanut butter and a sip of milk (the cups have to be even, you know)??? I give myself 1 or 2 depending on the amount of PB - but I hate the idea of under or over counting and found NOT taking the BLTs to be a much simpler way to go.
Today's menu wasn't all that healthful, but not a total loss either. I skipped breakfast because life is crazy around here in the mornings and it was lunchtime before I realized it. Happens some days. So for lunch I had some mini raviolli. Yes, a total waste of Points. But it was tasty and I had the Points since I skipped breakfast and I needed to get it out of the cabinet anyway. Yeah. That's it. I salvaged the meal by snacking on fresh tomatoes and cucumbers. For dinner I made some yummy cube steak with carrots and potatoes, green beans, fresh veggies, grapes and milk. Veggie overload! I still have 2 big Points left for the day. Go me!
I did OK last night. I ended up snacking on leftover soup and used a few flexies for crackers - but it was OK.
I did well today too, but it's only 7:30 and I'm out of points for the day ( 2 flexies) because I made hamburgers for dinner. I am DETERMINED to make it through the night without using more points. I can do this!!!!
Nothing overly thrilling to report on my end - except that I taught my demon puppy how to play fetch :) She's pretty good at it, but easily distracted...kinda' like me and the kids! Today's menu was rather boring. Tasty - but boring.
Kashi Go Lean Crunch w/milk
BLT
cheeseburger, grilled veggies, baked potato, fresh veggies and milk
100 calorie pack of cookies for a snack
The Kashi cereal is VERY good and super filling - which surprised me because cereal (even high fiber cereal like Kashi) doesn't typically stay with me very long. So far I am supremely happy with it.
Well I have nothing witty or interesting to talk about these days and the family is waiting on me so we can go to the video store anyway - so I will scoot. I'll try to get back on later and catch up on blogs. I am sooooooo far behind! Story of my life these days!!!
Been pretty busy around here these last few days - which is funny because it doesn't seem like I've done much at all LOL I've been trying to catch up on cleaning and organizing and all that fun stuff. We spent most of Saturday at home and then took the kids fishing on Sunday. It's the first time I've gone fishing in probably close to 30 years and was the first time for the kids. We didn't catch anything, but we still had a great time.
This weekend's WI had me up a pound, but it's already gone so I'm not overly worried about it. TOM issues have resolved for the month and Inow 'm just hoping to post a few good losses by the end of August.
I've been counting calories today along with WW Points and it's been pretty interesting. So far I've had 25 points and 1159 calories.
Today's menu:
1 C Kashi Go Lean Crunch
1/2 C 2 % milk
BLT sandwich
Pepperidge Farms Choc Chunk Cookie 100 cal pack
3/4 C Veggie Beef & Barley soup
BLT sandwich
1.5 cups 2% milk
tomatoes/cucumbers
I'm stuffed - maybe I had too many veggies at dinner
According to WW I still have 4 Points left and according to my insurance company's health/diet plan - I still have about 700 calories But the tricky part of my day is now afoot. I am a notorious nighttime eater. I have Points and calories left for snacking, but I have to be careful about what I pick because the wrong choice will leave me wanting more and more and more. I can do this! I can get through the night with 4 Points - because that really is quite a bit of points. It's 7:30 and I'm not hungry, so I'll just see what happens and make sure I eat ONLY if I'm hungry.
So really nothing to report from my corner of the world. Feeling a bit stressed about typical stuff, but trying not to let it derail me from my goals.
I really hate fireants. Stepped on one at the park yesterday and it did a number on my toe. Gotta' hate that!
I need to find some sort of exercise that I enjoy. Still looking for something to do with the kids - think I'll resort to a kid video and give it my all. It might not be a GREAT workout, but it's better than sitting on my tusch! Maybe easy is just the way to go for now.
My dog is STILL insane. Hoping to get her into some sort of training class because she is getting to be too big and rambunctious to handle. She's cute, but crazy as can be.
I made a yummy pasta dish for dinner tonight. Very simple and GOOD!
WW rotini pasta
8 oz ground beef
2 cups mixed veggies (I used my my container of leftover veggies that I store in the freezer for soup - it contained peas, carrots, corn, green beans, celery and asparagus)
spaghetti sauce
It was basically fancy spaghetti LOL but sooooooo tasty! I didn't even need to add garlic, salt or parm and that's a miracle for me.
Here's the recipe for fudgesicles. I haven't made it yet because I'm still looking for some good molds - but I can't wait to try it out.
1 package of FF/SF cook n serve chocolate pudding
2 cups of FF milk
1 cup of FF evaporated milk
Combine pudding and milk in a saucepan.Cook as directed on box and cool for 5 minutes, stirring occasionally.Spoon into molds. Freeze.
I've also been dealing with 3 sick kids and was even so lucky to catch the dang virus TWICE myself *sigh* Thankfully it's not much more than a ridiculously high fever, slight headache and fatigue - but one kid at a time for a week has been fun. And, if that's not enough, I've also been behavior training (for lack of a better description) our puppy AND potty training my 2.5 year old daughter. Soooooooooo - that's what I've been up to!
so I won't be complaining too much.
