To Be Completely Honest...
I have been taking terrible care of myself. I am now at the highest weight I have ever been, 198 lbs. I know for many people this seems like nothing, but to me it is devistating. My "fat" clothes are barely fitting me these days.
Where have I been you ask? Well, I've been on a baby making mission, a very unsuccessful one at that. I have traveled down the roads of depression and back a few times. I hit the bottom of the canyon last week though and now I have a tough climb out. It has now been 9 and a half months since we started trying for a baby and 7 since we lost our little angel. In the dark woods surrounding the depression I have traveled in and out of for that last 6 months I have found not only has my loss made me depressed, but I began smoking again, I quite cleaning my house, and stopped paying attention to what I was spending. On the way out of the woods I found that there are things I can control. I can control what I do and don't put in my body, though it may be hard at times, and I can control how I treat my body. Things I can't control are getting pregnant and decisions I have made in the past.
So last week in an effort to help myself feel better emotionally and physically, I put us a little further in debt and purchased an elliptical machine. I love these machines, they make me feel great about myself.
So beginning today I resolve to working out again! I am going to allow my climb to be slow and steady. Only looking for 1lb down a week.
If you are interesting in other happenings in my life over the last month or so feel free to stop by my other blog.
It's great to be back!
Brandi