Ready for a Life Change

Here I Go Again

Saturday, December 8, 2007 23:08:02

Well, I fell off the wagon again in August. I let stress with school take control of me again. I have been so depressed about my weight and the loss of control that I cannot stop crying about it. I need to gain control of my life which includes my weight. I have been praying that God will help relieve me of this bondage called fat. It is holding me down from the me that I know is inside. I need a permanent weight loss solution and now know that Lindora is not the answer. Every time I lose weight quickly, I gain it back even quicker.

Most of my problem is getting my butt on the ball and going to work out. I joined Curves at the end of July, and have only gone 7 times. This is not going to work for me. I need to eat what I love but less of it, and I need to work out. Without working out weight loss will not stay permanent. I cannot keep up this yoyo dieting because it is worse for me than staying this weight. I am just afraid to gain more weight.

After breaking down at church on Sunday in front of my husband, I decided that I need his help and God's. After church Sunday I started on a different nutrition journey. I started eating less, but eating some of the stuff I enjoy. I have decided to eat when I am hungry, and not just 5-6 times a day like I have been told will keep my metabolism up. Since I am not in school until the 25th, I have staying awake until past 1:00 a.m. and sleeping in until after 10:00 a.m. in the morning, and skipping breakfast (Yes I said it). I have been eating a well rounded lunch, snack, and dinner which has been working fine for my hunger. I know I am supposed to eat breakfast, but since I have not been hungry I am skipping it. I can't keep doing what every body tells me to do, and not winning this weight battle. I am doing this my way this time and that is it! It I don't lose in the next two weeks, I will make changes if needed. Maybe if I stop thinking about what time I have to eat throughout the day, as needed when eating 5-6 times a day, then I may drop the weight and keep it off. I need a long distance relationship with food.

I want this time to be the last time I have to worry about being 254 pounds. My only goals for the rest of the week are to work out as much as possible and eat less than usual. No set numbers to have to count or have to live up to in order to lose weight. I have dieted enough in my life to know how many calories I am eating by looking at my food. I don't want to answer to myself or anyone else when I cheat once or twice. I want to do it and move on to another day. I don't want to sit back and binge eat because I cheated one time in that day and got upset with myself. I am going to change my bad habits in time, and I do not want to set a time either because I want to do this slow and keep it off.

Sorry to everyone reading this if this is not motivating to you, but enough is enough. I appreciate anyone's opinion on this blog, but please don't give me diet suggestions (LOL).

Comments(3)

Curves

Thursday, December 6, 2007 21:00:13

Well, I went to my week weigh in at Lindora on Monday, and I lost 9.5 lbs in a week. I was very happy. I know that I won't lose that much every week, or ever again in one week, but will try to lose at least 2 lbs a week. I have 28 weeks until my marriage cruise, so I should be able to lose at least 50 lbs more if I stay at this rate of weight loss.

In order to achieve my goals, I did go to Curves on Tuesday and sign up. I needed a different kind of workout, and a place that I would go to at least 4 days a week. I like the fact that it is an all woman gym program. I worked out that night and last night. I am actually feeling the aches in my body today. When I saw the machines, I didn't think that was possible. I was so used to Bally's with their big machines that the thought of little machines doing the same thing seemed like it would never happen. Once I lose about 30 more lbs I will start lifting more weights, but for now Curves will be great.

I still plan to get my butterfly tattoo once I lose 50 lbs. With the 9.5, I have 40.5 lbs to lose until I can get it. I plan to lose that by Christmas so my tattoo can be my Christmas present. I am afraid of the pain, but I think that if I can lose that much weight I can handle the pain of getting a tattoo. I am soo excited.

Comments(4)

This Week's Goals

Thursday, December 6, 2007 22:08:04

Well, I begin my second week on track. Last week went great, so I am looking forward to an even better week this week. I go to Lindora later this morning to weigh in. As usual I am anxious. I feel like I lost another pound or so, but with TOM who truly knows until the dreaded weigh in. At least I can say I am proud of getting back on track and doing my best.

My goals for this week are:

1) Go to Curves and start immediately.

2) Once started on Curves go at least 4 days a week.

3) Stick to my diet plan.

4) Find better ways to relieve stress other than eat.

Good Luck Everyone!

Comments(0)

Checking In

Thursday, December 6, 2007 22:07:03

Well, this week has been going great. I got weighed in on Friday at Lindora and weighed 246.8 (lost 8.9 lbs in 4 days). I know I lost a lot of water weight, but it felt good to get some of that weight off. I was very surprised because I had not weighed myself. As mentioned before the scale is not always a friend. I plan on keeping off of my scale from here out, and only weighing in with Lindora twice a week. Especially this week, TOM arrived last night. I am afraid to gain back some of the water weight because of it.

Last night I did cheat a little, because I had a few drinks at a club. I danced for a couple hours so I am sure I danced away most of the calories. I am proud to say we did not go eat after the club, as I normally would do in the past. I went straight home like a good girl and was back on my diet today. I had a good relaxing day today. My husband took the kids to the beach so I had the whole day to myself. I did a little homework, but mainly relaxed.

I plan to go for a walk in the mountain in the morning. I need to get up around 8:00 in order to be back in time to go to church. I guess I should go to sleep soon, as it is 12:41 a.m. Sunday morning already over here.

Good night!

Comments(1)

4 Days Down

Thursday, December 6, 2007 22:05:03

Well, I have been back on Lindora for 4 days now. I have done great. I did not weigh myself this week so my weigh in tomorrow will be a surprise. This is a first for me, because I normally live on the scale. I can say I have a major problem with it. I let it rule my mood - when I weigh less I am happy, and when I weigh the same or more I get upset. I do not want it to control me anymore. I am in hopes that my weigh in tomorrow goes well. Usually the first week back goes ok because of water loss, next week will be the real weigh in.

I haven't been working out this week like I wanted to. I had some withdraw headaches the first couple days, and then I just didn't have time. I plan to work out Friday, Saturday, and Sunday to keep my 3 days this week goal. I can and will do it.

Comments(1)

Why Can't I Keep the Weight Off?

Thursday, December 6, 2007 22:01:02

I haven't checked in for over 3 months. I was back on track with my weight loss for a while, and then I fell off the wagon big time for the last two months. I haven't even gone back to Lindora because I am soo embarassed about my weight gain. I have gained back 20 pounds in the last two months. It starts with letting my emotions (mainly stress with school) get the best of me, and then down hill from there. Once I stopped working out the weight came on very quickly.

Well, I am biting the bullet and going back to Lindora tomorrow. I am still very embarassed, but I already paid ahead for another 3 sessions when I started in January, so not losing the money I already paid should help to get me back on track. I am ashamed of myself, but still know that I can do this if I truly try to do it. Losing it is definately not as hard as keeping it off. I wish there was a magic remedy for keeping it off!

I have a marriage cruise coming up in February 2009 with other married couples from church. I have never gone on a cruise, so I am very excited. I also don't go to the beach with most of my friends, so showing my chubby body off in a bathing suit does not excite me. I definately have to lose some major weight before that time. I also want my husband to be proud of me, especially since it will be our 12th anniversary. Before I got married and had 2 kids, my weight was 175 lbs. I am now back to 255 pounds. That is disgusting. I want to get back to 175, which is not my ideal worldly weight, but it is where I feel most comfortable. I have not been under 200 lbs. in over 10 years. I really want to see the old me shine again.

My goals for this week are:

1) Get over the embarassment and go back to Lindora tomorrow.

2) Stick to my diet.

3) Start back to working out at least 3 days this week.

I know I can do it and I will. God is with me and will show me the way!

Comments(1)

BAD BAD BAD

Monday, December 3, 2007 23:00:19

I haven't checked in for a while. I started back to college last week, and haven't been great about sticking to my diet. I am supposed to be on the metabolic adjustment, where I am supposed to stay at my same weight (within 1.5 lbs) for 2 weeks. I have been cheating almost every other day, and now weigh 3 more pounds than when I started the metabolic adjustment. I even went to weigh in today at Lindora, left there and went to Wienerschnitzel and ate a ton of food. I have to go weigh in again tomorrow, and probably another 1-2 lbs. What is wrong with me? Every time I get in the 230's I start failing on my diet, and every time I start back to school I start failing on my diet. I am sooo disappointed in myself.

Well, tomorrow is a new day. I am going to the gym in the morning, then to weigh in. I have a busy day Saturday, but I will fit in a workout somewhere. We go to pick up the kids in AZ on Saturday night, and come back on Sunday. I will stay on track - no matter what. I start back on another weight loss series next Tuesday, and plan to weigh 220 by the end of the month. I can do this!!!!!!

Comments(0)

CHECKING IN

Tuesday, December 4, 2007 00:01:00

So far I have done pretty well for the last couple weeks. I even went to Las Vegas with my mom over the weekend, and stuck to my weight loss menu, except for one cheat on Saturday night. That is great, seeing as Vegas is the place for buffets. My mom and I both said we would be good, and we mostly were.

Today, I did have a cheat day. I just thought it was time for one, and did it. I find that if I don't cheat some days, I will end up binge eating for a couple days straight, and gaining more weight. I will do a protein day tomorrow, and metabolic adjustment the remainder of the next two weeks. I think I will go and get on my treadmill right now, to at least burn a few of the calories I ate today. Maybe I won't gain 2 pounds, just 1 or none would be even better.

I start Cal Poly tomorrow, so I am nervous. I don't do well with dieting and stress, so I have to learn to control it. I am anxious about tomorrow, which is another reason I figured I would stick to a protein day tomorrow - easier to handle. I will have to learn to bring lunches for school after tomorrow, unless I buy salads at school each day. I will do ok if I trade off.

My goals for this week are stick to my diet and excercise and much as possible. I want to work out 5 days a week, so that is what I will strive for. Denise is coming this weekend, so I am in hopes that she will go take a long walk with me.

Comments(0)

UPS AND DOWNS - BUT EASTER IS GOING WELL

Sunday, December 2, 2007 22:03:21

I didn't end up going to Arizona afterall. On Friday when we were getting ready to go, I had just given Savannah a shower, and noticed she didn't look well. I took her temperature and it was 102.7. My poor baby. We decided to leave in the morning if Savannah was feeling better. Needless to say she didn't get better. Eddie and Domenic went by themselves. I really wanted to go, but not at Savannah's sake. So, now on to my diet issues.

After being scolded at Lindora, I knew I had to change my habits so I did great on 3/20 and 3/21. Then came yesterday 3/22. I did well all day and terrible at night, when I went on a major binge. This is embarrassing, but I figure I need to write it down so I can read it and be grossed out by what I ate, and hopefully not do the same thing again. I ate 2 small chocolate bunnies, a large bowl of Special K with berries, a chocolate cream donut, a old fashion chocolate donut, and 3 pieces of toast. This all after eating my healthy chicken and broccoli dinner. How sad is this? NO MORE - WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME! I woke up Saturday morning weighing 236.5, and wake up Sunday morning weighing 238.5.

Why do I do this over and over! I know I will look awsome as a thinner me, but I keep taking 2 steps forward, and then 2 steps back. Cheating is one thing, but binging is a whole other issue. I will watch out for these issues from here out. When I feel the need to cheat, I will find something else to do. I have goals I want to reach, and cheating will not get me there.

Anyways, today (Easter) I did well. I have stayed on track and will stay on track the rest of the week. I want to make myself proud, and my family. They have been very supportive.

Per Lindora, I am going on a plateu diet on Mon., Tues., and and Wed. She says it works as a water cleansing to clean my system out. I will do that for 3 days, menu Thurs - Sun, and them I have to go on a metabolic adjustment for the following 2 weeks. I will be nice to eat a little more, but I am concerned about weight gain. The adjustment is important to keep my on track with weight loss. After the 2 weeks I go back on my protein/menu weight loss for another 8 weeks. I can't wait to get all this ugly fat off my body. DAY BY DAY IS HOW I TAKE MY LIFE RIGHT NOW!

Right now I am waiting for Eddie and Domenic to get home from Arizona. I miss them. Savannah is taking her first nap of the day. She misses them soo much.

Comments(0)

GIVING IN TO TEMPTATION

Sunday, December 2, 2007 22:00:02

I started out great on Lindora. Ever since my Ohio vacation, I can't seem to completely stay on track. Every time something comes up (party, dinner, etc.), I give myself reason to give in to craving temptations. With that, I end up cheating for a couple days before, and sometimes, after that event. I don't know why I can't change these bad habits, but I need to seek assistance on this issue before I end up going off the diet completely, in which I would lose a lot of money, and a chance to lose a hell of a lot of weight and change my life for good.

I was laying here tonight (it is 11:25 p.m. in CA) watching The Biggest Loser. I cried a few times throughout the show when they all got makeovers and got to see their family members. They looked so awsome. All I could think of was, "Why can't I do this? - I want to stay on this diet, and look great too! " I watch a lot of shows like this, because they help me stay motivated. Right now I feel motivated, and know that getting back on track and staying on track is doable. I need to remember why I am doing this, and picture myself at my goal weight. I know it will start a new beginning of my life. My life is great now, but a lighter me can only make it better.

I am going to Denise's for Easter this weekend, and have to make sure to stay on my diet while there. This is always the hardest thing for me. One positive thing is that Denise has not seen me since I lost a little weight recently. I hope she notices.

My goals for the rest of the week are: to work out Thursday and Friday at the gym in town, and bike or other excercise while in Arizona over the weekend. I will eat my Lindora protein only on Thursday and Friday, but will eat normal protein only on the weekend. I want to weigh 239 by Monday, which is doable seeing as I gained 5 pounds since 3/15. I will weigh in at Lindora Thursday and Friday so that I am shown to be accountable for my weight gain. I am in hopes that they can help with the cravings.

Look out everyone - Cheryl is going to get hotter and hotter as time goes on!

Comments(0)