buried by neglect

...looking for what has been buried by neglect...me

My Profile

  • Name: Looking for Me
  • City: Lincoln
  • Region: Nebraska
  • Country: United States

My Weight Loss

Height: 172.7cm
Start weight: 267.40lb
Current weight: 232.00lb
Goal weight: 164.00lb
Lost to date: 35.40lb
Remaining: 68.00lb

My Calendar

25
May '12
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My Photos

Before After
Really Simple Syndication
02/05/2009 04:38

oh no, I hope the rest of us don't get it

My oldest seems to have a stomach virus.  Oh no, I hope the rest of us don't get it.  Pray for us!  I hope it was just his school lunch.  I really don't want the rest of my boys to get it.  Bless his heart, we were going to have a b-day party for him on Friday. 

My DH just did a kickboxing workout with me.  He is so sweet and supportive.  He has even done a line dance video, and says he will do a latin dance one.  He is a sport.  It sure helps me because I don't feel as self conscience doing it as I would if I was by myself with everyone walking through the room.  Maybe we punched and kicked away any sickness?  Well, I think it will be more effective to pray for God's mercy and healing hand on the family!

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02/03/2009 19:38

challenge

Name: Kathy (Looking for Me)
Starting weight: 1-26-09 259.8
February 1-7:  2-2-09  259     -.8
February 8-14-
February 15-21:
February 22-28:
March 1-7:
March 8-14:
March 15-21:
Total lost:

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02/02/2009 16:56

Excuses, excuses...

Ok, it is Monday, and I had to stay accountable, so I stuck with my regular weigh in despite the fact of wanting to give myself at least one more day to try and make up for my bad decisions.  I weighed in and lost .8 pounds.  Of course, I would  like it to have be more, but considering the week I had....I'll take it.  It could have been worse. 

I was a little less than focused this week, and discovered that I can let people influence my decisions.  Now, how wimpy is that?  I let someone else get in my way of doing the best thing for myself.  I've got to get better control of my decision making, take responsiblility, and not let people around me be such an influence. 

Oh, I hate it when I look at my behavior and see all the excuses I can come up with...

Here are a few excuses that I've used:
  1.  I come from a family of larger people.
  2.  I am big boned.
  3.  I am sad.
  4.  I am celebrating.
  5.  So-and-So can be so irritating.
  6.  I am tired.
  7.  Why try?  I've got too far to go.
  8.  I've got slow metabolism.
  9.  I should be able to enjoy myself.
10.  Everyone needs me,
11.  I don't have time.
 
Oh, how the list keeps going.  If I am going to be successful, I must get control of my mind and stop feeding it this garbage, first.  It isn't just my body that is unhealthy.  It is my mindset, also. 
 
So, here is to a new week.  Here is to a new mindset.  Here is to a new me. 
 
Wouldn't a magic wand be easier?
 
 

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01/27/2009 17:55

blah......

Well, accountablilty should help.  I have started a challenge with my support group.  I hope we all find sucess!

Name: Kathy (Looking for Me)
Starting weight: 1-26-09 259.8
February 1-7:
February 8-14-
February 15-21:
February 22-28:
March 1-7:
March 8-14:
March 15-21:
Total lost:
 
But, today I am less than enthusiastic.  Here is my problem... I weighed yesterday and had a happy loss.  I started the challenge today and have gained back 1.4 pounds of that loss.  Yuck!  So, in my head I am starting a challenge and already behind.  I guess I will have to work harder.  Besides the whole family is suffering from colds, so none of us are very energetic.  It hasn't been a great week for any of us, and by the looks of it, it is going to get more stressful before it gets better.  I've got some personal challenges ahead of me this week.  I am praying for grace.
 
I know I had better pull myself out of it.  I  have so much to be thankful for including 6.2 pounds gone!  We are having a beautiful snow!  I love my kids!  I love my darling husband!  Valentines day is coming.  I love Vanlentines day! 
 
Ok, I am feeling better....I think.
 
Laundry is calling. 

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01/25/2009 16:31

Waiting for impossible goals becoming inevitable

So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable.
                                         Christopher Reeve

 

I received this quote in an email, and found inspiration in it.  I have had a testing of the will the past couple of days.  Starting it out was Friday and making cookies for my kids as a special treat when they walked in the door,  Oh my did it take will power to not lick the beater or bowl.  I drank a vitamin drink instead.  Then, we had a Financial Peace University meeting and I had to make a quick supper.  I made tacquitos for the rest of the family and ate a whole grain sandwich with celery on the side.  Afterwards, my darling husband offered to take me for a Coke.  Instead of getting the McFlurry that I wanted, he and I both enjoyed a less damaging Ice cream cone.  And you know, after it was all said and done I felt good.  I didn't have that ever nagging feeling of regret to beat myself up with...
 
Saturday, after a full day of shopping with the family, we came home and I was pooped, but I pulled myself from the chair and did some weight training.  I knew I hadn't yet reached my goal of excercising 5 times this week.
 
I am looking for my goals becoming inevitable instead of improbable.  It should be an interesting 2009.  Not only do I have a very large (pardon the pun) weight loss goal, but we are budgeting to be financially free. 
 
I have found that I  no longer live "on the fun side of the island".  But, I am also finding that I can make this side beautiful with God's help.

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01/23/2009 03:33

I wish it were quicker.

I wish my weight loss was quicker.  Patience has never been my strong point.  And if I am avoiding chocolate, I wish the results were as big as the longings.

Yet, I feel better already,  I feel some satisfaction from meeting my goal of excercising for 5 days a week.  I can already feel myself getting stronger.  I feel some satisfaction from not pushing a cookie in my mouth.  Ok, ok, I miss the cookie, but I don't miss the regret afterwards.  I feel some satisfaction over the  fact that I am already this much further ahead than if I hadn't started.  Boy, I never want to do this again.  This battle has to be a complete lifestyle change and not a temporary fix, or I will fail.
 
I saw on the news where a governor is trying to tax regular soda to combat obesity.  Hogwash!  It isn't the soda that makes one fat...it is how much is consumed.  I don't even drink regular soda.  I drink diet soda, but that isn't going to be taxed.  Now my husband drinks regular and he isn't overweight.  HMMM.... I wonder if they will start to tax cookies, potato chips, and chocolate?  I would like to blame the food for my weight, but yet I know that it is ultimately my decision what and how much I put into my body.  I hate it when the responsibilty falls back on me.
 
Well, I got myself into this mess, so I guess it is up to me to claw and scrape myself out of it.
 
 

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01/22/2009 03:14

It's been a good day.

I got some serious housecleaning done today.  I moved furniture and everything. 

I talked to someone who's relative got the lap-band and has lost 27 pounds in 5 days.  Wow!  Tempting,,, but then we discussed the fact of afterwards, does one revert back to your old ways.  I know some people who have done it with success.  But, I also know that I need to change my life by starting with my mind.  I would love a quick result, but I think personally I need to go through a mentally challenging battle.  So, I will continue with my list of why I want to fight this battle.

6.  I don't want to feel embarrassed for my loving husband when he introduces me to co-workers.

7.  I don't want to fear the scale more than the doctor.

8.  I don't want to sit on the bench at the park.

9.  I don't want to squeeze into the movie theater seat or airplane seat

10.  I don't want to wonder if I will fit in the seat of an amusement park ride.

11.  I don't want to dread meeting new people.
 
12.  I don't want to be asked, "when are you due?".
 
13.  I don't want to dread the water park with my kids.
 
14.  I don't want to wonder which neckline makes my face look thinner.
 
15.  I don't want to live for elastic.
 
Well, I guess by the looks of it, I had better go get some aerobic activity in tonight,

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01/21/2009 04:58

Reasons for changing my life

I sit here as my muscles are aching, yet I am still feeling satisfied.  I did my aerobic and weight training tonight after the kids got to bed.  I wanted to sit in front of the TV, but pushed my self out of it.  I am glad.

I had a talk with my mother today about why I was going to change my life.  I have so many reasons to not stay in this cloak covering who I really am.  I am going to be listing them out over the next couple of days.  But here is a start...

1.  I don't want to shop specialty sizes.

2.  I don't want to wear anything with a label of queen or plus or "X"

3.  I don't want to be out of breath trying to put on pantyhose.

4.  I don't want to have to hide behind my children when a picture is taken.

5.  I don't want to look like the elephant among giraffes in a picture.

 

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01/20/2009 06:08

FInding Myself

Ok, I've never blogged before, but it seems that everyone is doing it.  Hopefully, I will be able to figure it out and discover some new wonderful things about myself and others in the process.

I have never felt thin or had "good body conscience".  I look back at when I got married and realized, I would love to be like that again.  My first weight loss occured when I was 16.  I dropped about 20 lbs over the summer, and felt fabulous starting back to school.  I kept that weight + or- for over 8 years.  Then I got pregant for the first time.  I was sick 24 hours a day and the only thing that lessened the feeling, oddly, was food.  I blossomed.  I lost a great deal of it after the birth and did pretty well until my second pregancy.  Once again, I was sick, and once again I ate.  I blossomed and lost weight after delivery, but not as much as the first time.  I went through some emotionally challenging years, and gained quite a lot.  Finally, after about 7 years of wasting, I joined Weight Watchers.  I was having terrific sucess and feeling great.  Suddenly, I was pregnant again.  Weight Watchers won't let you continue, if you are pregnant.  I was shocked to be pregnant, and so discouraged because I knew my past history of weight gain.  I was sicker than I had ever been.  I gained everything back.  I have been yo-yoing ever since.

But that is over for me, I realize that I am the one who controls my weight.  I realize that God has better plans for me.  So, I am ready to find and reveal myself.  I am not the woman that the world sees and judges because of my weight.  I am meant to be so much more  and I can't let it hold me back anymore.  I have a husband who loves me, and children that need me.  So I am beginning the journey of FINDING MYSELF!

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