here i go (again)...
Well.
From the looks of people's posts, I haven't been the only one absent or struggling. I, like PV Princess, have been reading via Bloglines, but haven't really logged on to support or write. But now I have nothing but time.
A lot has happened since I was last here. I got laid off from work (Oracle bought my company), which was hard, but also a good thing. We got three months' severance, and I'm using the time to take a long deserved break. I have been working full-time since I was 19, so this is sorely needed. In fact, I was thinking of taking a leave of absence just a couple of months back, so it worked out quite well. I'm not even looking for jobs right now!
Most of my focus these last several months has been on my mental health and emotional stability. A while ago, I told you guys that I had been rediagnosed with BPD and was finally starting to treat it strategically. I am happy to report that I have been extremely successful with the treatment I pursued.
Its really amazing - my entire life is different. I feel much more stable, calm, and able to deal with the stresses life hands me. I'm not destroying relationships or in this constant rage against the world anymore. And most of all, I am finally able to accept myself for who I am, and that makes me very happy.
So this break comes at a very good time. Now that I am stable and have the tools and support to deal with my present, its finally time to deal with the past. I have not processed a lot of the abuse and hardships that I've gone through since I was young, because I just couldn't. But I'm ready to take the next step now... so I am taking until the beginning of July to rest and heal.
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From a physical health perspective, I've been sort of ehn. I haven't been horribly sick - and I think a lot of that has to do with the lessening of stress and drama in my life. At the same time, I've been eating crap (buffalo wings every night!!!) and not exercising. By some miracle of God, I haven't gained any weight - but certainly, I haven't lost any, and any miniscule muscle I had is now jello and skin.
So as part of my healing, a big goal is to get in better shape, eat healthier and cook more. Besides the gross-caloric effects of constant takeout, its also ridiculously expensive. My first task was to "makeover" my kitchen with some healthy, organic foods, sauces that will encourage me to cook, and fresh staples.
I've also rejoined WW - at least online - and have started tracking my intake. Dammit, 5 wings cost 15 points. I may be starting from 28/day and working my way down, but even so, 15 points is nothing to sneeze at.
Finally, I'm getting physical. I've signed up for a monthlong women's bootcamp, which meets 3 mornings a week from now until the end of June, and gets my ass outside to run, sprint, climb, scuplt, etc. I'm reinspired to dance, so on my non-bootcamp days, I'm going to try to cram them with classes. And I'm going to try and work out any resentment and anger that comes up through this journey into the past into a mean kickboxing arm.
Besides that, nothing much doing. I'm continually improving the apartment and taking care of my car and finances. I'm studying for a couple of professional certifications so that my brain doesn't atrophy. Of course, I'm spending lots of time with the Pumpkin. She LOVES having Mommy home all the time, and I am grateful to have this chance to be with her while she is still young.
So, life's not too shabby these days. How about the rest of you?