new week, new start
I've been absent from ExP for a while because I had a THIRD blog going on, and this past week, I've been purposely hiding. But its time to come back here, where my beloved cyber-space support group is - especially now that we've gotten some fresh posts by blondeez, PV Princess, Leanne, and gvememoment. (Twinkletoes - where are you? Hopefully enjoying an amazing wedding / honeymoon!)
Since its been so dern long since I posted, let me catch you up on what's been going on - because a lot of MAJOR stuff has been going on. A while back, I posted here, rather innocuously, that I suspected that I had Borderline Personality Disorder. Well, in early September, I was officially diagnosed with it - albeit a mild case - and almost my entire world has been consumed by that. I have posted since with some weight-related news, because that's an integral part of my holistic treatment plan.
Its a scary thing, and hence why I had a 3rd blog - I needed somewhere to vent my feelings to, but in a limited fashion, only viewed by a handful of my closest friends and other bloggers who are experiencing similar things. Then this past week, I made a big, scary decision, and came out of the mental illness closet. Trust me, it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. But it had to be done - it was a symbolic way of finally accepting myself, accepting my illness, believing that things are not my fault, to stop being ashamed, and to stop hiding who I really am - emotional warts and all.
This was precipitated by a huge blowout with the recent-ex, who I still love, but now know for sure that we cannot be together. It makes me sad, but there it is. In any case, I spent the last week basically curled up in a blankie on my couch, catching up on some ridiculous 3 - 4 weeks of TV and new shows, and eating the most disgusting, fattening, unbalanced food you'll ever think of. I mean - I had chicken wings for dinner - DINNER! - for the love of God.
But now its a new week, and I finally feel like my world has righted again. I mean, my world will always be chaotic, but at least now its spinning at its usual off kilter pace, rather than backwards or sideways. So today, its back to the gym for me, food shopping so I can eat like a human being that wants to live past 40, and cleaning the house/doing the bills. Crazy how little things like that really help.
And I'll have to say, the whole it takes three weeks for your food to appear in your weight thing has got to be true, because I stepped on the scale this morning and am 3 lbs down. No way after the crap I consumed last week can that be right. So I'm guessing in mid-November, I'm going to have a nasty surprise.
Anyhow, since coming out, I'm retiring the 3rd blog, and spending more time back here. This has always been a space for me to talk about not only weight issues, but how I feel - and hopefully, now that I've outed myself here too, people won't feel too weird about me to keep reading.