coming home
It has been quite possibly the most traumatic - and ultimately liberating - 3 months of my life.
I know I've been gone for so long, as have many of the old timers who pop in and out as they need to complain about their progress or lack thereof. For me, I've been struggling with just being completely overwhelmed with my life - from my job, to my bf, to my weight, to my house. Finally, earlier this month, I decided to STOP trying to get things under control and be happy, and just let myself be. And some amazing realizations emerged from it.
I took a step back to consider not just my weight loss, but also all the other stressors in my life, holistically. And what I finally saw was that they were all related; and that at the root of all of it was something that I just didn't want to acknowledge. After a couple of weeks of hysteria, I've finally accepted my mental illness, and have been working on a very holistic plan to manage and treat it. Weight loss, nutrition, and exercise - these are all vital components of this plan - as well as stress reduction.
It also helps that I finally made peace with the females in my life that had been tearing my relationship with J apart. And that I've finally gotten sick and tired of not being the hot girl anymore :-)
So, here I am - back and committed. I am now managing three blogs, including a new one on my mental illness. I've found blogging to be healing, and I hope that I can once again find the support and love that helped my first weight loss experience be such a success.
*~*~*~*
Today, I went back to my old gym that I LOVED, but quite a while back because it was just too far away. Ironically, I now live about 3 blocks away from it.
I wanted to go back, but it was so expensive, and I've pre-paid 24 Hour Fitness for three years. But honestly, its the only place that I've ever really loved working out - not Bay Club, not Club One, not Worlds Gym. I'm tired of searching for an alternative that I won't be happy with. I want my gym back, dammit.
So I've decided to treat myself to rejoining this gym - even if its just for a couple of months to get me back in the groove. I need the workouts for my weight and emotional management. Going there today, working out - it was like coming home. I had to leave at 6:30ish because I was meeting someone for drinks, and I honestly didn't want to leave. Plus its so nice that I can just walk there at any time.
Here I am. I've come home. I'm ready to really commit to my own happiness.