oh so not cool

well i was all pumped up of motivation to go to my first work out class, but they were closed cuz of the holiday...boo!

I want that....

I want to have the body to match my personallity.

 I want the body to wear wut i want and all the crazy outfits that would look oh so great. I want to be able to wear a mini skirt comfertably and confidently with some awesome shoes to match.

   I want to be able take lots of pictures of myself and not worry about my double chin.  I want to be able to squeeze through chairs at school and not feel like people are laughing cuz i can't fit. I want to feel like my boyfriend is super proud of me...like look my girlfriend is so super hott. I want  to fit in to a super awesome wedding dress. I want it all.

blessing in disguise

so I was at a local community center and I heard this really loud up beat but crazy music so I went searching for the source of the music and it lead me to the gym. Inside they were having a workout class but this was different from the usual workout class all the people inside the class were having a lot of fun so I asked if I could go in so I could just check it out. It looked like a lot of fun, and the instructor was this really out there guy named Rick. He was so funny, you could tell he was gay and so loud but he was funny and energetic and really kept the girls there motivated...I was just compelled. So I ..SIGNED UP TO START THE CLASS!  I start next Monday and I am so excited. I think that this will really help me out.

         Well on the other hand I am still sick and I am tired of everyone thinking I am going to die tomarrow or something. You know I have realized that this is a really good thing becuase I am finally eating right and I am losing weight with out even working out and I am sure that when I start to work out, I will see an even  bigger difference. I guess this was just a blessing in disguise.

price to pay to play the game

well i am eating right. I ead what the doctors say and my tummy has been feeling better. Everyone at my work keeps on saying, Melissa you look better and u can tell that u loost a little weight and it feels great and all but if only they knew the pain i have to endure to get there. I always wanted to lose weight but at this price?? 

new life for me

On sunday I went into the hospital because I couldn't breathe. I was so afraid for my life. It turns out, my insides were so swollen.  the main reason was b/c they couldn't handle all the bad food I was eating.  I didn't get out until fice more days, and the pain I had to endure was intensely severe.

   I am out of the hospital and home now, but everything is going to be different. I can no longer eat anything fried or spicy or high in fat or high in citric acid. ... GRRR.    I know that i did this to myself and boy am i going to pay for this. this is going to be so hard!  I have never been able to stick to any diet but now my life is dependant on it. I am so over whelmed that i am now at a loss of words. i am so scared.

New week

Okay this is a new week and I am hoping that it will  be better. I refuse to give up or give into self-pity like the way I did in my last post. I just got to keep on telling myself that it will be worth it in the end!

dumb self-pitty!

I look in the Mirror and I am not happy. I am so sad. I just have layers and layers of fat...all over. My clothes don't fit right. As weird as this may sound it doesn't get me motivated to jump on the tredmill but instead, it gives me an over whelming feeling of sadness and guilt. I wish I could blame my weight gain on something else but I know that I have only myself to blame and that totally sucks! i feel like I will never be able to over come my obiesity.   To make it all better, I went to my best friends house and she just got a new and cute pokadot bikini and I wish.....I just wish! i know it sounds like I am just feeling sorry for myself and ... I am! I am drowning in a sea of self pity and I don't know if I will be able to come back to the surface or if anyone can relate to this.... i don't know whats wrong with me. It seems like everyone else on EP is so self motivated.

Where is my NECK!!!!

So Yesterday I was playing with my eight year old neice and she says "tia, why is you neck to wobbally?" Ouch, why must kids be so brually honest? But, sad to say it is true, My doble chin has devoured my neck. aaah so so sad. well that made me feel pretty bad.

   I didn't get to start my walking yesterday b/c after school, work and then more home work..whoo i crashed out. Maybe I'll just start going to sleep earlier and so I can walk a mile or so in the morning so I can just get it over. I stayed under my 2000 calories yesterday but this morning oh my god, my  mother took me to go eat at my favourite Taco place... Yeesh,  why must the be so good. YUM YUM GIMME SOME!  oh that remindes me, doesn't suck  when u are trying so hard to eat right and someone eats what u want right in front of you???  Example: yesterday my boyfriend ate mc donalds hot salty fries. uuuggh

good day for me!

Ha ha I was falling a sleep in my math class today. I had an over all good day considering it was the first day back from my spring break! Next spring break I hope to fit into a decent bathing suit! ha ha dare to dream, right!  Okay, okay, getting back to what I was saying, I got my mid-terms back and I got all A's and I couldn't believe it because I used to get C's. I have low self-esteem so when I got those A's that I have been working so hard for, I almost cried! I feel like if I can achieve that goal, that I am not setting my self up to fail with my diet plan. I ate good today and tomarrow is when I am going to start my walking! Thank You so much for commenting on my blogs!

My Plan

well since I am still not sleepy and it is already 3:32 am, I decided that I would go in to more detail about what I want.  I want to lose fourty pounds by my 20th birthday.( aug. 7th BTW)  That is two pounds a week and I don't think that is too unreachable.  I want to weigh in once a week for twenty weeks on monday. I've heard that it is good to see your plan to work toward your goals so here it is

IF ALL GOES AS PLANED THEN I SHOULD WEIGH....

3/26-226     4/2-224     4/9-222     4/16-220     4/23-218        4/30-216     5/7-214     5/14-212   5/21-210     5/28-208     6/4-206      6/11-204     6/18-202     6/25-200     7/2-198     7/9-196     7/16-194     7/23-192    7/30-190     8/6-188

Okay so Who: Me

What: lose 40 pounds

When: from here until my birthday

Why? Plenty of reasons but my top ones are health b/c I have asthma, scoliosis, and borderline diabeties, and because I want to be fit into more clothes!

HOW? Well i want to eat less and exercise more.

I am sure it is going to be hard but i just hope that i am not setting myself up for disapointment.