I have been thinking if I don't do something I will never do it. The same way I stopped smoking I have to take this upon myself and just stop eating. I need to start my diet and I need to start it now. I don't have any clothes to wear, I keep wearing the same two outifits to work over and over because I cannot make myself buy new clothes in a bigger size. It is not a form of punishment or challenge, I just cann't do it. I hate the feeling - the thought of spending money on bigger clothing.
I always did love Mother's Day. Before my sister passed we always celebrated Mother's Day, we would always make such a big deal, buy new clothes, go out to dinner, no chores. No my sister is gone since 2004 and am estranged from my mother. Death has a way of pulling a family together or pulling a family apart - it pulled us apart in the worst way. Actually I haven't spoken to my mother or seen my mother since Mother's Day 2007.
I don't think I want to celebrate again but it would be nice to buy me a new outfit for Mother's Day. - Right ?? I feel I should do that for myself just like I did the no smoking.
I was waiting for my husband and my daugther to notice that I wasn't smoking but they didn't I had to tell them after a week or so. At first I was bothered by it but later on I realized I am doing this for myself not for them. Right??
So below is my challenge - with dates, every Monday will be my weigh in day, but every Friday will be my blog day.
Well I haven't written in a while because my co-worker was very sick with the Flu and out of work, so I was very busy at work. I never get a chance at my home computer since I have a 14 year old daugther.
Things have not changed with her (my daugther) she stills wants to transfer out of public school and go to catholic school. I am a bit disappointed mainly because we worked so hard in trying to make the correct decision for her for high school and now she is not happy. I am disappointed but I have come to the conclusion that oh well it's not the end of the world and it is more important for her to progress academically and be emotionally healthy. So I told her she would have to finish out the school year and in september she can go where she wants. God help me !!
I am now 28 days without a smoke if you don't count last Friday when I was so upset with my daughter and I bought a pack of cigarettes and had one on Friday night and about three on Saturday by Sunday I ran all the remainig cigarettes under cold water and haven't touched a smoke. So am happy again. No point in going back they didn't even make me feel better actually. Tomorrow will be one month that I quit smoking and smoking about four cigarettes is not being a smoker - I am a non-smoker. Amen to that !!
Well what I am not is a dieter - ladies and gentlemen - I have not done anything about my weight. I want to start but I don't know what to do and I don't know how to get myself to that point. Please help me give me ideas, help tips, karma anything you can send my way. Oh am going to buy the book Body for Life tonight and I got my membership card for the gym today. I am moving towards something right just not fast enough.
Well I am feeling better emotionally, I had some rough rough days, not sure what it was - if it was not smoking, PMS or being sick with a cold.
I still feel sick with the cold but emotionally I feel better. I had a long talk with my daughter and well who knows - you never know with teenagers but I hope I got the message across to her that she "needs to trust me" and that I love her unconditionally.
It has been 18 days no cigarettes- So it will be three weeks next Wednesday and now I am ready to do something about my weight. I think three weeks is a good time I don't want more time to pass by and add on the pounds.
The day I quit smoking Feb. 6 I also went to Jenny Craig, well I soon found out it was too difficult for me to do both because since
I was hungry from less calories on JC I wanted to smoke so bad. So I decided to just eat instead of smoking. Now I realize I cann't continue to do that - I need to control my food/calorie intake.
Also I didn't realize that I truly cann't afford JC right now. I am having some financial difficulties. I also realized that the last time I was on JC I didnot
lose that much weight. So now am considering going back on something I did last year - - Medifast. I was successful on the program but because of not being vigilant I gained the weight back. It is alot cheaper than JC, it is
faster than JC but it is also very difficult program, well it is for me. For those who don't know you are supposed to have 5 medifast meals (which consist of soups, oatmeal, bars, shakes) and one Lean and Green (protien and greens) meal a day.
I am very confused. I thought I wanted to do JC now am thinking I don't want to - I want to do Medifast.
But in any case I have to make up my mind taking into consideration also my finances by next Wednesday.
I cann't let March roll around and I haven't done anything. See that is how am tackling my new year's resolutions one month at a
time. March has to be the month I dedicate to losing weight.
I am so confused and meanwhile so fat. I cann't stand to look at myself any longer in the mirror between my gray hair and my fat face I cann't believe it is me in the mirror. I am only 39 and I have about 50% gray hair.
Well of course, I feel like giving up, I want to give up but then I go at lunch time to buy sneakers for the gym.
It's like what feel and what I do don't match. My head is crazy !! I am just really tired.
I had a big fight with my daugther last night because she didn't keep her curfew and she lied about where she was going. I took away her cell phone, her keys and money. I felt so bad but I had to do it. I don't think am
a strict mom but she is only 14 and she has to have rules. Then my husband makes me so angry cause he wants to go out to this dancing club, I don't want to go cause # 1 am not feeling all that hot and # 2 I am just not
in the mood to be in that kind of setting, it's cold outside, I am bloated from my period, etc. well he is trying to convince me acting like a child. I know alot of woman probably think oh that is so nice he wants to go out and take you but am so over it. We did alot of that and we have time to do more it doesn't have to be tonight.
Went to the doctor today and he said I have a "cold" nothing he can do. I have to wait another week and hopefully I will get better with rest and lots of fluid. He also told me that flu shot this year was not a good match and alot of people are getting very sick. He said the worst is yet to come. Can you believe this?? I wanted some drug cause I hate to feel sick plus like I said
I went out and bought sneakers for the gym and I got Nike exercise pants for $5.00 can you believe that - they are worth $42.00. Well that made me feel better until I got home and well then you know what happened. I am still working on it one day at a time. I got on scale this morning Oh my God it was higher than I thought. I am dying here. I am so fat.
I trying so hard. Today two weeks without a cigarette. Even after the fight with my daugther I said I can get thru this without a smoke. Hooray for me right?? !! Why don't I feel good about myself yet?? Why do I feel so down still, specially after the confrontations with my daugther and my husband. I am not feeling all that positive. I still have to tackle this weight loss . . . Jeez
OK I seriously feel miserable, I don't know if this is the worst PMS I have had yet or what. I don't remember ever feeling like this. My breast feel like they are going to fall off they are so tender and they actually look deformed. My legs are killing me and last night my gums were bleeding (I have what the dentist called hormonal gingitivis) aggravated of course by my PMS. To make matters worst I feel like am getting a migraine yes also provoked by my PMS. I usually get one or the other but not all of these together in one month. My daughter thinks am suffering from PMMD or the most severe case of PMS. I wish I was in menopause.
I am not sure if this was the right time for me to quit smoking on top of all of this. I feel miserable. I don't know what I really want to do cry, smoke, die or cut my ovaries out.
Just needed to write this cause I don't know what else to do about it.
I have been carrying around this extra weight since like September. Last year I did a something called Medifast.
And I lost like 19 pounds in two months. I was so happy when Summer came cause I was able to wear all my clothes from
the summer before. But then around August I put all the weight back and a little more not much like 5 more. So now am
back to square one. Of course, my initial feeling is to do the Medifast again so the weight can come off fast. But I feel like
am one of those hamsters running on the circle that never goes anywhere just makes itself tired. I am not getting anywhere
with that diet. So I went to Jenny Craig and tried again. I was on Jenny Craig in 2005 I lost the same 19 pounds and after
that I didn't see any more losing so I stop going. So I said let me try again Jenny Craig but you know what happened this
week I didn't do my Jenny cause I got frustrated with my "no smoking" (today is a week that I stopped smoking)The day I quit I started Jenny I got so frustrated I gave up on the Jenny. Now I feel like such a mess. I am so confused
I need to do something time goes by so fast and I don't want the Summer to get here and am this size. Now I have to lose more too. And I don't want to gain anymore. Then my size 14 won't fit me and what am I going to do then.
I don't buy any clothes when I get big like this. I keep wearing the same thing over and over cause I refuse to buy clothes
in a bigger size. I want to go shopping. Jeez !!!!!!! I feel like crying. It doesn't help that I get the worst PMS in the history of PMS.
The only good thing is that I haven't had one cigarette a week.
I was reading a blog where the person urged people to stop smoking and I read one of the comments on that blog mentioned something about smoking is an addiction just like food. I also see a lot of people on the blogs that also have struggled with quitting smoking. The connection ?? - - Addictions???
I am proud to say that today is a week I quit smoking. I have been listening to this subliminal tape at night designed to help women stop smoking. I seriously believe this has helped me change my mind set. It tells you that your body does not need or want a cigarette. That you should change your thoughts at the time you think you may want a cigarette. I thinking to myself well if that worked for me for cigarettes then that should work for me with any diet plan I use. I can change my thought and I can tell myself my body does not want or need to eat junk food specifically my downfall potato chips.
I am going to do this weight loss thing, but like my title says am reinventing myself from the inside out, quitting smoking was something I needed to do but if I can quit smoking I can do anything specially lose 27 pounds.
I read several weight loss message boards and I read these blogs - - and
all I want is to be a weight loss success.
All I want to do is lose 37 pounds. I see woman and men here losing
over 100 pounds. I did it once too. I used to
weigh 250 or 260 really and I went down to 160. But for some reason now
I am so confused. I don't know what to do.
I think it is the fact that now I know what it feels like to be 160 and
I want to get there "fast" or is that I know how much
work it was to get to 160 and I don't want to do the work. I don't
know. I just know I want to be there. Mainly cause
I want to fit into nice clothes, I love clothes.
From being big to being small and then back to being big - I realized a
couple of things - am still the same person, I can
do amazing things whether am 250 or am 160 or am 200 - I can be loved.
I got married in 2002 at 175 pounds and
I have been loved so much in these 5 years by that man no matter what
diet I am on or if I am not on a diet.
So why do I continue to want to lose weight for one thing like I said I
know I want to buy nice clothes and two I
want to be able to move my body again. We all know it's hard to move
your body with extra weight.
I need something, some like kick in the you know what to get me in gear.
I know I don't have much so why is
it so difficult for me to stick to something and just do it. Why????
I finally got the computer at home my daugther would not let me get on. I need to buy her a lap top. I didn't smoke. It has been five days but I did mess up on my diet. I couldn't help it. It was so hard for me. I was thinking that I am hungry, I was thinking I want to smoke so I said let me just have a snack and one snack when to snacking all day.
I want to do both together even though I have read that it is not a good idea. But I really want to lose this weight and I really feel like I can do this. I feel so emotional these days. I don't know if it is the lack of nicotine or is it my PMS or what but I feel miserable but in my mind I feel like I can do this I can lose this weight, I can stop smoking and I can go to the gym . Help !!!!!
