There will be no

food that will deter me from my goal.  No dish, no potato chip, not a single cookie worth it.   There will be no event, no celebration more important than accomplishing my goal. 

I received my Medifat program and am starting Monday.  Monday cause I just believe that is what they were made for new beginnings.   I am nervous and anxious and excited.  The possiblities make me nervous, the visualization of the ned makes me anxious.  And everytime I think about how I felt last Friday or last weekend I think there will nothing to get in my way. 

Have a great weekend !!!!!!!!

I was wounded but

I recovered quickly.   To make a long story short I found out my husband lied about his whereabouts and on top of that I saw him having a beer in an outdoor bar while talking to another woman.  He explained that it was just fate that he was talking to her, that he didn't know her and that the only thing he is guilty of is lying about where he was. He said he was going to the gym.  I am o.k. I was very depressed all weekend. I cried alot.  I felt deceived but I picked myself up and dusted myself up.  I have been through so much, I said there is no way this is going to drop me to the ground.  I am tired of being depressed, I am tired of being sad.  I had a terrible couple of years beginning with the death of my sister and then the separation with my mother and brother both still doesn't talk to me after a year.  I said no I am not going to go through this again.  I forgave him and told him I will not tolerate lies. 

The one thing I realized is that I need to do something for myself, I need to start taking care of myself.  I love my family, my husband and my daugther are my life.  Whoever has a  teenager at home knows that teenagers are very selfish.  My daugther will spend all evening on the computer talking to her friends and she will not say a word to me other than can I have money I love you ma.  I realized that I sometimes am very possesive with my husband because he is alot more confident than I am.  He feels good about himself.  He looks good.  He works out every day.  I try but  when it comes to them I put them before me.  I make excuses like I need to feed them, or I don't want to leave my daugther alone.  

Jesus I felt like an ulgy jealous old woman.  That's not me.  That's not who I am.  That's not who I want to be.   I feel like am living half ass.  Maybe it's my weight, maybe it is everything I have been through.  But the weight is only a symptom of the disease and if I take care of the symptom at least am taking care of myself and it will ultimately make me feel better.  I want to change my life, I want to look good, feel good and I want to be happy. 

Exercise Playlist

OK so I went to the gym last night and I was thinking I wonder what music people exercise too.  I have a pretty good playlist, I put it together recently since I was exercising to salsa most of the time.  The name of my cardio playlist is "make it work" and my strength training playlist is "pump me"  LOL !!  So here is what I was listening to last night while I did 35 minutes on the treadmill.  Average speed 3.0. 

Maria by TKA; Must be the Music by Secret Weapon; World Hold On by Bob Sinclair; Stronger by Kanye West; Wanna be Starting Something by Michael Jackson; Billie Jean by Michael Jackson; Check On It by Beyonce; Buttons by Pussy Cat Dolls; Independent Woman by Destiny's Child; Touch my Body by Mariah Carey and my spanish songs were Rie y Llora by Celia Cruz and Que Bueno Baila Usted by Oscar de Leon. 

And unfortunately, I think I need a new ipod.  The battery on my current ipod only last about one hour and then it dies.   I am a little upset about that I cann't afford a new ipod right now and I need music to exercise. 

Anyway I was happy I made it to the gym even though I didn't want to.

Have a great weekend. 

Work in Progress

"Every woman is work in progress"

When you commit yourself to continous improvement, you cann't help but feel better about yourself. . . . It is in the reaching that you find out whom you really are and all that you are capable of.  . . . As you build momentum, you'll shine with confidence and inspire others along the way.  Now that's what progress is all about !!

Taken from Meditations for Women

I think this is perfect for every woman on EP.  It is what we are all about.  Progress and Improvement.  We fall but we get up.  We don't stay down and as long as we have that mentality we are growing and accepting ourselves.    Happy Monday !!

As for me I am in a better mood planning my work outs for this week.  TOM will be gone by Wednesday so am switch things up a bit.   I am not doing so well with the eating but  . . .

Bad Mood/Bad PMS

That's the reason I haven't been here well I answered some blogs but that's it.  I am in just a bad mood I can well do damage to my husband.  He gets on my last nerves.  Surpringsly I haven't been eating or bingeing I should say.  No I haven't I have been good - not that I was trying or anything but I really don't have the anxiety to eat.  That need to eat.  I haven't been to the gym though that's not good.  Well aunt flow will be here on Saturday and maybe I will go back to being in a good mood again.  Until then have a great weekend my EP friends. 

Why Delay Happiness

"It's no unusual for us to postpone our pleasures and happiness, hoping for a better tomorrow.  Do you place demands on your happiness, like, "I'll be happy when I lose 10 pounds, I'll be happy when I get a new job or a new car, I'll be happy when I find the love of my life."  

Why put off your happiness until Friday night or Sunday morning or next summer or next winter",  You have a right to enjoy life, right here, right now !!

Taken from Meditation for Women.

I will no longer delay my happiness, I will be happy now as I am.  I will be happy with this body while it is "under construction" and "making progress".  That is why this weekend am going to get my hair done, manicure and pedicure and if I feel real good I'll buy that  dress I have been eyeing, too.  Like Oprah would say "stay in the moment, stay in the present".  Goes with the meditation of today.

For all the women who want to be happy NOW  !!  Have a wonderful weekend.  Hugs !!!  Let all go out and do something pretty for ourselves !!

Goals

"Are you happy with how you are living your life?
If not, do you have goals and plans for change?
Having goals makes work and life more interesting, exciting and engaging. 
Goals help you recognize opportunities when they strike. 
Take time to write down what you want and why you want it.  Write about your ideal life.  What does it look like?" 

Good Weekend Despite

Despite the fact that I feel so unattractive, so unhealthy and so overweight.  I had a good time this weekend.  It was the first time in a long time that my husband was off from work on Saturday and we spent all three days together.  We went to dinner, we went to the movies, we went to the park to walk around.  It was really nice. 

My headaches are better but I don't think they had anything to do with my smoking or not smoking I think I am suffering from my allergies/sinus again.  I cann't believe I have been dealing with this on and off from almost two years.  Anyway I took my allergy medicine and I started to feel better.

What is not better is this feeling !! I am so suffering from low self-esteem, and low confidence.  Anyway here is to a good week !!

I Survived The Gym

After two years of not going to the gym, I finally made it in there last night.  I did 20 minutes on the treadmill and then I was confused.  So all I could think of was doing some leg exercises, stretching and then I went home.  This morning I was tired very tired.  I cann't believe I did this to myself.  (I mean get this fat and out of shape)  Anyway I didn't smoke yesterday or today.  ( I miss my cigarettes and I think it made me feel a little down this morning) So below is a picture of what I looked like when I got home from the gym. Last night I was in a good mood so I thought it was cute to take a picture.  This morning I am not in a very good mood.   I guess I could look worse. I have a headache and am tired right now.   Why?

July - Passion

The secret to motivation is Passion.  When you focus your life around things you're passionate about, no one has to motivate you. 

I don't know if it was Passion.  But I stopped thinking and I started doing.  Last night I threw out my cigarettes and this morning I put on a patch.  Last night I packed my gym bag.  I am scheduled to go to the gym after work today.  I am just going to do the treadmill.  When I first started this blog business I had just stopped smoking and after 41 days I picked up the habit again.  So am trying again after two months.  I hope to finish the eight weeks of patches and not smoke again.  That way I can exercise and exercise. 

I haven't decided what to do on the "diet" or nutrional front.  I am afraid that I cann't do it alone.  That I need some support some help.  I have always had someone there to help me with my weight loss.  My mom was great she always made me my broil chicken or fish, later I went to a center and the consultant was so supportive and nice.  I don't have any of that now.  I cann't afford to go to a weight loss center.  I don't know what to do.  I was thinking the most affordable and probably best support I can receive right now would be WW.  But Jesus losing weight on WW can take forever at least it did for me when I tried it  about 7 years ago.  Anyway I'll start with this now but I seriously need to get under 200 pounds.  I am so depressed about it.  Sunday I went to a street festival and I was meeting my aunt from Virginia and all I could think of was how fat I am and how someone is going to make a comment about my weight.  Lucky for me they didn't but I was so stressed out for a minute I couldn't enjoy myself.  Right now am thinking about it and I feel anxious. 

Today is the beginning of yet another month.  Almost half a year is gone.  That means six months to my 40th birthday.   God Help Me !!!

Anyway - Where is your passion?? What is your motivation???