I recovered quickly. To make a long story short I found out my husband lied about his whereabouts and on top of that I saw him having a beer in an outdoor bar while talking to another woman. He explained that it was just fate that he was talking to her, that he didn't know her and that the only thing he is guilty of is lying about where he was. He said he was going to the gym. I am o.k. I was very depressed all weekend. I cried alot. I felt deceived but I picked myself up and dusted myself up. I have been through so much, I said there is no way this is going to drop me to the ground. I am tired of being depressed, I am tired of being sad. I had a terrible couple of years beginning with the death of my sister and then the separation with my mother and brother both still doesn't talk to me after a year. I said no I am not going to go through this again. I forgave him and told him I will not tolerate lies.
The one thing I realized is that I need to do something for myself, I need to start taking care of myself. I love my family, my husband and my daugther are my life. Whoever has a teenager at home knows that teenagers are very selfish. My daugther will spend all evening on the computer talking to her friends and she will not say a word to me other than can I have money I love you ma. I realized that I sometimes am very possesive with my husband because he is alot more confident than I am. He feels good about himself. He looks good. He works out every day. I try but when it comes to them I put them before me. I make excuses like I need to feed them, or I don't want to leave my daugther alone.
Jesus I felt like an ulgy jealous old woman. That's not me. That's not who I am. That's not who I want to be. I feel like am living half ass. Maybe it's my weight, maybe it is everything I have been through. But the weight is only a symptom of the disease and if I take care of the symptom at least am taking care of myself and it will ultimately make me feel better. I want to change my life, I want to look good, feel good and I want to be happy.
Posted By: BreatheAgain
Comments to this post:
07/29/2008 22:21
First of all
you are not ugly! You are beautiful! Secondly, I had to learn the same lesson. When Peter and the boys moved here I felt I had to wait on them hand and foot. They came before anything. As a result my health suffered. It took 80 pounds of fat gained to show me that I can't take care of anyone if I can't take care of myself first! So with that said Get out there and take care of your self. Teenagers sheesh... they are selfish and self centered but they grow out if it ... we did right!?!? You need to take care of you! If you can get a gym membership get one. Your husband makes time so should you. Maybe you guys could go together??? I am proud of you for not letting this knock you down! Be empowered by this situation and know that you can and will have what ever it is you want!
YOu are not ugly!! You are a lovely woman and that's!! But I think txlass is right, you should just go work out with your hubby!! And don't hesitate to think of yourself first. If mommy's not happy, nobody is!
Good for you to not let this get you down!! Take care, dearie!
You could go together to the gym. Though my workouts are ME time. But that would solve the problem of wondering if he's really there. And in time, it would help the confidence issues. You are so not ugly, though. Never let anybody tell you that.
How you said his body tells you he is at the gym. Some things, you just CAN'T lie about. So true in this weight loss journey. You can lie to yourself, but it will show on the outside. Or even if nobody saw you eat those donuts, it will show on the outside. I'm just learning to be more honest with myself. So you just made a very motivational quote. I want people to look at me and KNOW I workout and eat healthy.
I'll tell Tatum HI! :-) Thanks! Oh, want to hear her knock knock joke? Well, you're going to..
Tatum: Knock Knock
Us: Who's there
Her: Tatum
Us: Tatum who
Her: y'all's daughter
