It's a really cool web site ran by General Mills, it's free to join, and when you sign up, you get a free e-letter, access to the sites on-line support and tools for health and weight loss, and they mail you an "eat better ring" that basically looks like a ring version of the "live strong" bracelets. I got mine in the mail the other day and, yes, I wore it to see if it would help to keep me in check the past 2 days and it's corny, but it did! I put it on my right hand (my dominant munching hand) and darn it if every time I went to grab a munchy at work (which were abundant these past 2 days), I saw that stupid blue ring and put it back! It's the portable version of the bikini pic on the fridge, I suppose. lol
And about Dandelion Root...
Dandelion Root (DR) is a natural, mild diuretic (water pill!) with relatively no side effects that is available in pill form in health food stores and in the supplement aisle of most major stores like Wal-mart, Meijers, CVS, Walgreen's, etc. For you tea drinkers out there (many people say this is the best way to get the herb's benefits), Yogi Teas, Traditional Medicinals and other wholistic tea companies sell them under names like "Detox Tea" and "PMS tea." Yum. lol The tea, which is made from the root of the little weed we all know and love, has a mild nutty flavor to it, almost like coffee, and tastes best if you sweeten it w/some splenda and a little mint to cut the taste if you are not fond of the nutty flavor. Of course, if you hate the tea, buy the pill! lol I learned about it from my Gynecologist, who recommends it as a safe herbal remedy for PMS symptoms. DR spares potassium (unlike most prescription diuretics) while cleansing the kidneys (making you pee like a race horse!), and, if you believe the hype, detoxing the liver. Unlike most over-the-counter diuretics, such as Aqua-ban, it is caffeine-free and stimulant-free. Plus, it's cheap. Another point in it's favor. The most common side effect for DR, as with most supplements, was GI upset, and is contraindicated in people with inflammatory gastrointestinal disorders, such as Colitis and Chrohn's disease. That being said, if you're healthy and are looking for a good, affordable way of losing some excess H2O weight, DR is the way to go! I use it and love it!
As far as me and my re-newed drive to lose weight and be healthy, I'm doing good on my new plan, eating lots of fruits and veggies, and keeping with the South Beach and Kashi frozen foods since they are cheap on calories and high in protein and fiber. In between meals, I'm doing lo-cal protein shakes and bars, such as Luna Bars or Pria RTD (ready to drink) shakes. JC was just not cutting it for me and I briefly considered going back, but just didn't have the heart, it stopped working for me and I have no reason to believe that it would suddenly become the right answer again. I've been working out faithfully (YEAH!) and looking forward to getting the rest of this weight off, hopefully most of it will go bye-bye before Swimsuit and Short season is back on us! Wish me luck!
Happy New Year, everyone! "Talk" to you later!!!!!!!!!
Perfecting the Art of Excuse Making Until One Day...
THE DARN JEANS DON'T FIT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!
OUCH!
This all hurts to admit, and posting the weight is even harder to do.....But the first step to healing is admitting the problem, right? Oy vay!
It all began with Hubby's departure back for his home land of Egypt a couple of days after my last post back in September. I had grand plans for the month that he would be gone. No one to make me eat what he's eating, distract me from exercising, or in general be in the way of my weight loss efforts. A total month to get myself back on track after several months of struggling to try to overcome my plateau, and several falls from the dieting grace, I was going to be back on track!!!!! Right? Wrong. Dead wrong. It started with dropping him off at the air port and realizing that I wouldn't see him for a month, then worrying while he was flying overseas and, being a control freak, not being able to be there to know that he was safe! So I went out to eat with my family and tried to forget. Some people drink to forget, I eat to forget. And I work. I think that I spent most every day working, eating out with my famiy and friends, and doing anything I could to avoid being home and realizing that I was not dealing with the whole separation anxiety very well. All in all, though, I managed to get through the month and only gain 2 pounds. Not bad. Didn't lose, but didn't really gain, either.
But then he came back on Oct 31st. Which was Trick-or-Treat Night, and chocolate was everywhere in the house! (And I was PMS-ing!) And for every chocolate I passed out, I think I dipped one for myself, too. And once Trick-or-Treat was done, we had a welcome home party that lasted well in to the night and the food was NOT healthy, and we ATE! But it was a celebration, right? Ok, so one night of partying was not bad...
But then his Birthday Party was November 3rd...Mine was Nov 19th (32, ick!), And for some odd reason, 30 didn't bother me, 31 didn't bother me. Thirty-two? Got to me. Suddenly I'm thinking, I'm overweight, I'm well beyond my 20's now, I'm childless (which shocked me that that bothered me, must have been the pregnancy scare back in Sept), and I'm in debt head-over-heels d/t my stupid ex-husband. My life sucks. I should go eat. And my birthday just so happened to be at the Amazon Grill, where you get all you can eat for the low price of $19.99/person! And don't forget the cake!
And forget the diet, because Thanksgiving is coming up in a few days. I'll just start back up after that. So I gorged on Thanksgiving. And then it was my niece's birthday party, and then my brother's, and then the Christmas parties, and Christmas. And everything in between was written off as, "I'll start my diet after Christmas, I'm doomed until then anyway."
Next thing I know....I'M 21 FREAKING POUNDS HEAVIER IN UNDER 3 MONTHS!!!!!!!! HOW THE #$@! DOES A PERSON GAIN THAT MUCH WEIGHT THAT QUICKLY? AND WHY THE $%$^! WON'T IT COME OFF THAT EASILY?!?! (Meanwhile, my genetically blessed DH is complaining b/c he can't gain weight no matter what he does. Cry me a river!)
Now what do I do? First of all, I must come to the reality once and for all that genetically, I will never be able to eat like a normal person and not be able to fear the consequences. My metabolism does not work in my favor. GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!! Second, I need to re-stock this house with good things, not the crap that's been around for the past 3 months. AND, I need to stop making excuses. Yes, there have been the holidays, and YES, I've been working tons of overtime in an ER that sees 250-300 patients a day, plus let's not talk about the 2nd job working for an agency and the third job picking up as an in-house traveler for the other ERs at the other hospitals in the hospital system that I work for. (We are trying to pay off these debts as rapidly as possible so that we don't have that stress hanging over us forever.) But fact of the matter is, even though my pedometer may say that I'm getting 10,000 steps a day working in the ER, working my butt off is figurative, not actual, and I must go above and beyond in order to reach the goal of not being a butter-butt. That sucks. REALLY sucks. Because getting up at 4 am is not an option because my body won't allow it, and there are days that when I clock out, I barely have the energy to walk to my car and drive home, let alone hop on an elliptical trainer. But I must dig deep and find the strength. If Rocky Balboa can do it when he's 60-something, then why not me? I'm half that. But feel twice that. Oh well!
So where's my motivation? I have a DH that married me when I was 245#s and thought that I was sexy then. So it's not for the love-life. BUT, I'll tell you what, since I have been eating like crap and have gained all of this weight back so quickly, I feel like CRAP! I have NO energy, I'm sick all the time, my asthma is a constant problem and nothing fits right, and my depression is creeping back, compounded by the short days (dark when I go to work, dark when I get off), it's not been pretty. I cry all the time and I'm in a perpetual foul and hopeless mood these days. And I feel bloated and gross and greasy from all of the high-fat, salty foods I've been consuming.
SO, yesterday I stepped on the scale for the first time since late Oct....and that's when I confirmed my fears. I was well on my way back to ground zero and I couldn't handle the thought of being that heavy again. I don't necessarily want to be thin, I want curves and boobs, but I want to be HEALTHY and ENERGETIC! AND, once these debts are paid off, I want to start thinking about kids, and I don't want to be pregnant and unhealthy. I was off yesterday, sort-of, I was on-call for SANE, so I spent the day prepping myself to get back on the band wagon. I went the the store and stocked up on an arsenal of good-for-you organic pre-packaged foods and individually packaged fruits, veggies and salads. I drank TONS of H2O, and for the past 2 days, have eaten mostly fruits and veggies, and a little lean turkey, and I've taken Dandelion Root and fiber supplements to try to rid myself of the excess bloat. After just 2 days of detox, I am already feeling SO MUCH BETTER! It's amazing how what we put into our body can affect us so much.
Since yesterday was prep phase, today was action phase, I began working out again, even though the knee was screaming at me. It wasn't a hard work-out. Baby steps, you know, but I did something and it was JUST FOR ME! Not because I was running from one patient to the next trying to put out fires in the ED.
So, here's to the New Year and finally reaching the new-old me!!!!!!!!!! One of my goals is to try to blog on here again. For those of you just starting, until you leave the site for a while, you really don't appreciate what a wonderful source of support and inspiration this site is. I left for 3 months and look where I am now. There's something about putting it all out there for the world to see and having that extra accountability factor, knowing that someone else is watching and keeping you honest, that really helps to cheer you on to the goal. I'm sorry that I left for so long! I really missed the community and friends that I made on this site! Everyone is SO wonderful on here, honestly!
Hope everyone has a blessed and Happy New Year!!!!
Ok, so maybe Mexican food isn't exactly health food (at least the kind that I like!), laden with sour cream, cheese, sauce, salt, lard...but OMG is it good and why is it that when it is all that I can do to get my calories in for the day when I'm eating healthy, can I eat Mexican food and keep eating it and eating it until I'm ready to explode and not bat an eye? Oy! Which is what happened today. I had been SO good with keeping to my "Today is the 1st day of the rest of my diet" mind set until DH said, "Let's go to La Fogata!" and my brother met us there and they ordered unhealthy and I said, "What the hay!" and I did too. I know my tummy's going to make me pay for this in the morning and I'll be lucky if I can get my rings on tomorrow, but oh well. One day out of 7 ain't bad, if I do say so myself, and I'm finding out more and more that even God took a day off from everything, so why can't I. Just one day where I say "to heck with it" I'm not working, studying, cleaning house, working out, or counting calories or portion sizes at all. It actually makes for sanity, but I'm still having issues getting over the beating myself up for being human thing and there is still that tiny bit of me that says, eat the chips and you'll magically gain back all of the weight you've lost by tomorrow. Anyone else feeling that ever? I'm sure you are. Seems that I don't generally have new thoughts, on much of anything, just crazy ways of thinking the old thoughts. lol
SO, tomorrow is back to being the Type A driven person that I was unfortunately born to be, focused and organized and making sure that I stay on top of everything lest it get on top of me. I've been taking classes last week and this coming week to become a SANE nurse. For those of you who don't watch Law and Order SVU, that's a Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner. Basically, I am learning how to do the exams and collect evidence for the police in Rape Cases. SANE nursing is a fairly new sub specialty in nursing in a bigger specialty known as Forensic Nursing. http://www.forensicnurse.org/ It includes things like legal nurse consulting (something else that I'm thinking about doing), homicide, etc. I have been interested in it for a while, I LOVE forensics, and when my supervisor offered to pay for the class, as well as pay me for my time in the class, I jumped at the chance. Once I receive my national certification, I will get a pay raise, too! YEAH!!! I could use the extra cash right now!
So, my week is pretty much going to be tied up with classes, then I have to go sit in court for a day to learn "courtroom etiquette" and after that, I have a bunch of clinicals to do before I can go out on my own. I'm nervous about the thought of doing my first independent exam because of the sensitive nature of my new job. Even sitting in the classes and learning about rape crimes and working with rape victims has been emotionally draining, and it certainly makes you think twice about who you trust and where you go. Everyone that I work with and all my friends seem to think that I am cut out for the job, but their confidence in me is greater than my confidence in myself. I am excited about it and I'm not having second thoughts about doing SANE, but the responsibility is SO huge. I'm not intimidated by the court testimony part, I'm more worried about working with the victim and making certain that I don't miss crucial evidence. Wish me luck! I have a test on Tuesday that I have to pass in order to move on to my clinicals and I'm stressing right now! (Another reason that the Mexican food, and the chocolate that I got, too, was much needed).
Well, I'm going to go to bed. I have a long day tomorrow and I'm going to try to get up early to work out before class, hopefully that will wake me up enough to sit through another 8 hours of intense classes without falling asleep. No matter how interesting a class is, I still cannot sit through 8 hours without putting effort in to it. ADD, I guess.
HUGE HUGS AND THANK YOU'S TO ALL OF YOU THAT KEPT CHECKING IN ON ME AND PRAYING FOR ME AND SENDING LOVE MY WAY IN MY LONG ABSCENCE!
Well, I just spent over an hour typing this wonderful and inspiring post only to have my cat turn my computer off before I could save it, so my deep thoughts will have to wait since now it's almost midnight and I need to get up early in the morning! Here's the Cliff's Notes version of what I had posted though...
Since it's been over a month since my last posting that had to do with DH and I going to marriage counseling, I wanted to let you all know that we are doing well and are stronger than ever. The counseling was for a tune-up and we have learned again how to talk to each other and co-exist on the same schedule in the same house. :-) YEAH!!!!! Of course, once we both realized how little quality time that we were spending together (sitting on the same couch watching the same show does not qualify as communication and quality time), we began spening a LOT of evenings out. Which has been great for the marriage, bad for the waist line. Since DH is getting ready to leave the country for a month on Sept 27th, he's been wanting to take me out almost every night rather than sit at home and have me cook. Which is fun because every night has been a date with dinner and a movie or coffee, etc. BUT I began to slowly lose site of portion control and making healthy decisions. And then we spent a lot of nights in bed doing things besides sleeping, which lead to sleeping in rather than getting up and exercising. And, I've been working tons of hours, and it's been non-stop busy in the ER every day, so I will tell myself, I'll work out when I get home, but then I'm too tired to even walk to my car, let alone get on an elliptical trainer and work out! Point of story being, I gained about 8 pounds. I'm not posting the weight because I'm just too depressed about it to have the numbers sitting on the screen for me to see everytime I log on to the blog site!
BUT... keeping with my attitude that every day holds a new beginning, I'm back on the band wagon!!!! YEAH!!!! I think DH and I have gone from happily married, to married, and now are blissfully married again and things are stable and wonderful. We never were in danger of divorce, although considering my track record in the marriage department, I was more than a little paranoid, but I feel much better knowing that after going to the counselor for a "tune-up" that we learned once again that we are here to love and support each other and the thing that we have always done best was communicate and support each other and neither of us is ready to give up on anything.
August also held a missed period and a positive pregnancy test that turned out to be a false positive, but it turned on a lot of lights for both of us, and me in particular. We were both excited at the thought that our love for each other had maybe produced a life, even though the timing was horrible financially, but we realized that we both really did have the same hopes and dreams, and we both were a little saddened, yet oddly relieved due to the poor timing of the whole thing (he's leaving the country for a month, we have bills to pay off, money is tight), when the confirmation from my OB came back that I was definitely NOT pregnant.
The pregnancy scare did, however, open my eyes to the fact that I needed to get serious again about my own health and fitness. We do eventually want to have children, maybe after another year, and I want to be as healthy as possible for when the time really does come. I'm already over 30, which means that I've already got one point against me, but I can't control time, but I can control my weight. That brief moment that I thought I might be pregnant made me realize, TRULY realize, that my health doesn't affect just me, it could be affecting another life as well. It made things very tangible to me and where at one point losing weight and getting in shape was a purely selfish "for me" thing, it all of the sudden became about more than me. I think that the biggest thing that I realized is that I had always been indifferent about motherhood. I had always felt that it would be nice to have children, but if I didn't, my life would not be incomplete and it wasn't a big deal. I didn't have to pro-create to be a complete woman. And I still feel that I am a complete person with or without it, but now I'm feeling like i would be more complete if eventually I WAS a mother. Kind of like the difference between being VP and president. One's good, the other's better.
So, DH and I sat down and talked about it and decided that maybe eating out so much was unneccessary, and expensive, and that maybe we could just go for a walk and talk or sit at the coffee shop and instead of me having the latte, I get the plain coffee. After all, the point is to be together, nothing more. I dusted off the exercise equipment, got out the DVDs and started back on my journey. And since we're not eating out so much, we're getting to bed earlier and having our fun and our sleep! lol We're also working out a computer schedule because I told DH that I HAVE to get on to blog, it's my life line to this whole weightloss thing and without it, I'm toast. I spend a month away and gain 8 pounds! OMG!
The good news is, most of the 8 pounds was water weight. I took a Dandelion Root pill and drank about 2 gallons of water my first day back on plan and lost 5 pounds immediately. I'm a human sponge. So now I'm only in a 3 pound deficit. I'm still eating Jenny Cuisine, but still sticking to my guns that I'm not "on" Jenny Craig, I will eat like a normal human, but since I've been on the plan long enough to get the good discounts, it's cheap for me and quick to pack to go to work for lunch.
I never got to start my Belly Dancing class when I wanted to because the bone head that does the schedule at work, and I say bone head with all the love in the world, wouldn't give me the time off. I told her that I would work EVERY Monday (our busiest day of the week) if she would only give me every Friday off (our least busy day, actually, until night shift), Well, apparently she got the message for the every Monday part, because I got put on every stupid Monday, but she also scheduled me for every Friday as well. ARRRRRGH! And since the class started at 7:30 and that's when my shift ends, I couldn't do it. Well, I called Habeeba's and told them my situation and they told me that they would e-mail me when their beginner's classes were starting and FINALLY there is one that will be Thursdays at 8 pm, so I can make it even if I'm working that day! YIPPEE!!!!! So, my friend and I are signing up and we're going to start the class on Sept 28th! I can't wait. I used to take the classes and I loved it, it was so much fun and the music is so beautiful. You get a great work out in, but it doesn't feel like a work out, it is actual fun and you come out feeling so sexy and feminine from it. I have been using belly dancing DVDs in the mean time to keep myself up on the dance, and for any of you who are bored, you really should give it a try! You can find great belly dance videos at this site (I actually learned about it because Habeeba's recommends it to their students to practice at home with):
I'd better cut this post short, I'm getting long-winded because it's been over a month and I have so much to say! I'll keep you all posted on my progress and try to be better about blogging again now that the summer and drama is winding down. Thank you again to everyone for not giving up on me! It means so much to me to know that there are people out there that care so much! I love you all and couldn't have gotten this far without you all and now we're going to go the rest of the way together!!!!!
NO, I am NOT too skinny to concern myself w/the blog anymore! lol By NO means am I anywhere NEAR skinny! I have found that since DH and I are on a similar schedule that getting on the computer is harder than ever, because my husband is quite attached to the computer and doesn't like to share much when he is home, so it's hard for me to get on and do much surfing. My few days off that I have had, I have spent running around and enjoying the heat wave and sunny weather that we have been experiencing here in Central Ohio. I'm still stuck in my plateau, but I haven't exactly made a huge effort at getting myself out of it lately and I should probably be glad that I haven't GAINED weight with the way I've been eating lately. So either I'm eating less than I thought I was (doubtful) or I am burning off tons of calories running my rear off at work and then hopping around zoos and the like with my nieces these days and the activity is helping to keep me from paying the price for my sins (more likely). I haven't been doing much "real" exercising due to lack of attention span and the fact that I'm still battling the whole neck thing, but I've been trying to keep from sitting still at least. I went to the store yesterday and stocked up on lots of fruits and veggies and there was a big sale on Healthy Choice, Lean Cuisine, and SB frozen foods, so I stocked up and I bought a bunch of healthy high protein/high fiber snacks, too, so I should be good to go and I'm back w/more motivation to finally take on the plateau using the diet thing as well as the exercise plan now that TOM and the neck are both giving me a break.
I hope to hear from you all soon! I'm going to have to continue the blog hopping later, I have been in class all day and I am feeling a little restless from having sat all day long listening to lectures, followed by what turned out to be a 2 hour counseling session w/hubby and me w/the marriage counselor, which I have no strength to get in to right now. Suffice it to say that we are having issues seeing eye-to-eye on several things and we've been fighting quite a bit lately. I'm not certain if it's because we're home together more and we're invading each other's space, or what it is, but things have been more than a little emotional around here lately. I'm just praying that this is an adjustment phase and we'll get through it. We spent most of our first year of marriage living under the same roof, but not at the same time, and now that we're together more, issues are rising out of it and having been through an ugly divorce, I'm more than a little concerned and I'm just glad that he agreed to go to counseling w/me b/f things got too out of hand. Keep us in your prayers, everyone. This has been a tough few weeks.
I'll try to go visiting later, I really need to move after all of this sitting today! Have a great day/night!
Thanks everyone that stopped by to extend "Get Well" wishes! My neck is feeling MUCH better today! I can turn it and the pain is not so bad that I'm feeling incapacitated and I'm starting to get the feeling back in my hand as well! Thank you for all of your love and prayers!
How Stella Got Her Groove Back:
So I'm taking a brief break from house cleaning. Turning the place upside down and organizing the whole place! Amazing what a little mid-summer cleaning can do for the soul! I fell SO much better knowing that my house is soon to be nice and neat and not sitting waiting for me to work on it! Maybe then I can relax! I contacted my trainer that used to train me back when I was a total gym rat and he's going to start e-mailing me training sessions so that I can do them on my own time at my own pace, so I'm going to start adding weights back in to my regime. Not to be the hard body that I once was, just to tone up and lose the old lady "bat wings" from my arms and firm up some things that I wish wouldn't wiggle and jiggle so much! lol He's starting an online training website and as soon as he's got it up and running, I will post the link for anyone who's interested in it!
And last but not least...I'm probably one of the last people on the planet to have viewed this, but just in case I'm not, you all HAVE to check this video out, it's HILARIOUS!!!!
Ok, so on the neck update, I'm able to turn my head...stiffly and somewhat painfully, but it turns! I can't get in until next week for my follow-up appointment, which means that I'm stuck for another week waiting to get approved to go off of limited duty. I really don't do well sitting and doing nothing, it goes against everything that is me. MOVE, MOVE, MOVE!!!! Oy! I wanted to rest! I should be careful what I pray for!
And of course, TOM is attacking me full-force and since I can't move, I'm getting all depressed and giving in to my cravings and it's making me feel like a big fat slug. I'm bloated and feel like I need to do a juice fast or something just to detox. Even my lips feel fat from the bloating and swelling, and because I've not been eating like I should, my stomach is really making me pay for my sins. I'm up 5 pounds on the scale....why I stepped on that darn thing in the midst of all this is beyond me. Like I didn't feel crappy enough. I know it's all water weight, but still, it was one more thing. And it's all settling in my stomach, hands, and feet. I look pregnant b/c my tummy is so swollen from the bloat! YUCK! Nothing fits, so I'm totally going around the house in my PJs and my muscle relaxant induced stupor wishing that I had the guts to make myself barf b/c on some level I feel like that would make me feel better. Alas! I could never suffer from anorexia or bulemia b/c I can't stand to starve and I can't stand to barf, either. There is no hope for a woman like me! lol
DH came home from work early after he called to check on me and found me so whiny about my neck. It was a bad day and I didn't sleep because it was hurting me to lay in any position for too long...and apparently he didn't sleep well either b/c these meds make me talk in my sleep! lol Good thing I'm not doing anything that I want to keep hidden! :-P SO, he came home, dinner in hand, and gave me a good neck rub w/ Ben-Gay, so now not only does my neck feel better, my sinuses are opened up as well! Man does that stuff stink and burn! But it does the trick!
I'm paying my nieces to come over tomorrow and clean the house for me, b/c it is looking HORRIBLE! With the dog and cats running around, it gets shabby really quickly! The bird died this morning, much to the dismay of my cats, who got countless hours of entertainment from watching it hoping that one day it would escape. It was DH's bird (Parakeet), the thing hated me, bit me everytime I tried to handle it, but it would sit on his shoulder and dance and sing to hubby's Arabian music. All in all, it was a bad day.
I'm looking forward to feeling better, though. I dug out some of my flexibility DVDs and a couple Yoga DVDs today and I'm going to start doing them tomorrow while my nieces are here. I'm paying them well to come over and be my servants because I am having issues bending over and picking things up and running the vaccum, and the dog is an issue to walk, too, because she's just too much for me to handle and DH doesn't walk her because she never takes him seriously and won't listen to him. She was my dog before we got married and spent a lot of time "just mommy and me" and never took too well to having to listen to someone else, so she usually pretends like he doesn't exist when he's giving her commands. She loves to play with him and have him spoil her, but if she has to listen to him, forget it! She treats him like the stereotypical step parent and gives him this look like, "you're not my dad, I don't have to listen to you!"
SO, while the girls are slaving away for me, I'm going to work on getting my rear back in gear and try to get myself turned back around. I'm adopting the same attitude that I had after my knee injury of "all or nothing" and I'm chosing nothing, which is dangerous. Just because my neck hurts doesn't mean that I can't walk and it doesn't give me license to eat like crap either. I rather enjoyed eating that way the first day or 2, but now, my body is rebelling and saying, "ENOUGH!" And I am beginning to hate even THINKING about food. I feel like I need to just give my body a day to dump the garbage out and get back to me. All of the fat, salt and carbs that I've poured into my body have probably contributed to my neck feeling awful today, too. On the upside, I'm starting to regain some of the feeling that I'd lost in my right hand and the twitching and tremors aren't as severe in my fingers as they were on Friday and Saturday.
Wish me luck in trying to get my MO-JO back tomorrow! It's too late for today, I'm going to bed early because I'm feeling elderly! lol
Everyone, please pray for my DH as he tries to deal w/me and my crankiness w/out killing or divorcing me this week! I'm bad enough during PMS and I think this neck pain is making me a pain in the neck worse than normal! I'm going back to bed. OUCH! I'm SOOOOO Whiny today! Nurses make horrible patients!
(If you don't know what I'm talking about, refer to yesterday's post)
Whooooo! Talk about a head trip! I had every intention of going to the gym today and then catching up with everyones' blogs, however, I got called in to work today to help handle the ER overflow and life had different plans. Being the ever-helpful nurse, I was asked by one of my patient's wives to PLEASE help him up to the chair. So I did, and let me tell you, I wish I'd said, "No, I'm busy!" and ran away! While I have compassion for everyone, I do not believe that if the person that is helping you is a full 200 pounds lighter than you, that you should use them to hang from. I wouldn't bear all of my weight on a 2 year old, why would someone do that to me? OY! So, as it turns out, this man weighs, as I said, 200 pounds more than me, my 190 to his 390, and he has limited mobility but I was assured that he was a "stand-by" assist, which means that all I have to do is be there for moral support as he grabs his walker and swings himself to the chair. WRONG! He is having difficulty getting from a lying to a sitting position, so I get in my best "back saving" position that I always use to help steady him, with another nurse on the other side to assist me. I'm not certain if he got scared or lost his balance, but he surprised me by grabbing my shoulder and PULLING ALL OF HIS WEIGHT DOWN TO THE BED HOLDING ONTO ME! OMG! So, I haven't been able to turn my neck since 6:30 this morning, and then the fingers on my right hand started going numb and twitching. Not good signs. I had to file a workman's comp claim and go to the Urgent Care to be seen by one of the Docs there to evaluate my claim. She's thinking that the muscle spasms are just so bad that it's causing the numbness in my hand, but to make sure, I'm on pain killers and muscle relaxers along with limited mobility at work until the 20th when I'm re-evaluated to see if this is a true disc problem, or just a cervical (neck) muscle strain. Until then, the pain meds and muscle relaxers are kicking in and working just nicely! :-P Being one who doesn't tolerate anything much stronger than Kool-aid, I'm higher than a kite right now! lol I rarely take anything except over the counter stuff.
SOOOOOOOOOO.....It's off to fly with "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds!" I'm going to stop making sense at any moment now! lol
Thanks to all of you for braving my last 2 huge posts and taking the time to comment and compliment! I'll have to think about Mustblite's suggestion that I write a book, but I"m not sure who'd read random mutterings from my muttled mind! And to Miss Teacher AshleyB, thanks for the good grade on my skills! I passed blogging 101! YEAH!!!!! =oD
And here are some smiles for all of you who braved my last 2 serious posts....And for those of you who didn't, smile anyway! It will make you feel better!!! <)=oD
Pregnancy, Estrogen and Women Pregnancy Q & A & more!
Q: Should I have a baby after 35? A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex? A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational. A: So what's your question?
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right? A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural? A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor? A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth? A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower? A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? A: When the kids are in college.
"ESTROGEN ISSUES" 10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem. 2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet. 3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans. 4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say. 5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-". 6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice. 7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space". 8 You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus. 9 You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy. 10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.. TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND 10. Cats' facial expressions. 9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors. 8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds. 7. Fat clothes. 6 Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time. 5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell. 4. Cutting your hair to make it grow. 3. Eyelash curlers. 2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made. AND, the Number One thing only women understand:
1. OTHER WOMEN
Night All! Have a GRRRRREAT Weekend! You all Rock!
“Beauty implies a good-sized body, and little people may be neat and well-proportioned, but cannot be beautiful.”
-Aristotle
Wow! First of all, I'd just like to say that when I sat down last time to write my "novel" that I had no idea what a nerve it would strike on this blog! WOW! I am so glad that I am not alone in what I am feeling and going through and so touched to see that there are so many people who take the time to visit my little blog to see what is going on in my tiny corner of the world! I am happy to report that I am doing wonderfully in my new-found "freedom" from dieting and enjoying eating food to nourish my body, not to make a scale move! It's nice not feeling hungry! lol I am also happy to report that without Jenny, I think that the scale is moving again and eventhough I've only lost a half pound since my last post, it's still a move down. I think that my new attitude is showing, too, because I've had so many people (even strangers!) comment on how energetic and "perky" I am and I even got called "skinny" for the first time in years! ME! Skinny! lol Whether or not they were just trying to make me feel good, I'm taking the compliment and running! lol There is a wonderful kind of peace and serenity that comes with giving up on perfection and embracing your imperfections as beautiful that I never knew existed before. You should all check out this website that I came across that celebrates the beauty of the full-figured woman, it's really cool and has some beautiful pics and quotes on it...
In other news, I found out that one of my friends that I had lost contact with...we were best friends all through middle school and into college, and she was even my MOH in my 1st wedding before life took over and we lost touch, no fight, just went separate ways...has been visiting my blog and reading it! She hasn't joined the site yet, which I'm working on, but none the less, has been "checking up" on me here! We talked to each other on AIM the other day for the first time in almost 2 years and it turns out, we belong to the same gym, but b/c I've been on nights, we go at different times of day and never ran into each other! OMG! So, we are going to start meeting each other and working out together when our schedules permit! How cool is that! I had NO IDEA that she was "visiting" me on here! Another cool blog story!
On the subject of the diet industry....
I think that the issue with any 'canned diet plan' (JC, WW, NS, the lot) is that they employ people who are not dieticians or trained couselors who are professionally trained to deal with men and women who are going through what we are going through. It's easy to cheer and wear the team colors when your team is having a winning season, but it takes something more to be able to be there and be supportive and understanding when things are "failing" or only going so-so. I think that that is the piece of the puzzle that the mass-market billion $$ weight loss industry is totally not getting. They are playing off of our insecurities and the American need to look perfect externally even if we aren't on the inside. They aren't getting that we didn't get fat because we were happy with ourselves and eating for fun. We got fat for whatever reason that dealt a blow to our very core, our hearts, and when the smoke cleared, our only friend left was a Keeble Elf holding a bag of Chocolate Chip Cookies. And the other thing they don't tell you, is that until you exorcise that demon, whatever it is, nothing, I mean NOTHING is going to make you happy. You will lose 20, 50, 100 pounds, and still say, "I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm imperfect." The real question is, "Why does food have a hold on me?" And sometimes, we simply grew up in an environment, as did I, where food is the equivalent of love and is attached to every aspect of our lives from births, to weddings, to funerals. So we don't learn that food was created to be fuel for our body, just like gas fuels our car. You have an 8-gallon tank, you can't put any more gasoline in to it, yet in our small stomachs, we can fit enough food that when we are done, we wonder how we did it! Not because we were too gluttonous to say stop, but because we have been socialized in our country that you DON'T say stop. It is the American way, and mom will be offended if you turn down seconds.
For most of us, it's NOT lack of willpower, motivation or unwillingness to change!
How many of us wake up in the morning and say, "Gee, I think I'm going to gain 10 pounds by Friday! And I refuse to leave my couch for 3 days! These jeans are looking WAY TO GOOD ON ME!" Which is how I think that the world sees people of size...fat, stupid, ugly, unmotivated. That's not the reality. The reality is that we are intelligent, fun, sensual and sexual people who happen to not be society's vision of what is deserving of those traits. I vividly remember being an 11 year old girl who was starting to fill out and stuck somewhere between baby fat and womanly curves and having one of my aunts tell me that I needed to go on a diet because i was getting fat. I specifically remember her saying to me, "If you keep that up, you'll never get a husband because men like women with hour glass figures, not fat cows!" Being the smart-alleck kid that I was, I told her, "Aunt Dot, I DO have an hour glass figure! I just have longer hours in my day!" And I walked away triumphantly and cried in my room where she couldn't see me. It hurts to be told that your fat and undesirable by people who are supposed to love you unconditionally. And for me to remember that exact conversation 20 years later is proof positive that it did something to my young psyche and still-developing self esteem, and probably helped shove me on a path of yo-yo dieting that would last until the present day. Did I mention that that particular Aunt had NEVER been skinny, or even pretty, a day in her life and had 5 husbands? And yet all I could hear is that I was too fat to ever get a husband. I suppose that is how we project our own personal unhappiness onto others so that we don't hurt as much or feel as bad about our own short comings. The fat criticize the fatter, the ugly criticize the uglier. There is always someone worse than us and in a twisted sense, that makes us feel better.
Then my epiphany that this is all stupid. Throwing my money away to someone that has no more answers than I do and definitely has no way of knowing how to "deal" with me, as if I am a problem that should be dealt with, is ridiculous above and beyond the call of duty. I read through everyone's blogs all the time and see how unhappy we all are with ourselves and our waist lines, and yet, so many of us have men in our lives that see us for what we really are and love us and are turned on by our curves and imperfections, and looking at your pictures, if everyone could see the beautiful women that you all are, you'd be amazed at yourselves. I am not advising people to give up on plans that are working for you, I'm just simply stating that you should be self-aware of why you are doing whatever you are doing, and know what you want from it, and also know when the plan is failing you, not you failing the plan!
Now, mind you, as a health care professional, I am by no means advocating that being overweight is "ok" from a health stand-point. Obesity is, quite honestly, a terminal illness. It is the cause of diabetes, heart disease, stroke, high blood pressure, and so many other things that we are just now realizing, that I am a complete advocate of being healthy and striving for a healthy weight. What I have STOPPED being an advocate of is the diet, which can be just as dangerous as the extra weight is. I am an advocate of being healthy and loving yourself. Of exercising because you feel good when you do it and eating healthy because that is how God intended us to eat. Of being able to reap the rewards of your new-found health that include, breathing easier, having a healthy heart, being able to run and play with your children, and having the confidence to be the you that you were intended to be. Being in control of your destiny and finding ways, healthy ways, to deal with the emotions that lead you to dive face-first into the Cherry Garcia, and asserting the control over your own life to have a handful of chips at the restaurant instead of the whole basket.
I know that genetically, the women in my family being of good Russian farm-stock, are pre-dispositioned to extra padding and have large frames. I've come to terms with the fact that I will never be a waif years ago. But now I am slowly but surely coming to terms with the fact that what I really need to do is face my inner demons and be happy with the me that I am in this moment and be proud of the healthy me that I am becoming. I am not happy because I am losing weight, I am happy because I am becoming healthy. Our bodies are temples and should be respected as such. You wouldn't go to church, temple, or a mosque and dump your garbage in it, why would you do that to your body?
I wake up every day and my goal is to not put myself down, to not look at the scale and beat myself up. To say, wow! I'm breathing easier and my asthma is not flaring up because I'm taking care of myself! And my greatest hope is that in helping myself, I am helping someone else as well. To truly succeed at becoming fit and healthy, you need a higher power and greater goal than a pair of jeans, a wedding, or a boyfriend. You need to do it for your life, to realize that dying young of a preventable cause is not for you, that your children need you to play with them and be there for them, that so many lives are dependent on you and in taking care of yourself, you are taking care of so many others. The ripple effect.
You may step on the scale and see that you've lost nothing, but then you realize, today you walked farther than you ever have before, and you were able to play with your toddler without losing your breath for the first time ever, or that, you made love with the lights on and didn't care. And then it hits you, it's not the numbers, it's the feeling, this is the high that everyone talks about. The scale isn't moving, but I am, and so is my world, and that, in the end, is the point.
Sorry for yet another long post, but I have been doing a lot of self-reflection lately and feel the need to share! :-)
I hope that you all have a beautiful day full of love and success!
I use it and love it!
Second, I need to re-stock this house with good things, not the crap that's been around for the past 3 months. AND, I need to stop making excuses. Yes, there have been the holidays, and YES, I've been working tons of overtime in an ER that sees 250-300 patients a day, plus let's not talk about the 2nd job working for an agency and the third job picking up as an in-house traveler for the other ERs at the other hospitals in the hospital system that I work for. (We are trying to pay off these debts as rapidly as possible so that we don't have that stress hanging over us forever.) But fact of the matter is, even though my pedometer may say that I'm getting 10,000 steps a day working in the ER, working my butt off is figurative, not actual, and I must go above and beyond in order to reach the goal of not being a butter-butt. That sucks. REALLY sucks. Because getting up at 4 am is not an option because my body won't allow it, and there are days that when I clock out, I barely have the energy to walk to my car and drive home, let alone hop on an elliptical trainer. But I must dig deep and find the strength. If Rocky Balboa can do it when he's 60-something, then why not me? I'm half that. But feel twice that. Oh well! 
