SO, my throat is still a little scratchy and I still have a bit of a cough, but other than that, I feel tons better! Sleeping all day yesterday seems to have done me a ton of good. I still didn't do much today as I was still feeling blah, but I did get up, showered and out the door into the freezing but sunny day and enjoy some fresh air. I went back to JC after skipping 4 days since I missed my Saturday WI. Thankfully, my new consultant didn't force me onto the scale when I told her I had a bad week and would rather not have the visual. SO, tomorrow is start-over. I have a week and a half until my 33rd birthday, so I have to be saintly until then so that I can enjoy my birthday cake! I have to work tomorrow, but I'm going to try to fit a workout in either before or after work. Most likely after, I still can't see myself waking up at 4am and forcing myself to workout. Yuck!
This is going to truly be a one-day-at-a-time struggle until the end of the holiday season, but if I can just survive the holidays, then I get a break from the food and special events for a couple of months. Wouldn't it be nice to look good, or at least decent, by summer?
Sorry I've been so whiny in my recent posts! I'm hoping to have better news to report in the near future!
You all are great! Have a great rest of the week! Friday is the day after tomorrow! YEAH!
Well, I have no creative name for my post today. Today's my day off and I have the flu or something like it. Yuck. I've spent the day curled up in bed feeling sorry for myself. I'm feeling a little better now, but still wiped out. I see that our blogs have re-appeared! I'd like to say a special thank you to EP for responding to my concerns. NOT! They could have at least acknowledged our concerns instead of ignoring the issue and just letting things happen. Of course, that's par for the course for EP, I think.
At any rate. I have an appointment with JC tomorrow. Here's to a better week 2 and a half. :-) I have accepted that I set myself up for failure last week and I need to just move past that and continue with my life. Better luck next time! I watched a show today about eating disorders and a woman that suffered from compulsive overeating said it best, "People who are addicted to Alcohol and Drugs have it so much easier than people who are addicted to food. They can choose to not go around alcohol and drugs, I cannot be away from food because it's part of my daily life and it's necessary for my survival." I wonder if and when I'll ever be able to control my emotions, or at least consistantly use more productive coping skills, to the point that I don't dive for the comfort foods when I'm stressed, bored, depressed, or just around my trigger foods, such as chocolate? I mean seriously. I had a really bad day at work the other day, I came home and there was chocolate there, I ate a piece of it and automatically felt a feeling of calm and release. It really is like an opiate in many ways. I even read a medical study once where they took subjects and had them eat chocolate, then the administered IV Narcan (a reversal agent for narcotics) to half the subjects and IV saline as the placebo to the other half and the subjects that were given the Narcan stopped eating the chocolate because they lost their taste for it. The theory being that the chemicals in chocolate act on the same receptors in your brain that narcotics do, mimicking the effects of narcotics on your brain. Makes sense. At least for me. I just need to get my life organized and in some sense of control.
The major stresses at the moment, beyond the daily finances, etc, that are always there, are the facts that school starts in January and I need to get ready for that and now I found out that the hospital system that I work for has made major changes to our benefits and our HMO/PPO is going to go away and be replaced with an HRA (Healthcare Reimbursement Account) instead. It's awful, it's expensive, none of my doctors will be covered, there will be no more set co-pays, instead we'll have to pay 20% for Dr's visits, ER/Urgent Care visits, hospital stays, and medications. If we chose brand name medications, we have to pay 20% PLUS the difference in price between the brand name and generic medication. Our employer will contribute $1650 a year for and Associate one (which is what I'll fall under), so everything up until that amount will be free. One ER visit will eat that up. It's insane. I have asthma, high cholesterol, IBS, Narcolepsy, migraines, and now these herniations in my back. ALL are medically controlled. Even if I only treat my asthma, which is my biggest concern, it's going to cost tons to treat. AND, they will only cover physicians associated with our hospital now. I'll have to switch all of my doctors that I've been with for years and know me. I'm not a happy camper. I love where I work, but I feel like my company has just given all of us a great big middle finger and dry screwed us. Pardon the visual. Hence the reason I came home and headed for the chocolate yesterday. They're supposed to have a "question and answer session" on Thursday at 9 pm, I guess I'll stay after work to listen and make sure that I am understanding this all because right now, I can't believe my eyes looking at the letter that they sent us about the changes effective January 1st. It says that we also have a $750 deductible, the plan will be more than $100 withdrawn from our checks every 2 weeks (more than $200 a month), and that's just the membership fees. We now have a lifetime cap of $1.5 million that is retroactive to include ANY benefits paid from previous plans while employed there. Oh, and to reassure us, we can contribute to a Flex Spending account to help cover expenses, but that still means we're going to be paying for everything out of pocket. To help in case of "catastrophic events" they said we'd have a max out of pocket of $3750 for Associate plus 1 ($5000 for families), which to me is a LOT of money and ONLY beneficial if you have a "catastrophic event." My catastrophic event will be bankruptcy, especially since I'll be in grad school and esentially paying for my own health care. Isn't it ironic that you dedicate your life to health care and then can't get good health coverage? Humph! Well, looks like since I'm feeling better, I'll be updating the old resume and job hunting tomorrow. Maybe it's a sign that it's time to move on. Who knows. I was really hoping to last where I was until I graduated so that I wouldn't have the stress of changing jobs and school at the same time. Of course, considering how my back is now, maybe I'll be able to find my old lady desk job with no lifiting and better hours so that my back can survive. One way or the other, I can't afford to stay where I am if this is the kind of "benefits" that I'm going to receive. My mother works for the schools and has better benefits than me! If I could afford the pay cut, I'd go back to school nursing, but that would be an almost 50% cut in pay. Not my idea of a good idea. I want MORE money, not less.
SO, here's to losing weight and hunting for jobs! Wish me luck!
So my first mystery is how the heck did I lose 3.2 pounds eating the way that I did this week and not working out? lol I suppose I shouldn't question miracles, but it REALLY doesn't make sense! I DID eat my JC food, but I dipped into lots of chocolate, ate Mexican today AND birthday cake and brownies...this DOES NOT add up! Oh Well! Watch me be a "good girl" next week and GAIN! Arrrrrgh! This dieting and weight loss thing is crazy.
My second mystery is WHERE THE HECK DID ALL OF MY POSTS GO?!?!?! I got on my site and THEY'RE NO WHERE TO BE FOUND!!!! EP, what are you doing to me?!?!
Well, maybe if they've wiped out all of my posts, this means I get to start over screw-up free, right? Hee hee!
Today was DH's birthday. He's a whopping 25 today. I'm going to be 33. I just watch a show today and apparently that makes me a "cougar!" ROAR!!!!! ROFLMAO!!!!!! TOO FUNNY! I don't care how much younger he is, as long as people think that it's ME that's the younger one! We had dinner at La Fogata, his choice. Needless to say, there's nothing OP there, and the b-day cake, I'm positive, is off plan, too. We did, however, "exercise." We also saw "Bee Movie," it was HILARIOUS! Highly recommend seeing it! While we were waiting for the movie, we popped over to the Starbuck's in the Barne's and Noble next to the theatre. I bought a Yoga DVD by Rodney Yee that specifically targets the back and is supposed to help heal and prevent pain. I hope it works! I think I'll try it tomorrow when I get off work. I'm stuffed and can't fathom exercising more than I already did today! lol DH had to go to work to collect cash from the drivers and pay for fuel for the shuttles and cars, so I'm by myself right now, which is why I'm on the computer instead of with birthday boy right now. The problem with a small private business is that there is no such thing as coverage or a day off, I guess.
I don't think I'll mention that one to my JC consultant, though. I missed my 8 am appointment today. I over-slept. My brother came over last night and we were up late. Didn't go to bed until after 3 am, next thing I know, it's 9am and I'm getting a call from JC asking me where I was, did I forget my appointment? The answers was in bed and yes. OOPS! At least I have food for tomorrow and then I'm going to go in on Monday for a refill. I'm not going to do an official JC WI until next Saturday, though. Not after this weekend!
SO, I got off to a rocky start on the JC thing. I set myself up when I chose the week I did, I suppose. OH WELL! I can't believe I didn't pay the price on the scale, though! And I didn't get the "treatment effects" from the ALLI, either. Another amazing thing all things considered. I suppose that I should get on track, though, because I don't want to tempt fate by repeating the mistakes of this week again. I'm certain I won't be so lucky next time.
SO, I guess I'm going to get my stuff together for work and then go to bed. I WAS going to go visiting blogs, but apparently EP is experiencing something weird, because I just checked and NO ONE has posts on their blog sites! WEIRD!
Have a great week, all! I'll try to catch up later, I guess!
Ok, so I've been doing a LOT of whining here lately about my back. And I'm still praying to have at least one day of a pain-free life where I can move and not feel like my back is being ripped apart when I do. Since that's not coming any time soon, I suppose the next best thing is to dust myself off and continue with my life and make the best of things. What I have to accept is that there are exercises that I cannot do. BUT there are exercises I CAN do. I'm going to have to learn to like yoga, it's good for stretching and strengthening my back. I've poo-pooed it before because it doesn't burn the calories that other things do, but maybe it will make me feel better. The doctor seems to think I should. I'll give it a try. lol I'm still a little achy, but no where near what I have been. At least the spasms are starting to ease up on me. Now I need to get back to my life.
SO...I FINALLY went back to Jenny Craig. I was not hopeful considering my previous experiences with the center, but I was desperate. I am more hopeful of this time around after meeting my counselor, a term that I generally use loosely with JC consultants, they have turned out to mostly be sales people in my case. This time, however, my consultant, who is new to the center, has a Bachelor's Degree in Nutrion! WOW! I was shocked! Someone who knows what she is talking about! lol For once I went in not feeling like I was being sold something instead of listened to! Yesterday was supposed to be my official start date, but I still had pumpkin pie at the house and there was some yummy chocolate, too. So I deferred one day (ate good all day, but did dive into that pie and chocolate! lol) and decided that today was the first day of the rest of my life instead. Funny thing was, I was down 3 pounds this morning from my weight on Sunday am anyway. I am going by my BAN weight at home, NOT the center weight, which was fully clothed and after eating. No matter how you dice it, I was up after almost 3 weeks of barely being able to move and not exactly watching what I was eating.
SO, I"m back on Jenny. And I bought another bottle of Alli. I don't know if it will help, but I'm willing to give it a shot. Here's to hoping this is the final time I have to post another "Here I go starting over!" blog!
Now, I am just hoping that these shots in my spine work. I'm due for my 2nd injection on Nov 7th. The first one wasn't the miracle I was hoping for. Maybe the 2nd one will do better. I hope so, otherwise I'm going to have to find a job that is less physical. I DO NOT want surgery!
SO...Here's to another beginning and hoping for the best! I have to go into work for 4 hours tonight, so I'll try to catch up with everyone tomorrow!
Just FYI, I'm not a big whiny baby today. My back, while still not 100%, is MUCH better. I had a hard day at work but survived it. I treated myself to pumpkin pie.
Sunday is a day of redemption. Sunday starts Jenny back in my routine.
Countdown to skinny?
I hope!
I'm going to bed now...the Darvocet and Xanaflex are kicking in...feeling high...making no sense...
Ever feel like just when you get your resolve, your mojo, and your routine all aligned and things are going great that some cosmic jester comes along and pulls the carpet out from under you, causing you to fall right on your bum and ruining all of your starry-eyed plans? I do.
SO...as of last post, I was aggravated at DH...who, might I add, is still not out of the dog house, but I've been otherwise occupied to concern myself with him and his boneheadedness...and I was going to start over the diet and exercise resolve anew in spite of it all. Well, I did re-join Jenny, but I haven't picked up my food yet or went to my first consultation (more on that in a minute), and I DID contact Habeebas to re-start Belly Dancing, and I DID fully intend to re-start the full-on exercise plan. I was full of plans and then my stupid back got involved. I had re-injured it a couple of weeks ago (I think I mentioned that in my last post), and it never did get better, in fact, it got worse. Back pain SUCKS! Actually, I can deal with the pain, it's the stupid spasms that get to me. The ones that grab me like claws and send me to my knees. Add that to the fact that after being on my feet for 12 hours, my right foot starts to go numb, it's not been a happy couple of weeks. I'm in pain, it's keeping me up and night, and it's making me cranky and a very unsympathetic nurse. Especially when I'm running around taking care of 25 year olds complaining that their backs hurt and they're collecting disability while obviously being in great shape and working out. Sometimes I do feel like a legal drug dealer.
At any rate, after a couple weeks of not being able to move, bend over, and barely walk due to pain, I broke down and called my physical medicine doctor and told him that I couldn't deal with it anymore. I missed my belly dancing class (unable to move), I cancelled on my trainer (unable to move), I even had to cancel my dog's follow-up vet appointment because I couldn't bear the thought of having her tug on me when she got excited because she was getting to go for a car ride. While I am able to bear pain quite well, this was the make me cry, over the top kind of pain that makes you not want to move for fear of having to experience it again. Which led to depression over not being able to do anything for myself and being miserable at work because I couldn't do my job 100%, and back to my counselor, Dr. Hershey. Comfort foods are called such for a reason. I haven't been OL much because I've gone to work and come straight home and right to bed because I felt so bad.
Anyhoo, I called Dr. Stephenson and went to him begging him to do something and he finally talked me into getting epidural steroid injections. That's right, a great big needle gets stuck into my back and cortisone is injected directly into my freaking spine. It's supposed to decreased the inflammation of the herniations and relieve the pain and numnbess. We'll see. My friend drove me to my appointment yesterday. I'm glad she went with me, because after the injection, my blood pressure dropped and I nearly passed out when I got off the table after the injections. I was dizzy and in pain all day yesterday and I've been doped up on Darvocet and Xanaflex for the past 2 days. I still hurt and my right leg still goes numb, but the spasms are easing and I was able to bend over and pick up something that I dropped on the floor for the first time in 2 weeks today! Baby steps, baby steps.
I'm back to work tomorrow after my measley 2 days off to recoupe. I need a vacation. It would be nice if I could ever get one approved. That's another story, though. I'm still cranky. As far as the belly dance thing goes, I'm going to try again this Monday. I really want to get back into it. I want to get back into my entire life. I work tomorrow and Saturday. I'm off Sunday. I'm going to Jenny Sunday, since I'll be getting paid tomorrow, I'll at least have the money for it. As far as the dog goes, her ear infection has cleared up, her vaccines are up to date, and she's doing well. DH still has a ways to go to clean his reputation up after his recent bout of idiotitis that he's been dealing with. I still haven't done the Zumba thing, my back has kept me from wanting to do those kind of moves, too. Stupid back.
Well, I'm trying my best to make this the end of the line for the whining and pity partying. It's been a long 2 weeks. I'm going to call my trainer and ask him to re-design a program that is easier on my back. Belly Dancing is actually quite gentle on the back and I'm hoping that as the injection takes effect, I'll be doing better in the movement department. I am schedule for my second shot on Nov 14th, but I'm going to try to get someone to work for me on the 7th so I can get it done then instead. Dr. Stephenson only does them on Wednesdays. It's a series of 3 injections and I'm praying that after that, my back will be better. Everyone that I've talked to that has had the injections says that they are a life saver. I really hope I'm not the exception.
So anyway, I'm really sorry that I've been tormentin everyone with my whining and complaining these past couple of blogs. I am hoping to be a little perkier and more inspiring soon. It's amazing how pain and interpersonal relationships can feed into your moods and turn into a vicious cycle of pain and depression and feeling sorry for yourself. I just want to be out of pain. I feel elderly. It sucks. I know there are people in worse pain and worse situations than me. I should be grateful for all that I have and that my problems are minor compared to what others are going through. I am. But I am still having my moment. Sometimes when you spend your whole life letting others have their moment at the expense of ignoring your own issues, you just have to turn the focus on yourself and whine. That's what I'm doing.
SO, I'm going to bed now. Tomorrow is a new day. The injections will help my back. Jenny will help the scale move. The trainer will shape my waist, and Belly Dancing will help my mood. My husband? He's going to have to help himself. I love him, but he's going ot have to learn how to grow up and act right on his own. Whatever this phase is that he's going through, I've determined that he's going to have to just go through it.
Again, I apologize for bringing anyone down who might be reading this. I'll try to be sunnier later! lol
OK. I'm here. I suppose I should get out of the "all or nothing" mind set. I also need to remind myself that this blog is my weightloss lifeline and when I'm off of here, I'm leaving myself open to the binge wolves. Arrrrgh!
I've had a crazy couple of weeks. It doesn't help that I tend to let myself get wrapped up in whatever is driving me crazy and continue in the downhill spiral. Well...let's see. When last we left the diet heroine, she was aggravated about the vet and on her way to a 4 day stretch in the ER....
SO, I cleaned the house on the Friday before the stretch. At least it looks better. Not what I am ultimately envisioning, but not exactly a pig stye. Then there was the four days of hell in the ER. Which left little energy to do anything but work and sleep.
The 10th was the anniversary of the day DH and I met for the first time. I was good that am, I worked out, accomplished some things, not too bad. Was shocked that DH remembered the date. More shocked that he bought roses...and chocolate. (NOT good for me!) I got dressed up. Hair, makeup, clothes. I asked him, "Honey, how do I look?" "Alright, let's go, we're late and I'm hungry." WTF?!?! And then we went to dinner. Disaster ensued. First of all, he takes me to a Mexican Restaurant with TVs everywhere, one was directly behind me. Every attempt to talk to him was non-productive because he was watching the tv behind me. I tried generic topics, like "how's your brother and his wife?" To which he responded, "OMG! I can't believe he did that!" I foolishly thought this was a response to my inquiry. "Did what, honey?" And he replies, "He just had all of that money and lost it all! He should have taken the banker's offer!" Needless to say, "Deal or No Deal" was playing behind me. Later that night, I bring up the fact that my course of Lupron was over, my OB/Gyn says that we either get pregnant now, or I go back on birth control. His response. "I don't care, whatever you want to do." Can someone PLEASE inform the man that this is NOT the appropriate response?!?! At least don't preface it with "I don't care!!!!!" You know, HE'S the one that started out with the romantic gesture, why'd he start acting so stupid?!?!
Well, I was not in a good mood the rest of the week, needless to say. I ignored my workouts, not because of him in particular, but because of other obligations and then lack of interest once I was finished with them. Then Saturday, I had the day off. We went out to eat with my parents to a restaurant that was an hour drive away. We were supposed to leave at noon, he doesn't show up from his "quick trip" to the office until 1:30 pm, then listens to his stupid MP3 player the whole way there and back. Did I mention that this was the first evening that we've had off together in forever? He makes plans to go out that night with his buddies. I raised a fuss, it's not like he hasn't been out with them MULTIPLE times every weekend, week night, blah blah. They even kept calling him while we were eating on the previously mentioned dinner on the 10th. They are PESTS!!!!!! They're mostly single and don't think about the fact that he has a wife, and apparently he's not thinking about that either. SO. Then we get home, he tells me he cancelled going out with his buddies. I'm thinking "MAYBE he gets it!" NOPE! He has decided to go to work and cover a driver THAT WANTED THE NIGHT OFF WITH HIS WIFE!!!!!!!!!! Are you freaking kidding me?!?! He is NOT on my "A list" right now.
SO....I worked Sunday and Monday. I strained my back again, so I have spent today laying around not able to move much. If it has fallen on the floor, it has remained there. I can't move. Couple that with the husband issues and the hormonal thing, I've not been on plan.
Well. I have decided that it is time to get over myself. If that is the way he wants to play, fine. Whatever. I'm going to continue with my life and drop the issue. I have no intention of letting problems with a man ruin my figure in progress once again. You see what happened the last time. Hopefully, DH will stop being an idiot soon. But I'm done with the strife for now. Life's too short. I have no doubt that he will soon learn the errors of his ways. I have my ways of getting points across. And it translates into several languages.
And while I was laying on the couch wishing that my muscle relaxers would kick in, I formulated plans, plots and other such schemes. And they were ALL selfish. So there! For me and me alone. Hah!
First of all, I schedule a 90 minute massage for tomorrow afternoon. My back and mind need it. My bank account is questioning it. I don't care. I also made an appointment with my doctor on Thursday to talk to him about options for my back, this is getting to really interfere in my life. I'm also going to a Zumba class with my friend tomorrow evening that is offered at our gym. It sounds really fun and I'm ready to dance. DH hates dancing. I love it. Might as well fuse it with a weight loss and health advantage! I'm also picking up my belly dancing classes again. I called the studio that I used to dance at and I start back on Monday at 9pm. YEAH!
AND...since apparently I'm needing structure in my diet these days, I called Jenny again. For those of you who have been following my struggle, you know Jenny and I have a shaky relationghip, but the food tastes pretty good, and they had an offer to re-activate my rewards program for $39, so I'm going for it. I have a few frozen dinners to use up right now, so I'm going to finish those this week and start it up next week on Thurs. I know it's nothing I can't do on my own. I suppose it's psychological. I lost 50 pounds with them last time. At least I can get my rear end kick started. I need to get the rest of this weight off. It's affecting not only my health but my attitude. Not because I'm down on myself for being overweight, but because I'm frustrated with not being able to attain this goal after 2 years of struggling. I'm going to be 33, it's time to take the reigns and get over the excuses.
One big thing is that I need to get my sleep/wake cycle under control. I've been struggling with sleep problems for a while now. My sleep apnea is resolved since I've lost weight, but I also have a mild form of Narcolepsy and I'm still working on finding the perfect combo to get my body to be "normal." My doc is switching me to Lunesta, we'll see if that helps me to sleep when I should and continue with the Provigil to stay awake. I would give anything to have a normal sleep cycle."
As far as the hormones go, needless to say, I'm back on birth control, which is starting to level me off and i'm beginning to feel "normal" again and the cravings are slowly dying off. It feels good to have estrogen back on board and not feel crazy anymore.
I know, this is a long and whiney post. I should have warned you all first. Oh well. Another chapter in the life of me. Time to get over last week and move on. I can't wait for tomorrow's massage!!!!!
OK. SOOOO, I haven't posted in 5 days, which by far is NOT the longest of my absences on EP, but considering I'm trying to be BETTER about posting, I'm not pleased with myself. Is anyone else having issues getting e-mail notifications that people have posted to your blog, btw?
Well, this has been my week:
I had a chocolate breakdown again. My hormones are coming back after this Lupron and they're making me insane. I've been like an addict searching for a score when it comes to my chocolate cravings. Cravings of epic proportion that the world has never seen. Not to mention the crying fits for NO DARN REASON!!!! Sorry. I'm not insensitive, but a cry baby I am not and this is totally screwing with my head. And I've been a little cranky, too. I went to my OB/Gyn on Wed, he assures me that it's just an adjustment phase and I would get over it. I told him I hated this phase. I'm bloated, irritable, and I have been dreaming up new ways to enjoy chocolate. Do you think anyone would buy Chocolate Steak Sauce if I marketed it? lol As he patted me on the back and told me to take a deep breath, I'd get through this, I cried again. I'm insane. ARRRRGH!!!!!!
SO, after that appointment, it was time for the Dog's vet visit. She has an ear infection. It's gross. It cost me $155 to culture her ears and treat it. I told him it was a yeast infection. My nurse sniff test knew that. He insisted it be cultured before writing a script. It could be bacterial, he insisted. Guess what? It was yeast. I'm glad he was there to confirm that I knew what I was talking about. AND she had to have blood drawn (heart worm test). The stupid vet MISSED her vein and made her cry. It was a huge vein. Then he kept DIGGING for it! OMG This dog NEVER cries, she has a HUGE pain tolerance. She tore her ACL 2 years ago when she slipped on the ice and fell down the deck stairs. Kissed the ER vet and wagged her tail while he spinted her. And this guy comes in and makes her cry. Poor baby! I finally told him to get the needle out of her leg and give me the syringe, I'd do it. He told me he couldn't let someone that wasn't "trained" do that. lol Whatever. I told him the other vet always lets me because I do more needle sticks in one day than she does in a year and I wasn't letting him keep digging at her. He wanted to know what I did for a living. I told him I was an ER nurse. He condescendingly informed me there was a "difference" between what he does and what I did. Obviously he didn't realize that where I work is a zoo. lol At least that's what it feels like most days. He's new with the clinic, looks to be about 15, and I've diagnosed him with a case of Chronic and Terminal Stupidity, incompatible with life and yet he lives. Next time, if her regular vet that knows what she's doing isn't in, I'm re-scheduling.
At any rate, I'm now $155 poorer and she still needs her 3 year Rabies vaccine, but she couldn't get it then because of the infection. She's miserable and a dog that size that is miserable is not a fun house guest. SO, there went my e-diets money for the week and I'm forced once again to do it the old fashioned way for now. Cooking. Yuck! I'm not a domestic. I want to be, but I'm not. My husband is well aware that my idea of me making dinner consists of using speed dial on the phone. Oh well! I'll survive! Now's as good a time as any to dust off the cook books and channel my inner Rachel Ray.
Speaking of domestic. I came home last night and apparently all of those appliances like the washer/dryer, dish washer, vacuum, etc, that I thought operated on a code that only I knew in order to operate them (it was my best reasoning because they only seemed to work for me), guess what? They DO work for other people! DH actually did the laundry, cleaned the house, and cooked dinner. Even if I hadn't noticed it, he made certain to detail everything that he did. You never know, it may be on the front page of the Sunday paper. Anyone have any idea why women are expected to do these things and men need treats like dogs to do tricks?
So I'm in the middle of a four day stretch of 12 hour shifts. I cheated on my diet Friday. I haven't worked out this weekend unless you count my job. I"m a slacker. I accept it. At least I'm eating well. The scale doesn't show it. I'm holding more water than Hoover Dam. Stupid hormones. I have 4 days off to work out, though. 4 out of 7 ain't bad. Not considering. I have tried the getting up at 4:30 am to work out. It's in-human and un-natural. God did not intend for anything to wake up at that hour of the morning.
Goals for the week? Stay on plan, which is not a difficult task while at work, where I don't get time to pee let alone eat, and work out on the days that I'm not working. I can do that. That's attainable. I think I'm going to start taking the dog out for walks in the evening as it gets cooler, too. She doesn't like going out in the heat, but with cooler evenings, I think I can coax the beast out of the house. As for the chocolate cravings? I was joking with my brother that I wished that they made chocolate gum, as that seems to be the one sweet thing that I can have and not have to worry about the calorie intake. I was kidding. Know what? He went to Target and discovered that Bubble Yum MAKES Hershey's Chocolate Bubble Gum! lol Only 25 calories a piece! Tastes like a tootsie roll, but lasts longer. Miracles DO happen!
Well. I'm going to bed. My other goal for the week is to be in bed before midnight. I"m going to achieve that goal now.
Have a great week all! You're the best bunch of loser friends a girl could have!
Proud of me! (And check out all the new pics! TWO Albums worth!)
The week started off great! I had to work, it was super busy, but I maintained a positive attitude and stayed OP!!!! PLUS, I even got in a good 45 min workout that, according to the elliptical, shaved 450 calories off the day, plus whatever I burned as a float nurse in the ER today. I took time and loaded my new 2nd generation ipod shuffle up with lots of energetic songs and I popped it on when I got home, got a new shot of energy, and went to town! YIPPEE FOR ME! I'm going to get this weight loss thing down yet!
I know everyone wants me to post new red head shots. I have to get someone to take the pics for me. Promise them later this week. In the mean time....
Check out the new pics that I added AND I have a 2nd album up and running, too!
I finally figured out how to use my scanner after having it for 3 years and I scanned a bunch of photos onto my computer. I decided that I would post pics of the old, fit and fab me that I am trying to return to as a reminder of what I am aiming for. And for anyone who doubted me, I WAS thin and smokin' at one point in my life. Sad thing of it is, it wasn't all that long ago, 2003. Sadder yet, when I looked like that, I thought I was FAT and needed to lose weight. I also posted my pooche's glamour shot. She's my girl! Oh yeah, and just for kicks and giggles, I put up an "evolution" album that chronicles me from skinny and gangly kid to pudgy teen, not-to-bad college chic, fit and trim after college, and then post-knee injury/steroids/divorce fatty patty me. There are some wedding pics in there, too. It was an informal affair. It's not like people hadn't seen me get married before! lol I looked like the good-year blimp! lol It didn't help that DH is so skinny. Nothing like weighing almost 100#s more than the groom. So much for getting carried over the thresh hold! I had to walk myself through the door.
SO, now that I have my reminder, evolution, and motivation pics of the me of the past and future, here I go! It's gonna happen! Gotta keep up the positive attitude! There's nothing killing me that's keeping me from my goals, so I can do this!
Have a great day all! I'm off to bed and I'll check in on everyone tomorrow!
Oof! I picked up hours at the rural hospital that I work at on occassion. Apparently on Sundays, the nurses there all bake and bring in goodies because the cafeteria isn't opened. I am hormonal and I caved.
Tomorrow is a new day.
Here's to the promise of a new day and the undoing of my chocolated frenzy...
We had dinner at La Fogata, his choice. Needless to say, there's nothing OP there, and the b-day cake, I'm positive, is off plan, too. We did, however, "exercise." 
We also saw "Bee Movie," it was HILARIOUS! Highly recommend seeing it! While we were waiting for the movie, we popped over to the Starbuck's in the Barne's and Noble next to the theatre. I bought a Yoga DVD by Rodney Yee that specifically targets the back and is supposed to help heal and prevent pain. I hope it works! I think I'll try it tomorrow when I get off work. I'm stuffed and can't fathom exercising more than I already did today! lol DH had to go to work to collect cash from the drivers and pay for fuel for the shuttles and cars, so I'm by myself right now, which is why I'm on the computer instead of with birthday boy right now. The problem with a small private business is that there is no such thing as coverage or a day off, I guess.
I do. 
Sometimes I do feel like a legal drug dealer. 
Whatever this phase is that he's going through, I've determined that he's going to have to just go through it. 
And they were ALL selfish. So there! For me and me alone. Hah! 
Oh yeah, and just for kicks and giggles, I put up an "evolution" album that chronicles me from skinny and gangly kid to pudgy teen, not-to-bad college chic, fit and trim after college, and then post-knee injury/steroids/divorce fatty patty me. There are some wedding pics in there, too. It was an informal affair. It's not like people hadn't seen me get married before! lol I looked like the good-year blimp! lol It didn't help that DH is so skinny. Nothing like weighing almost 100#s more than the groom. So much for getting carried over the thresh hold! I had to walk myself through the door.