Sorry I've been MIA for a few days. My network at home has been going insane, so I've had unpredictable internet access. My rare times that it has worked, I've had to spend it doing school-related projects and putting the finishing touches on my Biggest Loser project for work. The competition starts this Monday and I hope my labor of love pays off. Things I've learned (actually knew but had reinforced) is that you can't please 100% of the people 100% of the time. Therefore, I'm doing it as best I can and I'll have to hope for the best! There's 40 names on the sign-up list. I'm anxious to see how many people put their money where their mouth is this week. My personal plan has been inconsistent this week. I rationalized that it was my last week to be lazy and enjoy a forbidden food for 3 months, so it was my "Fat Tuesday" all week long! lol I've developed a weight-loss and exercise guide, a diet and exercise log and gotten the hospital to donate comp passes to a gym and pedometers. I hope everyone likes it and finds the resources I put together useful. I put a lot of time and effort into it. If you pay $20, I want you to at least get your money's worth, even if you don't win. Now I must practice what I preach. I found an awesome quote while I was researching the project:
"He who cannot find time for bodily exercise will eventually have to find time for illness."
Great quote. I suppose for as much as we all do, there's always time for an extra 20 minutes of exercise. I find time for stuff that I don't need to do, I suppose that I can make time for things that I DO need to do. That's why I like my elliptical and my DVDs. I can multi-task and do things that don't do themselves like start the laundry and dishwasher and then pop in a DVD or catch up on a fave show that I DVR'd while I"m on the elliptical. One thing I DO NOT do is read and work out. I go slow when I do that, plus I just can't do it. I see women at the gym reading magazines on the treadmill or elliptical and walking at a snail's pace. a) how do they burn any calories, b) how can they read and walk or bounce up and down? I don't get it.
Also, apparently I've out-lived another JC "consultant." I liked this one. I liked my first one. Seems if I like them, they're sure to leave. I need to stop becoming attached, I suppose. Brings up abandonment issues. lol I have an appointment tomorrow with my new girl. We'll see. I'm back to the attitude that I'm doing what I have to do to get to the order at the end of the meeting. I'm at the 30% mark with the rewards program, so it's become significantly cheaper to get the food there than at the store. Twelve Weeks. January 21st-April 14th. There's the committment. Here's to hoping that I keep it! Wish me luck!
I'm working 12 hour nights tonight. First time in ages. Hope I survive! I needed the extra $$$$$ as we're still recovering from going over-budget on Christmas and bracing ourselves for Uncle Sam's out-stretched hand. Between DH having to file self-employment and me working like a mad woman last year to pay off the ex-husband debts, we're going to get killed in taxes. On the upside, I won't be able to afford to eat out a lot! lol
Dad's 1st knee replacement surgery is a month away. I'm nervous for him. He's never had surgery in his life, and now he's going to have 2 within the course of a month. I just hope it takes care of his pain. He gets so frustrated from not being able to walk without dreading every step. He won't even go into stores anymore because he can't stand to walk around, he just sits in the car. Everyone send a prayer up to heaven for him that he gets through this okay, please!
Schools going okay. The class isn't tough, just lots of busy work and dry reading. Nursing theory. Yuck. Hated it as an undergrad, still not a fan as a grad student. Sorry prof, you're not turning me on and I still can't see why anyone would devote their life to it. Oh well. Means to an end. Biding my time to Sept of 2010 and a bigger pay check! lol
OH...and one more thing...PV Princess....Remember the last time Michigan Beat OSU or went to a National Championship? That's okay, I know it's hard to remember things that happened so long ago! lol
Have a great day, all! I'm off to try to take a nap before I have to be up all night burning the midnight oil!
So I'm on day 3 of my new and, hopefully, improved resolve of 2008. So far, so good! Stayed OP, worked out today (yesterday I ran my bum off and did CPR more than anyone should in one day, so I came home and collapsed, but I can't see where that doesn't count as activity), and I'm feeling much better! I'm a little over a month away from my 2 year anniversary with EP (2/13), and I'm not where I want to be weight-wise, but I have met other goals:
*I paid off the ex-husband debts (although I'm certain to get slaughtered come tax time from working non-stop for an entire year straight of overtime)
*My "IBS" turned out to be my appendix (chronic viral, not acute bacterial), proving I wasn't crazy
*I DID regain weight (thanks Lupron), but I never hit 245 again
*I went back to grad school! (extra stress, but with a light at the end of the tunnel)
*I re-connected with my long-lost BFF that I hadn't heard from since college
*I've gained self-confidence and a comfort in my skin that I never realized I had.
*I was brave enough to finally get those epidural injections in my back that had terrified me (and my back feels GRRRREAT!)
SOOOO....what's for 2008?
*Organize my life so that there is "me" time in spite of it all
*Hit that goal weight by 2009
*Stay on-plan strict during the BL contest, it's my baby, I want to be the example!
*Help my DH to quit smoking and my DD to recover from knee surgery
*Keep a positive attitude and not let myself get discouraged because I can't see the forest for the trees. This is a one-day-at-a-time approach to life.
And in the Diet and weightloss department, here's what I'm doing...
*Back to JC, well, next week, I had a week's worth of food in stock from not staying OP for the holidays.
*I've stocked up on a variety of DVDs to prevent boredom, I have Belly Dance, Tae Bo, The Firm, Yoga Booty, Yoga/Pilates...I have on order: Zumba (because the class is at 6:30 at the gym I get off at 7:30), Hula Dance (sounded fun!), and Biggest Loser 1, Biggest Winner Box Set, and 10 minute abs. (they were all on sale for cheap) I bore easily, I figured a good variety would keep me going stronger.
*My 2nd gen ipod shuffle is stuffed with music to motivate while I'm on the elliptical trainer, out walking, or doing whatever at the gym. If you don't have a shuffle, you should get one, they're so much easier to work out with than the big ipod. I love the big ipod, but the little shuffle can clip on your pony tail holder and be totally out of the way (you can get a factory refurbished one at www.overstock.com for cheap).
*My 2008 Calorie King Pocket Counter is in my purse at all times so I don't get caught off guard.
*I start back with my Belly Dancing class on the 16th. They had an 8pm class opening up then, so I switched so that I could go to the class even if I had to work.
*And of course, I have my friend on EP for group therapy!
Oh! And here's a cool site that I discovered if you haven't heard of it, you should check it out: Exercise TV it's a web site that has tons of online exercise videos that you can do for free. (It's also available for free with "On Demand" on several cable services.)
The DH update goes like this...he's switch from doing the runs that keep him out until 2 am to runs that have him home by 9 and home more on the weekends, as well. He's trying. We'll get there. His "stop smoking" effort has led him from Marlboro Reds to Lights. Still hasn't cut back on the amount of cigs, I can't convince him that Lights are still smoking, but I've learned that nagging gets me nowhere, too. I hope he succeeds.
Well, I'd better wrap this up. I have laundry to fold and I need to get to bed. Gotta work tomorrow!
With this being the first day of school, I was really going to wait to get back on track with "The Plan" on the 21st, the 1st day of the BL competition (since it's my baby), UNTIL...
I stepped on the scale this morning and saw the price of my wicked, wicked ways . OOF! Ok, I get it. My metabolism is not 23, it's 33. Eating heavy, fatty, salty, sugary foods can and will not move on through, they'll set up housekeeping on my hips, abs and thighs. Of course, I'd kind of gotten to that place where my stomach felt and I was only eating because it was time to, I was bored, or it was chocolate, I was stressed and we were in the same room at the same time. As previously noted, I was feeling sluggish, bloated, mentally foggy and suffering from the migraine that wouldn't leave, so it was time. My body figured it out long before my initiative did. Today was the PERFECT day to get back on track, it was mid-60's in COLUMBUS inJANUARY! OMG! SO, I ate well. Had a JC breakfast, Subway Turkey Sub and Yogurt for lunch and a JC dinner, fruit, a JC snack, lots of H2O and took a nice leisurely walk around campus. The prize, ENERGY! The draw back? ENERGY! I need to sleep and I'm wide awake! lol
I'm still trying to tweek the organization skills to keep up with work, school, family/friends and fitness, but I can't afford NOT to do this. I start PT for my knee on the 15th, same day my first assignment is due. I briefly considered giving up my Belly Dance class on Wed nights, but it's the one fun thing I do for me and my escape. I need it. I am considering giving up the gym membership, though. I've got tons of DVDs, an elliptical, free weights and a Bow Flex. They're opening a gym that's closer to me (same gym, new branch), so I'm gonna wait and see if I go there more often before I make the decision. It's easy to WO at home, but nice to escape to a place where there's no cell phones, pagers, internet or St Bernards and Cats jumping in on your routine. IDK. We'll see.
As far as work goes, I'm not going to 3p-3a yet. The opening got filled by a 7p-7a that had been on the wait list for a while, so I'm on the wait list now. I'll probably come to my senses and not want it by the time the position comes open. lol Decisions!
On other fronts, DH and I went out Sunday on a date. Not the most romantic in the world. It consisted of hitting the "going out of business" sale at Schottenstein's Value City, dinner at La Fogata, and then to Walmart for milk and bananas. But we got to talk, forget work, and use our bedroom for more than sleeping for the first time in what feels like ages. He surprised me by buying a jogging suit and tennis shoes at the sale and announcing to me that he was going to start working out with me when he could and try to stop smoking. I think that his dad's health crisis is getting to him. He's also cutting back on the night runs at work and once he gets his transcript evaluation back to tell us where his Bachelor's Degree stands here, he's going to go back to school and give up the night runs. There's hope for him still! Still no word on if FIL is coming here or not. I really don't know that he's prepared to leave Egypt to come here even for a short time. He's never left the country, doesn't speak English, and all of his family but us is there. I told DH I'm prepared to do whatever is required of me whatever the decision is and I meant it.
As far as Dad goes, he's worried and excited about the knee replacements. My fear is his recovery, my hope is that he'll be able to walk again after all of this. He can't get anywhere without a cane these days and has fallen a few times, too, because his knees gave out. The pain is affecting every aspect of his life. So, I'm having internet installed at the parent's house so that I can keep up with school while I'm there and DH knows that I'm going to be all but moving back home. He's agreed to help out as much as he can. My worry right now is getting help for the days I have to work.
My last post was depressing, part of it was the migraine talking, the other part was me worrying about things that I cannot change. The best I can do at this time is to organize and take it all in stride. What else can you do? Stress is part of my everyday life. I've grown to accept that. Now I have to deal with it. At least with school, I'm in class with 3 of my friends, so we have each other to lean on. The health plan is not an option, I have to get and saty healthy because there is no space in the scheme of things for me to be unhealthy or ill. And I have to make an outlet for my stress or I'll buckle under it.
Finally, I must remind myself that what I am dealing with is by far not the worst obstacles that people have had to deal with and overcome. Whining does no good. Worrying won't change it. Sitting on my can only makes things pile up and grow bigger.
SO, here's to putting on my Big Girl Panties and dealing! LOL
Have a great week, all! I'll try to visit as much as I can and thanks to everyone who dropped by and offered the hugs!
Ok, So I've finally gotten a background back. NO IDEA why it won't take the color that I set up for the "my profile, quick nav, etc" titles and it's showing gray. I suppose that I should be greatful that I have what I do. I wen't back 4 times and re-set it and it's still showing gray, at least my posts aren't and neither are the actual lists. Baby steps.
So I've been a horrible dieter. I have had a migraine for over a week. The darn thing started on the 30th and just went down from there. Working with bright lights and lots of noise and stress didn't help. We had a bad New Years, lots of sad and tragic cases. Stupid drunk drivers. Of course, it wasn't the drunk drivers that I had to take care of in the trauma rooms. They survive without a scratch. Doesn't make sense. No wonder I've been battling this migraine. It mellowed briefly to a dull pound when I had a couple of days off. Yesterday I was cleaning house (deep clean), I think the smell of the cleaning chemicals made it come back again. I had a couple more rooms to do today. Didn't get to them. Oh well, I'm working 4 hours tomorrow and I'm hoping to get it done when I get home. I've spent the day in the dark and in silence. Light and noise drive me crazy when I have a migraine. Hope this thing breaks. School starts back this week, I need my brain functioning.
As far as the diet thing, I suppose I'm sort of waiting to go full-force until the 21st when the BL competition starts at work. Get my mojo back via friendly competition. Of course, I'm sure that part of the reason (besides stress at work) is the fact that I've been eating crap and not working out. It's true, you are what you eat. I'm feeling like jaba the hut right now. Great big lazy slug. Too much fat, salt and sugar, too little movement and hydration. I need a vacation in a tropical pradise.
I really need to get myself on track. Especially since my father called yesterday and said that he is going to have his knees replaced, I think it's the left on Feb 20th, the right on March 19th. I'm going to have my work cut out for me between work, school and helping him recover, plus my own physical therapy for my bum knee and back that are flaring up on me again. On top of that, DH's father is having heart problems and Egyptian doctors are doing nothing for him, so he may be coming to the US to live with us and get treatment soon, too. I just pray that the knee replacements will help my dad, he's been in so much pain, he can barely walk these days, his knees are shot. My FIL is a life-long heavy smoker and his heart and lungs are paying for it. I would never discourage DH from bringing him here because it's nothing I wouldn't do for my own father, especially since I work in a top 100 heart hospital. Our parents raised us and I am old-fashioned, I feel that family should take care of family, so when our parents need us, we're here for them without complaint. It's not like they didn't give up plenty of good-nights' sleep for us. The good thing is that DH is from a culture that feels the same and therefore, I don't have to worry about him complaining when something happens and I need to be there for family instead of home. I'm working on organizing the house, my life, work, school, diet and exercise so that nothing suffers and I can stay on top of my obligations. I'm not complaining. I'm just preparing myself for the hectic life that will be coming soon.
DH had to wait to get his transcripts and have them translated and evaluated to see where his Bachelor's in Egypt would place him in the US, so he won't be starting school until Spring, so from the looks of it, he's not giving up the night runs like he promised me until then. I'm not excited about that. I'm hoping that of his dad does move here that he gives them up then at least. I'm going to need him at home more. The house won't clean itself, the dog can't let herself out, and I'll just plain need the support of a husband that is home more than a couple of hours at a time. Not to doubt him, but I really didn't believe that he was going to cut back on work Jan 1st like he promised. He's a work-a-holic and always will be. He doesn't really know how to place anything else ahead of his job and he doesn't realize what that's doing to his home life. I just keep telling myself to be patient and this too shall pass, but it sucks being alone when you're married. Perhaps once I'm back in school, working, back on track with my weightloss and exercise routine, taking care of dad and (maybe) his dad, I won't have time to notice or care that he's never here and works 7 days a week, 18 hours a day (eventhough we could afford for him to give up working the extra at night). I'll be too busy. I think he prefers being at work to home anyway. Why else would you chose to always be away when you didn't have to? I just wish I could get inside of his head. Arab men are so cut off emotionally that it's near impossible to get them to let you know what they're thinking so you're always left to your imagination and wherever it may carry you. I'm trying to keep my imagination in sleep mode and be patient with him, honest, but sometimes that cultural boundary is a tough one to deal with.
Sorry this is such a depressing post. I think part of it is the migraine, part of it is worrying about things that I won't be able to change and will only half be able to control. I just need to not let myself get overwhelmed and stay organized and in control and know that none of this is permanent. Breathe in, breathe out. I think once I'm able to tolerate light, sound and keep down food, then get back on track with my diet and exercise, my mental health will be back up to par. A week-long migraine wears on a person. End of story.
I graduate Fall 2009 provided all goes well, and then I think I'll be off to an island somewhere to sip Pina Coladas and sleep on a beach somewhere....better get the ole bod bikini ready!
I've been a long time gone AGAIN! The holidays are just so nutty. Crazy busy, no time to think, whirlwind times (internet hasn't been workin 100%, either). I'm STILL having issues w/EP and my blog design. They wrote me an e-mail offering to help me with it (apparently my last rant was noticed!), but I haven't had time to address the situation yet, that's on my "To Do" list. SO, since I got tired of looking at a blank page on my blog, I went with one of the standard templates for now . Oh well. At least it's something better than a blank page. I'm wishing I'd never decided to re-design and I'd still have a pretty blog site.
SO, how was everyone's Christmas? Mine went well, busy but great! Got a new 80 gb iPod classic, a diamond ring and earrings, and a DC17 Animal Vac! YEAH! Made out like a bandit, I'd say! I still love my little 1 gb iPod shuffle for the portability, but the extra storage space is SWEET! I subscribed to a few great podcasts for diet and exercise, too. And with a long-hair St Bernard, a cat and wall-to-wall carpeting, I've never been so excited to get a vaccuum cleaner, let me tell you!
As far as the diet and exercise thing, that got put on hold. I finally gave up trying. Too many temptations and saying "no" all the time was ruining the festivities. Last minute preps for the holidays and working left me with zero time and energy, so exercise went the way of the dinosaur for the time being, too. I'm back to JC on Jan 2nd and back to working out, too. I"m working four 12s in a row (this is day 2, I have to work the holiday), so I'll just re-boot the plan after this stent is over and the holidays are nothing but a fond memory again. I really can't wait to get back to my routine. Eating like I have lately, all the sugar, fat and goodies that have been hanging around have left me feeling bloated and sluggish. I'm certain that a day without salt and fat will have me dropping 5 pounds instantly. I can't even get my rings off and my belly feels like I'm pregnant (which I'm NOT!). It's amazing how what you eat affects your energy and mood levels, too. Since I've been eating all of the holiday comfort foods and not getting to exercise or anything, I've been a total slug, no energy and just generally blah. Wouldn't say depressed, but blah. Not perky or energetic at all. I need sunshine and sand. All I want to do is sleep.
In other news, I didn't get the job. Oh well. I was disappointed at first. The boss called me as I was going out the door to my brother's birthday party on the 21st and started out telling me how wonderful I am. You know when they start out like that, they're getting ready to give you bad news. It's the same way I always started out when I was dumping boyfriends that I didn't want to hurt, but didn't want to date, "You're great, but..." So I'm a wonderful nurse, it was a hard decision, I'm planning on expanding the position if all goes well in 6 months or so, hope you'll reapply then...blah, blah, blah. Ok, whatever. I didn't get it. Oh well. Honestly, it wasn't my dream job or the opportunity of a lifetime. If I can hold out until graduation in fall of 2009, I'll be on to greener pastures anyway. Just have to protect the old back. That's the only reason I went for it, honestly. I'm seriously thinking about switching to the 3pm-3am shift, though. I'm not thrilled about the aspect of returning to nights, but we need the money and I'm not going to be able to work tons of overtime with school and all of my other obligations, and the shift differential means an extra $10,000/yr. It would only be 3 days a week, and if I get to bed by 4am, I could still get up around 10am and have a day on my days off, so it wouldn't be as intrusive as the 7p-7a shift was. At least it would still be dark when I went to sleep and maybe that would help me to sleep working off shifts. Plus, I could get things done during the day like going to the bank and gym before I go to work. There are definite pros. The con would be that when I worked, my evenings would be shot, no planning for anything on those days. But as I said, it's only 3 days a week and I would still have 4 off. I'm still up in the air about it. I sent and e-mail to my nurse manager inquiring about it and then I'll go from there. The discussion w/DH provided no insight, pretty much "whatever you want, honey."
In diet and exercise news, I've been named official planner of the 2008 1st official Biggest Loser competition at work! Mixed blessing. Excited to have the motivation, worried about the extra responsibility. I've managed to get several people on board to help with tasks, so it makes it easier. We start January 21st and it will go through April 14th. If the pot gets really big, I'm going to be the most saintly dieter around! lol Poor graduate student needs the dinero! lol It's already stirring controversy. We put out the rules and we voted to not permit people that had had weightloss surgery to be eligible for the prize. They could participate in the weigh-ins and support (no entry fee), but we felt like having a stomach the size of a pea gave you an unfair advantage (we also banned diet pills, so I'm trashing my Alli, I haven't been taking it anyway, didn't notice a difference when I took it). Needless to say, there are several people that have had WL surgery that thought we were being exclusionary. While I TOTALLY support people that have the surgery and feel that it can be a tool for success when all else fails, I still stand by our decision. Simply dieting and exercising alone w/out surgical intervention would not give you the ability to drop massive amounts of weight overnight like surgery does and I just know that with the number of participants we're going to have and how big the pot is going to be, if a person that had surgery won, I'd catch all kinds of grief from other people. It's akin to entering the tour de france riding a motorcycle. I've decided in a department this large, it's impossible to please 100% of the people. At least I can say that it was a committee decision and not just me! lol :-) Oh well! Again, letting it go and moving on!
Well, I'm at work and I'd better get off of here and do what I'm getting paid to do since it's finally starting to get busy! Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and I wish you all a Happy New Year! I will try to visit as many people as I can as my time permits!
Have a great New Year! Good Luck with your healthy resolutions!
I'm feeling a little jipped right now. I paid good money to have to ability to personalize my blog. I decided to re-do the background, which turned out to be too dark and made it hard to read the blog (sorry), so I decided to change the background back, but no matter HOW many times I tried to change back using the template, it kept defaulting back to the pretty, but too dark, "belly dancer at the pyramids" picture. ARRRRGH! So I decided to use the "basic 1" template. NOW, not only will it NOT put my background on, but it won't even change the fonts and colors, etc that I did. Now I'm stuck with this design. THEN, I had a nice post all typed up and ready to go yesterday, hit send, and EP told me I needed to be logged in, I WAS logged in! So it erased it. I "logged" back in, re-did it, clicked "preview" so that I could proof read it, and it erased it AGAIN! ARRRRRRGH! Honestly, EP, WTF? Can you tell me exactly what I'm paying for? Is there a blog lemon law? Oy!
Oh well, so here I am, stuck with a boring blog for now. Plan has been not so great this week, either. My knee has been giving me issues because of the weather. I went to my knee surgeon today, he's sending me back to physical therapy because my quad muscles in my left thigh are significantly weaker than in my right because I tend to favor my right leg due to the pain that I frequently experience in my left knee ever since my injury 4 years ago. I wanted Synvisc injections, but he said he's concerned that he'll mask the symptoms and I'll do something stupid and blow my knee completely, so he wants to see if I can fix it through exercise and going back on Celebrex. Here's to hoping! I'm going to tame down the higher impact stuff until the Celebrex starts to kick in again and find other things besides the elliptical and treadmill. Still doing the dance, I'll just have to be careful with some of my moves that involve more knee action and be better about wearing my brace.
On other fronts, I'm heading up a "Biggest Loser" competition starting next month at work. That should get my competetive spirit back in to action. As I've said in the past, though, I'm just hanging out on the diet and exercise thing until the holidays are over. No sense in swimming upstream, it's just too disheartening. I'll be happy with maintaining at this point until January 1st. As long as I don't come out ten pounds heavier, I'll be a happy camper.
Still haven't heard anything about the job that I interviewed for. Last rumor I heard, he still didn't make a decision, but I'm beginning to lose heart that I'll be chosen. I suppose if I don't get it, there's a devine reason, but I would really love to get a job that didn't involve as much lifting, pay better, and still keep me in the ER. This job would do it all. I'm up against 8 other people and they're all good candidates, so the competition's stiff. Oh well! May the best woman win! (I still hope it's me!)
SO, I start physical therapy on January 3rd. Still holding my breath for the job results. School starts January 7th. Seriously back on plan starts January 2nd. Busy days ahead! Hope to have my pretty blog back and running again soon! This is the dullest looking thing right now! Yuck!
Have a great and healthy week all! I'm heading out to the store right now, gotta go to Walmart for my $150 gallon of milk! lol
First of all, I remodeled and changed the name of the blog! I felt like Queen of De-Nile was no longer appropriate. I had changed the name to reflect my denile about my diet and exercise when I had re-gained over 30 pounds after having lost 55 pounds. Now that I'm back on track, I wanted a new name that reflected the new me. Since belly dancing has become my passion and I speak Spanish that's what I went with: Baila Habibi! (Baila is Spanish for "Dance" and Habibi is Arabic for "Sweetheart," which is what DH calls me.) Changed the background and music, too, out of need for change and a more up-beat sound and look. BTW, the song (my fave to get me going and dance to), is "Sidi Mansour (Ya Baba!)" by Saber al-Rubai (he's Tunisian). Hope you like it! If you like the sound of my arabian music or you belly dance, too (if you don't, you should try it!), you can download it for free from Mazikana.
But this post isn't about me this time, or weightloss, or whining about diet and exercise (though I am wonderful at that!). This is about saying thanks to the men and women oversees that are laying their lives on the line so that we can have the luxury to not exercise, the food to overeat, and the freedom to blog about being overweight and losing those last ten pounds.
Occassionally I get a little preachy and enjoy my soap box and this is one of those times. I am well aware that the war, the presidency and most of life in a post Sept 11th world are more than a little controversial. Trust me, going through an airport with an Arabic last name and a husband with an Egyptian passport and a name like Moustafa is NOT the most enjoyable experience in the world. And George Bush, love him or hate him, is at least entertaining to listen to. (Who can forget his famous speech about healthcare where he expressed concern that "Too many doctor's are gettin' out of business. Too many Ob-Gyn's aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." What doc does Laura and the twins go to? )
And in the midst of all of this are thousands of troops that won't be home for the holidays. Won't be kissing their wives and girlfriends under the mistletoe and won't get to see their children's eyes light up when they see what Santa has put under the tree. I don't care what your views are on the war. You may feel we're justified and should blow the middle east off the map. You may feel this is another Vietnam and we're only there for the oil. You may not care one way or the other. But don't forget our troops. Don't forget that there are American's on the other side of the world hat are homesick and doing their job and giving up their comforts and freedoms so that we can have ours. Each one is a mother, a father, a husband, a wife, a son, a daughter, a friend, a lover, an American.
That being said, please take a moment of your time and visit this web site to say thank you to a military person this holiday season and let them know that they are not there in vain. You pick the card (can't pick the person), personalize the message, and then Xerox will send a printed postcard to a military person oversees to let them know you care and you're thinking about them and praying for them. It's totally free and worth the minute of your time to make someone smile and know they are appreciated.
Have a wonderful, safe and healthy holiday season and don't forget to click on this link:
Cold Mondays, New Perspectives (Warning: Longer than Normal Post!)
Well, I think I was a little frustrated in my last blog. I feel like I've made my poor DH out to be a total loser in my last few posts. He and I have been going through a major rough spot and with him working 16 hours a day 7 days a week is not helping because we have precious little time to work out our differences. Then things spiral downward from there. I'm frustrated because I feel that I'm puling the bulk of the load and he doesn't care anymore, he's frustrated because he's not sleeping well and feels that I'm nagging him to no end. The more I want to talk, the more he retreats, the more upset I become, the more we argue and so forth. It sucks. SO, we had a major heart-to-heart about where we're going, because as of right now, if it keeps up like this, we're going no where and I'm not prepared for that.
We're facing a couple of issues, the first is cultural. American women watch Oprah and want to talk about everything and explore feelings, etc. Egypt is more like America ca: 1950. The man goes to work, the woman does her thing, you don't have to sit and dialogue about every little thing. He grew up with a very distant and uninvolved father and a mother who played the role of tolerant wife to the book. He has no point of reference for a truly intimate relationship. My approach is to talk about everything, duke it out until it's resolved, and work as a unit. To someone who is not used to that, it's a tad overwhelming. He once told me, "My religion says that I can have 4 wives, or one American wife, because she's harder to keep up with than any 4 Arabian women!" I suppose that's true! lol American women are our own class of women. We're like tigers, beautiful and soft, but watch out for the fangs and claws, they're deadly!
The second is simply a matter of life getting in the way. Things were okay when both of us were working like mad to pay off bills, and now all of a sudden, the debts are paid for and I have days off, but he's a work-a-holic and is still working 18 hours a day, 7 days a week. He is a resident of the US, but doesn't have his American CPA, so he doesn't get paid well. So he works 8am to 5 pm in the office as an accountant for a transport company. Then he comes home by 5:30pm, eats, sleeps from 6pm until 8pm, and then goes out and does runs for the same company as a driver until 1 or 2 in the morning, comes home, goes to bed, gets up at 7 and starts all over again. No one can function like that and the exhaustion is making him irritable and cranky. Not to mention, I'm feeling neglected because I'm at home by myself and wishing I had a husband with me sometimes. All he's thinking is, like the typical Egyptian man, is that he must work to support the family, that is his role. I'm seeing that he's avoiding me and responsibilities at home. I say he needs to take time off, sleep, "All work, no play, makes Jack a dull boy, etc," he sees that he's making no money and thinks that by working himself into an early grave, he's being responsible and helping out. He thinks that if he takes time off that he's "living off of me" and that will shame him. I, on the other hand, just want the man I fell in love with back because this exhausted, cranky, thoughtless and at times down-right mean man of mine is getting on my last nerve.
So, I caught him the other night and told him my thoughts. I told him that I was NOT trying to be his enemy, that contrary to what he may think, I am not trying to make his life difficult or be an uncaring shrew, but I DID see that marriage is a 2-way street and it concerns me that he seems to be living a life that is completely separate from me. I want a husband, not a room mate. End of story. And I approached it (against what my pride told me to do) from a "how can I help you and make your life easier, dear?" approach. Kill more flies with honey. So, he told me, first of all, that his boss was promoting him to general manager, which would mean a pay raise (not wealthy, but more than $11/hr). So I said, you know, we've got our debts squared away, you've got the permanent green card now, why don't you start focusing on you? I told him my biggest worry was the fact that he never took time off for himself (I meant us, but that approach always fails!), and that he isn't sleeping right, which is unhealthy. That part, I meant completely. I've noticed a steady decline since he started working at this company and pulling these double shifts. He used to go to work an hour early and do a couple of pick-ups, work all day, then come home and things were fine, then he gave up the morning runs and started doing the midnight pilots at the airport. The flights are always delayed and he never gets home on time. He's exhausted, he doesn't eat right, he's smoking more and his eyes look sunk-in. It's aged him 10 years. He works as if we're impoverished. I asked him to give up the night runs, focus on his new position and go back to school. He said, "I don't want to be a burden on you." OMG! I finally convinced him, using the most logical approach that an Egyptian man would be able to justify and not vew as a blow to his manhood, to do it. Using all of my negotiating skills, I convinced him that giving up the night runs would not throw us into financial ruin (without making it sound like he was not contributing by doing them), and while we would have to budget a little more, if he took the couple of courses that he needed for his American CPA (he has his Bachelor's in Accounting from Egypt), that ultimately he would triple his income and then he would not only have more free time, he would have more money and be helping us out more financially. You know what? He not only agreed, he made an appointment to meet with the director of the Accounting Department at the local community college tomorrow, applied for school, and told his boss that he was giving up the runs after the first of the year! YEAH!
He told me he loves me (I knew that), but he felt like I didn't understand why he was doing what he did (I knew that, too). He's promised that if I can bear with him until the 1st of the year, he would make more time for us. I promised him I would bear with him if he would stop taking out his frustrations on me and losing his temper and acting like a child all the time. It would make it easier for me to understand. And it wouldn't hurt if he noticed things like my new hair, clothes, etc, every once in a while, or if he would take just a minute of his time and put some thought into things like he used to. (Just a little would go a long way!) I don't need to be constantly babied, but I don't want to be ignored, either. I've always told him that as long as our hearts were in sync, I didn't care about the work schedules. What has bothered me is that he is so distant. I also found out that his mother has been ill and his brothers and sister have been fighting with each other and their father and they're all calling him and driving him crazy about every petty thing in their lives. He's the youngest but the treat him like the oldest because he really is the most rational of the clan. I am constantly asking about all of them, I can't speak arabic, so the best I can do is ask for updates. He never told me once about any of this! I know it had to be upsetting him because he's so far away and can't just hop on a plane and go because of the expense and how difficult it is to travel when you're an Arab, especially one without citizenship. I asked him why he didn't tell me? I could have been there for him and he could have had someone to talk to. He told me he didn't want me to worry, especially since I have been having so many health issues lately, too. I suppose in his own way, he feels that by not telling me things, he is protecting me and taking care of me. The less I know, the less I'll worry. Little does he know that instead, my mind fills in the blanks and it's better to just tell me. So, we are, I am happy to announce, attempting to mend things. Learning to communicate, not assume the worst, and not hide things, no matter how minor they may seem. I'm learning patience, he's learning communication. Give and take. In that spirit, I am making him his favorite meal, Kushari (koo-shuh-ree), which is the national dish of Egypt. It's actually quite healthy, low-fat, and vegetarian. He also says I make it better than his mother, which amazed me, because I rarely hear that I do anything Egyptian better than mama! lol
In other news, I still have not heard about the job. The wait is killing me! I'm trying to be non-chalant about the whole thing, but it's hard. I wanna win! lol
I've stayed on plan this week so far, looking forward to a much more successful WI this week! I was a little lazy today, but I'm still gonna get my workout in, although it will be late. I slept in after working late and not going to bed until 4am this morning. Oh well!
I can't believe how popular my ranting about the Fat Suits (Nov 10) became! Wow! Thank you all for the compliments on the post! I hope that it helped you to see yourself in the beautiful light that you deserve to see yourself in. I really do feel that way! I was skinny and unhappy and fat and happy, and now I'm working towards being healthy with a benefit of being a healthy weight, not skinny. Learning that you are beautiful and being happy is an inward path to success. If you do not learn that important lesson, no matter how thin you are, no matter how rich, no matter what you do, you will always be sad and unhappy. We somehow have come to equate outward appearance with inner happiness. If this were the case, then the suicide rate would not increase for women AFTER cosmetic surgery and people like Anna Nicole Smith would have given up drugs after losing weight. To quote my husband, whom I truly love (even when he is a bonehead)...I was standing in front of our full length mirror in the bedroom one day trying to decide what to wear, nothing fit right, I was upset and standing in my underwear amidst a pile of clothes that I had cast off for one reason or another and just belittling myself (I thought I was alone), "Fat! Ugly! Stupid! How could you let yourself get like this? Look at those thighs and that gut! Disgusting! Yuck! Pathetic!" (I'm not certain that those were my exact words, but that is what my usual monologue was, so I'm sure it was somewhat how it went, but I DO remember what he said) I then felt like I was being watched, turned around, and there he was, leaning against the bedroom door, shaking his head and frowning. "What?" I said. To which he answered in that beautiful and melodic Arabian accent that just melts me, "You know what? It's a good thing that I am not to see you as you see yourself. If I did, I would never have married you. I do not think that I could fall in love with a woman that was that ugly and worthless." I felt about as big as an ant. So I said, "You think I'm pretty like this?" He said, "Ask yourself. I know you are beautiful and you are not in need of me to tell you this fact. You should know it already, and you should know me." You see why I fell in love with him? (He still needs to get me a good Christmas gift, though, after what he did on my birthday! lol)
I didn't have an over-night transformation, but I did slowly begin to see that I had value and self-worth after that. I didn't have to wait until I lost all of the weight to buy pretty clothes and carry myself with confidence, and being thin did not equal being sexy. In fact, he told me he was going to miss having me to hold onto if I lost so much weight, but knew I had to do it for my health. His mother still thinks he's being a horrible husband and making me sad, so I'm not eating. She tells him all the time to apologize and make me happy because she's worried that if I lose too much more weight, it will jeopardize the health of her future grandchildren. The concept of deliberate weight loss is lost on her. His brothers both married queen-sized women. His sister is my size, too. Too bad that America can't seem to see that curves are healthy and that bones are hard to cuddle!
If any of you know Tyra or Extra, tell them to call me! lol Yeah right. I'm sure they'd love to hear from Miss Nobody from EP. lol Oh well, they'll keep doing it and I'll keep making fun of the size 2 girls crying because no one paid attention to them when they were fat. It makes for great material. So until they call me for an interview, keep the "Curvy Girl Revolution" alive and demand respect and refuse to be ignored!
WOW! I knew I had been gone a while, but i DID NOT realize it had been 19 days! SO SORRY! I've been crazy busy and the time I've spent online has been for business purposes (paying bills and some minor christmas shopping) only.
It all started shortly after my last post with yet another nasty bout of bronchitis and asthma flare up which knocked me out for yet another week, causing me to have to miss work yet again. ARRRGH! SO, I finally gave in and applied to intermittent FMLA with my doctor's and my nurse manager's blessing to protect myself from getting into trouble at work for calling in so much. This is my second bout with this crap in 2 months and I haven't been able to get my flu shot between being sick and getting those steroid injections into my spine. Actually, eventhough the epidural steroid injections are working, I think they're the reason I'm getting sick because steroids decrease your immune system and add that to me working in an environment where I am exposed to everything under the sun....well, you do the math. At any rate, if cold and flu season is just beginning and I have asthma, I figured that this won't be the last of it, no matter how much I'd like it to be, so covering myself with the FMLA thing "just in case" was the best thing to do.
SO, at least I got better in time for my birthday! DH was in the dog house that day. He forgot to buy me a present, and then proceeded to be quite the bonehead about it. Going as far as to say that it was MY fault he didn't have time to buy me a gift because we went to a movie with my brother the night before. As if I planned my birthday as a spur of the moment thing versus an event that falls on the SAME DARN DAY EVERY YEAR! It was like his brain had completely left him. He wound up buying me a diamond cocktail ring, but he didn't buy it until AFTER my party, and then handed it to me in the store bag, NO gift wrap, and NO card, receipt in the bag, in the middle of the produce department (I had to run buy the store on my way home for milk and bananas). The ring was pretty, and he was just completely confused as to WHY I was still aggravated. It had NOTHING to do with the ring. It had to do with the lack of thought that went into it and then not even pretending to cover his moronic tracks. Men! Ladies, am I unreasonable? Am I the only one who would feel like this? It had nothing to do with the gift, it had to do with the thoughtlessness. I honestly get exhausted being the one who puts all of the thought and time into the gifts, cards, events, etc, while he sits back and does nothing but take credit for the gift, and then when it comes to having to put that small effort into something without my guidance, he's lost and useless. OMG! He's slowly trying to redeem himself, but I'm not letting him off the hook that easily and he's well aware that Christmas is around the corner and he'd better do it well if he wants out of the dog house by New Years.
SO, Sunday was dinner with my family. No dieting. Monday was my birthday party, again, no dieting. Tuesday was lunch and the salon with friends. Did I mention no dieting? I'm a really red redhead now, though. LOVE IT! I'm really gonna have to take pics and post them. I'm loving this color. I've gotten tons of compliments on it. My hair is really short now, too. It's nice, feminine but easy and it's nice not having all that hair on my neck. Oh, well then there was Wednesday. I was good then, but one day won't make up for the rest of it. Thursday was Thanksgiving. I thought I would be good then because I had to work. But we had a potluck, then leftovers for dinner with my family after work. Friday was shopping and more leftovers. Saturday was just Saturday. lol I worked. Sunday, we ate out at a Chinese restaurant and then went to see Spamalot.
Needless to say, my WI this week was not stellar. To my amazement, I was down 0.4 pounds. But I feel bloated and I'm retaining more water than the Hoover Dam. OOF! At least I have some time between now and Christmas to be back on plan and try to do some damage control before the next major holiday. Last night at belly dancing class, I felt less like a goddess and more like a garden slug because my belly is still full from last weeks events. While it's not a flat belly, it now looks pregnant. It's not, and therefore should not look like such. Isn't it amazing how different you feel when you eat well and treat yourself right versus how sluffish and tired you feel when you eat like crap? I've only been back on plan for a couple of days now and already feel different!
In other news, I had an interview for a new position today! I don't know if I'll get it, but the interview seemed to go well. It is a position within the ER, but would mean better hours, no weekends or holidays, better pay, and, most importantly, no lifting and tugging on people and continuing to injur my back. I think that my leg up on the competition is that I'm the only one with postgraduate work in leadership and management under my belt, and I"m also the only one who's ever functioned in a capacity like this before. It's a new position that is being created and if I got the job, it would be my baby to make and mold, which is kind of cool. I would still be working 12 hour shifts 3 days a week, but it would be 11am-11pm, so I wouldn't have to be waking up at 5 o'clock in the morning and worrying about getting to bed with the chickens, either. I might even be able to get a workout in before work! Imagine that! I won't know what their decision is for another couple of weeks, and I'm up against 8 other nurses, but my shot is just as good as theirs! Keep your fingers crossed and say a prayer for me that I get it!
Well, I still need to get my workout in for the night and get my stuff ready for work, so i"m gonna get off of here for now. I'll try to visit everyone's blogs tomorrow and check in on everyone! Hope you all had happy holidays! You all rock!
Ok, maybe this sounds a little touchy on my part, but am I the only one that gets more than a little irritated every time some tiny model like Tyra Banks, or more recently, the Deal or No Deal girls, putting on fat suits to go from being a size 2 to a size 22 to feel what it's like to be fat? Invariably, by the end of the episode, they're crying because no one pays attention to them, the cabbies ignore them, and they are just appalled at how "society treats them!" OMG! GIVE ME A FRIGGIN' BREAK!!!!! I'm sorry, but putting on a puffy suit and having some hot guy not open the door because he's a jerk off and he can't see that you're really a hot little model under the make up is NOT what it's like to live the life of a fat girl. Not to mention, it's offensive, not enlightening, because at the end, they come out not being more sympathetic to our "cause" but grateful that they can unzip the darn thing and go back to being gorgeous. Not to mention, the way those fat suits look and how they dress them only reinforces the stereotype that big girls are lumpy, dumpy and bad dressers with no figure what so ever. I beg to differ! Case in point? ME, DARN IT!
You know, I'M a size 20/22 and I by NO MEANS look like them, I get doors opened for me, men that look my way, and I DO NOT get ignored, nor do I dress like 1980. At least not since 1980. I'm tall, I have curves, boobs, and walk with my head up, my make up done, my hair fixed, and my clothes are stylish (when they're not scrubs). I wish these stupid shows would stop making it look like people should feel sorry for "fat girls" and the way society "treats" us. Good God! You get treated how you carry yourself and project that you SHOULD be treated! In fact, I think considering what I went through with my ex-husband, I was treated worse as a skinny little thing than as a curvacious babe because I was so mentally beat down that I made myself blend. If you'd see what my ex looks like versus what my current DH looks like, I upgraded AFTER I gained the weight. There are plenty of men out there that think that real women have curves and believe that "bone is for the dog and meat is for the man."
Marilyn Monroe was a size 14. Mae West tipped the scale at 200 pounds. And while her personal life was a circus, one of the most popular play boy centerfolds, Anna Nicole Smith, was no skin and bones, even at her skinniest! Most REAL men that I know look at the size 2 girls and make comments like, "feed her!" Being overweight and curvy does NOT make you unworthy of love, attention, devotion, or feeling sexy. In fact, in every culture but the stupid Western White male, American phenomenon, women with curves are the preferred look! HELLO! When I was in Egypt, I was treated like a Super Model! I had never had so much male attention in my life! And I was at my heaviest then! OMG! Skinny Models in your stupid fat suits, GET OVER YOURSELVES AND STOP THE TEAR WORKS!!!!!!!! All this really shows me is that when you take away your looks, you obviously have nothing else to offer, like your brains and social skills, to get you through life. How sad it must be to define yourself solely by your waist line and clothes? Honestly, your silly little "exposes" did not make me feel sorry for my fellow fat sisters and how society treats us, it made me feel sorry for you and the fact that when your shelf life is over in a couple of years and a dozen donuts later, you're nothing and my life will continue and be full and wonderful.
Which brings me to another point, "Plus Size Clothing." When will places like Lane Bryant and the like get over the thought that if you're overweight you want to hide your body and dress like a walking Bedouin Tent? Honestly. I really need to just start designing my own clothing line that accentuates the positives and down plays the negatives. Not everyone looks good in empire and A-lines and dressed like Mrs. Roper. Oh wait! NO ONE DOES! If you have boobs, like me and my D cups, it only makes you look preggers. And wearing maternity wear is only cool WHEN you are pregnant! HELLO! Just ask J-lo! lol
So what have we learned today class? That size DOES NOT make the woman, attitude does. Why am I losing weight? Because I'm full of self-loathing and I can't take the way society ignores me? Because some Idiot at the store didn't hold the door open for me when I had my hands full? Because I can't get a man to look my way or hail a cab? No. Of course, I've had my moments of self-loathing, we all have. But at the end of the day, I don't think I'm ugly, I don't think I'm unworthy of love, and I don't feel like I have nothing to offer as a friend or a member of society based on my size. It took me a long time to get over the fact that my being is not defined by my weight or who I am with. It is defined by my personality, how I carry myself, and how I treat others. I am losing weight because my weight is unhealthy. I have high cholesterol, a bad back and knees, and I'm at risk for diabetes, heart disease and stroke. I want to live a long and happy life. I am losing weight to be healthy and to continue with my philosophy of self-respect and self love. Because I am worthy of being healthy and worthy of being loved.
I've always said that if I had the confidence I have in my 30s with the body I had in my 20s, I'd be a force to be reckoned with! lol I'm 5'10", I wear platform heels and wedges. I'm big and I tuck my shirt in and wear tailored clothes and push-up bras and corsets. I don't turn the lights off when I make love with my husband, and I wear sexy little teddies and belly dance wearing hip scarves with lots of coins. I wear bold jewelry and smoky eyes. I laugh loudly and talk to strangers. I flirt and I have fun. It's wonderful. Oh yeah, and I get the door opened for me. Sorry Deal or No Deal Girls. Maybe if you had something to offer like brains or personality, not just an image, you would have gotten attention even in your fat suit.
REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES, WE LOVE LIFE, AND WE LOVE OUR BODIES NO MATTER WHAT SIZE THEY ARE BECAUSE WE DO NOT DEFINE OURSELVES BY OUR SCALES.
I'm back, I'm empowered, and I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself. I think watching that ridiculous show with the Deal of No Deal Girls made me realize exactly what I had been ignoring about myself because my personality is not a conscious thing, it's just who I am. Why am I doing this? For me, not society. Why should I care what strangers think about me? I'll never see them again. I have wonderful friends and family that love me as I am, through thick and thin, chubby and chunky.
So I challenge all of my curvy gals out there to go put on your sexiest outfits, dress up, throw on your heels, do your make up a little to bold and your jewelry a little too big. Throw out those double D chests and command the attention when you enter the room. We're called "Queen Size" for a reason. Now act like the royalty that you are, because Queens trumps little Princesses any day!
Hint: Get a Belly Dancing DVD or take a class, it'll bring the diva right out in you and you'll feel intstantly sexy!
Reward yourselves and be sexy!
Repeat after me: We are Sexy Goddesses and deserve to command attention!
NOW TURN OFF THE MUSIC ON MY BLOG AND CHECK OUT JUST HOW SEXY US VOLUPTUOUS WOMEN CAN BE....
I love you all and don't forget just how sexy & hot you are AS IS!!!!
Brings up abandonment issues. lol I have an appointment tomorrow with my new girl. We'll see. I'm back to the attitude that I'm doing what I have to do to get to the order at the end of the meeting. I'm at the 30% mark with the rewards program, so it's become significantly cheaper to get the food there than at the store. Twelve Weeks. January 21st-April 14th. There's the committment. Here's to hoping that I keep it! Wish me luck!
Of course, I'd kind of gotten to that place where my stomach felt 
and I was only eating because it was time to, I was bored, or it was chocolate, I was stressed and we were in the same room at the same time. As previously noted, I was feeling sluggish, bloated, mentally foggy and suffering from the migraine that wouldn't leave, so it was time. My body figured it out long before my initiative did. Today was the PERFECT day to get back on track, it was mid-60's in COLUMBUS inJANUARY! OMG! SO, I ate well. Had a JC breakfast, Subway Turkey Sub and Yogurt for lunch and a JC dinner, fruit, a JC snack, lots of H2O and took a nice leisurely walk around campus. The prize, ENERGY! The draw back? ENERGY! I need to sleep and I'm wide awake! lol 
Still no word on if FIL is coming here or not. I really don't know that he's prepared to leave Egypt to come here even for a short time. He's never left the country, doesn't speak English, and all of his family but us is there. I told DH I'm prepared to do whatever is required of me whatever the decision is and I meant it.
As I've said in the past, though, I'm just hanging out on the diet and exercise thing until the holidays are over. No sense in swimming upstream, it's just too disheartening. I'll be happy with maintaining at this point until January 1st. As long as I don't come out ten pounds heavier, I'll be a happy camper. 
)
(He still needs to get me a good Christmas gift, though, after what he did on my birthday! lol)
Yeah right. I'm sure they'd love to hear from Miss Nobody from EP. lol Oh well, they'll keep doing it and I'll keep making fun of the size 2 girls crying because no one paid attention to them when they were fat. It makes for great material. So until they call me for an interview, keep the "Curvy Girl Revolution" alive and demand respect and refuse to be ignored!
DH was in the dog house that day. He forgot to buy me a present, and then proceeded to be quite the bonehead about it. Going as far as to say that it was MY fault he didn't have time to buy me a gift because we went to a movie with my brother the night before. As if I planned my birthday as a spur of the moment thing versus an event that falls on the SAME DARN DAY EVERY YEAR! It was like his brain had completely left him. He wound up buying me a diamond cocktail ring, but he didn't buy it until AFTER my party, and then handed it to me in the store bag, NO gift wrap, and NO card, receipt in the bag, in the middle of the produce department (I had to run buy the store on my way home for milk and bananas). The ring was pretty, and he was just completely confused as to WHY I was still aggravated. It had NOTHING to do with the ring. It had to do with the lack of thought that went into it and then not even pretending to cover his moronic tracks. Men! Ladies, am I unreasonable? Am I the only one who would feel like this? It had nothing to do with the gift, it had to do with the thoughtlessness. I honestly get exhausted being the one who puts all of the thought and time into the gifts, cards, events, etc, while he sits back and does nothing but take credit for the gift, and then when it comes to having to put that small effort into something without my guidance, he's lost and useless. OMG! He's slowly trying to redeem himself, but I'm not letting him off the hook that easily and he's well aware that Christmas is around the corner and he'd better do it well if he wants out of the dog house by New Years. 
