Breaking Ties and Other Random Thoughts...long post, guys!

Dear Jenny,

I fear that the time has come that we bid each other adieu and part ways.  It's not you, it's me.  Honest.  Well... it's partly you, but I'll forgive and forget.

I think that we've both known from the start that this relationship wouldn't last forever, that eventually I'd grow beyond the ties that held me to you and have to stretch my wings and fly on my own, but neither of us knew that that day would come so soon.  I know, it's shocking.  First Star Jones leaves "The View," and now I'm abandoning you.  What is this world coming to?  It's so hard to make sense of all the changes, but life will continue and a new day will bring a new sense of hope and purpose to you, and before long, you will say, "Bethany who?" as I am replaced with yet another woman entering your life with nothing but a Visa card and dreams of a pair of size 2 jeans from the Gap. 

I won't say that it was time wasted or that I regret my days with you, I have learned so much from you.  For instance, while the Webster's Dictionary defines a Consultant as "one who gives advice or information," the true definition is "one who sits looking at me with a bovine stare of incomprehension desperately waiting for me to stop whining about my issues with food so that she can sell me over-priced magical food that will miraculously fit me in to said Gap jeans."

That being said, in the famous words of Dolly Parton, "I will always love you."  You have become part of my history and my life that I can never forget, and with you by my side, I have lost over fifty pounds and you have gained over $1000.00.  So we have both gotten what we needed from the relationship and while saying good bye is hard to do, sadly it must be done.

With All My Love, Bethany

So there you have it, it's official, I'm saying goodbye to Jenny Craig.  I'm not upset at them, vaguely disappointed, true, but I'm leaving for personal reasons.  I know that it's been a couple of weeks since my last  "confession," but I hit another plateau and am still hanging out at 192 and had to take the diet and fitness equivalent of stepping back from the situation to look at things with a clear and unbiased mind.  Plus, I was transitioning to life as a day shifter and still getting over the shock and wonder at seeing that big yellow orb in the sky that people keep referring to as the "Sun."  It's pretty, I must admit I thought the apocolypse was upon us when I first saw it, but I'm relaxing now and actually kind of enjoying it and my Addam's family "moon tan" is starting to fade.  :-)  So, what did I do during my 2 week hiatus?  I ate and didn't even pretend to work out the first week, I was a little depressed that the stupid scale hadn't been moving in spite of my efforts and so I fell off the band wagon and reverted into some of my old ways.  Well, not exactly.  I found out that my stomach won't let me cheat whole-hog anymore because it doesn't have the capacity to, and my cheating was in actuality what most normal people refer to as "eating."  But not in Jenny land, and definitely not in mine.  And that's when I started to have a few revelations....And here they are....

It all started on what would turn out to be my final  JC consultation... 

I went in as a woman bloated and menstrual, with full knowledge that the darn scale had not moved in 2 weeks, yet I dutifully stood up on the scale to have it reinforced for all to see and saw the look on my 6th "consultant's" face, the woman who gained custody of me once the only consultant that I ever truly loved quit to be a stay-at-home mom.  This new woman, a skinny little thing that looks like she's never ordered anything but the salad and has never even seen the inside of a McDonald's, has not been with me through what has been a pretty significant weight loss, she unfortunately saw me at 193, and then 192, 192, 192.  :-/  For the record, I'm STILL 192.  Mind you, there have been family events and holidays and to my credit, I have held at 192 and not revisited 193, and as a bloated and emotionally unstable menstrual woman, her look was not what I needed.  So, I casually said, well, I'm certain that next week I'll be down once the water weight goes away!  To which she said with a big half-hearted smile, "Hmmm.  Yes, well, we'll see."  I see you've been eating a lot off plan, we just need to get you back on the food and on target, you're eating too much sodium and calories, probably."  Ok, whatever, but did you have to say, "Hmmmm, we'll see?"  So, I dutifully purchased a week's worth of 100% JC food and took it home, hoping that she was right, and then I got home and thought and thought and thought.....

First of all, this whole, Jenny food and salt thing.  Has anyone compared it to any of the high-end pre-packaged frozen food like Amy's, South Beach, or even the Lean Cuisine Spa foods?  Not much difference.  Most JC foods pack 20-30% of your sodium needs per meal, not including the nutritionally inadequate snacks that are provided.  Mind you, I do enjoy cheesecake and chocolate cake, but is it really a daily part of a healthy diet?  No.  So, myth one, JC will free me of the bloat, is busted.

Then, came the depression week.  I gave up, plateau was here to stay and I had been having some pretty crazy cravings for foods that I normally didn't eat in the first place, and wanting lots of nuts...especially peanut butter...and eggs and tofu and steak.  And I was, quite frankly, bored of Jenny Foods, bored of feeling different at get-togethers and having people look at me and say, "Oh yeah, you're on Jenny, is there any restaurant that we can go to that you can eat at?"  And a little tired of the paranoia that was being set in by the weekly consultations that my veering from the Jenny path of righteousness had anything to do with me hitting a plateau after losing 50 pounds in 4 months!  (Which, btw, is NORMAL!)  So, I worked, slept, and ate whatever the heck I wanted to without thinking about it.  Probably consuming about 2,000 cals/day.  And guess what, with just my NORMAL activity, no workouts included, I MAINTAINED my weight.  And then I got into a discussion about it with one of my friends who is a Physician Assistant and one of the smartest people I know, who suggested this obvious thing....Maybe, just MAYBE, I wasn't eating enough, and that is why I plateaued, and my body was quite satisfied with eating a sane amount of calories, and that most active women require 1800-2000 cals to run their bodies efficiently anyway!  And the crazy nut cravings?  Well, the other thing that Jenny is a little poor in is the department of protein, maybe it was my body's way of telling me, hey!  Get some protein!   Looking at the pedometer alone, my baseline activity level is the recommended 10,000 steps/day, not to mention lifting and tugging on people twice my size all day long and add in the lead vest on trauma marathon days, and I don't exactly have a sedentary lifestyle. 

So, this past week, I only worked my scheduled hours, no overtime, as I transitioned from nights to days and analyzed the data and went over all that I had thought, felt and done over the past few months.  It's the nursing process really..."Design a plan of care, Implement the plan, Review the plan, and if need be, Revise the plan."  So I went to the book store the other day and found this book called, "Think Thin, Be Thin" by Doris Helmering and Dianne Hales.  It's not a diet book so much as an arm-chair Psychology book.  It doesn't tell you how to diet, so much as how to change your brain to lose weight (I highly recommend the book, btw).  And it made me think....Why did I join JC?  What am I getting out of it?  Does it have anything more to offer me, and if not, where do I go from here?

Well, I joined JC not because I was ignorant of diet and exercise.  I am an RN who has taken nutrition courses and I know how to eat healthy, and I am a former gym rat and know about the exercise part, too.  What brought me to the point that I felt that JC was the only way out for me?  I know that too, I had gained 100 pounds over the course of a year through a series of unfortunate events (a sports injury coupled w/a divorce), that I allowed to get out of control because instead of taking charge, I decided to wallow in my depression and self-pity and began eating foods that would have never touched my lips before.  When all was said and done, there I was, topping out at 245 pounds, and lacking the motivation necessary to get back to where I was before.  I was embarrassed to enter the gym where people remembered me as healthy and fit, and working 2 jobs and living alone left no time to cook healthy and no motivation to cook for just me.  So I forgot about it.  And then came the blood tests.  Being a facts-oriented kind of girl, and knowing what a cholesterol of 315 could do to you, well, then things clicked, and I called JC because it was quick and easy.  Take this, heat for 3 minutes on high, and eat it.  I can do this!  Ok, so I did it.  And here I stand, bored as can be because there are only so many times that you can eat chicken fetuccine or meat loaf w/BBQ sauce and still convince yourself that this is a fun way to diet.  Eventually, no matter how good the food actually tastes, it all tastes like spinach.  YUCK!  :-p  My preconception of what the consultant's role was quickly vanished, but I overlooked it and stuck w/the plan because this was a selfish mission and I was going to do it in spite of the lack of support that I got from them.  So what happened, I lost over 50 pounds and dropped my cholesterol to 232.  And my confidence was beginning to resurface.  All good, and quite honestly, only partly JC, mostly it was my  own determination with a HUGE dose of encouragement from all of you here at extrapounds, which has been my true saving grace.

So JC has kept me on this 1500 cal diet, then drop to 1200 after the half-way point, and I hit a speed bump that I can't seem to get over.  And here I am left thinking that perhaps I've ridden the JC band wagon as far as it will take me and maybe there is more to life than JC, because it feels like a diet to me and I'm growing distasteful of the food and since I've switched to day shift, which is a more physically demanding shift because the bulk of our volume is seen between 9 am and 11 pm, I'm feeling a little starved, and obviously my body can handle more calories as evidenced by the fact that I can eat like I did without exercising and still not gain weight.  SO..that being said, I decided to officially cut ties with JC.  My schedule now, while still demanding, is more forgiving and allows me time and energy to plan meals and cook, and I'm enjoying a variety of foods, which I love, and if I had to title the "diet" It would be a hybrid of South Beach and Zone, but it is based on lean proteins, lots of fruits and veggies, and it is NOT dieting, it is eating to live, NOT living to eat.  I've never been a "diet" fan to begin with and now that I feel that that is what I'm doing, I'm worried that I'll diet, lose the weight, and then revert and gain, so it's time to start eating normal, but a healthy normal, being conscientious of my weight and progress, but focusing on transitioning from the diet to life. I've scanned the stores and found lots of healthy alternatives that are better snack choices than what JC had...for instance, Little Debbie now has vitamin-fortified, whole grain, low-fat versions of their Swiss Cake Rolls, Oatmeal Creams, and Nutty Bars...and South Beach has some REALLY GOOD breakfast wraps that are higher in protein and fiber than JC breakfasts are.  And it's nice seeing a rainbow of fresh foods on my plate that matches what is on my husband's and friend's plates and knowing that I am still eating right.  A healthy balance of protein, fat and carbs, and I'm keeping it all in a little diet and exercise journal that I bought from the book store and finally feeling like I've kissed the diet good-bye, eventhough I am still in weight-loss mode. 

Which brings me to my next point....

It's about my goal weight, my body image, and realism.  Once I stopped to think about it, I decided to re-evaluate my goal and I'm raising the bar from 145 to 165.  Not because it is easier to get to, but because I have been getting alot of, "Wow!  You look great!  Are you done losing yet?"  And when I say, "No, 50 more to go!"  People look at me like I have 3 heads and say, "Where from?"  And I think, isn't it obvious?  And apparently, even my friends who are honest with me and skip the social politeness don't think so.  I'm the only one.  So, I went to the man who has to, unfortunately, see me naked, my DH.  And I said, honey, "what do you think I would look like in another 50 pounds."  His answer?  "Anorexic.  You're almost 6 feet tall, big-framed, and under the padding, there's muscle.  Plus, bones hurt to hold."  Hmmmm....  You know, one thing that I've been doing these past few months is soul searching and I've decided that me in my 20's is not me in my 30's and while I was striving for perfection then, today, I want health.  I am done being the competetive butt-kicker, and I just want to be healthy and look like a woman.  And yes, I have scars and stretch marks and curves, but curves are what makes a woman beautiful, and my scars and stretch marks were hard-earned and tell a story of a life lived.  Marilyn Monroe was a size 14 and I've never considered her fat, and the average American woman is a 14, too, yet here I am, just one size bigger, and I look at myself as 50 pounds overweight!  More importantly, I want to be sexy and curvy, not anorexic-looking.  So I'm changing my focus.  From this point on, I'm not going to focus so much on how quickly I lose weight so much as how good I look and feel, and I'm going to try to see myself with less critical eyes.  I'm going to go for 20-30 pounds more and then see how I look and feel and go from there and try, for once in my life, to see myself as healthy and good enough, and not see myself as an imperfect work in progress.  How many of you have noticed that most of us women w/curves get hit on by men all the time, but the majority of them are NOT American.  This skin and bones image of women is an American virus and not what women should look like to begin with.  Other cultures are much more forgiving of a little extra junk in the trunk and actually LIKE their women to be the soft, curvy Boticelli babe!  Go figure!  Sexy does not equal thin, it equals attitude!

And on the exercise front...Yep, bored there, too!  lol  I'm just bored!  :-P  SO, I've decided that I'm going to shake things up in that department, too, and I've joined a local dance studio called Habeeba's, www.habeebas.com and I'm going to learn belly dancing!  HA!  Lord knows I have plenty of belly to dance with!  :-)  Good news is, it's all women, and they don't require that you bare your belly unless your comfortable w/it.  I told hubby and he kind of chuckled at first (He's from Egypt, the land of the belly dancer, after all!), but then he started thinking that the idea was really sexy and now he can't wait to see me try my moves!  :-)  I had taken a class before and loved it, but then night shift made it impossible to go to classes anymore.  That's not an issue now!  YEAH!!!!!  I figure that maybe it might be easier to stay motivated if I don't feel like I'm working out like a hamster in a wheel all the time. 

Weight gain is the symptom, not the disease....

Another thing that I'm slowly starting to realize is that being skinny is not what will make me happy ultimately, because if I don't deal with my body image issues and accept myself no matter what size I am, and stop being my own worst enemy and critic, no matter how much weight I lose, I'm still not going to be satisfied.  Which is why I'm trying on this new attitude of self-acceptance and forgiveness.  I want to change my attitude into one of wanting to be healthy and happy, not just thin...and to teach myself that I am just as deserving of feeling sexy and beautiful as any waif out there.  My new goal is not just a weight limit, but a mind set.  I'm going to make every effort to be kind to myself and think positive and try to leave this self-defeating and self-depricating attitude that I'm fat and unworthy in the past.  Turn "I can't" into "I can."  The rest of this battle is going to be fought from the inside-out, not the outside in.

So, here it is, I'm changing and re-arranging once again and I'm going to see where this road takes me.  I've chosen a harder goal, I think, because it's much harder to change a mind than a body, but this is what I need.  And I'll do it without Jenny.  The best thing that Jenny did for me was to lead me to this site inadvertantly because I had come across it in someone's post, and here I have found so much love, encouragement, and support that I never knew existed.  You guys are the best weight loss consultants that there are and it is all of you that make me confident that I will make it the rest of the way without JC! 

Wish me luck!!!!!!!  I love you all!!!!!!!

-Bethany

To go with my new attitude, I've changed the blog design, too.  I chose the butterfly because it starts out it's life as a fat ugly caterpillar who eats everything in site and blends in with the background, until it eventually builds a cocoon around itself, hiding from the world and everything wonderful in it...just like me...but then one day, it surprises everyone by breaking open it's little safe haven and revealing to everyone a brightly colored beautiful butterfly that has wings and can fly freely.  I think that anyone in my situation, dealing with weight and self-esteem issues can identify, and this is what it is all about, changing to reveal to  the world on the outside the true beauty that  was inside of you all along....I chose Botticelli because his paintings are of women with curves and soft, sensual, real bodies who were the sex symbols of their time and some of the most beautiful works of art ever...a celebration of the true female form in all it's beauty!  A vision of loveliness that I pray that all of you women with curves can embrace and begin to love about yourselves...you are beautiful no matter what size you are!

Has it really been a month?

OMG!  I can't BELIEVE how long it's been since I've been online!  I haven't died, been abducted by aliens, fallen off the band wagon, or abandoned the blog site, honest!  Thank you to all of you who noticed my abscence and stopped by to wish me well, by the way!  It has been non-stop around here lately, and a lot has gotten in between me and my computer!  Well, this will be a long post for updating, but here goes....

Michigan...

We had a great time in Michigan, it was nice to have a couple of days together where neither of us had to work, and DH loved the concert tix and getting to spend time in Arabian Village!  I cheated a couple of times, but not too bad, and the B&B was really pretty.  The only thing being, that my whole point was to get away from the craziness of the ER, only to find out that this B&B is an urban B&B that happened to be situated right outside the Squad Bay of the ER of a level 1 trauma center in the heart of Detroit.  Needless to say, I didn't get to do much forgetting about work, but I was glad it wasn't me on duty!  lol  We hopped over the border to Canada so that DH could say he's been there, and it was really cool, not because Canada is really much different than the US, but because for the first time in our relationship, we weren't in Egypt or the US (my place or his), and we were on totally neutral territory.  It made for an interesting perspective on things and in a weird way, made things feel like a level playing ground where for once it wasn't me or him that knew our way around, it was somewhere where neither of us "ruled."  I actually think the nicest day that we spent was our day there, it was quiet and we took a moonlight stroll along the Detroit River (something you can't safely do on the US side!  lol), and got to act like we did when we were dating again...NO stress, just laughter and fun.  I wish we could have had more time off, but such is life!

Another heart attack...

Well, we didn't get to enjoy living stress-free too long (not par for our lives), because some jerk broke into Western Union's web site, stole our profile info, which contained my personal e-mail address AND our Visa Check Card (Bank Card, not credit card!) number, and wired himself $3,000.00 (our entire checking account!) to the United Kingdom!  OMG Then, Western Union handled the complaint wrong, and didn't give me my money back, which resulted in arguing with them up one side and down the other and threating them with everything under the sun in order to get my money back (I had fortunately caught it before the idiot had picked up the cash).  That took over a week, in the mean time, we had about $42 in our account and I had to file police reports, fraud reports w/the bank, cancel all of my accounts, and spend a lot of time crying my eyes out wondering how we would make it until Western Union got there crap together.  It was supposed to be a simple refund since the money was never picked up, but the person who handled my complaint didn't put it through, and the refund never happened.  THEN, I finally got them to just wire ME my money back, they are Western Union, after all, and that way, I could just put it in the bank myself and know that it was all taken care of!  Deal is done, right?  WRONG!  Then, since apparently Western Union doesn't know there butts from a hole in the ground, they PUT THROUGH A REFUND TO MY CHECKING ACCOUNT A WEEK LATER!  Why?  The world will never know.  It was supposed to have been a done deal and over with except for the investigation, but who knows what they were thinking.  The next thing I know, Western Union doesn't contact me to apologize for being incompetent, they send me a letter threatening me w/a collection agency if I don't send them the money back that they so stupidly put into my account (money that I of course had full intent of giving back since it wasn't mine).  My irritation now is that in all of this, for all the stress that Western Union has caused me, they're treating me like I'm trying to take THEM for a ride!  OMG  I'll NEVER deal w/them again.  I can't believe that they let the transactions go through to begin with, because the thief requested $981.00 transactions every 5 minutes until MY BANK said, wait a minute, this is odd, and stopped the last of them, otherwise, I would have been completely overdrawn on my account!  What amazes me, is the only reason we had a Western Union account to begin with is because we wired a money gift to my in-laws in Egypt, and they wouldn't approve $300 w/out personally speaking to me, yet they allow $3000.00 to go through w/out question, AND let the guy transfer MY PROFILE to HIS e-mail address!  I found it out because I went online to check my e-mail, and had 700 unread e-mails in my inbox from a "jack@lennox.com" that all said "hi there."  I didn't open them b/c I was afraid it was a virus, then as I'm deleting them, I find e-mails from Western Union confirming my "transactions" and another one notifying me that my profile had been successfully transferred to my new e-mail address!  Wow.  First my engagement ring, then that.  I've had a little bit of stress.  The good thing is, it's worked out except for catching the guy who did it, which will probably never happen, but at least I can imagine that one day he will be walking along the streets of London and get ran over by a double decker bus full of US tourists!  lol  

Life without my computer...

In the mean time, I grew a little paranoid of things and had my computer put out of commission for a while while we had it totally scanned and overhauled to insure that a virus didn't get through from those crazy e-mails and that my information on the computer was as safe as possible.  I wanted to get online at work and at least let people know that I was alive, but the ER at my primary job has kept me hopping, and the other hospital that I work at is now threatening to fire people caught playing on the internet and issued us all personal passwords so that they can track us individually if we go online and won't allow us to get online via a generic account.  SO, I've been internet-free and had to pay bills the old-fashioned way this month, and I've spent yesterday and this morning trying to play catch-up on the NUMEROUS e-mails that I have not read and answered over the past month! 

Alice in One-derland....Half-way to the goal and some!!!!

Ok, so now that you all know why I have shied away from the blog and my computer....Here's how things are going now!!!!!!

I'm back from outerspace!  YEAH!!!!  I'm still plugging away at the diet and exercise thing and while I was away, I hit the 50# pound mark (my goal was June 4th, I hit it June 8th, not too far off track!), I'm currently at 192 and I'm continuing to wean myself from the wonderful world of Jenny Cuisine (right as I hit the 20% rewards discount and now it's affordable!)!!!!  I've been trying out some new recipes and experimenting w/ lightening up faves, and I'm finally letting myself give in and have a day a week where I'm "free."  Since I've been eating right for so long, I've found that the free days are enjoyable, but I don't eat myself into oblivion, except for when free falls during PMS, and so I really don't have to worry about paying the high price of letting go for a day.  Plus, it keeps me on track and in good spirits.  I learned a couple of good healthy Lebanese recipes that I'm going to have to share, plus I've found some good tricks for lightening up my faves that I promise to post, too, but today I just want to go and say hi to everyone because I've missed you all so much!!!!!  You are my therapy and my inspiration and it's been hard not having you all to guide me and keep me on track!

My other good news is that I'm in LARGE sizes, not XXL, not XL.....L, no X!  :-)  YIPPEE!!!!!!  The best thing about that?  DH wears Large, and since I'm still working nights, when he's working and I'm trying to sleep and missing him, I can throw on one of his shirts and sleep better!  I know that sounds corny and sappy, but there's something about missing your man and having on one of his shirts that smells like him (Mambo for men and the faint smell of cigarette smoke), that comforts.  Plus, it's nice knowing that I'm not too far away from WEIGHING LESS THAN MY HUSBAND!!!!!!!!  And, DH has discovered that while he was at first wondering what to do w/a skinny wife when I first started this diet, since he loved me fat and "as is," that it's kind of nice having a more flexible woman, and ladies, you are all adults and know what I mean!  ;-)  I'm liking that he discovered that!  Whoo-hoo!!!!!! 

A return to normalcy....

I am entering my LAST WEEK as a night shifter!!!!  YEAH!!!!!!!  Sunday is it, finito, NO MORE!!!!!  I'm going to be able to be NORMAL!!!!  Poorer, but happier!  I'm going to be able to sleep when the world sleeps, eat dinner w/my husband, cook meals instead of rely on "quick fixes" and go for walks in the park b/c it will be DAY LIGHT WHEN I AM AWAKE!!!!!!   WOW!  I'm not going to know what to do w/myself!!!!!  I learn quick, though!!!!!!  No more "nights off" where I come home at 8 am and only have the evening off, I will have an ENTIRE DAY off!!!!!  I'm so excited!!!!!!

Soooooo.....

I am going to stop my rambling, I am anxious to find out what has been going on with all of you in my absence and get back to blogging again!!!!!!  I hope you all have a great day and forgive me for disappearing, I didn't have much of a choice.  I'm back though, and going strong w/a positive outlook (now that I have my money back!)!

Have a great day, everyone!  Hope to hear from you all soon!!!!!!

Lots of love, hugs and kisses!
-Bethany

***UPDATE**** (12:00 PM)

Not to toot my own horn, but I'm on my way out the door to run some errands in a pair of SIZE 16 DENIM STRAIGHT-WAIST (NOT ELASTIC) CAPRI'S!!!!!!!  (And they're NOT "W's," just 16s!) WHOO-HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Memorial Day Weekend!

Hey all!  I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy and Healthy Memorial Day weekend!!!!!  I probably won't have much time to post between now and my WI on Thursday because I'm working the holiday weekend....which has 2 benefits:  1)  Double time and a half pay on Monday!  2)  I don't have to worry about trying to figure out how to stay on plan w/all of the BBQ being thrown my way! lol 

Also, hubby and I are getting ready for our first anniversary and I must be turning into my mother, b/c I want to get the house cleaned on Wednesday before we leave on Thursday afternoon for our long weekend mini-vacay!  lol  I used to think, why the heck would you clean house before you LEAVE?!?!  Who's gonna see the place?  NOW, I'm thinking, if I don't get this place straightened up before I leave I am going to be stressed about it the whole weekend and ruin everything!  lol 

We're going to be getting away to Detroit & Dearborn, Michigan, I know it's not the most exotic place in the world, but it's my gift to hubby.  Our first anniversary is June 4th and I've been sneaking around trying to plan this surprise for him for 4 months now!   As you know, my husband is Egyptian, and I found out that one of his favorite singers is going to be at the Fox Theater in Detroit this Friday, June 2nd, Ragheb Alam,   who is the  top Arab rock singer in the world (their Elvis!).  His music is really good and he is famous everywhere but the US apparently, like most of the really good singers that we just can't seem to discover state-side.  Here's a link to the music videos on his website if you like world music and want to check him out, I highly recommend it!  (The site is in English!)
http://ragheb-alama.com/2006/videos.html
Of course, I can't understand a word of the music (it's in Arabic), but the music is great and he has a beautiful voice!  Also, I booked a room for us at a romantic little place called the Inn On Ferry Street http://innonferrystreet.com/05/  which is this pretty little B&B in midtown Detroit's historic district that usually goes for something like $200/night for their "romance" package, but I found a deal online and got it for $69/night for a room w/a jacuzzi and fireplace and king size bed!   Plus, we'll be close to Arabian Village in Dearborn, which is another part of my surprise to hubby because I know he's been getting homesick lately and if you've ever been to Arabian Village in Detroit, it's like walking through the streets of any town in Egypt and really does remind me of his home town of Kafrelsheik, and they have TONS of wonderful Middle Eastern restaurants http://www.lashish.com/ & bakeries https://www.shatila.com/ there.  I can't wait ot see his face when he finds out what I've planned!  AND, when we're done with all of that, I'm planning on making a couple pit stops to the casinos http://greektowncasino.net/flashhome.htm to blow our hard earned money on the slot machines and maybe heading across into Windsor, Canada to do some shopping!   http://www.visitwindsor.com/main.htm

We only have 4 real days to spend anywhere so we can't go on a long trip, so all-in-all, I think it will be a romantic and fun weekend to get away, one of those ABH (anywhere but here) vacations!  lol  Plus, I don't have to stress over staying on plan because Middle Eastern food is some of the healthiest in the world and I'm planning on getting PLENTY of exercise in w/DH at that B&B!  ;-)

I don't have my official WI until Thursday, but I'm pretty excited that I may be in "Onderland" by then!!!! YEAH!!!  Won't be exactly at halfway probably w/out a miracle, that is the still elusive 195 #s that I'd hoped to be at by my 1st anniversary until that stupid mono and plateau hit me and slowed me down, but I think I'll at least hit 199 because I stepped on the scale this afternoon when I woke up to see what happened after TOM finally decided to leave town and I was 200.8!!!!!  Yeah for me!!!!!!!  Wish me luck!!!!

I'll try to stop in to visit everyone's blogs as much as I can to say hello to everyone this weekend!  And I just wanted to say welcome to all of the new MALE members that have recently joined extrapounds!  I think it's awesome to see guys that care about their health and aren't afraid to tell people about it, plus, it's really cool to hear about this whole diet and exercise thing from a man's point of view.  Most guys don't like to openly talk about their feelings and issues w/their weight, let's face it, society doesn't exactly encourage it, so I just want to say that I think that all of you are awesome for what you are doing and I encourage everyone to make a point to stop by and give these guys some encouragement in their efforts! 

Happy Memorial Day weekend to all of you and I hope that you all have an awesome time whatever your plans are!  Holiday calories don't count, right?  lol  Thanks for all of your support and encouragement as I struggle to get this weight off!  You're all the best!

Love y'all lots!!!!!!

Until next time!  Peace out!!!!!

Sunny Days, good fortune, and other stuff!

Hello everyone!  The sun has decided to pay Central Ohio a visit!!!!  For how long?  Who knows?  BUT, at least I was able to get my garden weeded and grass mowed yesterday.  Well, at least I was able to pay my teenage niece who will do ANYTHING to feed her clothes and makeup habit to do it for me!  lol  I just enjoyed the sun and my husband and I sat on the porch drinking tea.  :-)  It's SO much work doing gardening!  lol

My minor heart attack...I'm 6 pounds away from my halfway point and apparently losing 44 pounds will change a gals ring size a WEE BIT and I had to find out the hard way just how much it had changed!  I'm at work the other night and it was a HORRIBLE busy night.  We actually broke our record for # of patients seen in a 24-hour period in the ER, plus we had 8 traumas (4 Level 1 trauma gunshot wounds and a cardiac arrest all came in at THE EXACT SAME TIME and I got to be the nurse running around in lead and a plastic gown trying to keep the whole thing as organized and smooth running as possible!).  So needless to say, I was EVERYWHERE because I was trauma float and I work in a 100 bed ER, so it's a big ED.  SO, at the end of the shift, I FINALLY get to sit down for the 1st time all night and think for a second and happen to look down and realize...OMG!  My diamond engagement ring is GONE!  My heart sank.  I couldn't remember where I lost it or how and all I could think was that if anyone found it, it was probably gone.  I put out an all-call to the ER and everyone, Docs, nurses techs, even patients and their families... stopped what they were doing to turn the place upside down to help me search for it.  We searched for an hour, and housekeeping had already come through and emptied ALL of the trash cans.  We couldn't find the ring, so we call housekeeping and they said, "Sorry, all the bags have gone to the incinerator."  I burst into tears.  I knew my ring had gotten loose, but I never thought that I could have it fall off and not realize it!  Then, one of the gals shouts out, "Bethany!  They missed a trash can!"  So we go over and dump the thing out and go through the whole, literally bloody mess...and guess what!  It was at the very bottom of the thing, wrapped in a glove!  WOW!  I should play the lottery with that kind of luck!  So, it was off to the jewelry store with that puppy to have it and my diamond wedding band SIZED!  Apparently my ring size has gone from a 7.5 to a 6!  No wonder the thing slipped off so easily! 

Moving on to fat week and tips for keeping glowing skin and the PMS bloat off that I learned!  :-)  So I'm experiencing fat week, but I still lost!  YIPPEE!!!  Just wanted to share a few tips that I learned for getting the water off fast and making your skin look REALLY pretty, even when PMS has it looking dull and pimply!  I have this friend who has just 100% glowing skin and this is what I found out (and it works!  I tried it today!)...First of all, I stepped on the scale and saw the infamous 5 pound water weight gain this am and it's WI day at JC, plus a couple of pimples to boot.  YUCK!  So I decided to try my friend's advice...Started out by working out on the elliptical but  in a sauna suit, which just  PULLED the water right off of me!  I dropped every  ounce of  water  weight  off  in 45 minutes!  Next, Hopped in the shower, did a quick head-to-toe salt scrub, followed by a quick shot of cool water and then out of the shower...for the pimples, a little coritsone cream for the swelling and redness...and then finish off w/Jergen's Natural Glow moisturizer for face and body (they're 2 different things) to add a shimmer.  OMG!  I looked like I had just gotten off the beach, but not such a drastic change that it looked fake and my skin looked absolutely radiant without make-up to cover everything up, and I didn't feel all gross and PMS-ey.  She really  knew what she was talking about!  Wish I would have discovered that earlier!  I've just been trying to increase the water intake (which I still do) to try to get the bloat off, but that was an instant success!  Just thought I'd pass that little hint along!

And props to Edy's ice cream for creating the perfect little snack to cure my summer chocolate ice cream cravings!  I've been trying to find something that would do the trick and I'm not digging most of the fat-free stuff, and even when I do find one that I like, I usually don't want to blow the cals on eating the whole thing.  SO... I went to the store after my WI today and found this new thing from Edy's ice cream called "Dibs" they're in all sorts of candy flavors and they're little ice cream bon-bons.  Now mind you, it's real ice cream and the serving size is 26 pieces an 420 cals, but if "just a taste" is what you need to calm the beast (they're VERY rich and all covered in chocolate), do the math and it's only 16 CALORIES per delicious little bite!  YUMMY!!!!!!

Well, I'm going to do some blog hopping and then off to fold laundry!  :-P  Have a great day everyone!!!!!!

Weather Knees!

Well, nothing much exciting to report today!  I haven't stepped on the scale much because I'm feeling huge and bloated d/t PMS.  I'm not having my usual emotional swings and cravings this time around, just feeling blah...which could be in part to this unrelenting cold and rain that has hit Ohio AGAIN!  Feels like fall instead of late spring around here these days!  Sucks.  I need to get my dog groomed, she's a mess, but I can't see plopping down $100 to have her bathed and trimmed if she's just going to go out and jump in a mud puddle in the back yard.  All I've wanted to do is SLEEP!  But I haven't been able to b/c I'm working! :-P  I've been picking up a lot of extra hours lately b/c I only have 6 weeks left on night shift and I'm trying to soak up as much of that shift pay as possible and save it so that I'll have a cushion to transition us from being used to my night shift pay check to my lower day shift salary, too.  I've been trying to keep up w/ my exercises, but I'm finding that after battling mono for so long and taking almost 4 weeks off from everything, that I'm starting over from square one.  Which is a little disappointing, but I'm trying to take it in stride and not get deterred from my goal by getting depressed about taking one step forward and 2 steps back in my fitness goals.  How slowly Rome was built and how quickly it burned!!!! 

The worst thing about this weather is that it's KILLING my knees!  I'm going to have to call my orthopedic surgeon on Monday and set up and appointment.  He'd offered to do Synvisc injections in my knees a while ago to help lube my knees up and ease the pain, but the Nurse was too chicken to have the needles put in her knees! lol  I'm thinking that i'm going to see if the offer is still on the table, though and try to get them b/c I'm tired of having to walk up steps like a 90 year old b/c my knees are cold and achy.  I'd rather get my weather report from NBC instead of my joints, quite frankly!  And eventhough it looks like I'm going to have to give up my goal of hitting 50 pounds by my 1st anniversary, which is June 4th, I still haven't given up my goal of wanting to run a 5 K, but I can't set a goal date until I can get the knee thing under control.  Just hurts too hard to hit the pavement, no matter what shoes I get.   Here's more about the injection if you're interested...

http://www.synvisc.com/

I know that achy knees have been a problem for lots of us lately and I thought I'd share an interesting book that I've been reading that has a lot of good hints and tips about preventing and treating knee pain.  It's called:  "No More Knee Pain:  A Woman's Guide to Natural Prevention and Relief" by Dr. George J. Kessler, it explains how our hormones, emotions, diet, exercise and weight all play in together to make or break our knees.  It also has illustrated exercises to strengthen your knees as well.  You can find it online for under $10 on buy.com...here's the link, check it out!

http://www.buy.com/retail/product.asp?sku=31193517&loc=106&sp=1

So anyway, that's my deal this week.  Ouchy knees.  Im not letting it interfere w/my workouts, I've just had to choose alternatives to things that are hard on the joints.  Walk, don't jog, elliptical, no treadmill.  Yoga, not Tae Bo, etc.  I suppose it gives me an opportunity to focus on my upper body and abs that are in desperate need of attention!  lol  :-) 

Well, I'd better close, I am at work and really shouldn't be playing online anyway, but the night is slow and I need to stay awake!  :-)  Here's hoping everyone has a great, pain-free and healthy weekend!!!!!

Hasta!

Weigh-in

Well, I had my first JC consultation in like a month because of mono and then a total lack of wanting to go back after being off plan until I had been back in the ways of righteousness for a week or two, only to find that my consultant, who I loved, quit!  So I have this new consultant, who is very young and very sweet and supportive...and who mentioned several times about how my husband had come in to pick up my food the past few time for me while I was sick and how drop-dead gorgeous she thought I was.  Not, oh, you have a nice-looking husband.  No, more like, let's not talk about you, let's talk about him, 'cause he's DREAMY!  Non-stop, wow!  He's cute!  What a hotty!  Now ladies,  I KNOW my DH is cute.  I'm the first to admit it, and I'm proud when my girlfriends tell me about how lucky I am to have a man who is sweet, sensitive, AND handsome!  I know!  I agree!  :-)  HOWEVER, I suppose I start to get a little tinge of jealousy and want to say, "Ok, eyes back in your head, girly!  He's married!"  When the conversation turns to non-stop obsessing over him!  OMG!  It's funny in a way, but please, know when to stop and know that a compliment is fine, but enough already w/the non-stop school-girl gushing!!!!  lol  So, my consultation w/the new girl was a little fruitless b/c we didn't talk much about me, I like her, don't get me wrong, but I finally said, ok!  Lost more weight!  Good for me!  Bye-bye now.  Love ya, mean it!  Got my food and left.  If it wasn't for the fact that they don't count it as a visit that goes towards moving to your next discount w/the rewards program, I'm not certain that I'd waist my time in consultations b/c I honestly have yet to be involved in one that I felt was productive and unscripted.

Anyhoo!  So, my official JC weight was 204.4 (almost to the ONE's!), which I was amazed considering that dinner yesterday was at an upscale restaurant that believes in the gospel of butter!  :-P  I did well yesterday, though.  I requested that my steak NOT be drizzled w/the red onion butter and then split it w/my brother and hubby, I DID add a little sour cream (just a teaspoon!), to my baked potato b/c I can't STAND dry baked potatoes, and then a side salad and steamed veggies.  All in all, not to bad.  And I ate lite the rest of the day b/c I knew that we were going out. 

My issue w/the JC plan right now is boredom.  Yes, the food is good, but you can only rotate through those dinners so many times b/f you start to go, no thanks, I'll starve.  SO, I went to Wal-mart and stocked up on some healthy snacks (100 cal packs, WW snacks, etc) and some low-sodium, low cal/fat dinners to shake things up a bit.  I've been doing more "Meals on my own" lately, too.  At first, I was afraid to b/c I thought, if I stop eating JC food all the time, I'll gain, but I haven't.  I'm still losing, and I've been making good choices.  Even when I splurge, I've been pretty good about having "just a taste" and putting the rest down and walking away.  Plus, I've found that many of my old faves just don't taste good to me anymore.  The best part is that I've really found it very empowering that I can eat on my own and make my own choices w/out going overboard and still being able to lose.  JC is a great plan, and I love the ease of it and the way that things are pretty much spoon-fed and spelled out for you.  Eat this, not that.  But let's face it, ultimately for this thing to work, I have to be able to take care of myself and let go of Jenny's hands.  I view the plan as training wheels, and I'm feeling like maybe sometimes I can have them let go of the bike and let me try riding on my own.  I know that I'm not "supposed to" for for several more pounds, but I'm doing it, and I'm doing fine.  Sometimes I just want to go out and eat w/everyone else and not be afraid of food.  That is my issue right now, I'm like an alcoholic who has abused alcohol so much for so long, that I can't even trust myself to one drink w/out worrying that it will lead to a binge, and I need to know that I CAN have just one piece of pizza and walk away, or that I can go out w/friends and make the healthy choice eventhough everyone else is eating the high-fat, high-cal food.  I need to feel that control and that freedom that I'm not afraid of food, that I'm eating to live, not living to eat and it's me, not the cheeseburger that is in control.  Even after yesterday, when I made the right choices, gave away the other half, etc, I was still afraid of that scale this morning.  I want that feeling to go away, I want to feel normal.  I know that I will always struggle with my weight and that reaching goal is not going to be the end of the battle, that my metabolism will never be so high that I can eat like a pig and not pay the consequences, but I do want freedom from the fear.  To make peace with my body and with food, and my own emotions and esteem and stress issues that drive me into a plate of food like it was an illicit lover consoling me for a bad marriage.  That is what I crave, what I want. To know that I am the one in power and that food has no hold over me, and to be able to look at my body, no matter what size, and love myself.  It's coming, small battles are being won, but the war is still on!

Thanks for all of the great compliments on my new do and weight loss, everyone!  You are ALL doing great and losing big in a good way!  You're all my heroes!

Have a great and healthy day!!!!!!

Happy Mother's Day!!! Check out my tracker and the gallery!

Hi all!  Hope everyone had a wonderful Mother's Day!!!!  It was cold and rainy here, felt like October, but we had a wonderful day!  My brother took a ton of pics, but it was w/his professional camera, so I won't have those for a while, BUT....I promised new pics since I've had lots of requests, so I did some w/the camera phone and posted them, so check out my photo gallery, there's more than just what's on the homepage!  :-)  My Mother's Day gift was stepping on the scale this morning and seeing the numbers 2-0-5!  I'm officially 40 pounds down now, so I only have 10 more to go to my halfway point.  Probably won't make it by my initial goal date of June 4th (our 1st anniversary!), but at least it will be close!!!!!  I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have a blessed day!!!! 

All the hard work is paying off!!!

I'm gonna make this quick, b/c I'm at work...but I just got my lab results and my cholesterol level before starting JC and losing the weight was 305...

And NOW it's...232!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YEAH!!!!!  It's still high (normal is below 200, optimal is below 190), but it's coming down, SIGNIFICANTLY!!!!!  YIPPEE!!!!!

And to all of my fellow nurses out there, HAPPY NURSE'S WEEK!!!! Hope you're avoiding the food that's being brought in better than I am!  I fell off the band wagon so hard yesterday that I'm suffering from MAJOR tummy issues!  lol  I'm fasting today, not because I'm trying to pay penance, but because my appetite is non-existant today!  lol  Drinking H2O and hoping for a better day tomorrow!

Love y'all!  Just had to give you my exciting news about my cholesterol levels!!!!!  YEAH!!  The hard work really does pay off in health benefits!

HAVE A BEAUTIFUL DAY ALL!!!!!!

 

Motivation

I had to work last night, but I got a glimpse of the Today Show and found out about a really fascinating man!  The next time that you think that you don't have the energy to get off the couch and even move a foot, let alone walk a mile or two, check out this man's amazing story!

www.thefatmanwalking.com

Have a great day, all!  I'm going to bed...gotta get up early so I can workout before going back in to work tonight!!!!!

Hairy Situations...

Ok...So, hubby worked late last night b/c it was Monday and he has to do payroll (he's an accountant), so I had quite a bit of time to start thinking of excuses about the hair thing for when he got home, ie:  "I donated it to locks of love, think of the kids w/cancer," "It will grow back,"  "I was demon possessed."  etc...SO....I came home, continued w/the house cleaning that I had initially started out my day intending to do and tried to forget about worrying what his reaction would be.  (For those of you who are lost here, see yesterday's post to get updated on my little drama!)

Later that evening...So now it's 7 pm and still no hubby, so I went outside to take out the garbage and I'm facing the house when I hear the car pull up.  I didn't turn around, didn't want to see his face...then I hear the door open and my husband says, "Excuse me, miss, can I help you?"  OMG!  Is he serious? (ok, so he IS coming home to a blond wife w/short hair and I don't think he's seen these clothes b/c I just pulled them out of storage b/c they finally fit again, but is he serious, does he NOT know who I am?!?!?")  He repeats, "Can I help you?"  I turn around to face him...his jaw drops...he drops his brief case...stands there silent for a second, and then walks SLOWLY toward me.  I am STILL silent, I don't know what to say!  So he finally gets to where I'm standing, reaches his hand out, touches my hair, and then....SMILES!  YES ladies, SMILES!  And looks at me and says, "WOW!  SEXY!"  Then gives me one of those passionate Hollywood kisses that makes you lift your leg back like the actresses do when they get a mind-blowing first kiss...then, well, you're all grown ups, so you can use your imagination here...he took me inside and showed me several times how much he liked the new look!  ;-)  Whoo-hoo!  He later confessed to me that when he pulled up, he honestly didn't recognize me from behind and thought, "Who is this strange woman in my drive way?" He REALLY didn't know his own wife!  ROFLMAO!!!!

Moral of the story....

For all of you who think that you don't have the guts to do that drastic of a change b/c DH or BF might flip, DO IT!!!!!  Sometimes spontaneity is the best aphrodisiac, AND, a new hair cut and color just makes you feel SO GOOD!!!!!  It seems like from reading everyone's blogs that this winter, and ESPECIALLY April, was a tough month for all, and you need to do something for you and you alone to help get you out of your slump.  That's why I did what I did.  I was bored and exhausted after the long months of winter and sickness and needed to feel better about myself, and it worked!  

So go out, do something wonderful and spontaneous JUST FOR YOU this week, for no reason other than you want to do it!  Don't think, just do!  You'll be happy you did!!!!!!  :-)