one pound lost
well weigh in day is here and again i have had a loss of a pound, i am back at the docs on friday and i want to be three pound down by then so i am really going to give it some wellie this week.
i have had a quite week really, the kids have been off and i have been spending time with my mum, who lives with us and is still off becasue of her stroke. i have not really thought much about weight loss, work or much else really and have just ploded along. what i have thought about is that i need to start to exersise more and get out there and do it. i have decided that when the kids go back to school that i am trying to get to the gym before the day really gets of to a start, i know that this has been said before on the situation but this is something that i am more serious about, not just the gym but i need to look after me to. for the past three days i have made the effort to out make up on and do my hair instead of just tying it back befor i go out even if its just to the shops, and yes i do feel a bit better. dont know how long this will last for but i will try.
you know what i dont really understand this deprssion thing even though i have trained in the field, i can not seem to understand that no matter how hard i try then i can see an end to this mundane and low feeling, i can put on make up and feel better and yes i do feel better but it only mask the real feelings that are happening for me, and when i try and describe what i am feeling i can not seem to put it down in words. its hard to describe it to the doc and sometimes i feel that he feels that i may be putting it on becasue i can not tell him what it is that is bothering me.
there are times that i feel that i am becoming obsessive, like the feeling that there is something wrong with me, the doc assures me after a full medical that this is a sympton of the depression and i know in my mind that this is the case but then somthing takes over and i feel that i am going to get very sick and then end up in a nut house!!! its sounds ludecrious that this is the case and that i am not really going mad but why cant i seem to make my mind see this.
i sometimes feel estatic and then other times i wonder what my life is for, is this making sense to any of you? i even asked my husband today if he was truley happy and if there was anything that i can do to make him happier? we have a good relationship (apart from i have gone right of sex, and have not slept with him for over 4 months) he is really good with me and there is no way he has ever shown that this is a problem and he has explained to me that he knows that i am not welll and this is not an issue for him, but surley it is? i am sure that it would be a problem for me if i could not get intimate with him if it was the other way round.
hey i am just wafferling on now so i am going to sign of and go and spend some time with mum and aunt on a girl afternoon shopping!!!!
speak soon
annmarie
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p.s sorry if the blogs a bit depressing.
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