06/19/2010 04:59
Muffin Meltdown
Well, it was a good day.. Til about 8:30 p.m. That is when the poo hit the fan..
I had my protein shake this morning, went for a 3.5 mile brisk walk. Had my Nutty and Salty bar, had my lunch, had my supper, and then all hell broke loose in my brain and I ate 4 Fruit muffins! And now, 2.5 hours later, my stomach is distended and sore and I feel a little pukey.. They just tasted so good and I swear my brain was planning the next muffin in the middle of the first one, and I just let it have its way.. I am going to be 3 lbs tomorrow I know it.. And Hubby snarled and said "I guess there goes your diet" And my response was to tell him to kiss my ass and I grabbed another muffin.. I am going to have to suck up this little disaster and move onward and downward (weight wise).
06/18/2010 03:46
How the hell do you jog?!?
So as you can tell, I attempted to go jogging today. But it didn't really go as planned. I started out running, every time I tried to slow down to a jog, it felt like I wasn't going anywhere. It was sooo slow!! So I would start running again. When I got too winded, I would walk as fast as I could. I didn't want to go too far away from home, so I stayed on all the side streets and made a big circle. I ran out of water, so I came home. I ended up going almost 3 miles. Not bad for a first time I guess. My face was soo red, it looked like someone slapped me silly. I put a bunch of new songs on my new Sony cordless MP3 player. My favorite to run to so far is Pearl Jam- Rear View Mirror. The beat is soo invigorating and the song itself has so much meaning. It was so nerve-wracking to go running. I am so self-conscious, I took all the side roads, hoping not too many people would see my floppy saddlebags, and wore 2 bras so my boobs wouldn't flop around, LOL. But over all I think it was a good experience, I just hope I am not too sore tomorrow morning, because I want to go again. I work weird shifts, 2 days on, 2 days off, 3 days on, 3 days off, and repeat. And all I do at work is walk (11,177 steps on my last 4 hour shift). So I am going to run on my days off, and not on the days I work. Who knows, I might get better at it and start running everyday. Or I might do my Wii workouts on the days I work and run on my off days. I dunno, we will see how it goes..
06/14/2010 13:52
60 lbs Gone!! WOO HOO!!!
Well, I stepped on the scale this morning and it decided to give me an early birthday present and show me 190 lbs!!! I was a fit of giggles, but had to be quiet because every one else was still in bed. I don't remember ever in my entire life being 190 since I was around 17 years old, so almost 21 years ago..I haven't been exercising at all, my toe still aches from the break when I walk around too much. I am going to start running/jogging (rugging/jonning?) probably in the next couple of days.
05/13/2010 14:36
Ugh, Broke My Big Toe!!
So I missed the last step heading onto my cement patio and landed on the big knuckles of my toes, the ones at the ball of your foot. I broke my big toe. Having never broken anything before, this is really annoying. I am not good at long term pain. I would rather give birth to another 11 lb baby, at least that only took 5 hours of labor!! LOL. The doctor said no heavy activity (most exercise) for 4 to 6 weeks. I get the week off work too... Sucks sooo much because I had a chest cold so I missed a week of exercise, then my Gramma passed, so there went another week, and now this!!
On the other hand I have reached another little personal goal.. The lowest I have ever been in adulthood in 196 and I reached that this morning. The scale at the hospital said I weigh 191, so I am not really sure how much I weigh, but I will stick to what my scale says because I am not going into emerg every time I want to weigh myself, LOL. My eating has been really great, I have been avoiding all the snacking stuff I could be doing. I eat chicken ALL the time and we got some really nice looking pork chops yesterday, so I am going to have one of them with my salad tonight. Hubby loves to coat everything in barbeque sauce, but I am quite content to eat it plain.
So my next mini goal is going to be 189. I am making them small now that I am getting closer to my goal (165).
To anyone reading my post, have a great day, and don't read the paper while walking down the stairs!!
04/17/2010 15:27
Down 50 lbs!!!!
I weighed myself this morning and was greeted by a friendly 200.6 lbs!!!!!!
WOO HOO!!! That means that I am down 50 lbs since January 15th!! 50 lbs in 13 weeks. I cannot believe that I have got this far.. I have so far to go yet, but I am so proud of how far I have come.. A can put on a pair of 38 jeans without jumping up and down, my work scrubs are all a Large, but there is room in them (the last thing I want to do is go to work in tight hospital scrubs!! You see every lumpy and bumpy in those things!!), and I am receiving tons of compliments about the way I look..
Now the drawbacks:
1) I am EFFING COLD all the time!! I wear a hoody and jogging pants all the time right now, because I am freezing!!
2) I have a very small wardrobe.. All my old pants and shorts fall off, and my t- shirts(usually what I always wear) look like freakishly long night shirts..I have new scrubs, had to get those because co-workers were laughing at me, saying I looked like a kid putting on my parents work clothes, but personal clothing have struggled behind.
3) I am developing wrinkly sags ( or what I think are wrinkly sags, Hubby doesn't see anything or so he says) around my stomach hips and thighs. I guess that is something that is to be expected though.
4) I am having what I deem a problem with exercising with the family. I like to exercise by myself. Hubby wants to go bike riding as a family, so we go, but I want to ride to go fast, to push myself, but I am constantly having to wait for Tween because she is yelling for me to slow down and wait for her. I want to go fast! I want to push myself, be out of breath and sweaty and feel the rush of really pushing myself. And Hubby wants to stop after 10 minutes and have a cigarette (he is a heavy smoker), where as I quit smoking in January, so I want to go go go, I hate stopping and waiting for him..
Maybe that is symbolic of our relationship. I think that he is holding me back. I only work part time because he is on disability because he broke his back and the money I make gets taken out of his cheque (50% of it), so the more I make, the less he gets. I make good money where I work, but he only lets me work part time so he can get more money. His money is his money and my money is our money. Any extra money he gets goes to what he wants like RC cars and stereo equipment for MY car. I have no say in what he spends his money on, the only bill he pays is the rent, which is expensive in my opinion. I pay all the other bills, which totals about 300 more than he pays for rent. If I need money for something, I have to borrow it from him. He is schizophrenic, and has security issues, so he has a really hard time if I go anywhere by myself. He thinks I am seeing other men, which I think is hilarious, because I don't consider myself appealing what so ever, let alone with enough time to go find another man. I have no interest in cheating on my hubby!!)I had an active social life before him and the kids, now I don't have any friends except for family, and he thinks that only whores go to bars, so I can't go out drinking with the girls at work. My mother told me yesterday that she couldn't believe that any daughter of hers would allow any man to take away her identity, and I hadn't really thought about it before, but I guess she was right..
04/10/2010 16:33
Blah Blah Blah
Well, having trouble since Easter. Grazing on Chocolate, feeling a binge coming on, and I am trying to fight it with everything I have. I gained 6 lbs during the Easter break, and I have 2 lbs to lose until I am back to 205.. Had a protein shake for breakfast, they seem more filling than the omelette I usually have, Normally by 10:30 or so I am starving again, but I am still full and it is nearing lunch time now..I make my own protein shakes with mixed berries, milk, honey, a little vanilla, yogurt and protein powder. YUMMY!! I need the calcium anyways I am sure, because I don't really drink milk except for in the shake, and the only other dairy I consume is the cheese in my omelette.
I have to get back to being focused. So tired of feeling defeated as soon as I fumble. On a good note, however, I am wearing size large uniforms, as opposed to the 2 or 3X I was wearing before (mostly 2X) Lots of compliments.
One thing I am not handling well is people calling me skinny. It honestly drives me nuts. I am sure it is meant to be a compliment, but I don't take it as one, because I still have a long way to go. Nobody at work knows how much I weigh, and I am very tall (5'10") so I carry my weigh well, I suppose. I know that I still have about 40 lbs left to lose, and I bothers me..
My mother and sister, and other female family members are all overweight (my sister is about 280 and 5'7", my Mom is 5'4" and about 240 lbs) and are constantly harassing me saying that I am too thin and that I should stop losing weight. I don't know if it is jealousy that I am losing weight, but it is so tiring having to defend myself all the time. My sister is a nurse and has come right out in front of other family members and asked me if I was anorexic or bulimic.. Talk about embarrassing!! Of course, I am NOT either, just working hard to lose weight. but when I say that, she just shakes her head and purses her lips.
Oh well, I just ignore her the best that I can, it just makes family time a little harder.
04/01/2010 17:36
38 to go!!
O.k., I am on a countdown now.. 38 lbs to go until I am 167lbs!! I have to stay motivated now.. I am 9 lbs away from the lowest weight I have ever been in adulthood, 196 lbs. And then I got pregnant with Toddler.. But no chance of the happening now that Hubby got fixed..
03/23/2010 01:11
Half Way There!!
I am officially at my half way mark!! I also fit into and wore my smallest jeans that I own which are a size 38. I am doing roughly an hour and a half of exercises every morning, and and feeling myself get more toned and tightened..
Exercise every morning: EA Active Medium Intensity
EA Active: More Workouts Medium Intensity
Wii Fit Plus
03/11/2010 20:15
Been a While
Haven't posted for a bit, just doing other things. Had a bad couple of days a few weeks back, but worked it out and got myself back under control. I borrowed my sister in laws Wii balance board, and have been doing EA Active, Wii Fit Plus and Gold's Gym Boxing every morning, EA Active twice sometimes. Got really great Reebok Runners running shoes, really light and airy. Got a pedometer too, and yesterday I clocked in 13,000 steps, with nothing extra in my day but going to work. Been getting tons of compliments and comments on my weight loss, including from my female residents (I work in a nursing home), and they are all really supportive!
I am 5 1/2 lbs from my half way mark. The lowest I have ever been in my adult life is 194 lbs, and I am so excited to go past that, giving it a kick in the ass as I go. I am now feeling myself get smaller, very slowly, and I find that the exercise is helping give me more energy and pumping me up mentally I think.
I have stopped doing my food journal.. I eat the same things every day, almost without fail.
Breakfast: Egg Beaters omelette with mushrooms and a tablespoon of cheese
Lunch: Oven baked chicken breast with salad and low fat dressing mixed with salsa
Dinner: Same as lunch
Snacks: Apple or kiwi or air popped popcorn or pear, or a seasonal fruit (raspberries, blackberries, strawberries, watermelon)
Drinks: Breakfast-milk, lunch and dinner-water or diet Pepsi, depends on how I feel, at work-water..
If we are going away I cook my chicken in advance and pack all of my food. We went away to sister in laws last weekend (3 hours one way), and I packed everything that I would need in a big cooler, and brought another cooler for healthy drinks and snacks for the kids. I am trying really hard to get them eating and drinking healthier, There is no longer regular pop brought into our house, Hubby has lost 15 lbs since Christmas, and I would like to think that I had something to do with that. We have take out once a month. Hubby loves Chinese, toddler loves McDonalds, Tween changes her mind constantly, so we hit the Food Court at the local mall, and I get Subway, everybody else gets what they want and we all eat together, happy with our choices.. You can't beat that!!
03/02/2010 15:15
Had a Bad Day
Well, 2 days ago, I ate 2 mini brownie, those "2 bite" brownies.. Not so bad right? Didn't gain, didn't lose.. Yesterday, had a little blow out. Ate about 6 mini brownies, drank a big glass of chocolate milk, had cranberry orange cake, and sausage, and I don't think anything else, but in my daze, I may have consumed small children or animals, lol. Just feel like a failure for doing that. I know that I am gong to be fine, and that today is another day, and I am not giving up on my lifestyle change.. It is just, as soon as you eat something that you know is bad, a switch goes off and it is like, oh well, you screwed up, quick put something else bad in your mouth!! It is amazing how self defeating I can be.. I was eating the mini brownies so fast I was almost gagging on them..
I have to quit drinking soda. I drink Diet Pepsi, but I know that it would help my well being to stop consuming artificial sweeteners. It is the only bad food/thing that I still have!! And I have post nasal drip, so it helps everything clear up in the morning.. Maybe I should just start cutting back, because I do drink quite a bit..
I have to get back on track..No more eating crap at work.. It isn't at home that I have any problems, I am totally accountable for everything at home, but I work in a kitchen of a nursing home, so I am surrounded by cooked dinners and snack foods, and this is where I falter..
Today is a new day, yesterday is just a bad memory, and tomorrow is even brighter than today!!
