Time to get off this roller coaster! I just got engaged to my boyfriend of the last 14 years, and we are getting married August 6th. Not exactly the extended time line that I was hoping for to plan a wedding and to lose weight, but I will do what I have to do.  60 lbs to lose before August 6th. I have lost 15 lbs this month already, if I stay on the same weight loss path, I can do it. Just need to stay motivated.

Ok, so here I go again (on my own, boom boom boom boom, lol). I guess the only thing I can do is to just pick myself up and keep going. I have a wedding to go to on October 10th, and I want to be at 175 lbs by then, so probably around 20 lbs from where I am at now (I will know when I actually weigh myself).

Wish me luck Losers (I mean that in the good way!).

I went shopping for a bathing suit.  I swear I would rather scratch my own eyes out than have to go to the beach.. I am so lumpy bumpy every where. And I am almost 6 feet tall so nothing is long enough or has a long enough torso. I HATE bathing suit shopping. And I found a couple that I liked, but I am not paying over one hundred dollars for a bathing suit when I have 2 kids to take care of!

My weight loss has returned.  I had bought one of those "detox" kits, where you take X number of pills every day for 15 days. The screwed up my bowel movements and made me gain 2 pounds!  So I stopped taking them, bowels are back to normal and have lost the 2 pounds, plus 2 more!!   I have added an Iron supplement to my morning multi vitamin and garlic pill regime.  I don't eat red meat or really many veggies that are high in Iron, and I bruise sooo easily, so I hope that the bruising will subside.  And I now eat a yogurt after walking (65 calories, no fat, sweetened with sucralose) instead of a Nutrigrain Sweet and Salty Granola Bar (160 calories and 5 grams of fat I think).  I love the salty bar, but maybe the salt was holding me down too. 

I bought a cute pair of striped capri pants a few months ago, and put them on yesterday to wear over to a friends house...and they FELL OFF!!!  It made me giggle hysterically.  It is amazing the changes that we can't see in ourselves sometimes. I didn't realize that my body had changed that much in the last couple of months.

Sister in Law promised to come shopping with me the next time she visits because I am fashion impaired.

I have been thinking and reading other peoples blogs, and all of us have our "slip ups".  But have you ever thought about "What if I go back to the way I was before?".  I am TERRIFIED of going back to 250 lbs and looking like the marshmallow man from Ghostbusters. Having more than one chin, my ass not fitting into any pants properly.  And not to mention that I gave away or threw out everything that was too big on me, so if I did go back there I would have to be naked all the time because I have nothing left to wear!!  I don't ever want to look like the Michelin man again.  But what if?  What if I lose my somewhat decent self control and gain the 60 something pounds that I have lost right back?!?

Am I the only one who obsesses about it?

As of today, I am 61 lbs lighter than I was at this time last year. People don't recognize me, even friends when they see me, and people have nicknamed me "Skinny" (which drives me NUTS!! I hate it, because I am not skinny!).

In the last year I have dealt with the stillborn birth of my nephew (12 hours before a scheduled c-section), the death of my Great Aunt, my Grandmother, and my sisters Dog, and her new dog having 9 puppies!  I quit smoking, started eating better and exercising and broke my toe. My Mother graduated from college and I got to be there and cried. So much stuff that I wish never happened and stuff that I will never forget and I am so grateful that I got to witness.

I hope the next year is much happier for my family and that when my Tween graduates from Public School next June I can hopefully be at my goal weight so I can be the prettiest Mom at the graduation!!

No weigh changes for a couple of days now. I suspect that it is because of my cycle, although that doesn't usually affect it much.  I have been doing well since my epic muffin failure. I had 3 chocolate covered peanuts and a piece of Rolo last night, I sucked each one of them slowly, savoring the flavors.. Yummy, heavenly chocolate..

I think that I would like to get under 180 by the 1st of August. That is eight pounds in 1 month. I don't know if it is possible anymore.  My weight loss was soo fast in the beginning, and now it is a slow crawl, and sometimes it is crawling backwards, sideways and possibly upside down.. I used to love stepping on the scale and seeing that I had lost 2 lbs in one day, 6 or 7 lbs a week was easy for the first couple of months. Now I am lucky if I can get 2 lbs a week.  I started walking last week.  I walked 14.5 miles last week, but I didn't walk yesterday because I needed a day off for my legs, and today I am not walking because I am pretty sure that I wouldn't be able to get the whole 5 miles in without being covered in blood! (I know TMI, but it is true).  Hopefully my period will calm itself down and I can get my 5 miles in tomorrow and Friday. Hubby is going away Saturday morning, so I can't leave the kids on Sat. and we are going to Alliston (2 1/2 hours away) on Sunday, so probably no walking then either because we will be leaving early.

Friday is my 36th birthday. It will also mark the longest I have ever stayed with  a "lifestyle change". Now, I don't drink, smoke, drink soda, do drugs. I keep telling everyone that I am the most boring person on earth, lol.  My 35th birthday, I was 250 lbs.