i've been so busy lately! a new job! i think it's going to be excellent - and i'm definitely loving the hourly wages! unfortunately this has left less time for both blogging and exercising. (but it is a twenty minute walk from the subway!) so i'm trying to compensate by eating extra well. and i'm continually reminding myself that extra-good-eating does not equal less eating.
but i've been doing well enough lately. the routine of having an 8 hour job five days a week really keeps me on a schedule. and i only have to control my snacking at night!
i wrote this little "inspiration" for myself, and i keep it clipped in my food journal:
I'm tired. I'm done. I'm twenty one. I'm not a prisoner. Rather, FREE.
stay strong, everyone - and i want to thank you all for the support again and again and again. i keep my weight loss endeavors a secret in my "real life." i find when i tell people i'm looking to lose weight they just question me and get weird! and i think all my past failures have been due to lack of support! isn't the internet wonderful?!?!?!?!
Wow - I'm back. Home wasn't too good. Didn't exercise - but I expected that - and didn't eat well. I had hoped I'd finally break the binge-fest I tend to have everytime I return home - but not this time. There were a few little victories, and perhaps this weekend wasn't as bad as previous visits.
Keeping this post short - but I just need to say that:
I'M NOT GIVING UP!
Every single time I fall off the wagon, I feel like I need to lay in the middle of the road for a few days, injured and feeling sorry for myself.
There's no time to waste - so I won't be wasting any.
My house is toxic. I can control my eating so well when I'm at my apartment and living with my roommate. I buy all my own food, I prepare all my own meals, and my days are structured around a pretty standard routine. But then I come home - to see my loving family! - and I just eat and eat and eat and eat. I don't know if it's because:
The food is "free" and available
I'm feeling comfortable and happy
I just really like Cheetos and Oreos!
I've been home for four hours now. And I'm doing well! Got hungry, so I ate tuna and sugar-free popsicles. Trying to stay very busy by reading my book and calling my friends to schedule some quality hang-out time. Also, I question myself everytime I walk into my kitchen - and I'm trying to avoid it as much as possible.
Gym this morning - a strong 45 minutes on the elliptical.
Hopefully I'll post and comment tomorrow - but this dial up connection is s....l....o.....w......
But I'm starting to think I can actually see a difference, see changes. I know this cannot actually be possible - and I've decided to chalk it up to nothing more than just a growing awareness of my physical body - but it's kind of neat! Makes me wonder what I'll be thinking when I actually do see changes.
Gym again today ("Good girl!"). Took it a bit easier on myself - treadmill walking for 30 minutes and then stationary bike for 15 minutes. Followed by my self-designed ab exercise circuits. I pretty much hate doing abdominal workouts, especially after cardio, so the previous sentence deserves its bold character. And I don't just go throwing the bold typeface on any old clump of words!
I fear I will exhaust my love of the elliptical machines at the gym. I get the best workout on them and I feel like I work more of my body because you can pump your arms too. The calorie burn of a bike or walking on a treadmill just doesn't compare! But I'm trying to remind myself that any exercise is good exercise. And it's better to challenge and confuse your body every now and then.
I look forward to: the day when I wear a t-shirt to class without a zip-up hoodie to cover my stomach!
Alright - first day down! And I'm feeling energized, of course - there is always appeal to something new. Thanks to everyone for the comments - it's so nice to be welcomed! Makes me think that I might just be able to stick with this! Accountability is key.
Hit the gym today. Elliptical for 45 minutes - and I went pretty hard at about 10 calories/minute. A big thank you to Fergie for keeping me moving - I can't lie - I'm kind of a fan.
G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S.
I slept in really late, so my meals were mixed up. Should I eat breakfast, or lunch? Or both? So I ate four small meals and everything was a smart choice. And nothing excessive.
Now I'm off to crawl into bed and finish my book. Sometimes nothing feels as good as finishing a book. I'm really excited about this blog - and hope that someday I'll be looking back through over twenty-five pages of posts. I'm debating putting pictures up - but I fear I'll be discovered! I'll think on it. I appreciate all the other posted pictures - so I think it's only fair that I contribute my own. We'll see.
I will lead the blind by ways they have no known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them. Isaiah 42:16
Yikes! My first entry! Excited to log my progress and join a supportive community! Perhaps this what I've been missing - encouragement!
The Struggles of Alexa: A Brief History
I've been struggling with my weight and body confidence for - oh, seven years? At least. Too long.
But I'm no longer looking on those years as "wasted years." Nope. I learned a lot in that time. What works - and what doesn't work. I know how to eat right. I know how to exercise. I know exactly what I need to do. Now I just need to do it.
So - I have this beautiful summer. A perfect three months. A true blessing, a gift from God. Saying, "Alexa, use this time. I've given you this time. I've given you the strength. I always bring you through. I'll bring you through this too."
(I'm a Christian - could you tell?)
My basics: I weigh 135 right now. And I'm under 5 feet tall.
I'd like to weigh 120 by August 25 - near the start of the fall semester of my senior year of college.
My previous three years at this school have been semesters of self-loathing. Well, loathing is a harsh word. Let's just say I struggled with self-love. Some days I'd be so energized to start weight loss and other days I'd fall into a state of acceptance telling myself, "You're fine. You're healthy." And I am - to some extent - but I'm unhappy. And I can remember what I used to be - although it's starting to get fuzzy.
Here's to a start tomorrow! Excited! Yes!
I look forward to getting to anybody and everybody here. Inspiration and encouragement is everything.
I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13
