straight from my REAL journal

so this is a synopsis of what i wrote last night in my real journal (exciting!)

i'll admit it.  i've taken a liking to watching joel osteen's sermons late late on sunday nights.  familiar with him?  he pastors a MEGA-church in texas, i believe.  he's kind of cheesy - but obviously he's doing something right if he's packing an indoor arena full of people every sunday. 

so after a terrible terrible night of bineing and feeling incredibly low, i watched him speak about having a postive mental image.  and i sat right up in my bed.  because i was feeling every single thing he said.  basically:

if we use our imaginations to our benefit, we can capture the good future that the Lord wants for us.  eyes of faith.  if we place something good in front of us, we'll move toward it.  seeing ourselves from the Master's view.

all sounds good right?  and i realized i don't have a positive view of myself at all.  i'm constantly just thinking about how many months i've wasted, how many goals i never reached, how i'm so unhappy.  i think i've perfected projecting negativity onto myself.  sad.

and then i was reading all this criticism about osteen's ministry.  how he never really mentions Jesus and the ultimate sacrifice.  and it's true.  he doesn't.  he only talks about God as this being in the sky that can "make us better - financially successful, healthier, etc."

so then i started thinking maybe this is all wrong.  but i'm going to stick with it.  keeping a happier, healthier image of me in my mind every time i catch a negative thought skipping through. 

also, i'm reading matthew - which is full of stories of bold belief, simple trust, and taking "risks of faith."  and guess what?  all those strong believers?  they were healed.