Even though I have not been making a focused effort to eat better, I am still keeping in there. I am more aware and more conscious of my choices than I was a few months ago. I eat healthy foods whenever the opportunity arises, and I really enjoy exercising and do so as often as I can. I can run a mile in a little less than twenty minutes, and in the future I want to work on that and use that as a way to set fitness goals for myself. Right now, though, I want to try to get it together and focus on my weight and health. It will be difficult this month, because I have a lot going on at school with final exams and projects coming up in a few weeks. Also, trying to put in some extra time at work in order to pay off my credit card debt by August (another goal of mine for 2012!) and pay summer tuition ( just found out that there are two classes I need that are ONLY offered in summer, and I don't get any financial aid for summer....tuition due in two weeks!) Between all that and trying to continue with my weight loss efforts, it will be tricky. But my goals at this time are to: 1.) Exercise at least 5 days a week, 30 minutes a day 2.) Do NOT eat any fried food for the rest of the month! ( I had McDonald's last night...*cringe*) 3.) Continue to get plenty of sleep at night and drink as much water and eat as many fruits and veggies as humanly possible.
I'm still losing weight, but I have GOT to get my eating habits under control! i'm still not doing very well on this. I could have lost even more weight by now and probably felt a lot better if I had really been eating the way I'm supposed to be eating. When I am busy or feeling stressed, I am still reaching for the "comfort" foods....fried foods, fast food, etc. I am eating fruits and veggies and healthy foods when I have the chance, but I need to make it more of a habit and a daily thing rather than just, oh crap i better eat a banana. I'm continuing to work on it! I'm also striving to make exercise a more consistent habit, which I know will assist me in eating better as well.
Well my eating habits have definitely gone off track the past couple weeks. I find that I'm craving carbs again, and eating more cheese, fried foods and sweets than I was last month. The pills are definitely not as effective, so I've got to start paying more attention to what I'm eating and why. I'm setting two goals this week: 1. Track what I eat every day 2. Strive to eat 5 servings of fruits and veggies a day
I'm also going to try to exercise every day, but my main focus right now is going to be on getting my eating habits back on track.
I am doing really good about putting fruits and veggies in my body every day. I do very good for breakfast and lunch but in the evening is when I fall off track. I come home and I end up eating snack food or something not healthy. Last night it was oven baked cheesesticks and fries, and cookies. The night before that, I think I had a fun-sized candy bar after eating a sandwich. Have been craving mexican food like crazy, and I've had that twice in the past week. I always try to order something relatively healthy, but restaurant food can't really be trusted, as we all know. I'm not exactly sure how to combat this. I'm craving strong-flavored foods, with lots of spices and veggies, but not having time to actually cook is hurting me. Maybe after tracking my food this week, I'll have a better idea of what the issues are and how to fix them. I have a doctor's appointment next week to weigh in and discuss my progress, so I'd definitely like to see another lower number on the scale.
I haven't written in the past month or so, been pretty busy. Still taking Apidex for my weight loss. I still need to work on my eating habits; my biggest problem is not eating enough nutritious foods. I have been doing a lot better, probably eating at least 2-3 servings of fruit and vegetables a day on average. I'm definitely drinking plenty of water, and not as much diet drinks as I started off. That was definitely an issue for me last month; I was drinking a lot more artificially sweetened diet drinks than a person should probably consume. I've gone from having 3-4 diet drinks a day to no more than 1 a day, if any. I still have "junk" food occasionally, especially if I get in a hurry. I also restarted my birth control about a week ago, which gives me some issues with cravings and wanting to eat carbs and sweets. I've just got to continue to plan ahead and keep healthy foods in front of me more and more. It's only been a little over a month, and I can't expect to totally change my eating habits in a short amount of time. But I definitely want to keep working at it so that those habits stick with me. I want to lose this weight! I want to be healthy and more active, more vibrant. Already I feel so much better than I did a couple of months ago.
I also started taking Karate class. I can only go once a week, because of my schedule, but I get a great workout when I go and I feel good afterwards. I've only been to two classes so far, but it's definitely something I look forward to once a week. I can let out some aggression and anxiety and focus on my body. It has made me more aware of myself, the way I hold my body and my coordination. I definitely plan to continue doing that for myself. Not to mention, I'm learning a valuable skill-self defense. I also got an exercise bike recently. Nothing fancy, just a cheap stationary bike, but it gives me a good workout. Hopefully having a way to exercise at home will keep me motivated and consistent, and when spring comes around, I can also spend time being active outdoors. Maybe I'll get roller blades or something, haha. I was sooo happy to see my weight drop below 200 lbs this past week, for the first time in ages. I waited a couple days to make sure it wasn't going to jump back up, and so far, it's been hovering around 198-199. I'm thrilled. I honestly hope I NEVER see 200 lbs on the scale again, ever!!!
So I have lost about 10-12 lbs since November. It's kind of one of those things where I should be happy and proud, but it doesn't seem like a big deal. So I decided to write about it, to acknowledge it, and to celebrate it.
My clothes definitely fit better. I have been able to get into a few pairs of pants that I had not been able to in awhile. I also feel lighter, and I can feel the extra weight that is gone. I have a little more energy and a little more bounce in my step, although right now it could be attributed to the medication I'm taking. But I can see a difference in my body. i have gotten a couple of compliments as well.
So, it's not a huge, monumental change, but it's definitely a step in the right direction. at 217, losing about 12 lbs accounts for like a 6% body weight loss. Right now I weigh 205.4. I'm still trying to avoid getting hung up on that number! It's really hard, because when you see it start to decline, you want to see it keep going down. And it doesn't always do that. I also know the difference between body fat and "water" and fluid retention and all that stuff.
I have also been eating a lot better these past couple weeks. I am eating less, but when I do eat, I try to eat more fruits and veggies. Unfortunately, I am stuck eating processed foods because of my crazy work/school schedule. I have to rely on frozen lean cusines or hot pockets and stuff. But I try to always have fresh fruit and to cook veggies every chance i get.
So I just wanted to take a moment out of my day to acknowledge the progress I have made, and I hope to keep moving forward.
Well, I totally wasn't expecting this to happen, but my doctor put me on Adipex last week. I went in wanting to talk about my blood sugar and while she is checking on that, she is concerned primarily with my weight. I knew that she specialized in weight loss, but I honestly wasn't going in there just to get a prescription for Adipex, like I'm sure some people do. I'm definitely happy that she was willing to help me out, though. I have asked for weight loss medication in the past, but doctors have been unwilling to prescribe it, so I had stopped even asking. And I have to say, Adipex really has taken the edge off of my appetite. Instead of being ravenously hungry, and just grabbing whatever is in front of me to eat, I actually stop and think about it first. I'm able to eat healthier foods and feel satisfied. The cravings no longer control me, physically OR mentally, which is such a relief. I hate that I needed medication to do this, but I'm just glad for the time being. My only fear is that after I'm taken off the medication, my habits will become unhealthy again. But I feel that I can do what I need to do to take control and hopefully keep that control even after the pills are not there.
I keep wanting to picture myself as this ultra-skinny girl, imagining myself losing huge quantities of weight. I'm trying to push that image out of my head, because it's really not a healthy goal right now. If I could, I'd love to get down to 120 lbs. However, I know that it would take me a long time to lose that much weight. Theoretically, if I lose 2 lbs a week, I could reach that goal by the end of the year. However, I cannot expect that. Normally, I would see that as a challenge to undertake and push myself to the limit trying to get there. However, weight loss is different. It's not just physical, it's mental as well. Right now, I'm just trying to focus on eating better and keep my momentum going. I'm going to weigh in on Friday and record my weight again, no matter what it is. Then I'll weigh in just once a week. The next time I see my doctor, we will decide what a reasonable goal weight should be and the time it would take to lose it. However, my goal weight overall is 120 lbs. So I have nearly 100 lbs to lose. That's a huge amount of weight. I can barely lift a 50 lb. bag of dog food by myself! It's staggering to think about.
As for exercise, my doctor definitely wants me to start doing that. However, I'm kind of holding off right now until I am accustomed to the side effects of Adipex. I'm still trying to see how it affects me. With my diet, I am going to try to plan out my meals for this week tonight after work. School starts tomorrow, and I will be there all day, from 9 am to 9 pm, on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Last semester was rough, because I would snack all day while I was studying. Hopefully I will be able to better control that. Keeping healthy snacks in my car and purse definitely helped me save money and calories, and I intend to do that. As for counting calories, I'm trying not to focus on the amount I eat so much as what I eat. After this week, I plan on adding exercise to my weekly routine as well. It's going to be a balancing act between school, work, family/friends, and my personal health.
I'm seriously trying to reprogram myself so that I can eat better. And I am slowly realizing how much of this crap is subconsciously embedded in my brain. So here are some of the food myths that I am going to work on changing that have prevented me from losing weight:
1.) "Meals"- Breakfast, lunch and dinner- preprogrammed times with certain foods that are eaten for each meal. Cereal for breakfast, a salad for lunch, steak for dinner. Forget it. I don't like cereal, or yogurt, or eggs. If i want baked beans for breakfast, that's what I'm eating. 2.) "Balanced" meals- Meat, sides, and bread usually constitute a meal. Screw that. If I want a glass of wine and a piece of dark chocolate for dinner, then that's fine, as long as it's within my calorie budget and I'm meeting my nutritional needs somewhere.
So far that's all I can come up with, but I feel that if I can mentally change some of these preconceived notions, then I can eat healthier.
I don't want to be sitting here on December 31st, 2012, weighing the same as I do now, or possibly more. I want to make changes this year. I want to be healthier, and I want to lose weight. I am not sure how I am going to make these changes, exactly, or how I will stick with them. This week I'm going to write up an action plan for how I intend to eat better and exercise regularly. I will put this action plan up on my blog, and follow it as well as I can. If I am not able to follow my action plan, I will make the necessary adjustments!
2011 has been a rough year for me. I achieved some good things, and I have learned a lot about myself. Now, it's time to start putting those things into action. I think I have gotten a good handle on my binge/compulsive eating. Not perfect, of course, but I am able to become aware of why I eat what I eat, and I try to make positive changes. I have realized how much I LOVE veggies and have come up with some healthy alternatives to the bad stuff I eat when I feel bad. I have also rediscovered my love of exercise. I really do enjoy exercising. It makes me feel better about myself, and it's a good step to take. Even when I can't get my eating under control, I can still try to get in physical activity. I don't think I want to get back into the traditional gym setting. It's never really been for me, I think. I can feel comfortable in it sometimes, but not always. I can push myself just as hard here at home, at least for now. Maybe after I lose a few pounds and my fitness level is higher, I might consider re-joining a gym. We'll see. Next week, I'm going to invest in some light weights I can use at home for strength training. I also have a Wii active game that seems like it will make for a good workout as well. So i think I'm going to focus on getting in physical activity. My schedule is going to be odd. I'll be working Saturdays, Sundays, and Mondays. I'll have school Tuesdays and Thursdays from 9am-9pm. So Wednesday and Fridays I'll be free. I'm going to make it a goal to get some type of physical activity 5 days a week. Even if it is only 15 minutes or so, it will still be something to get me started. My diet is going to be more difficult to control, but i'm going to work on it. I'm not sure how exactly to go about it. What I might do is pull out my old Weight Watchers stuff and maybe count points each day, and attempt to stay under 25. Tracking what I eat daily might be a big help, too. I'm not going to step on the scale again until January 8th. I would like to weight about 205 lbs by then, but we will see what happens. I am very anxious to get my weight under 200 lbs, but I'm going to have to be patient and forgiving with myself. I think the fact that I will be working less will be a good thing. I won't have as much money to go out and grab fast food and stuff all the time. Not to say that I won't go out with friends every now and then, but no more trips to the drive-thru! I'm just really tired of living my life as a fat chick. I know i'm so much more than that. i want to feel stronger, i want to be healthier! i don't want to be held back by my weight.
I stepped on the scale this morning, after all the Christmas-ing, and my weight is around 216 lbs. I feel so depressed and discouraged right now after seeing that number. I knew I probably shouldn't have even looked at my weight, but I did. Now I'm struggling to re-motivate myself instead of falling into the "I'm so fat, nothing will make a difference" cycle of thinking. I can do this...I know I can. It's going to take time, and I'm going to have to be patient with myself. I can do this. I can do this. God, I hope I can do this.
