Blast from the Past
OK so this week in general has been AWFUL. MY best friend just had a house fire, and she had such bad smoke damage that most everthing is "non salvageable", and the house in uninhabitable most likley for 4-6 months. Major emotional rollercoaster ride for me. I want to help but there isn't much for me to do.
Then as if that wasn't enough drama for one week my husband and I ran into an old friend. Well I've gained probally 50lbs since I last saw him and 75lbs since we used to really hang out. It was so bad, I was so embarrased. He was one of those guys I flirted with shamelessly when I was thinner. (and before I was married). He used to tell me how cute I was etc etc etc. It was such a blow to the self esteem. And I guess a wake up call to the emotional effects this weight is having on me. If I don't look in the mirror I feel good, and confidant. But when I do see myself I just can't believe it. I do want to look on the outside how I feel on the inside. I have to remind myself that I do not get my worth from my apperance. I am a good person at 140 or 240. Accually I am a better person today then I was 10 yrs ago at 140lbs. Anyway all that to say I had a really crappy week. I hope I can turn all this negative energy into positive change. If nothing else it was a wake up call to how deep this weight issue goes.
~K~