Check-in Time today...

Long Ago

Turning over a new leaf.... Or so I hope.

I had an "epiphany" tonight, driving home from my sister's house.

I must warn that it may be a little long. Also, it may seem depressing - but that is my mood and I really hope that no one ends up badgering me over it.

It kinda started when I was pulling onto the main highway and a semitruck was passing by going the opposite direction as to where I was going; and I thought to myself "if I were to hit that truck, I have lived a VERY short life". Meaning, I haven't done a whole lot. Sure I've made 2 beautiful little girls, and I have went to school to get my certificate for a Medical Office Assistant - but I haven't done anything BIG.

Then I got thinking  (again) there is SO much more that I want to do before leaving (I, by the way, am scared of  "death" and what happens after for me and for everyone that I love). I want to be HAPPY and to be in the best shape of my life.I would be happy being in the healthy range of a BMI. I want to go to school and get my practical nursing... and to make a difference in someone's life.

This brought me to a day that I will probably live with forever. The day that my dad told me he had cancer (I suspected that he had it... and REALLY hoped that I was wrong) - Feb.13, 2007. My dad was only 56/57 when he was diagnosed. He can't do anything to change that - but he said he has lived his life. (Wow, I didn't think that it would make me tear up writing this post) and if it was his time - then it was time. But, he did fight and won the first battle. They said when he was diagnosed that he had 2 types of cancer. One was curable.... and one was not. The one that is not curable (follicular lymphoma) he can life with for a long time - and it might not be what he passes away from.

I also would like to pick up on jogging and jog in the Vancouver Sun Run - or something like that when I have the stamina for it. I haven't said a word to anyone about this thought that I have had - just because I am scared.... I guess of what everyone will think of that.

There is other things going on in my life that is making me think. I want to be happy - I am far from being happy right now and trying to change things. But how long do you give this - if you have already "tried" without trying for the last 3-5 years?

First thing first - working on my weight loss and then upgrading to do my practical nursing program next year.

So say the least, I *wonder* why I am gaining weight. Can you feel the scarasm? I am SO stressed, and I tend to comfort myself with, yup you got it, junk food.

Tammy

In need to kick serious @$$

I am tipping the scales, now, to be at my heaviest in since high school. I haven't done all that good since a week ago today AND for the next 3 weeks there is going to be 3 parties with cake - hopefully I can go with out.

In high school, I was able to stick to a low-fat diet and after that a low-carb diet.... I just can't seem to muster up this will power this time round. I do not want to go past what I am right now. I have been to the gym twice this week (I'm headig out here in the next hour, so it will make it 3 times) and I really wanted tio make it five times a week. *sigh* Maybe next week I will make the goal of going 5 days. I will start TODAY eating a better plan with no junk (meaning no cake or donut holes!!)

With that said, I am going to go look for more motivation.

P.S. I need some EP friends... I have NO clue how to add them!! Can someone help me?

Addicted to...

Weighing myself EVERYTIME I go to the gym. I am sure that is not excatly healthy.... but it really keeps me motivated everytime I step on the scale and see a loss.

I went to the gym yesterday and stepped on it AFTER my work out... and it was down 1lb  from the day before. :)

It was also nice, as I was getting off the scale, a lady had made a comment about me being "one of those people". I had told her that I realized that you weight a little more after the work out. She then mentioned, that my weight will go fast because I am working hard (I guess she was watching me). She had told me that she's lost 35 lbs in 5.5 months. :) It's nice to hear that kind of thing and that she sounded encouraging.

Sorry for the lack of

Well, this isn't going as planned. I was wanting to blog at least twice a week and here it is, a week and half after my first post.

Here's how things are going... I did good for exercise and dieting up until Wednesday last week. Thursday, Friday and part of Saturday I ate healthy... but then Saturday at dinner time.... well we just wont go there. I went out of town with a girlfriend of mine (we met up in the city) and we spent the day shopping. Boy, was that ever disappointing.... I *really* need to get my weight off and drop 2 sizes by summer. I tried on 18 pants and they were a little snug... but I bought them anyways. I am a 14 in my old clothes and have TONS of clothes packed in my closet. So, that is my goal for May-ish. I want to fit into those clothes by the beginning of May. I then will work towards my other goal.

Since Sunday, I have been really good. Eating better and I have went to the gym for the last 2 days and I am hoping to make it again today. I have already lost 3 lbs in the last week :) I hope I can keep this positive attitude for the weight loss.

Very First blog

Well, I must admit that when I joined here a few days ago - I was all gongho to write here everyday and to do a food journal, etc; I lost my motivation.

I am not too sure what is holding me back with losing the weight. I'm done with being overwait. I'm done with the guilt that I get when I eat a whole chocolate bar to myself and secretly wishing that I had another one thinking it'd make the guilt go away. Im not an overly guilty person, so where this guilt coming from? The fact that I know that I can have an apple, but instead I am wanting this chocolate bar. Chocolate is my BIG "thing". Other than chocolate, I do not eat chips, drink pop or juice, I'll have the occassional drink over 3 months (haha), I do not smoke or do drugs..... Chocolate is my vice - and I only have chocolate... once a day.

I just recently moved to a town that I know no one. I just had a baby June 2007. 1 week after I had my baby I weighed 199lbs. Not bad! Considering my first doctor appt when I was pg I was 206. Now that I am trying to get serious, I have known, my weight has krept up to a horrible 228 (maybe 230 now). I was doing SO well 2 weeks ago... then TOM came and Valentines in the same week. EEKK!!

Oh, I should also mention... I'm 24!! I'll be 25 in July... and people are ALWAYS mistaking me for sister (who is 9 yrs old than I) or they think that we are "Twins". I'm done with that!!

With that said. My plan of action is to go to Curves for 3 days a week (M,W,F) and do pilates in between with Saturday off. Groceries need to be done in a few days - and I am going to buy veggies and fruit to last the week. I am so damn picky with what I eat  - I do blame that on my overweightness.