Turning over a new leaf.... Or so I hope.
I had an "epiphany" tonight, driving home from my sister's house.
I must warn that it may be a little long. Also, it may seem depressing - but that is my mood and I really hope that no one ends up badgering me over it.
It kinda started when I was pulling onto the main highway and a semitruck was passing by going the opposite direction as to where I was going; and I thought to myself "if I were to hit that truck, I have lived a VERY short life". Meaning, I haven't done a whole lot. Sure I've made 2 beautiful little girls, and I have went to school to get my certificate for a Medical Office Assistant - but I haven't done anything BIG.
Then I got thinking (again) there is SO much more that I want to do before leaving (I, by the way, am scared of "death" and what happens after for me and for everyone that I love). I want to be HAPPY and to be in the best shape of my life.I would be happy being in the healthy range of a BMI. I want to go to school and get my practical nursing... and to make a difference in someone's life.
This brought me to a day that I will probably live with forever. The day that my dad told me he had cancer (I suspected that he had it... and REALLY hoped that I was wrong) - Feb.13, 2007. My dad was only 56/57 when he was diagnosed. He can't do anything to change that - but he said he has lived his life. (Wow, I didn't think that it would make me tear up writing this post) and if it was his time - then it was time. But, he did fight and won the first battle. They said when he was diagnosed that he had 2 types of cancer. One was curable.... and one was not. The one that is not curable (follicular lymphoma) he can life with for a long time - and it might not be what he passes away from.
I also would like to pick up on jogging and jog in the Vancouver Sun Run - or something like that when I have the stamina for it. I haven't said a word to anyone about this thought that I have had - just because I am scared.... I guess of what everyone will think of that.
There is other things going on in my life that is making me think. I want to be happy - I am far from being happy right now and trying to change things. But how long do you give this - if you have already "tried" without trying for the last 3-5 years?
First thing first - working on my weight loss and then upgrading to do my practical nursing program next year.
So say the least, I *wonder* why I am gaining weight. Can you feel the scarasm? I am SO stressed, and I tend to comfort myself with, yup you got it, junk food.
Tammy