What's fake about me: colord hair and contacts, the wonder bra (for shape and lift), hip hugging and thigh slimming underware, jeans that distract from the pear, ...and my smile : (
What's real about me: the disgust I have for what I've done to my body.
Current situation:
1) I have permanently disfigured my body with stretch marks and rolls of fat. Once I get rid of the weight I'll have to have the excess skin cut off if I ever want to let a man see me naked;
2) I haven't been home to visit my family because I don't want them to know I have been completely out of control! I'm a former US Marine but I look like a whale. Speaking of whales, I live in San Diego but I haven't been to the beach in over 6 years;
3) I'm wearing a size 3x. If I get any bigger, I'll have to buy my clothes on-line at some super big women's store. Right now I'm stuck with shopping at Kohls (... thank God for Kohl's because Lane Bryant is way to expensive!); and,
4) A shot out to Home Depot for having extension shower heads with flexible hose so I can wash the places I cannot get to anymore. INSANE! How could I do this to myself?!
Corrective actions to date: I did make it to the gym today. I spent 28 minutes on the elliptical machine and then worked out on a few pieces of nautilus equipment (inner and outer thights, some sort of lateral press for shoulders... bra straps always fall down, I hope this helps). But then a hot, make-up wearing, cleavage showing chick walks in; all eyes on her, snap! And, yep, I couldn't handle it. I hung my head and got out of there; a weak excuse, I know. I'll be mentally stronger next time.
Posted By: Bareminerals
Comments to this post:
07/04/2008 21:33
First step
Welcome to EP and good for you getting started on this journey.
(( HUGS )) to you!! Don't hide from your friends or family though, enlist their help (note, not diet police, LOL!!)
If you can handle being a Marine, you can beat back the weight!
Know that there are LOTS of us out here with you, with similar frustrations and problems.
I wouldn't worry about the excess skin thing, really. Wait and see when you get to goal. You may not have much of any, it depends on how the weight decides to come off. And if I guy can't handle a few stretch marks, is he REALLY worth having? I mean really! Do you want a guy that is that superficial? I sure don't. If he's going to trade me in for stretchmarks then what else is he going to trade me in for? When does the paranoia end? I just don't want to live that way.
You know, you might treat yourself to a nice walk on the beach for some exercise. Why not? Put on a T-shirt and roll up your jeans or sweats and just walk down the beach. It's GREAT exercise. Put on your sun glasses and just walk and enjoy. Go early in the morning, before the Beach Bunnies all come to sun bathe. Usually you'll just see surfers, and they are only really interested in the waves, not the beach combers. Walking in sand is great exercise!
Good luck and hang tough! We're out here pulling for you!
Welcome to EP. You can do this I know you can. We both can. EP has great people here for support. Keep bloggin as much as you can. I tend to do it at least once a week sometimes more. Take small steps at a time, set some mini goals for yourself and give yourself nonfood item rewards when you meet those goals. Don't get discouraged the weight didn't go on over night so we can't expect it to just fall off over night, although it would be nice wouldn't it?.
Don't ignore your family get their support and like the GardenBound said get out there and enjoy the beach. You have every right to as the rest of them so take a walk, enjoy the cool water on your toes. Early morning beach walks are fantastic. I miss the ocean
