Gotta get the weight off

What's fake about me: colord hair and contacts, the wonder bra (for shape and lift), hip hugging and thigh slimming underware, jeans that distract from the pear, ...and my smile : (

What's real about me: the disgust I have for what I've done to my body.

Current situation:

1) I have permanently disfigured my body with stretch marks and rolls of fat.  Once I get rid of the weight I'll have to have the excess skin cut off if I ever want to let a man see me naked; 

2) I haven't been home to visit my family because I don't want them to know I have been completely out of control!  I'm a former US Marine but I look like a whale.  Speaking of whales, I live in San Diego but I haven't been to the beach in over 6 years;

3) I'm wearing a size 3x.  If I get any bigger, I'll have to buy my clothes on-line at some super big women's store.  Right now I'm stuck with shopping at Kohls (... thank God for Kohl's because Lane Bryant is way to expensive!); and,

4) A shot out to Home Depot for having extension shower heads with flexible hose so I can wash the places I cannot get to anymore.  INSANE!  How could I do this to myself?!

Corrective actions to date: I did make it to the gym today.  I spent 28 minutes on the elliptical machine and then worked out on a few pieces of nautilus equipment (inner and outer thights, some sort of lateral press for shoulders... bra straps always fall down, I hope this helps).  But then a hot, make-up wearing, cleavage showing chick walks in; all eyes on her, snap!  And, yep, I couldn't handle it.  I hung my head and got out of there; a weak excuse, I know.  I'll be mentally stronger next time.