03/20/2009 05:51
I am angry
This evening was a crappy evening. I went to dinner at my paents home and found conflict. Last night my sister went on another rampage. It was so bad my Mom had to kick her out. The neighbour called the cops. Apparently my sister is back on drugs. I am not convinced she evere stopped.
This really makes me angry. She does not care how much damage she does to her kids. She does not care how much damage she does to herself.
I am angry and I want to bury my problems under a pile of Ding Dongs and cookies and various other junk food This is not a good sloution to my problem. Unfortunatley this is how I used to solve all my problems and I want to go back todoing it. I havent binged in over a year. I thought I was over wanting to do it, but I am back to wanting to binge. I hate everything about me when I get this way. The hate only gets worse during the binge because it is proof that I am weak. Then after the binge I hate myself even more because I was not strong enough to resist caving in. As the hate starts to subside I realize that I have forced a ton of extra calories into my body which means more weight which means more fat which means more ugly. So I am trying really hard to not binge tonight.
So instead of leaving my parents home and going to the store for a bunch of junk food, I skipped the store and came straight home. I want to binge, but I am typing on this stupid blog. I have no ready made junk food in the apartment. I am too angry to bake anything so I am safe for now, but I am still really angry.
Anyway, that is what is going on right now.
