My plateau is no longer "mini." I now officiall declare it a Plateau. If you look at my weight chart for the last 30 days, you will see what I mean. I do an average weight for the week every Saturday, then post my daily weights for the current week. You can see the long straight line behind me for the last three weeks, then the up and down see-saw this past week. Actually every week looked like that before I did the average. I go up and down a pound almost every day. I'm dizzy.
Apparently my body loves 154. It's just flippin' crazy about it. It wants to stay here forever. Those of you who were here for my plateau last summer know that I've been down this road before. Lord, PLEASE, don't let this one last 12 weeks, too!
My attitude this time around is not as good. In fact, it's piss poor. I don't want to do this again. I find the little devil on my shoulder almost every day now, saying things like, "Well, why not have a burger? You're not going to lose any weight no matter what you eat, so why cook some elaborate healthy meal? What's the point?"
There is a constant inner dialogue going on. "Yes! No! Stop it! Shut up! You shut up!" This may sound familiar to many of you, but it's not to me. I've never really had that kind of in-fighting in my head. I just make up my mind to do something and I do it. I don't argue with myself about it once I've made up my mind.
What's even scarier is that after over a year of mastering emotional eating, I seem to be falling for it. I've felt like crap lately--mostly physical pain, which leads to melancholy in general. I'll be hungry and run down, and I'll want something, say, deep fried or high carb to boost me up. It's not an unconscious desire. I will consciously think, "Bad food will make me feel better right now, and I need to feel better right now." I may have a healthy snack available, but I will choose to eat something bad just to feel better. It's like popping a pain pill. (I suppose if I had one of those, I could take it instead.)
It's just so not like me to do that. I don't know what to make of myself. I'm running out of "fight."
I really think having yoga taken away from me is seriously damaging my mojo. I need it to inspire me to move and improve. Without it, I'm just some schlump wearing Spanx.
I was talking to DH yesterday about how warm weather is only a few weeks away here in the South and I have nothing to wear. I don't want to spend any money on clothes in my current size, however, when I know I'll be wearing these clothes until October. I want to drop one more size before I spend any money.
However, that size is slow in coming. I'm losing about three pounds a month. Right now, that means my current clothes are getting loose, but I still haven't dropped down. I seem to be in a small plateau.
My chiro says no exercise for a couple more weeks. I tried to cheat yesterday and was sorry. I simply can't lose any kind of real weight without exercising. I've lost all my muscle mass that carried me through the first phase with my injury. The Tanita says I'm down to 92 lbs of muscle. At my all time high in August I was at 104.
I try to have an attitude like Tawa Chihuahua about just living a healthy life and letting the pounds fall as they may. I'm not sure that's going to work for me until maintenance, however. If I don't keep my mind focused on it, I find myself eating too many little treats. Just this weekend, DH and I ate out four times! We were out doing a lot of things and couldn't make it home to eat. As a result, I'm up a pound--a pound that took me weeks to lose--and I don't think it's water weight.
Several of my EP buddies have lost a lot of weight only to put a big chunk back on in the blink of an eye once they lost focus. They're struggling to get back on track. I'm afraid to take my eye off the ball for that very reason.
I know that when I get pregnant sometime later in the year that I will have to gain weight, and I want to get down as low as I can before that so I have less work to do after the baby is born, because then I won't have the time or energy like I do now. Plus, I suspect my priorities might be elsewhere.
This weekend really made me think about that. We had to do some car shopping to replace DH's smashed Subaru, so we weren't home. Because of this I couldn't follow my weekend routine of grocery shopping, laundry and cooking. Last night I had no on-plan food for dinner in the kitchen--plenty of carbs, but no protein and few veggies. Eating healthy requires preparation. You can't just wing it.
I'm really afraid that once the kids come I'm simply not going to be able to keep this up. It only works if I don't do anything else on the weekends. I am so afraid of backsliding! I am positive that having time to devote to exercise and food prep was one of the keystones of my success. What happens when I lose that time?
Once you break the routine, that's when the backslide begins. If you allow yourself to not exercise or not prepare your food for the week. Or in my case, can't exercise or can't prepare food. Either way the result is the same.
I know that worrying doesn't solve problems, but it seems this is the only way I know to stay mindful of my situation.
I know I've been down this topic road before but I feel the need to revisit it: SIZES.
Back when I was a plus size and shopping was a limited-choice event, I pretty much knew what size I was. All the plus-size catalogs and stores used a similar sizing template.
Now that I'm in regular sizing, shopping is more like a game of Who's On First? There is simply NO standard sizing anymore. The industry has gone completely off the rails.
First there are the lines of clothing aimed at the young and hip that are undersized--where an XL is a size 12 (maybe). This is echoed in the yoga apparel market where bottoms rarely go above a size 12 and tops never fit larger than a C cup. Prana is a beautiful line of clothes that I would spend hundreds on if I could get the XL tops down over my chest. I could lose 25 more pounds and still not fit into a Prana top.
Then, there are the clothes at stores aimed at the ever-expanding masses where an XL is a generous-cut 18-20. Does anyone remember the days when an XL was a 14?
I have pants in my closet that range from a roomy 8 to a 12 that is two inches away from buttoning. It's insane. I went shopping at Chico's yesterday, which uses a 0-4 sizing system. (This is not a plus-size store.) Apparently, I'm a "1." WTF? You can't tell me at 153 lbs at 5'4" that I'm in the next to smallest size! There are plenty of women smaller than me. They can't all fit into a "0."
Why this especially infuriates me is catalog shopping. You simply CANNOT go by the size charts, even with the measurements. I find that if I go by my waist size, the pants will be about two sizes too big. On the other hand, if I order the correct bust size, the shirt is often too small. I don't understand. Of course, to return things, I have to pay double shipping and take out the time and effort to do it. The only way to find out what size fits you in a particular catalog is to order something, try it on and send it back. It's a colossal waste of time and money!
I just ordered t-shirts for my school journalism students and I had to order two for myself to make the minimum order. The catalog had no size charts. I called them up and made them pull shirts out of boxes and hold them up and tell me how big they were. I wound up ordering a M in a unisex T and a 2XL in a tight girly T. Both were the same size according to the lady on the phone. Insanity!
For our romantic Valentine's Dinner last night, DH prepared a special meal. He did pretty well on sticking close to my Ultrametabolism rules. I had asked him to only make one dish with cream, as he tends to go overboard with that one ingredient when he gets to cooking.
He opened with a pear and mache salad with some amazing cheese from Idon'tknowwhat country. He then served grilled lamb chops topped with shitake mushrooms in a red wine reduction. On the side was some steamed broccoli rabe and some roasted pearl potatoes tossed with grilled orange bell pepper. Very pretty. For dessert he made a sponge cake from scratch, which he soaked in some marsala wine. This he layered with fresh berries and whipped cream.
What was so funny were the portions. Since he was serving, they were ginormous! He put an entire pear on my salad. Then when he served the main course, the food was falling off the side of the plate! Honestly it was enough for three people.
"These fancy plates you bought are so small!" he remarked. "Or," I replied. "You've just forgotten what a normal plate looks like!" Dessert was similar. It was something like 7 inches wide and five inches tall. I think I ate a third of it and felt like I was going to explode despite the fact it was so light.
Am I crazy or are plates bigger now? Fine china stays the same throughout time, so our casual dinnerware must be 30% larger. "When did they start making plates so large?" I asked him. His answer was on the money: "The same time they started making people so large."
I just wanted to post a quick note to say that after using the new EP design for a week, the only thing I really complained to them about was the giant banner on top of our admin pages that had the stock photos and the "Sign up now" button. It was so big that it pushed the buttons we use down off the viewable screen.
I just logged on and voila! The banner is gone. Thank you, Extrapounds! I really appreciate your constant prompt response to my concerns ever since I have joined almost a year ago. It's nice to know that my opinion is valued.
It's clear from the responses the last few days that the members here don't like the idea of EP leaping in on our blogs. I know the intention was good, but it wasn't necessary. They have their own forum and don't need to have a presence on ours. I was mildly annoyed, but some people were flat out angry! I hope they hear that as well.
Happy Valentine's Day everyone. My DH has decided to go all Julia Childs on me and has been whipping up something heavenly in the kitchen for a special dinner tonight. Amazing aromas were wafting from the kitchen all evening last night, even after I went to be. First I smelled wine reducing, then some exotic musrooms cooking with what I think were onions. Somewhere around midnight I smelled some kind of pastry baking. This morning in the fridge there were all kinds of chopped fresh berries in containers. I'm so excited! I can finally use my fine china and crystal!
Well, gotta go work. Tell me what you're doing for V-Day!
So just when I'm feeling all comfy here in cyberspace, the EP Big Brother pops up on my blog! A wee bit defensive, if you ask me. I guess they thought we hadn't read the info on their update page and felt the need to repeat it here.
I have to say I found the appearance of that post a tad unsettling, like someone had just sneaked up on me whilst I was picking my nose or somthing . . .
I just hope all the coolness they promise comes to pass. I love the community here and can see the potential for a really amazing site--if they listen to us, that is!
I just lost my blog and don't remember what I was talking about. I think I was bitching about doing my weight average for the week and seeing that I had gained the sliver of weight that I had lost last week. Plateaus suck.
But the Utltametabolism plan only promises 3-5 pounds a month lost after the detox phase is over if you are no longer in the "obese" category, which thank heavens I am not. It's just so frustrating to me how I lose a big chunk in one week, then the scale doesn't move for 10-14 days. Grrr.
Fortunately, I have dipped below 154 for two days in a row despite eating out last night, so maybe I'm in for another "dip."
OK . . . LET'S TALK ADS. Everyone's complaining about the ads on Extrapounds. I have mixed feelings about them.
First, I hate the way they look. From a design standpoint, they're just detritus on my nice clean blog. Garbage. Junk. I'm a graphic desinger as well as a teacher and I HATE excess graphic "noise."
Second, I REALLY hate what the ads are for. They are almost all for things I don't believe in or endorse. It's one thing if EP has the ads on their home page, but when they're on MY PERSONAL PAGE, it looks like I endorse the products--these quick fix diet aids that I am 100 percent opposed to.
As I recall, when I joined last year I noticed that most users used Phentermine and was told that this site was initially created by the manufacturers of that drug as a form of support for its customers. Swimkatt, did you tell me that? So, if that's true, is it really suprising that they would be hawking diet aids?
HOWEVER, people. What do you want for free? I understand that EP has to make money and they're not getting any from us. I was just disappointed that the new 2.0 didn't include any enhanced food log or exercise items. That's the thing I always thought this site was deficient in. I know they jazzed up the interface, but not what we were interfacing with.
As far as the way I use this site, it isn't any different with the redesign. I am glad we can put in more pictures, though. I don't know if I'm willing to pay $6 a month just to get rid of the ads in six months. I don't see that the other things the "membership" is offering is worth the money. I don't have the desire to block people from my site or post via e-mail. I might pay $2.95 a month to get those ads off my page, but that's about it.
It's kind of strange, because I am a "value added" kind of consumer. I'll usually pay the upcharge to get more. But they're just not offering much more. If they offered a better food database, I would pay more. If they offered some kind of ways to print out progress charts and menu plans and fitness routines, I would pay extra. What about Live Chat! How fun would it be to log on and be able to chat live with the other EPers who are on at that time!
So, my question is this, what would make upgrading worth it to you?
All of our visualizing last week worked; but then we stopped, and I bounced back up to 154 and stuck there like glue. Every day it's the same thing. I really expected to go down because I exercised a lot this weekend and didn't eat out. But, no.
This week I've not exercised per the doctor's orders but I have been on plan except for some salty foods I just had to have yesterday. I was really bummed yesterday afternoon after my chiropractic adjustment and not feeling up to being Super Fitness Woman. The adjustments are causing me a lot of pain and it just wears a girl down, ya know?
I think I may have found the cause of my mini-plateau this week, however. This morning as I was driving to work I was listening to my new live Crowded House reunion CD and was so overwhelmed by how much I love Crowded House that I teared up. Well . . . that can only mean one thing: TOM is imminent. I mean, I do love some catchy pop music, but not to the point of blubbering, for Pete's sake!
Since I have PCOS and am now off the Pill, I have no idea when ToM will be. It just comes when if feels like it. Sometimes I have bloating and cramps, but no flow. It's all totally unpredictable. I'm hoping that's the cause of my holding on to the weight the last few days, however.
I went for my second chiropractic adjustment yesterday and I am amazed how sore they make me. He told me I really shouldn't be exercising for a few weeks until he's had time to make some progress. Gah! The scale has already been creeping back up above 154 this week. I'm so sick of being here!
I did see something rather enlightening, however. He put my MRI films up on a light screen and told me any doctor who told me nothing was wrong with me was blind. He asked me to look at my own spine and tell him what I saw. Well . . . there it was plain as day. I pointed right at two of the vertebrae that didn't look like the others--they were all smashed together and tilted toward each other. The three above those two were also kind of cock-angled. It looked kind of like the aerial view of a traffic accident and subsequent pile-up. It looked . . . painful.
Since I had to pick up these films at the diagnostic center, it occurred to me that my original doctor has probably never seen them. He's only read the report from the doctor at the center, which says I have no obvious herniation, etc. THAT's why he doesn't know what's wrong. He's never actually SEEN the damn things! Anyone with eyes can see my spine is jacked up.
Now that I've seen it with my own eyes, I believe the doctor when he says I shouldn't exercise. I'm going to stretch, but that's it. I don't need to be putting any kind of weight or pressure on those poor stressed bones. Sucks, though. I just can't get this weight off. I guess I'm going to have to cut back the calories. Grrr.
For anyone who's interested, I thought I would post my meal plan for the week. Every Sunday morning I sit down and choose at least two items each for breakfast, lunch, and dinner to prepare ahead for the week. I make a shopping list then head out after my morning yoga. The day is spent mostly around food preparation because we often make a nice dinner Sunday night as well.
Here's this week's plan:
Breakfasts: 1.) Peach Quinoa with flax and walnuts 2.) Breakfast sandwich made with omega-3 egg and French Meadow Bakery Health Seed Bread 3.) Ezekiel sprouted grain cereal with soy milk and blueberries
Lunches: 1.) Curried chicken salad with grapes and walnuts in Ezekiel pocket bread with mache 2.) brown rice and bean burritos with salsa and avocado in spelt tortillas
Dinners: 1.) Coconut Dal (yellow split peas cooked w/ coconut milk) with brown rice and broccoli 2.) Sesame-Crusted Fish (tilapia maybe) with brown rice and ginger-braised bok choy or kale (whatever looks best at market)
For snacks I tend to eat apples, bananas, or nut crackers with peanut butter. Sometimes I splure on some Garden of Eatin' tortilla chips and salsa. I'm also trying to work yogurt back in a few times a week; my stomach has been bothering me since I cut it out. I only eat Stonyfield Farms yogurt. If I'm out of the house in the afternoon I might eat a Luna or Nectar bar to get me through 'til dinner.
According to the Ultrametabolism "prescription," I'm supposed to eat 1-2 ounces of dark chocolate, but I often forget that part. I'm not that big on chocolate. I may eat 1 ounce 2-3 times a week if I can remember.
All this food totals up to about 1600-1800 calories a day. There are a lot of carbs and a lot of fat in the recipes, but they are the good kind that the body needs. It's a higher calorie load than most eating plans but the choices of foods and spices in the recipes are designed to make the metabolism burn more.
So there's a little peek into my world. If you're interested in any of the recipes, let me know!
