Buy new shoes! I have been having strange pains in my foot since hitting the gym for training. I bought new shoes last summer, but they've always make my toes go numb, so I thought I really needed some more. They're Nike Shox running shoes in white with spiffy silver and orange accents.
They're a great match for my new silver Mercedes-Benz racing cap I got at the U.S. Grand Prix a couple of weeks ago. I love this hat, but it just didn't go with any of my sporty gear. They were having a great sale at Lady Foot Locker, so I got shoes, socks, and some great workout shorts and capris.
I'd never tried on Nike clothing before, but I was delighted to find that the pants are a great fit for me. The rise is NOT too low! The quality is good and everything is so breathable--perfect for the gym and walking in the heat. All the pants have drawstrings, too, so I should be able to wear them even if I lose or gain for awhile.
I took the shoes for a test run on a 45 minute walk with the dog. They were crazy-squishy like new sneakers always are, and I made it through the entire walk with my toe sensation intact. Whoo!
The best part is that I actually look almost cute in these clothes unlike my current workout wear that just makes me cringe everytime I glance myself lifting weights or using the elliptical at the gym. Damn those mirrors!
Anyway, I'm bored, so I'm posting a pic of my new shoes in the gallery for your amusement. You can see the hat in my Indy trip pics!
Hey, y'all, I want to tell you about this new web site I found for weight loss support. It's called peertrainer.com. You join groups of four and larger teams based on your interests. Each group has a private message board for discussion. I joined several groups--one for pre-pregnancy, one for teachers, and one for yoga fanatics--so I'm covered for several interests.
The site has a daily log where you can blog and/or list your foods for the day. The food log doesn't count calories or anything. It's just an online jounal. It's simple and easy to use. I like it. Check it out if you're looking for some more personal interaction than EP offers.
I really need some support right now. The scale was up again today. It seems to be shooting up with no end in sight! If I were binging it might make some sense, but the gain just seems so disproportionate to what I've been eating. I can only assume that not working has really reduced the amound of calories I burn. Still . . .it's got to stop at some point. Right?
Twink makes the most obvious point in my last post that I should cut calories to 1200 using whole foods. Clearly that's what I need to do, but lately I've really been having a problem controlling my hunger.
Since coming back from vacation, I've switched back to a whole foods diet, but I've been having trouble letting go of dairy. I've been putting milk in my coffee every now and then and on my cereal about half of the time. I was a huge fan of milk before I switched to Ultrametabolism. I've also been having cheese as an accent every now and then. I had completely let go of these things before I went on vacation, then I had a taste and now I can't just go cold turkey.
I've also had the problem that I've been having an extended TOM, which has been going on the last seven days and isn't over yet. I bloated up three (more!) pounds and seem to be eating everything that isn't nailed down. The only positive change I've managed to make is that I'm not eating any processed foods or eating out. All the foods I'm eating are healthy--I'm just eating way too much.
My new trainer wants my group to do a three-day cleanse of eating mostly protein and veggies while drinking a water/cranberry mixture all day. Well, I've got the cranberry part going. I start out each day and make it on plan until about noon. Then I eat my salad with turkey. Then I start looking around for something sweet or crunchy or salty. Stupid TOM! Why are cravings so bad at this time that I can't control them? At all?
The only place I can exercise control is at the store. If I don't buy it, I can't eat it. I was at Wild Oats with DH two nights ago and had this huge conversation with him about cookies. Wild Oats sandwich cremes are my absolute downfall. The cookie part is crunchy and a little salty, but the inside is sweet ancd creamy. All my triggers in once package. I will eat an entire container in about three days. They are NOT low-cal. They were on sale half price and DH wanted to buy some. I said "no" and he said he would hide them. I pointed out that there is no place he has been able to hide them where I coldn't find them. "Then stop looking!" he said, with absolute logic. The problem is there's nothing logical about my craving for Wild Oats sandwich cremes! It's like a pathological desire. If I know they're in the house, I will turn over the furniture to find them. Pitiful, I know. We left without the cookies.
I'm trying not to engage in negative self-talk, but I feel like such a failure. Yesterday I was painting my utility room and I pulled out my old painting jeans, size 16 from Lane Bryant. I didn't think I would be able to wear them--expected them to fall down when I tried to walk. But they didn't. They're baggy, but I can definitely wear them. I can't tell you how terrifying this is. Every day the scale goes up. I tell myself that when TOM is over I might regain some kind of self-control, but deep down I'm really afraid I won't.
I set out a month ago with the goal of losing 15 pounds by the end of the summer, so I can be in shape to have a healthy pregnancy. Now I'm just doing damage control. I can't even stop the scale from going up! If I can't turn this around ASAP, I'm going to go into pregnancy even more overweight and there's no telling how much I will gain before I have a baby. We're going to start trying next week! Gah!
I know there's nothing you can tell me. I'm the only one who can help me. Sorry for being so negative, but I really need to vent my fears. I need to process all these feelings so I can deal with them.
Back when i started this long journey in January of 2006 I really wasn't too into it. However, after a couple of weeks of success, inspiration bloomed inside me and stayed with me until recently. All I had to see was that my goals were attainable. That was enough to keep me going.
Now, after months and months of no progress, my inspiration has completely left me, replaced by a gnawing fear that I'm going to lose everything I've worked for. I've already lost my fitness level after not being able to exercise. Now the pounds are coming back on and I don't seem to be able to stop it.
I'm honestly stumped in the food department. I never stopped following my diet. I maintained my weight for six months, but couldn't seem to lose. I tried a couple of more extreme diets, but the results were only temporary. I can seem to lose water, but not fat. Then I went on vacation and gained what it took me six months to lose last year. It took only two weeks to put me back where I was in October.
Not only that, but I've put the weight on in one spot only--my belly, so my pants size has gone up to what it was when I weighed ten pounds more. I can't tell you how discouraging that is. My workout clothes that I bought last summer are snug. I have nothing I can wear, but I will be DAMNED if I will spend money on new pants in a bigger size. For some reason, I never had jeans in this size.
I've started working out with weights again, but it's really slow going. I am SO weak and I have to be so careful not to injure myself, so really can't throw myself in wholeheartedly. I'm exercising every day and changing it all up for variety. However, I just can't do the amount of exercise I feel I need to get the weight off just yet.
Food is where I'm most discouraged. I just don't know what to do other than go on a seriously restricted low calorie diet, but I don't know if I CAN. For so long, I was successful without starving myself. I don't want to live like that--not ever--but I don't know what else to do. Eating a balanced whole-foods, all-natural diet of 1400 calories a day just isn't working anymore. I'm sure it benefits my overall health, but it's not enabling me to lose weight, and I need to lose probably 25 more pounds to be in the healthy weight range.
I've accumulated so much knowledge, but none of it seems to be something I can fall back on. I'm sure if I went back on Jenny Craig I might drop a few pounds, but I don't want to go back to eating a diet of processed foods after switching to the whole-foods diet.
All I know is that I desperately want back what I used to have. I'm not asking for a miracle, I just want the scale to start moving slowly back down. Any consistent progress would be acceptable. I just want to think that this is POSSIBLE, because right now, it just doesn't appear to be. Nothing I do reinforces any positive direction. Working hard only maintains.
I've been sitting my butt on the couch this morning. Though that is not particularly productive, I'm doing it for a good reason. I'm watching a marathon of The Biggest Loser to try to get inspiration, something I've been sorely lacking.
I have to say it's working. I'm especially inspired by the trainer Jillian, just because I really want to BE her. I don't want to just be a normal size; I want to be truly fit and able to run up a mountain without passing out. I have such a long way to go.
I started my new training routine yesterday at my gym. I signed up for a four-week program with three other women. We meet twice a week for 90 minutes to do weight training and cardio. Then we have a half hour discussion about what we're eating and our menu plan for the week. We have two trainers working with us--one weights expert and one who helps us with stretching, abs, and nutrition.
Both these women are really knowledgeable about clean eating and how to work out the right way to get maximum benefit. Plus, it seems almost everyone in the group has a similar situation as me having just returned from out of town and overindulging.
The first day I thought the workout was light, but today I'm really feeling it, especially in my quads. The hardest part for me was, suprisingly, the treadmill. I never do high-impact cardio like running, so my body just couldn't keep up with a new form of exercise. My stamina was pitiful.
I realized that I really take it easy on myself when I work out, resting whenever things get difficult and not pushing myself beyond what is comfortable. I tend to think, "Hey, any exercise is good." But I am starting to realize that if I want to look like Jillian I have to start working beyond my comfort level.
I really need to just put in my cardio because since I'm not working right now, I'm just not burning the amount of calories I normally do. I need to work out twice as much as recommended to just maintain.
I'm trying to not pay too much attention to the scale right now because of TOM. I'm up to 162 today, but that's most likely because of that and the workout yesterday. I've noticed that when I have sore muscles I tend to be up a pound or so due to swollen muscles. That's not bothering me. I just hope that in a week or so I'll be back down in the 150s.
I've started back on Ultrametabolism, and I've bought and prepared my meals this week in an organized fashion. I'm not doing so hot on changing my vacation mindset, however. Once I let down my food "guard", it's so hard to get it back. The last two nights I've found myself in social situations and have indulged in things I shouldn't have--beer one night and cake the next. Though I stayed on plan for my meals, I still couldn't stop myself from throwing it all away in the later hours.
I really hope that as I get back into the swing, my Jedi diet powers will return.
The last month has really been a weight rollercoaster. You may remember that I did I weekly "cleanse" diet to get rid of some bloat before my vacation. I was successful in this and lost enough to fit into my outdoors clothes, which was my goal. I lost an inch in chest, waist and abdomen.
However, this turned out to be somewhat of a waste of time. Three days into my vacation, my body reacted severely to eating "normal" food and I swelled up like a tick. My pants were at least two inches from being able to button. I was in dire wardrobe straits and could only wear two lower-body items I had packed for 10 days! Oy! I was somewhat suprised at the severity of the swelling, but my husband was truly shocked. I had clearly gone up TWO sizes in less than a week. "How does that happen?" he asked. "Welcome to my world," I replied.
We continued to enjoy our vacation, eating all the food provided by the lodge, which was very heavy on meat, cream and cheese. Vegetables were mostly garnish. I ate bacon for breakfast and hit the bar each night for cocktail hour. DH actually had a harder time with his stomach than I did, suprisingly. We spent our days hiking and whitewater rafting. We had a fun and active vacation.
When we got back, I was 163, a gain of 8 pounds, which I feel I had gained within a few days of being there. I didn't weigh again until after I came back from our second trip to Indianapolis the following weekend. In the interim days, I didn't get back on plan, but I did try to load up on veggies, fruit and fiber and lay off the heavy dairy in anticipation of having to eat horrible fast food at the raceway.
Traveling was really difficult, foodwise. The choices on our route for both trips was so limited. We discovered that Ruby Tuesday was the only place we could eat that had a decent salad bar, but their menu items were very heavy. I think we ate there three times between both trips. I had brought my own snacks, so I was Ok with that. Meals, however, were just way too laden with fat.
At the Grand Prix in Indianapolis, we were camping and kind of trapped there for breakfast and dinner. We packed bagels for breakfast (no refrigeration) had a delectable choice of burgers, corndogs, and fried pork sandwiches. Ugh. Then we would eat ice cream just to try to cool down in the 95 degree heat.
Amazingly, I was 160 when we got back. I was stunned, expecting to be up another few pounds because the food I had eaten in Indy was much worse than at the Lodge. I can only assume that I had dropped several pounds in water before we headed out for the second trip. Whew!
So I have a net gain of five pounds for the entire trip, but I have gained two inches on my abdomen. Apparently it ALL went to one spot, so I'm still having wardrobe problems. Apparently you don't gain weight from the same place you lost it. With my belly all swelled up (two inches larger than my chest measurements), I feel fatter than ever. I was at the gym today and looked at myself in the big mirrors. I really do look worse than I did when I bought that outfit in September. Oh, the rolls!
Speaking of the gym, I have a new fitness plan to report, but I'll have to get to that tomorrow. I've got a family dinner to get to.
We just arrived home last night from our SECOND trip, which was to the US Grand Prix in Indianapolis. I've got some catching up to in my real life after being out of town for so long. I'll be back with y'all shortly!
As a preview, I till tell you that I've been eating nothing but crap and road food (been eating almost exclusively at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway for two days) and I expect a hefty gain. I plan to start a new eating and exercise plan tomorrow, so you can all follow along on this latest journey.
Type to you soon! While you're waiting, check out the new pics.
I have a few hours of down time this morning so I thought I'd check in with all of my Extrapounds buds. Life at the Snowbird Lodge is lovely. I couldn't have chosen a more perfect spot to vacation in the Smoky Mountains. It's secluded, peaceful and has amazing views. In fact, it's deterred DH and I from doing any seriously long hikes--why bother? The payoff of a hike is always the view. We've got that already.
We have been very active however. We've been on some short hikes (2 miles or less) in the Joyce Kilmer forest, had picnics on flat rocks beside some waterfalls and rushing streams. We've also canoed on beautiful Lake Santeetlah.
Yesterday, we decided to take it easy to rest up for whitewater rafting today. We decided to do some geocaching in the area. We picked several caches that were close to paved roads. However, I really should pay more attention of the difficulty rating on the caches. We wound up going on a hike to a waterfall that was only .2 miles (that's point two) long, but was probably the most physically strenuous thing I've ever done. Then when we got there we climbed all over the rocks and walked all through the icy cold water and never even found the stupid cache. DH took an accidental swim in the water when his foot slipped on a mossy rock. This isn't called the Slickrock Wilderness for nothing!
Now, my calves, shoulders and glutes are screaming in pain today and we're about to embark on an all-afternoon rafting trip. Oh, dear. I'll probably spend all day tomorrow just lying around and popping Aleve like candy.
The food here is delicious, but is severely lacking in veggies and fiber in general. There's cream and cheese on everything. They make a homemade granola that I make sure to eat every morning, and I try to grab an apple to have with lunch as well. Despite all the exercise, I can tell I've gained a lot and am severely bloated from the salty food. I cannot button my jeans or any of my new capris. I showed my DH how I was a good two inches from buttoning a pair of pants I bought while shopping with him just last week. He asked how anyone can possible gain that much in one spot in such a short amount of time. "I'm just special that way," I said. I'm just praying that when I get home, I'm not over 160.
I'm trying to pack up all our stuff for our Smoky Mountain vacation. We'll be gone for 9 days. I still haven't decided if I'm going to take the computer or if I'm just going to cut myself loose from the world the entire time. The lodge doesn't have television but they do have wireless internet (?). I'm on my way to the library now to pick up some good reading.
Thanks to Kache for coming to my rescue yesterday on her lunch break with a bottomless bag of bathing suits! It was like having my own personal shopper! I found two that look great on me. If she has 12 spare unworn bathing suits, I wonder what other goodies she has in her closet. Kache, two words: "yard sale." Let me know when and where and I will be there!
Well, Ladies, I have to go--much to do and not enough time to do it. I'll check in if I can!
After finishing up our week on the detox plan, I opted to NOT fall completely off the wagon. We had planned to eat at P.F. Chang's Sunday night, but I said, "No, I don't want to wake up Monday morning and be up three pounds due to salt. That would just really bum me out after all the hard work I've put in." DH agreed.
So, I just phased in eggs and yogurt, and we enjoyed some lean buffalo meat. Then on Monday, we had a family picnic, where I made some turkey subs with an olive tapanade dressing. The rest of the family brought super healthy salads and fruit. The only indulgence was a couple of oatmeal cranberry cookies. There were not chips or foods heavy in salt. The next day, I ate out with my department and had a turkey wrap with cheese in a tortilla with no chips. The rest of the day was a normal on-plan eating day.
And of course this morning showed the scale back up nearly THREE POUNDS. I couldn't believe it! I went and got my tape measure and saw that my bust and waist are still down, but my abdomen (big belly roll) was back where it was before the diet. I tried on the pants I mentioned earlier and they were tight and uncomfortable again.
I can't tell you how disheartening this is. I can't eat LUNCH MEAT without gaining THREE POUNDS OF WATER?!?!? Just imagine how much weight I'll probably gain on my vacation next week when I'll be eating nothing but the food the lodge provides. Gak.
The diet I was on last week was extremely restrictive and not sustainable. DH and I felt like a huge weight had been lifted when it was over. I can't believe that that's what it takes for me to lose weight. I CANNOT live like that! I just don't know what to do from this point forward. Should I just accept the fact that I'm going to be overweight forever? Settle in to a flabby size 12 when I should be a toned size 8?
It's been nearly a year and a half since I started trying to lose weight. I am tired.
