That stands for "Too Busy to Blog." That's been me, lately. It was midterms at school and I've been dealing with trying to get my car fixed. I just haven't spent much time on the computer at all.
I even was too busy to cook after Tuesday. I fell back on a lot of organic frozen meals from Wild Oats to get me through the week. I just didn't have the right combination of groceries at home, nor the inclination to shop or cook. At least I didn't resort to the drive-thru!
Nothing much of significance has changed for me, other than I've decided I don't need to go to the chropractor as much. The pain from the adjustments is almost as bad as the original injury. My body needs more time to "adjust" from the adjustments. I think once a week is probably enough.
After spring break, there was a fair amount of improvement to my injury, which was halted as soon as I went back to work. Clearly, what my body wants is rest. Over spring break I was sleeping 9-10 hours a night and sometimes napping as well. My back thanked me. Now it's back to tingling and shooting pain. Yesterday I tried to do some light planting in the yard, and my neck was most unhappy. I know I'm not going to be back lifting weights anytime soon if I can't even dig a few holes in the ground with a hand trowel.
Well, I gotta run because I've got lots of cooking to do for the week. I don't want to have another week like the last. My DH drove over to his hunting camp in Arkansas yesterday and brought back some delectable fresh crawfish tails from a local farm. I'm going to whip up some brown rice jambalaya! Yum!
Another Sunday. Another weekly weight average at 154.something. I think we're going on two months now. This plateau is so different from the one last summer because of the lack of exercise. I know that I can't really attack it with food because I've never been willing to drop my calories below around 1350. I now truly feel my resolve slipping away. Since I don't see an end to my back problem anytime soon, I don't see my weight loss picking up anytime soon. I'm sure if I went back to Jenny Craig I could drop a few pounds, but I'm too committed to the nutrition aspect of my food to do that. I just can't go back to processed foods.
Here's an update on my back problem: My chiropractor says NO exercise because he's trying to "deactivate" the damaged nerves in my back. Apparently, nerve signals will follow the most "worn" or "used" path. If a pathway is not used, it will wither and die, so to speak. The body will then create new nerve pathways. His goal is to get my body to stop using the damaged painful nerve pathways and create new ones. Everytime I exercise and cause pain or tingling in my back, I'm using the "old" pathways and extending their life and postponing my healing. So the less I do now, the sooner I will heal. Unfortunately, there's just no date I can count on. It's just a wait and see.
Just yesterday, I thought to myself that I hadn't really felt any nerve pain in about a week, so I went for a hike. Halfway through, I felt really stiff in my back, so I stopped to do some yoga stretches. Then last night, my back was all tingly. I was so pissed! First, that I had used my damaged nerve pathways, and second that I can't even go for a flippin walk!
This lack of exercise and lack of weight loss has left me feeling like a boat adrift. I have nothing pushing me forward. No results; no incentives. Nothing. I don't even feel like I'm on a "plan" anymore. I have no routine. This lack of mindfulness leads to sloppy eating. It's so much easier to go out for dinner more often when I'm not "in the zone."
I'm not concerned with gaining the weight back. I'm eating pretty "normally" right now and my weight seems to hold steady. I'm just worried that I won't ever lose this last 20 lbs EVER. I'm still not happy with my body--not by a long shot--and I don't want this to be the end. It just feels like the end.
I've had the week off for spring break this week. I decided to spend the week trying to catch up on things that have been piling up--you know, just THINGS that need to be done, THINGS you can't do when you work for a living.
I had big plans. I had this incredible list of new things to cook that were time consuming--things I would never have time to make during the regular work week. I was going to go shopping and put away my winter clothes and grade papers and get my house sparkling clean, all while sorting out all my bills and paperwork, and getting my car fixed.
Now that I am at the end of my week, I cannot believe how much I had to do. Some of it I managed to do, but once I started digging in, I found that I had WEEKS of work to do, not days. At the start of the week I had planned to paint the utility room and go to Chicago this weekend. HAH! I haven't even managed to keep on top of the dishes this week much less paint! I've been just as busy as I am when I work, just doing different things.
Yesterday I filed insurance paperwork and had to dig through piles of crap to find all the necessary info. After hours I had managed to find what I needed and sort the rest of the stuff into categories, but it will take another entire day to file all that stuff. It doesn't help that my cats keep racing through the piles and scattering they all over the place (which is how they got that way in the first place.) Looking at that giant pile of necessary Crapola it makes me ask some questions: Why is life so complicated? Why do I have/need so much crap just to live? How does anyone find joy in this life that is full of nothing but an endless parade of crap and paperwork and chores?
And here's the other thing: Compared to many, many people, my life is EASY. I'm not starving or living in a war zone. I live in a prosperous country and have a secure job. Yet, I feel overwhelmed most of the time, especially by finances and taking care of things like medical bills and taxes and car accidents and people stealing my credit. Throw in my health and trying to conquer my emotional demons to lose weight and overcome my injury. Then throw in a truly difficult job. Add in family members that can really push me over the edge. RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU CAN RELATE! I declare life officially Too Hard.
What happens to me when I get like this is I want to run away. The procrastination gene kicks in. The problem now is that I have no more time for procrastination. The shit snowball has rolled downhill and flattened me and I have to dig my way out from under. I'm fighting the urge to pack the dogs up in the car and go out hiking instead of grading my students' research papers, which if I don't start today will never be done by Thursday when they are due. "It's not fair!" I whine. I deserve a walk in the woods! I've worked so hard this week! I shouldn't have to work during my spring break! Wahhhhhh!
Yep, that's right, I'm back up a pound for the last few days. The scale says it's water and muscle, but I have my doubts. I always err on the side of fat. I told my DH yesterday that I think I would pay someone cash money right now to take five pound off my midsection.
On a positive note, I've noticed that the lower middle part of my belly, aka the "lower roll" is starting to "cave in" (I know . . . gross . . . but good!). The fat roll above my waist line is hanging tough, however.
It was 78 degrees here yesterday and I was scouring my closet for something to wear for a day of running errands. I pulled out two pair of capris from the back of my closet--one was too big and too lightweight and the other pair was a size 14 that had shrunk in the dryer and still looked bad on me. Then I went through the drawers . . . then the ATTIC. I went through ALL my clothes and discovered that those two pair were the sum total of my spring wardrobe. When I found my "summer" clothes container in the attic, there was nothing in it but shoes.
So I started leafing through some of the cheaper catalogs (since I had just spent $120 on my stupid cat's shots at the vet) and looking at shorts, capris, etc. I noticed the size chart in all three catalogs was identical. Here's my size: According to my hips--10. According to my bust--14. According to my waist--16.
Sooooo . . . what do I order?! I know I've been wearing 10s and 12s in pants for awhile, so the 16 waist measurement is clearly cuckoo. I think they assume that most women have a certain proportion. If their waist is 35 like mine, their hips must be 45. Mine however, are 39.5 because I have no ass. The fast is that there is no way to know which size I am until I get the clothes and try them on. I guess I should just pick the catalog with the best return policy!
After going to pick up my newly resized wedding rings today, I'm going to head to Steinmart and see what I can find for cheap. I just know that as soon as I buy some clothes I'm going to break through this plateau and drop a size. I refuse to spend any real money, but I have to buy something.
Speaking of breaking through the plateau--I was pondering the benefit of joining WW for awhile and doing Core. I'm not totally sure why other than I feel naked without a plan or a software program. I haven't lost any weight in six weeks. I know it's because of my injury that I can't exercise, but maybe I could eat more mindfully?
I know Blondeez is wondering if WW has any more to offer her at this point, and I'm wondering if at this point they have anything to offer me.
The only thing I know about Core is that you eat whole foods and nonfat dairy, then if you eat other things you have to count their points (which I don't know how to do.) Can you eat whole grain bread if it's not a "trigger food"? Input from you WW members out there would be appreciated, especially the Saras.
The last couple of days I've been taking a vacation from everything. Work, diet, cleaning, blogging, all responsibility in general. I had just gotten myself so worked up and stressed out that i just had to let go.
I made a couple of trips out to Shelby Farms to go geocaching, which means I hiked out into the woods with a GPS maching looking for a hidden stash of stuff someone else had hidden. It was fun. As I was out doing this, I spent some time thinking about the nature of obligation and responsibility.
I've always been a person who throws herself into her work, and I have always had jobs that involve a lot of stress. I've occasionally had jobs that I don't "take home with me" just to get a break for a while, but I find myself getting horribly bored with those jobs after a few months. I just don't know how to have a job that is exciting and challenging that isn't also stressful.
As I was hiking I was asking myself how far a person should go with obligation toward others. I know it's considered to be a strong mark of character to sacrifice yourself for others in our society. People frown on people who only look out for themselves. So, where is the line? This is especially hard to find when you work in a public service job.
I feel that I often give too much of myself to my job, but that time is rarely seen by others. It's time that is stolen from my private time, my sleep, and my peace of mind. However, I often will draw the line with school administration when they ask too much of us, like taking tickets at a ball game on a Saturday over Easter break. I feel the administration sometimes sees me as someone who isn't a team player, which really makes me angry considering how hard I work for the students. I just want to choose where I spend my time, and I want it to benefit my class.
All this leads to excessive stress and worry and a reduced quality of life for me. This is not a new story. When I was a journalist, I had similar issues about the newspaper and how I spent my time on the job. I care deeply about my job, but I won't let my bosses take advantage of me.
I want to be able to find a balance as a teacher where I can be passionate about my profession without thinking about it 24/7. I wish I knew how to leave work at work. I'm so busy teaching while I'm at work that I don't have time to reflect while I'm there. That happens on my free time. It just gets to be too much.
At the chiropractor's Friday, he suggested that the emotional reaction I'm having to my injury is creating stress which could be slowing down the healing process. Clearly, I'm not progressing as fast as he would like. His "treatment" for this involves some kind of psychological voodoo nonsense that involves me holding my hand over my forehead and my heart while he waves his hands around the area of my injury. There's also some other crap that involes him pretending he can't push down my arm except when he says the word that "identifies" my "problem." Apparently, after all this, he diagnosed me with a "spiritual thought virus." My only response was, "You're not charging me for this, right?"
Anyhoo, chiropractic voodoo aside, the man is probably right. My stress, which is exacerbated by my injury, has reached a critical mass and is very likely slowng my healing. My solution to alleviating stress, however, is to remove the causes, as much as I can. So this week, Spring Break, I plan to take care of business. I'm going to grade research papers, organize my desk, set up payment plans for medical bills, and get my car fixed. If I can do that, my load should be significantly lightened.
I took my "vacation" days up front, so now I'm well rested and almost ready to go. I have slept 10 hours each the last 3 nights and took a three-hour nap Saturday. Crazy. I've not been sticking to plan, but I haven't been binging either. I've just been eating whatever's handy and not worrying about it. I call it "eating lazy."
I hope with a little extra time, I will have some time to catch up with all you as well. See you soon!
After hearing some disturbing things recently about High Fructose Corn Syrup, I decided to look up some information online. Here's an article I found:
"Experts are finding that "high-fructose corn syrup" (HFCS) is making us fat. Scientists at nutrition research centers are saying that it's a huge problem.
Exactly what is "high-fructose corn syrup"? Well, it's not the same thing at all as the natural, healthy fructose in honey and fruit. "High-fructose corn syrup" is a highly refined, artificial product. It is created through an intricate process that transforms cornstarch into a thick, clear liquid. White sugar and "high-fructose corn syrup" are not the same. Industry advocates for corn growers say that they are the same. But nutritional science studies say that there is a big difference between the two. They say that "high-fructose corn syrup" is worse than sugar.
This manufactured fructose is sweeter than sugar in an unhealthy way, and is digested differently in a bad way. Research has shown that "high-fructose corn syrup" goes directly to the liver, releasing enzymes that instruct the body to then store fat! This may elevate triglyceride (fat in blood) levels and elevate cholesterol levels. This fake fructose may slow fat burning and cause weight gain. Other research indicates that it does not stimulate insulin production, which usually creates a sense of being full. Therefore, people may eat more than they should. Indications also are that the important chromium levels are lowered by this sweetener which may then contribute to type 2 diabetes. Obesity is a contributor too.
"High-fructose corn syrup" is not the corn syrup you buy in a bottle at the supermarket to use for baking. It's an artificial additive that's cheaper and easier for manufacturers of sodas and fruit juices to use. If you read labels, you'll find this additive in such products as pizzas, baked beans, candies, yeast breads, sweetened yogurt, baby food, ketchup, cookies, beer, sodas, juices and alarmingly in most brands of manufactured foods. I have to read a lot of labels to find a brand that doesn't contain "HFCS". If the artificial additive "high-fructose corn syrup" is added to an otherwise healthy food, is it still healthy? If you add a speck of poison to vitamins, are they still good for you? After all, just a speck of poison probably won't hurt you on the spot, but accumulative amounts most probably will. 30 years of these accumulative affects of "high-fructose corn syrup" is evident in the obesity and health problems we have today.
Manufacturers of food products began substituting "high-fructose corn syrup" for white sugar in the 1970's. I believe that there's something meaningful in the fact that the increase of the use of "high-fructose corn syrup" in the 1990's, coincides with the obesity epidemic. This coincidence cannot easily be explained away. Annual consumption of this artificial sweetener today is more than 60 pounds per person. It was only about 1/2 pound per person in 1970. The U.S. Agriculture Department reports that Americans consume more "high-fructose corn syrup" than white sugar.
"High-fructose corn syrup" is highly valued by food manufacturers. It's easy to transport in tanker trucks. It isn't susceptible to freezer burn, as is sugar. It has a long shelf life and keeps foods from becoming dry. It gives bread and baked products a wonderful color. It's also cheaper than white sugar, partly because of generous federal subsidies and trade policies that encourage farmers to grow more corn. Fast food chains add it to their products because it is cheaper. It's in the sauces, in the condiments, in the breadings, in the buns and in the drinks. It is the commercially preferred artificial sweetener.
The last two nights I have been so icky feeling and experiencing so much back pain that all I have wanted to do was lie down. That, of course, led to me falling asleep two nights in a row at 8 p.m. DH said he thought he was fighting off some kind of "bug" earlier in the week, so I guess he passed it on to me. I don't feel horrible, I just don't feel up to snuff, you know?
The upside to this is I have missed my last meal of the day two days running. I've probably only eaten about 1100 calories each day, which is low for me. The scale has finally dropped back to where it was before the Ultra TOM 2000 hit last week. Phew!
Also, due to being financially strapped at the end of the month, I've been eating the last of the JC meals from the freezer. That also dropped my calorie count, I think. However, reading the labels on one of those boxes just makes me cringe. Even the wheat french toast isn't made with whole wheat bread. The first ingredient is enriched flour! Well, once they're gone, they'll be gone for good and there will be no more high fructose corn syrup in my kitchen (except in DH's Archway cookies, which are gross. I asked him once why he buys bad cookies when there are good cookies to be had, and he said, "Because if i did you would eat them all.")
As for returning to the Ultrametabolism detox phase, I may do that after I return from my trip to Chicago coming up soon. Dear readers, this is not a detox like a colon cleanse. This is just the first phase of the Ultrametabolism eating plan where you don't eat dairy, gluten, or eggs. I think I lost a lot of weight in this phase because not eating the gluten forced me to get my carbs elsewhere. I've only added back the dairy in yogurt form and the occasional bit of cheese.
When I do this, I will not go back to restricting eggs, only dairy and gluten again, as I think those were the things that made the difference. The bread is the real thing. If you can't eat bread, it forces you to get creative. I really like the alternative grains, actually, like quinoa and amaranth. So don't worry, I'm really just cutting back on carbs a little, not "detoxing" in the truest sense.
As for tracking my food, I honestly don't know how to do that on Ultrametabolism. The recipes have so many ingredients. Without a software program (which I no longer have since it crashed and burned), I don't know how to keep up with it all. Plus there's no "recommended" amount of any particular thing. The book publishes a calorie amount after each recipe, but I discovered from entering in the recipes myself that the book is full of misprints. Plus, the amounts really vary wildly depending on the brand of an item you use or if you tweak the recipe.
I don't think Ultrametabolism is necessarily compatible with the standard exchange system--it doesn't feature dairy and allows way more carbs. How do people on WW Core track? Saras?
Sunday update: Back up a pound. My weight today is exactly the same as it was five weeks ago. Blah. I've been utilizing the new photo album feature. I've added back in some progress pics I had to cut out for space, and I've added some family pics in a 2nd album. Check them out!
Since TOM came to an end finally I stepped on the scale this morning fully expecting to see the pound I had gained gone. Instead, I saw myself up another .2. What the hell is going on?! The Tanita Ironman says I have gained 1.2 pounds of muscle, but I don't believe it. How could I have? I haven't been exercising at all--only my once a week session with my trainer that is mild to say the least.
Could it be the consequence of not tracking my food? Am I eating too much? It doesn't seem like I'm eating any differently, but maybe I am. How would I know? I don't have DietPower to tell me how many calories I'm eating. I know I'm not eating enough vegetables--only two servings a day--but that doesn't seem like enough to cause me to gain.
I took measurements yesterday and since mid December I've lost a half inch on my bust and over an inch on my waist. My stupid abdomen is a big as ever, however That damn fat roll will just not shrink! I've also noticed positive changes in the mirror lately. I seem to be struck lately with how good my face and arms look. I keep catching glimpses of myself and just thinking, "Wow, is that me? I look good!" I can see definition in my triceps, which is cool considering I'm not exercising. It must mean I'm just losing the fat layer there, which is revealing the muscle underneath.
I'm thinking of going back to the detox phase of Ultrametabolism for a week or two to see if I can jumpstart my system again. What do y'all think?
OK, so the scale has climbed to 155 and seems to like it up there. I'm still experiencing TOM six days later, so I'm hoping that's the problem. If it doesn't drop, I'm going to be seriously pissed. It took me a month to lose that damn pound. I ran it out of town on a rail, I tell ya. I'm going to have to get out the angry villagers wielding torches if it sticks around too long.
OK, in the category of MEN ARE WEIRD:
Last night I was out shopping for some cords for my broadcasting class and asked my DH to meet me for dinner. As I was waiting for him to arrive, I was browsing in the nearby shops for a new wallet. Mine has a broken clasp and I've been looking for a new one for awhile now. I really don't want to buy another cheapie one, lest I wind up in the same boat six months from now.
Anyway, I noticed that every wallet that catches my eye in every store costs $98. I went to five stores. Hell, the one at the Coach store was twice that! When did wallets start costing more than $50? Have I been in cryogenic suspended animation ala Austin Powers? Did the price of wallets double over the last two years or am I just out of touch?
So I'm complaining about this at dinner to DH, when he fishes into his briefcase and pulls out this sparkly gold box with a new wallet inside. WTF? I'm thinking. Is he psychic? I thank him, of course, then ask why he's carrying around a ladies wallet in his briefcase on a Tuesday on the off chance that I might want to meet him for dinner and happend to bring up that I need one.
Then he confesses that he bought it for me for Valentine's Day, but didn't have time to wrap it, so he just didn't give it to me.
"Huh?"
He then responds to my intelligent reply by pointing out that I had lectured him once on gift presentation and not giving others unwrapped or shoddily wrapped gifts as it implies you don't give a flip. I then, of course, had to reiterate that my point was to wrap the damn thing, not choose to give NOTHING. That confirms you don't give a flip! LOL
Say it with me, Ladies: "MEN!"
***My new wallet is very cute, by the way, and my DH is very sweet to have gotten it for me. I wonder how long it would have stayed in his briefcase . . . ***
First, thanks for all your support and comments to my last post. I think I may have been feeling defeatist because after 8 weeks, I finally got my period.
This is not weight-loss unrelated info. It is extremely relevant. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, which means I don't ovulate a whole lot and an imbalance of hormones causes me to gain weight. I had hoped that losing weight would help my body regulate itself in the reproductive area.
My ob-gyn has had me on high dose birth control pills for years to manage the hormones and to force my body to have periods, which it still never really does--just a light bit of spotting a few times a year. The pills also help me to know when my menstrual-related migraines will appear, which is on day one like clockwork.
In December I went off the pills to try to see if my weight loss has had any effect of my cycle. Basically if I can ovulate and have periods on my own regularly, I may not have to go on the scary side-effect-inducing fertility medications. Early in January I felt twinging in my ovaries, which I thought was ovulation, but when MLK Day came and went with no flow, I knew my body had been tricking me. I was really bummed and started researching fertility treatments.
However, better late than never, Aunt Flo and Uncle TOM arrived on my doorstep together on Friday. I say "together" because I've never had an event quite so . . . let's say . . . plentiful. I was totally unprepared (no warning cramps or migraine) and have been putting my stain removal skills to the test all day today.
All this unpleasant imagery has been to tell you that IT'S WORKING! My weight loss has affected my cycle, because even before I ever went on the pill, I never experienced anything like this before. This has been what it's all been for. I set out to heal my own body without drugs. I wanted to lose weight so I could get pregnant and be a healthy mother. Finally, after 13 months, I have a tangible result that is more than a number on a scale. I have a real result. If I can duplicate this feat in another month, I will know I'm truly on my way.
Of course the real result will be something I can hold in my arms.
I've been utilizing the new photo album feature. I've added back in some progress pics I had to cut out for space, and I've added some family pics in a 2nd album. Check them out! 
I ran it out of town on a rail, I tell ya. I'm going to have to get out the angry villagers wielding torches if it sticks around too long.
My weight loss has affected my cycle, because even before I ever went on the pill, I never experienced anything like this before. This has been what it's all been for. I set out to heal my own body without drugs. I wanted to lose weight so I could get pregnant and be a healthy mother. Finally, after 13 months, I have a tangible result that is more than a number on a scale. I have a real result. If I can duplicate this feat in another month, I will know I'm truly on my way.