Greetings everyone from my new home in Preggersville. Thanks to all of you who have tried vainly to keep in touch and prompt me to keep blogging. I love hearing from you, but I just have not had anything on point (diet and exercise) to discuss.
Since my last post, I have swelled about 30 pounds and have stopped exercising almost entirely. The day after my post, I began bleeding, and my doctor put me on bedrest for a few weeks.
That got better, finally, but I had first-trimester stomach problems and could only keep down white processed carbs and dairy. And it wasn't even enjoyable! I think I ate my weight in Rice Krispies and cheese. The food shock to my system from a whole foods diet was dramatic and I gained 12 pounds in less than a month.
Since then, I've gotten back to eating a more normal diet, but I'm still just not real big on vegetables or fish (my previous faves). What I seem to want to eat when I'm pregnant just seems to have no basis in my normal food desires. I have returned to the world of fiber, however, and am doing my best to avoid anything with HFCS.
The exercise has been a real disappointment. When I first got pregnant I bought a book on prenatal yoga and planned to hit the gym at least twice a month. HAH! Right after I got off bed rest, I got a massive respiratory infection, which lasted two weeks. THEN, I started having these painful buggers known as round ligament pains that stop me in my tracks when I try to walk further than, say, 30 feet at a time. That's not all that's wrong with me, but it's all I feel like boring you with at the moment.
Basically, I've spent the last four months either in a rolling chair at work or in bed. Getting from Point A to Point B is all I can manage.
Now that the bleeding and ligament pain seem to have subsided, I'm so FREAKIN' HUGE, that I get cramps in my abs every time I try to roll over or pick something up off the floor. Boo. I went to a yoga class Monday and felt like a Weeble (remember those?), except I most certainly COULD fall down! I'm going to try again next week, however, because just being at the studio relaxes me, and I'm all about that right now.
For those of you who are interested, we finally found out that we're having a girl yesterday after FIVE sonograms. The baby was always asleep! The sonogram technician actually remarked on how round the baby's belly is. Oh, no!!!!! I had thought that before, but figured I was just projecting my own insecurities onto my unborn child. I really hope I'm not making my poor child fat in utero with all the french fries. Sigh.
Hope to hear from you all soon. I'll try to update more frequently. You know you can mark your calendars for sometime next summer when my all-new weight loss and exercise journey will begin.
Tomorrow is my 39th birthday, but we celebrated yesterday because DH has a trial starting tomorrow and I have to go back to work (BOO!) We went out to dinner at my fave sushi place, Sakura.
Since I can't eat raw fish when pregnant, I was forced to break away from my fave dishes and try something new. The only down(?)side of this is that the items with cooked ingredients tend to be deep fried, like tempura shrimp. So, I ate dumplings, seaweed salad, and a roll made of tempura shrimp, asparagus, avocado and mango. It was heavenly.
I also got a lovely gift from DH, a peridot (my birthstone) insert for my Charlotte ring system. If you have never heard of this German jewelry company, check out this online brochure. It's lovely and unique.
I went to my first prenatal yoga class yesterday and had mixed feelings about the experience. On the "up" side, it was so nice to be in an environment where I can admit that I'm pregnant and not have to skirt around why I feel like a giant pile of poo.
On the down side, my performance level has fallen about as low as it goes. Even though the class was far from strenuous, I had a serious problem with my muscles shaking. Even in Down Dog, my legs were quivering and I didn't feel like I could hold the position. WTF?! If I didn't already know I was pregnant, I would take myself off to the doctor to try to find out why I have the strength on a octagenarian. Basically, I have a parasite that's sucking the life force right out of me.
The instructor, Olivia, assures me this kind of weakness can happen in the first trimester. That's a little reassuring, but it doesn't make me any happier about it. I just realized that having a real exercise routine is pretty much out of the question for now. She says I will get my strength back the second trimester, but that's six weeks away. I can lose a world of muscle tone in six weeks.
The hardest thing to adjust to is the lack of control over my own body. There's simply nothing I can do about this. The thought of taking my newly enfeebled frame to work this week is frightening to say the least. I don't know how I'm going to survive the first weeks of school--a difficult time even when I'm at my best.
When I told Olivia my frustration over the lack of control, she said that's why we have nine months to prepare for motherhood. We need that time to adjust to the concept of the loss of control that will be the state of our lives for decades to come after the baby is born.
I came home and just flopped down in the bed all teary eyed (my new favorite mode of being). I asked my husband, "When do I get to be happy about this?" I find myself just repeating this mantra: "This is what you wanted. You have been successful in your goals. This IS what you wanted." I also try to remember that I am hardly the first woman ever to be pregnant, and I could have a job out plowing fields or something.
Women make do, even when they're single or financially challenged. I just wish my hormones could give me a break so that I could regain a positive attitude and see things in a more optimistic frame of mind.
Thanks so much for all your well-wishes. The last week has been very strange. It's very hard to wrap my mind around the concept of being pregnant. If I didn't have so many symptoms, I would hardly believe it to be real.
I went to the doctor yesterday and had a lot of bloodwork done, but he said it is too soon for a sonogram. I have to go back a week from Monday. I don't think I'll really believe it until I can see it with my own eyes.
I'm a little wigged out worrying about the expense of all this. I've been looking around online to see how much things cost and I'm definitely overwhelmed. To make it all worse, the doctor demands his delivery fee up front. After insurance, I will still owe about $1000, which I have to pay before January. I guess that means no Christmas presents this year.
I've been trying to get my diet plan in gear. It's a little different now. I'm thinking in terms of making sure I eat the right nutrients. Plus, I'm supposed to eat high protein and high carb and average between 2000 and 2300 calories a day. It's a real change. Also, I seem to get full really fast, but then I'm hungry two hours later.
I start back to work next week, and I'm very apprehensive about that. I've been cooking and freezing food so I have as little food prep to do as possible. I will be completely swamped--we have a new curriculum and I have a department full of new teachers that will need orientation. There's also a conflict I have with my principal that will have to be resolved. I haven't dealt with it yet because I'm so weepy and sensitive. I don't trust myself to have a conversation without bursting into tears, which will seriously undermine my bargaining position.
To make it even better, my doctor says the nausea usually kicks in in week six, which will be next week. Between that and having to pee every 20 minutes, I hope I can keep this pregnancy under wraps.
Exercise has been pretty much non-existent the last two weeks. I went to yoga last Sunday and was so weak, I couldn't really finish the class, even though it was a beginner class. About 75% of the way through, my muscles just started shaking and I just had to collapse on my mat and lie there like a dead fish. I'm going to try a prenatal class this afternoon. Cardio, however, is out of the question. I don't even have the energy to walk around all the day without lying down every few hours.
As I said, I'm concerned about next week. I know I'm going to be exhausted and likely to start crying at the slightest little thing. At least with the increased activity, I might stop gaining weight so rapidly. I know I will gain in pregnancy, but it's really too soon for me to be putting on so much weight. I really want to keep it under control.
I'm sure I won't have much time to spend blogging the next month. I just have to reserve my energy and time for the most important and pressing things. I hope you'll continue to keep checking back periodically and not write me off altogether! I'm going to try to update at least once a week, but probably no more.
Even though I still don't have an explanation for the weight I gained in June, I now DO have an explanation of how I could bloat right out of my favorite pants in five days. Apparantly, according to the little stick, That week was the first week I was pregnant.
I have debated whether I should tell my blog readers about this, as we all know that everyone you tell you are pregnant you also may have to tell you have miscarried later on. However, I find I am completely at a loss of how to discuss what's going on with my body and fitness without this slightly relevant detail.
So there it is--you're the first to know! We're not telling our families until after 8 weeks (or until we get a sonogram), and I'm only in week five now.
Had I had a pregnancy book the last few weeks (of which I now have several), I would have known I was pregnant just from the description of the symptoms. Except for the nausea, I have ALL of them. I am weepy and exhausted; I have been lightheaded and crampy. I'm completely congested and have been having the most vivid dreams.
The capper, of course, is the BLOAT. I have NEVER felt so much like a Macy's Thanksging Day Parade float in my life. My midsection has expanded like someone took an air pump to it. According to the books, this is the result of a surge in progesterone. Even at this stage, my hips and ribcage are getting wider. I feel really heavy in my midsection and would really prefer to not wear pants at all. So it's back to the store I go with all the new pants I bought. I guarantee they won't fit in two weeks time if this continues.
With more reading, I see that the recommended diet for a pregnant woman is not all that different from what I was eating. I just need to up my protein and calcium a little. I may re-integrate a serving of milk a day into my meal plans. I also don't have to worry about limiting my carbs so much, though I will continue to make sure they are the un-processed kind.
I'm still a little unsure of how much of my new fitness routine I will be able to retain. I read that weighlifting is out, but I think maybe they mean bodybuilding, not just strength training like I'm doing. I need to figure out how to adjust my routine. I'm really unsure about how to workout my abs, which I just started doing in earnest this summer. (Boy, did I wait too long to get started on that!)
Any tips from you moms out there would be welcome. Now that I've told you all my secret, I feel better. It's seems almost unthinkable that I could walk around for two months and not tell anyone! Right now, it seems to be the only thing I can think about, especially how this will affect my teaching year, which starts back Aug. 7.
Well, chicas, I'm off now to go pack for a three-day workshop I'm attending (the last thing on EARTH I feel like doing right now). I hope I'll find some internet access while I'm there to check up on you all. If not, I'll see you Wednesday!
Hi, Everyone! I've been out of town of a family tour across the state of Mississippi, visiting assorted family members. I've been a week at my grandmother's house where there is no internet.
However, even if I did have internet access, I probably wouldn't have posted anyway. I have been so stressed out about my rapidly climbing weight that I just needed a vacation from all that. I'm back for a few days, then I have to go to a broadcast journalism workshop with some of my students.
Before I left, I had a teary breakdown after spending a day shopping for work clothes. First I discovered that I'm back up to a tight 14, even though I've only gained back 10 pounds, and a lot of that is muscle. When I weighed this before, back in November, I wore a loose 12.
Apparently I gained back all 10 pounds directly in my midsection, mostly between the waist and the bust. That is NOT where those pounds came from! I look like a barrel on sticks and everything I tried on was horribly unflattering no matter if it was the correct size or not. Then when I got home, I went to pull on my fave comfy pants and found that I couldn't button them. They had fit fine five days before!
I just freaked out and started to wonder if there is really something wrong with me. Who gains weight like this?! I'm gaining an average of two pounds a week, which is highly abnormal. That would mean I was eating 7000 extra calories a week! Not possible. But, yet, it's happening. My expanding midsection proves that it's not all a muscle gain.
I have started to wonder if going off the Topamax is contributing to this problem. I know some people take it for weight loss. Maybe, going off of it got my metabolism out of whack. I have no idea. What's so frightening to me is that I'm putting on this weight right before a planned pregnancy. I really have no hope of getting it off before then.
I"ve been doing some yoga at home and trying to run outside, but the temperature and ozone make it very uncomfortable. Plus, my back injury is really acting up. All this has really caused some anxiety. I've been responding to it by reading a lot just to get my mind off it. I polished off the new Harry Potter book in a couple of days.
So that's the latest with me. Sorry I don't have any better news to report. I hope to find some time to catch up on your blogs in the next couple of days.
As you can see from my weight graph, I'm still going up. Every day is an up and down experience, but the overall trend is upward. I am truly praying that all that gain is due to my increasingly buff muscles.
Yesterday was the last day of my four-week training series at the gym. I am totally impressed with the improvement of my muscle tone. I wanted to get back to where I was in January, but I believe I'm now back in some ways to where I was before my injury in September.
My arms are AWESOME. My biceps and triceps are popping out like they never have before. My legs are not popping yet, but I can feel the increased heft of the muscles when I put my hand on my legs. The trainers really didn't focus in on our legs in the weights very often. They really focused on the chest and back, which they said were key muscles to good posture and overall health that are often ignored by novice weight trainers--especially women, who don't feel a need to bulk up their pecs the way men do. We also worked abs a fair amount, and I really need to continue that when someone's not making me.
I'm thinking of adopting Tawa Chihuahua's plan of doing ab work during commercials--she does push ups, which I'm not able to do with my injury. The obstacle to this will, of course, be keeping the dogs from licking my face while I do this.
Running is going well. The first week, I tried to up my time a little, but my knees were not happy about this new form of exercise. This week, however, they seem to be complying. I just need to not push it too hard. Yesterday, I spent 30 minutes on the treadmill, and did two five-minute runs--the first at 4.3 mph, then the second at 5 mph. I really wanted to do another stint at 6 mph, because I could feel myself really "opening up", but knew I have to be careful. My previous longest run was only 3 minutes.
Holding back to prevent injury is something I'm really concentrating on. Every time that we do back and shoulder weights, my injury flares up for two days. It seems to be unavoidable and something I'm just going to have to live with. However, knowing that is going to happen, I just have to remember not to push to higher weights just because I can. The same goes for running. I'm sure the impact of the running can't be doing anything good for my injury, so I need to increase my times slowly.
It's hard, though, when I'm in the zone. I just want to keep going. But like a child who's had her hand burned on the hot stove one too many times, I know better.
I was lying in bed last night babbling to my half-asleep hubby, and I am wont to do, and I was suddenly struck with how impressive it is that I ran 10 minutes--impressive for me, anyhow. Of all the weight-loss goals I had, running was something it never occured to me I could do. It wasn't even on my "to do" list. I was suddenly overcome with how proud I am of what I've accomplished with my body, even though I'm gaining right now. I have well exceeded my fitness goals, even if I have not yet attained my weight-loss goals.
I flashed back to a softball game I played in about 10 years ago. I had a healing knee injury, so I had not exercised in probably a year other than riding my bike to work. I hit the ball and took off for first base, but halfway there I found myself eating dirt. My knee had just given out. I couldn't even run from home to first. So pitiful. I remember thinking then that I would never be able to play sports again--that that injury was going to hold me back for the rest of my life. I had no idea what a concentrated exercise plan of yoga and weight training could do. I wish I hadn't waited so long to start healing myself.
This weepy feeling was also preciptated by a little purple line on a stick that told me that I was ovulating--right on schedule. As you long-time readers of my blog know, I started this journey to try to heal my fertility problems with a healthy lifestyle. That little purple line told me that I have done that, even if I do have 25 more pounds to lose. I have done what I set out to do--and then some.
I realized I really need to cut myself some slack. Yes, I'm still fat, but at least everything's working. As long as I keep exercising, I'll be all right, even if I never make it to a single digit pants size.
I did something last night that I never wanted to/been able to do since I was a kid. I ran.
My DH and I were walking the dogs last night. I was walking briskly, trying to get my heart rate up. Suddenly, I just felt like I wanted to go faster. I couldn't walk any faster, so I started to RUN. I ran to the end of the block (the blocks are way long on this street).
"Holy Crap!" I thought. "I can't believe I just did that--and no one was chasing me!"
Then I walked two more blocks and ran one. Then I did it one more time before I got home. My dog was not happy. He wanted to stop and sniff at his whim. When we got home he flopped down on the floor two feet inside the door and panted like he had just run a 5K.
I was so exhilarated. I can really see now why people get addicted to running. It's really fun--of course until I feel like I'm about to stroke out and have to stop.
Running is something I've never been able to do because of bad knees. My weight just made it completely out of the question. Now that I'm lighter and in better shape, it's something I can actually try it out. My knee was sore toward the end of the walk, but it stopped as soon as I got home. I've been having little twinges of pain in it that comes and goes when I do cardio.
I hope I can continue to run--that my knee doesn't start acting up. I'll definitely need a better bra! I have an expensive sports bra, but it doesn't compress enough for running. Any recommendations out there from anyone with Ds?
I'm still eating too much. Despite my intentions upon waking every day, I never make it through the day without eating a couple hundred too many calories. I just don't know why I can't control myself. I'm definitely eating when I'm not hungry. I'm just eating because I want to.
I've been trying to read online about why we self-sabotage. I found this article, which I thought was interesting. It talks about our own lack of a positive self image is the root of the problem.
I think I need to focus my efforts on exercise, which seems to be going OK. My new running shoes seem to have been a good decision. I haven't been having any problems with my toe or my feet going numb when I exercise. The salesgirl at Lady Foot Locker suggested some insoles when I told her about my problem. She said the arch is farther back on the insoles, which could alleviate my problem--and it did! Who knew?
My muscle tone seems to be coming back slowly. I can see the definition in my legs finally. I've been gradually increasing my cardio. I can't do long stretches, so I've been doing multiple sessions of 10 minutes each. Today, I did the elliptical, then rowing after lifting weights, then another more intense 10 minutes on the elliptical. I still feel like the mayor of Wimptown, though. My stamina is so poor.
It's so hard for me to pace myself on the weights, however. I always want to push it and do more, but that's a sure road to injury. I have a hard time gauging how much is too much. I can do what seems like a light workout one day and be really sore the next. If it weren't for the trainer, I would probably have hurt myself by now. I just hate going slow when I have so far to go.
Well, I've started entering my food again in Sparkpeople.com. I see that I am eating too much every day--between 1600 and 1800 caories a day. It's all healthy food, but just too much of it. Every day I wake up with the goal of keeping it under 1500, but at some point along the way I always encounter something I want to indulge in, but know I shouldn't, like a handful of tortilla chips or a beer with dinner.
So far, I am really having a losing battle with my own will power. Why can't I just NOT eat that snack? I really never used to have a problem with this. Is it because I'm not working? Maybe if I were busier, I wouldn't have time for all this snacking. I know I have no excuse, but maybe I could pin down a reason.
I went to my training session this morning and learned how to use the cable weights. I like them. It's a quick way to work out and seems effective. I can see a little progress with my muscle tone, especially in my calves. My back muscles have been sore after each weight session, so I guess something's happening there as well.
My trainer wants me to do more cardio, but I'm still not to the level she wants me to be. After lifting weights, my back injury feels kind of "tweaky" and I'm afraid to aggravate it. So I'm taking two rest days a week. She wants me to do cardio six days a week. I'm doing three. I know she's right, though, because I'm still gaining. My muscle mass is going up, but the fat's not going down. Sigh.
I'm still waiting for the day when I wake up and my will power has returned. Maybe it will be tomorrow . . .
Today, I resolve to start measuring things again. I probably haven't done this for over a year. I'm pretty good at estimating portions and ounces, so I just don't bother. I'm going to measure things again for a week to remind myself what everything "looks" like in case I'm been overestimating.
I started with my cereal this morning and was suprised to see that the measured portion actually looks bigger than what I usually pour. Great!
Speaking of cereal, I've been eating this new Kashi Vive cereal that is supplemented with probiotics and a crazy amount of fiber. I had been mulling over supplementing my diet with the pill form of both of these things but haven't because of the expense. The cereal may be $1 more a box, but that's a heck of a lot cheaper than buying the supplements. It tastes OK, not incredible, but I just think of it as taking my vitamins or something. It's very filling.
On the Bloat Front, I've been on my period for NINE days and the bloat would not go, so I've been taking some water pills for a couple of days. The scale finally dropped one pound this morning. I'm really hoping for three, as that's how much I gained nearly overnight when TOM started. The Ironman scale says I'm up two pounds in muscle mass, so I may not get those other two pounds like I want. It may not be water.
On the Exercise Front, I slept through yoga AGAIN, which really pisses me off. I have to start setting an alarm. I'm just waking up later and later every day. If my sleep pattern gets too off during the summer, I have hell to pay when school starts back.
So, I'm going to head to the gym and do weights and cardio instead, which is a good thing. I just really wanted to go to that particular yoga class. It's the best. I guess I'll see how well my new shoes (see previous post) hold up to the treadmill. When I walked out this morning in my new bright orange workout shorts, complaining that I overslept, DH said, "I'm surprised those shorts didn't wake you up!" I replied, "Four letters: S-A-L-E." He shot back, "Four letters: L-O-U-D."
