Sorry I haven't been around much since Wednesday. The meds have made it very difficult for me to concentrate, which includes reading and writing. It's just overwhelming and I took a little break. Today seems a little better, but I don't want to spend too much time online because I have a lot of papers to grade and I need to save what little clarity I have for that.
I've only been to the gym twice this week and those were only 30 minute sessions, a pretty light week, but the best I could do. This has been one of those put-me-in-an-isolation-tank-please-oh-and-don't-forget-the-whalesong kind of weeks. Stressful doesn't begin to describe this week, but I won't elaborate because I'll get all stressed just telling you about it.
A happy note: I put on my newspaper staff shirt today (a button-front baseball jersey) which I haven't worn since before the diet. I wondered if it would button, because it never has before. I always just wore it as an overshirt. I had to laugh when I was able to overlap the buttons about 8 inches past the buttonholes. HOLY MOLY! I pranced out of the door into the predawn glow in the first decent mood I've been in for weeks. I'm going to try to get a student to snap my pic today to post for y'all.
Have a great holiday weekend. I promise to catch up on reading your blogs over the weekend.
Postscript: OK, new pics are up. I find them very underwhelming because I'm not wearing cute clothes and my jeans are two sizes too big. I want to take more with something nice on. My first thought when I saw that side pic was, "GAWD, how revolting. If that's how bad I look now, I can only imagine how repulsive I looked before. I don't have any side angle pics from when I was over 220 lbs--on purpose!
I can see the difference in my face, but not in my overall body size. The biggest change since my last pic is something you all can't see and that's muscle tone and definition, especially in my legs. Maybe I'll try to get creative with my camera and show that somehow. Hmmm. . .
Well, it finally happened. DietPower finally figured out that my metabolism is working again and has raised my calories to a respectable level--1400 cals a day. In fact, my "projected weight" line and "goal weight" line have finally met at the end of my graph. Ah, software harmony.
I had to teach the program this lesson, however, by ignoring its recommendations. I have eaten over 4,000 calories more than it has suggested in the last two weeks. Yet, I have still lost, so it's been rapidly adjusting. Now, we are finally in sync.
Last night for the first time, I had a calorie surplus. I went to the gym after work and rode the Lifecycle for a bit, then went home for dinner. I checked DietPower before cooking and saw I was low on protein and fats, so I whipped up a huge omelet. It was so huge, in fact, that I couldn't eat it all. So at the end of the day, I still had 200 cals to burn. THAT's a first!
I really think the "loss of appetite" side effect of Topamax is starting to creep in. That's the third meal in two day where I have left a fair amount of food on my plate. People, I just don't leave food on my plate. I have a serious appetite. It's just weird. I actualyy didn't finish a container of yogurt the other day!
I'm definitely not stepping up the dosage tomorrow on the scheduled day. I haven't had a headache in 10 days, and as long as I don't have one, I'm fine taking 50 mg. The side effects are really affecting my teaching (I won't elaborate just yet), and it's starting to upset me a bit. So I'm staying where I'm at for now. Not having headaches is worth the side effects, but I'm just hoping that my body adjusts soon.
As many of you know, Gvmemoment made it to goal recently and we are so very proud of her. Shortly before that momentous day, she posted her manifesto, called “The Click” on her blog in which she outlined the process that led her to changing her life for good this time. This post received very few comments. I’m here to tell all of you reading this now who missed it to click here and check it out. All of my myriad lurkers who are in search of motivation may find some in her post. Now I would like to talk more on this subject:
When I am reading a person’s blog for the first time, I am often looking for motivation myself, so I’m looking for certain clues to see if this blog has anything to offer me on my weightloss and fitness journey. One thing that turns me off right away is if the person is whining about how they fell off their plan once again (just like last week) and can’t find the motivation to get back on it. This is very common in dieting and I have been there myself on past diets. However, I am not there now. So, that means this person’s journey isn’t going to have much to offer me. I may make a comment on that blog, but I will probably not visit it often unless that person asks me for advice, which I am happy to give.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about, “Oh, my god, I ate a cookie today” kind of stuff. I’m in no way looking for people who are perfect. I’m just looking for people who are serious about their weight loss. The ones who aren’t serious are pretty easy to spot. They’re blogging about their binges, or there’s a lot of “food porn” in their blogs. They haven’t cut the cord yet. In fact if you look back to my earlier blogs, you’ll see a lot more references to food. It’s a process we all go through on the road to getting serious.
So how do you get serious? That’s what Gvmemoment was talking about and I swear I still don’t really know the direct path. After reading her blog, I thought back to when I started this diet and I really did not have much hope of succeeding. I only started it because I knew I had to. A certain point had been reached. I was not all super-enthusiastic like some newbies on EP are. (Notice how most of those people blog for two weeks and are gone?)
After experiencing some success it got easier and I got more enthusiastic. The whole experience started to change and morph, however, as I studied and learned about yoga and health and nutrition and the human body. I can honestly say now that I have changed. I have a completely different outlook on food. Yes, I love it, but I just don’t have the same relationship with it that I did last December, and I am so thankful. Hell, I don’t have the same relationship with myself that I did last December. I respect myself so much more.
That’s the crux, I think. The self-respect. The self-love. When I read a newbie’s blog that talks about how she ate two Snickers bars on day five of her diet, I just think, “you’re not ready.” This girl cannot just start over the next day and “get back on her diet” because her mind is not yet in the right place. An Extrapounds blog does not a lifestyle change make. If a person cannot even make it through the first week of a diet without a major cheat, then that person is not serious about making a change and needs do some introspection.
Come on, Ladies and Gents, GET SERIOUS! It’s worth it.
Not that anyone’s asked, but I thought it might be helpful for me (and possibly others) to jot down my “secrets to success” dieting-wise. I’ve been reflecting a lot lately about what has been different this time around, and I’ve concluded that these things have contributed (in no particular order) the most to my success:
Structure. Starting with a structured diet plan worked for me. I ponied up the dough for Jenny Craig instead of trying yet another diet on my own (Atkins, Zone, South Beach). I really think this made a difference for me at the beginning. I was financially tied to it. In the past, I had similar success with WW (lost over 60 pounds after college).
Raw Veggies and Fruits Not Optional. Ninety percent of days, I eat a salad for lunch and two servings of raw fruit. I never eat canned fruits or veggies. (I do, of course, eat cooked veggies, too.)
No White Foods. This, of course, means I eat whole grains, like brown rice and whole wheat bread and tortillas. (This is post-Jenny, of course). In the past I’ve tried to cut out the carbs and just couldn’t live like that, so now I eat lots of carbs, just good carbs. I don’t buy any “low-carb” labeled products because they tend to have extra fat added and are over-processed. I will have the occasional white potato, but only a fresh one with the skin, never frozen or processed. (Thank you Kashi for making so many yummy whole grain products!)
Yoga. Finding a form of exercise that I loved and allowed me to grow as a person as well as burn calories was key to getting me inspired right from the start.
Convenience Foods Yes / Fast Foods No. I have a crazy busy schedule, but I NEVER cave in to the drive-thru. Instead, I resort to the freezer. I fall back on Jenny Craig foods or healthier frozen foods like Amy’s, Cedarlane, or Boca. I have been to fast food restaurants three times since January and have had two Egg McMuffins and one McDonald’s Asian Chicken Salad. No damage done. STAY AWAY people. Fast food really cannot be integrated into a healthy diet on a regular basis.
Lifting Weights. The discovery that lifting weights isn’t that hard and makes me look AWESOME has really kept me going on the second leg on this journey. Why didn’t I ever do this before? I’ve wasted so many years not being buff.
Continuing Education. I’ve never “settled in” with my knowledge of food or exercise and am always on the lookout for a new book or a tip or a recipe. Because of that, this journey of fitness never gets dull. Really, it doesn’t! When I found myself saying “I’m sick of this” in April, I took immediate action and started weaning myself off Jenny Craig foods. I think that saved me. That’s usually the point at which I will quit.
Don’t Deny Yourself--Substitute. Yes, you should avoid trigger foods like ice cream, pizza, cheeseburgers. However, try to find satisfying substitutes like Healthy Choice ice cream sandwiches, home-made pizza you can control, or lean buffalo burgers with reduced fat cheese. If you don’t, the cravings will push you to binge. Get them before they get you. Works for me.
Date Night. My husband and I, who used to eat out several times a week now eat out once a week or cook a nice meal at home together. I try to make the best choices I can given the menu, but we all know how tough that is. I allow myself one alcoholic beverage only. (That’s my allowance for the entire week, actually.) It’s important to do this, first, to retain some kind of normality in your relationship and, second, to practice your new eating lifestyle in a real-world setting. I saw right away how tough it is, and even when I’m at goal, I will try not to eat out more than once a week.
Support! I get mine from my husband and Extrapounds. I paid lots of money to get it from Jenny Craig but that was just a figment of my imagination (or was it their advertising?), so thank the stars that someone told me about this site on the JC message boards. Having this forum as an outlet for my issues and a source of feedback has been invaluable. There’s no need to go it alone.
So today I'm not going to do my Saturday weight average because I'm kind of fascinated by the look of my chart right now. Notice the precipitous drop that has occurred the last few days. It's almost a vertical line at the very end of the graph.
For the last three days, my loss has been dramatic, .5 to 1 pound per day, and it's not water. And this has been despite obvious obstacles. For example, last night, I had a fair amount of calories left for the day so we went out for catfish (the fried variety, for you Yankees). I ate fish and a few hush puppies (stayed away from the fries). The salt was pretty high and we ate late, so I expected a little bump up in weight this morning. NOPE. Down another .6 lbs.
This is SO not how my body behaves. It's like I have someone else's. And before you tell, me--yes, I know it's most likely due to that drug I'm talking, Topamax. Hey, at least it's doing something positive for me other than making me walk around acting like a person with Alzheimer's.
A little bad news: I've been looking at my new weight and fitness charts, and it seems I'm losing muscle mass. That first two weeks back to work I dropped several pounds quickly, but I noticed--with disappointment --last weekend that my inches stayed the same. This morning I was tracking the weekly averages of my Ironman scans and I see that I've lost two pounds of muscle in that time period. This makes sense combined with the tape measure.
It's one of my goals this weekend to do some research to find out how to keep this from happening. All I had been doing on this front is making sure I get enough protein, which I have been. The change in schedule, however, may have affected my body somehow. If anybody has any suggestions, let me know.
I'm headed to the gym as soon as it opens to get in a full body weight lifting session in because I haven't been able to go all week due to the side effects of the meds. Today, I'm just not going to take them until after my workout. I'm especially worried about the hand sensations, because I've been losing my grip on things lately. I dropped six things yesterday, and broke two of them. I don't want to drop a dumbell and break my foot or my head. No, sirree.
Y'all have a great day. Oh, and by the way, I'm working on getting new pictures. Patience, Grasshopper.
Life is strange right now and I have my friend Topamax to thank for it. I started the drug to prevent migraines a little over a week ago and my doctor, who has taken the drug himself, told me to expect certain side effects.
He said he experienced "zinging" feelings in his hands and periods of "feeling stupid." The package insert calls it "tingling" and "loss of concentration."
This started with me a couple of days ago. After lunch, my hands started to feel itchy, which I couldn't believe because I pay good money for moisturizer so that doesn't happen. Only when the feeling became intense and wave-like did I remember the side effect. The loss of concentration followed, but wasn't too bad. The next day, however, I had to double my dose, as this is a "step-up" program.
Yesterday was quite an adventure. I woke up totally dehydrated and congested despite sleeping with a humidifier and pounding water. I don't know if these symptoms are related, but I didn't want to take my allergy medicine as I didn't want to add any stimulants to the mix. So I spent the entire day unable to breath or hardly swallow due to dryness.
After lunch again, the fun began. This time it was intense and involved my feet as well as my hands. I tried to distract myself by reading, but quickly found the "loss of concentration" factor overwhelming. With the waves of sensation surging through my body, I couldn't sit still, so I started wandering the building. My interactions with people were interesting to say the least. People would speak to me, but I couldn't respond, so I would just giggle. That's right. I was HIGH! LOL.
Finally, the day ended and I got to go home, where I found I was ravenous for carbs and sweets (It's been like this all week) What happened to the "loss of appetite" side effect, HUH? I ate a too-big bowl of cereal. Then the "tiredness" side effect kicked in as I was dressing to go to the gym. I hit the sheets in my gym clothes and shoes and didn't move until my husband waved dinner under my nose at 8 p.m. Pitiful.
When I got up this morning after sleeping like the proverbial log, the scale showed me down another pound (that's two days in a row). Ironman says it's either muscle or water. It's not reliable anymore since my meds seem to interfere with the readings. Who knows. I do know that my jeans are falling off today, so I guess I've lost some fat.
I decided to take my allergy meds today because not being able to breathe yesterday was just too miserable, so I jittery already today and the loss of concentration symptoms are setting in early today (I've had to correct my typing about 50 times in this blog.) Should be an interesting day . . . pray for me.
Did any of you out there finish up college in the summer or the fall after everyone else you knew left after graduation in May? I did. It was an eerie feeling, having everyone you knew and loved suddenly vanish off the face of the earth and the place you thought of as home suddenly be populated with strangers.
This is what Extrapounds feels like to me lately. Just a few weeks ago I had a large stable of friends who posted to me regularly and who entertained and inspired me with their witty words. Now, it seems almost everyone has either given up the diet or blogging or both.
Some, I believe got close enough to goal that blogging didn't seem so crucial to their own support anymore. Some were about halfway and, I fear, just got sick of the whole effort. Some, I know, are just really busy with other things and plan to return to blogging. One is on vacation.
The sad thing is, that without my friends, I am losing interest in blogging as well. I've become attached to my readers and really have them in mind when I blog. If it weren't for Blondeez, I don't think I'd have written anything at all this week.
So here's my plea to all you Lurkers: I know you're there! I see my counter moving almost 100 clicks a day, so I know I have readers, but this blogging thing isn't fun for me if I can't interact with people. This support thing is a two-way street. I need support, too!
I am totally open to making new friends, so please post after you read my blog. I would love to get to know you.
Why is thin crust pepperoni pizza the one food I cannot resist? I don't buy it or order it or go anywhere near it. BUTT, if my DH cooks one for dinner (which is always right before I go to bed, when I'm at my hungriest), I'll have a bite, or two. Or a slice, or two. DAMNIT. IT"S SO TASTY!
Then, naturally, the scale spikes up in the morning because of the salt. I had two squares last night. I think that's the calorie equivalent of TWO (count 'em) rowing classes. Such a waste! All that exercise gone in a few gulps. Damnitdamnitdamnit.
I thought about asking DH not to cook it when I'm not in the house, but I decided that isn't fair to him. it's his fave food, and he's not on a diet. He's very supportive of my efforts otherwise (hides the ice cream; bakes cookies when I'm out of the house, etc.)
I decided that I would hit the gym today to make up for it, but I remembered that I have to go have my brain scanned after work today to look for dain bramage. I'm not worried. It's just a routine thing doctors do when a patient is having recurring headaches. Should I be worried?
I started the Topamax Thursday and had migraines twice Saturday, but the other new medicine he gave me, MaxAlt, headed them off in about 30 minutes. Yay! He told me that even if Topamax doesn't succeed in preventing the headache, it does help the meds you take for them work better. Praise be.
Last night, I had to take the MaxAlt again. I had some JC Toffee Bites for dessert, and flipped over the package as I was munching the last one to see what toxins I was putting in my body. Right there in the ingredients, it jumped out at me: "ALMONDS"
"Oh, crap," I said, knowing this is now a migraine trigger. I hoped that such a small dose would not affect me, but a couple of hours later, a little pain began. It was bedtime, and not wanting to be woken up in the middle of the night by a full-blown migraine, I took the MaxAlt and went to bed. No problem! Yay drugs!
So far the reputed appetite suppressant qualities of Topamax have not been in effect. Quite the opposite. I up the dose tomorrow. We'll see.
I managed to make up some of my exercise this weekend, rowing and lifting weights Saturday and hitting my regular Sunday morning yoga class.
So I'm sitting on the mat in yoga class when the teacher gives the instructions to move our mats and place our blocks against the wall. I know what this means: backbends. My nemesis.
Actually, I've almost stopped thinking of them as a nemesis (that would be un-yoga-like) and more of a mountaintop to which I will never be able to climb. But I dutifully drag my mat over and assume the position.
The first time I did this, I was able to lift my butt off the floor, but none of my upper body at all. As time has passed, I have moved from screwing up my face in purple exertion while not moving one whit to actually getting my shoulders to lift off the floor. Last week, I managed to get my neck up an inch, but I suffered for it (indeed I did.)
So when we got ready yesterday, I was ready for the big nothing. My goal was to lift my neck WITHOUT screaming out "OHJeezus!" like I did last week (again, very un-yoga-like).
I lifted my but-TOCKS (say like Forrest Gump) on cue. Then, when she said, simply, "Now, relax your shoulders, and just straighten your arms," I did, AND THEY DID.
My body just popped up into a backbend. I would have given anything to have had a camera recording my face at that moment, because I was utterly shocked and only the concrete block wall could fully appreciate it.
Then, I fell apart. I came back down to the floor and just burst into sobs. It was one of the most emotional moments I've ever had in front of other people. It was a complete emotional flood and could not be dammed. It was awesome.
Later, someone said that eight months of yoga wasn't that long to have to wait to do a backbend, but that didn't seem right to me, because some people can do one the first day, depending on their anatomy. It's not the time that matters, it's the hours of practice put it. I figured that since I started in January, I've attended 120 yoga classes. THAT'S a lot of damn yoga. Most people who attend the studio only practice an hour a week, so it would take them two years to do that much yoga.
My point is that it took me a while to get my back and chest to open up. I think the weight-lifting really helped as well. My other point is: YAY ME!
I just did my average for the week and deleted all the daily weights. This week, doing the averages helped me. Though I lost .8, my average was down 1.5 lbs from last week's average. Math is cool.
I'm pleased to report that DietPower is coming around slowly. It has seen me "overeat" by 2500 calories this week, hardly exercise, and still lose a little, so my daily calorie allowance has been creeping up more every day. I'm finally back over 1200! I'll be happy when it puts me back where I started at 1350 calories.
I did take a few days off from exercising this week and went to the doctor Thursday. He scheduled me for an MRI and wanted to take blood tests for food allergies, but the nurse told me insurance often doesn't pay for that test, so I have to wait to find out if it's covered.
He also put me on Topamax, which is a drug originally prescribed for seizures but was discovered to prevent migraines. They don't really know how it works (so reassuring). I have to take it daily, increasing the dosage every week until side effects appear, then we back off. Those side effects are an affect on mental concentration--in other words, the ability to think straight. FABULOUS for a teacher. Apparently the other side effects are not so bad: a "zinging" in the hands and weight loss. He said this drug is sometimes illegally prescribed over the internet and such for weight loss alone. Whoo. Didn't work yesterday, I have to tell you. I think I ate 2000 cals before I went to bed. I was just starved all day.
It's also not working on the headaches yet--I feel one brewing right now. This really bums me out because I was planning to catch up on my weight lifting at the gym this morning. Apparently I have to take them for several weeks before results can be seen.
Sidenote: If you look to the bottom of my page, you'll see that my counter is holding steady in the 9000s--no more precipitous drops from out of the blue. What was that all about anyway?
