OK
Another week has rolled by and I'm at the same spot. It was fall break at school, and I spent as much time as possible just relaxing, reading, and listening to music. I didn't think about food much, and certainly didn't track what I ate. I was really at some kind of breaking point and desperately needed some down time where I didn't have to be responsible for anything or do any kind of work. I didn't even do my weekly shopping, which I'm now paying for, as I ate a freezer-burned waffle with a freezer-burned Boca sausage for breakfast this morning.
I do feel better, however, and feel more equipped to "deal," if you know what I mean. Having a baby has been a wonderful experience, but after 18 months, never having any "me" time is starting to wear. I really can't ask my husband to help me out with this because he's in the same boat. The two of us desperately need a real vacation (at least a week)--alone.
It's amusing how life changes. The other day at a cafe, I found myself glaring jealously at this woman at the next table--not because she was thin or had a great handbag. It was griping me that her mother was meeting her to pick up her toddler for a day of fun with Grandma so the daughter could have some time off. I was just sitting there stewing about the injustice of a world where a mom (me) doesn't have an extended family willing to help out in any significant way. Not fair.
I try to count my blessings and be grateful for the fact that I have an amazing child and just feel pity for her grandparents that they're missing out on experiencing her. I know I'm lucky. However, I really just wish I had a few hours a week to go the gym, you know?