Last summer when I started back Jenny Craig, I quit after five weeks because I wasn't seeing any results. I dropped three pounds the first week, then bounced back up 1.5. After five weeks I had lost just over a pound. It was a rough five weeks, I was so pissed that I just gave up.
Now, here I am again, experiencing the same thing. I'm not doing JC this time, but the pattern is the same. Dropped five pounds, then bounced back up. After five weeks, I've lost three pounds. It hardly seems worth it.
I understand the principal of weight loss. I know that I need to burn more calories. I've got insulin resistance, and cutting calories stops me from gaining, but that's pretty much it. I'm eating 1350 calories a day, and am pretty much standing still. I can't tell you how hard it is to just eat 1350 calories. I struggle with it every day. I'm always hungry when I go to bed.
Since I injured my toe, I can't exercise the way I want. Yes, I know there are other ways to exercise, but I haven't been motivated to be creative. The fact is that I'm still in that mode where exercise sucks because I'm so fat. It's uncomfortable; I get dizzy and sometimes nauseated. Exercise gets easier the thinner and more in-shape I become. Right now, it's just a pain--literally.
So here I am sitting in a cesspool of negativity. I'm angry.
I KNOW in my head that if I can see some success, that will carry me forward. It did last time, and I'm sure it will again. But it seems the older I get, the harder-won success becomes. And there's something about the post-baby metabolism that is really working against me. Maybe it's just that my muscle mass is so low right now that I'm not burning many calories. But seriously, my resting metabolism must be about 1300 calories.
Not only am I angry, but I am scared. I'm scared I'm not going to be able to get in a positive mindset again. I think about quitting, but then I consider the alternative: continuous rapid weight gain. Yes, I CAN be fatter than I am now.
So, right now, fear is the only thing keeping me going. I'm running on anger and fear. That is just not going to work. I KNOW that's not going to work. How do I get out of this?
Posted By: ashleyb
Comments to this post:
06/25/2009 04:32
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I see you aren't doing JC so you can't ask your coach, but have you talked with your doctor or nutritionist for ideas? Gym coach?
I truly understand what you are going through, but hang in there! Something will start working and maybe you are right, maybe if you start doing the strength/toning exercises to build muscle it will start burning more fat and calories away?
I lost 3 pounds fast a couple of weeks ago, but it's back. I weigh the same as I did when I started, 138.8. I am 'good' for a few days, see a dip, then I eat not-so-good stuff and it pops back up. I work out just about as hard as can be expected of someone in full-time in employment who is also just an average 42-year-old woman.
Like you, I used to have a determined mindset. I could gut it out and skip temptation and feel triumphant about it. Now I find myself giving in to the 'screw it' mentality, or worse, the 'just-one-won't-hurt' delusion. And so I have managed to gain 7 lbs over time and haven't been able to lose it.
As far the exercise goes, you know quite well that it's like taking medicine until it becomes a habit, then it's just something you do. Some days you enjoy it, some days it's a chore, some days you manage to get through it rather mindlessly. It's just one of things you have to do each day. I'm grateful that no matter how much my eating may have slipped here and there, my exercise has remained consistent, or else I know I would have lost a lot more ground, in spite of the fact that exercise is only about 20% of the equation.
Just don't give up and don't disappear from this blog. Keep posting regularly, no matter if it's to do nothing but whine and complain. That's why it's here, and the rest of us will keep encouraging you.
Draw your perspective WAY in. Try not to contemplate the big picture or think about the past. Concentrate on the one meal you're facing, on getting through the one workout you're doing. It's the way we did it before, you know I'm right! The two of us can do this!
I know what you mean. I have a question for you. Are you pre-diabetic? Is that insulin resistance? Are you having to really watch your sugar intake? Is that where some of the aggravation is coming from?
Another thing...I am CONVINCED our metabolism is wacked for at least a year post partum. Seriously. WACKED!
OK - and I bought a Polar F6 Heart Rate Monitor. I was shocked to discover that I don't work out hard enough. I was working about almost 40 minutes and burning 110 calories! My heart barely worked at 55% for more than two minutes. It's just to say that you may be in better shape than you think you are and not burning many calories when you work out.
Hey there! Just wanted to pop in and say hi. I know that you will get results if you stay consistent. Just keep focusing on your healthy habits. You seem to keep dealing with one set back after another. I know how hard that is. It also sounds like you're pretty bummed about everything, rightfully so. So I'd like to send a hug your way.
I've always been a slow loser. I guess because I'm not good at forcing the issue and being super strict. Perhaps you could find different goals like making two new healthy recipies this week, or being able to do five push ups on your toes. Those are just some things i use to keep me going.
