Twink makes the most obvious point in my last post that I should cut calories to 1200 using whole foods. Clearly that's what I need to do, but lately I've really been having a problem controlling my hunger.
Since coming back from vacation, I've switched back to a whole foods diet, but I've been having trouble letting go of dairy. I've been putting milk in my coffee every now and then and on my cereal about half of the time. I was a huge fan of milk before I switched to Ultrametabolism. I've also been having cheese as an accent every now and then. I had completely let go of these things before I went on vacation, then I had a taste and now I can't just go cold turkey.
I've also had the problem that I've been having an extended TOM, which has been going on the last seven days and isn't over yet. I bloated up three (more!) pounds and seem to be eating everything that isn't nailed down. The only positive change I've managed to make is that I'm not eating any processed foods or eating out. All the foods I'm eating are healthy--I'm just eating way too much.
My new trainer wants my group to do a three-day cleanse of eating mostly protein and veggies while drinking a water/cranberry mixture all day. Well, I've got the cranberry part going. I start out each day and make it on plan until about noon. Then I eat my salad with turkey. Then I start looking around for something sweet or crunchy or salty. Stupid TOM! Why are cravings so bad at this time that I can't control them? At all?
The only place I can exercise control is at the store. If I don't buy it, I can't eat it. I was at Wild Oats with DH two nights ago and had this huge conversation with him about cookies. Wild Oats sandwich cremes are my absolute downfall. The cookie part is crunchy and a little salty, but the inside is sweet ancd creamy. All my triggers in once package. I will eat an entire container in about three days. They are NOT low-cal. They were on sale half price and DH wanted to buy some. I said "no" and he said he would hide them. I pointed out that there is no place he has been able to hide them where I coldn't find them. "Then stop looking!" he said, with absolute logic. The problem is there's nothing logical about my craving for Wild Oats sandwich cremes! It's like a pathological desire. If I know they're in the house, I will turn over the furniture to find them. Pitiful, I know. We left without the cookies.
I'm trying not to engage in negative self-talk, but I feel like such a failure. Yesterday I was painting my utility room and I pulled out my old painting jeans, size 16 from Lane Bryant. I didn't think I would be able to wear them--expected them to fall down when I tried to walk. But they didn't. They're baggy, but I can definitely wear them. I can't tell you how terrifying this is. Every day the scale goes up. I tell myself that when TOM is over I might regain some kind of self-control, but deep down I'm really afraid I won't.
I set out a month ago with the goal of losing 15 pounds by the end of the summer, so I can be in shape to have a healthy pregnancy. Now I'm just doing damage control. I can't even stop the scale from going up! If I can't turn this around ASAP, I'm going to go into pregnancy even more overweight and there's no telling how much I will gain before I have a baby. We're going to start trying next week! Gah!
I know there's nothing you can tell me. I'm the only one who can help me. Sorry for being so negative, but I really need to vent my fears. I need to process all these feelings so I can deal with them.
Posted By: ashleyb
Comments to this post:
06/27/2007 11:54
Big Hugs coming your way!
I SOOOOOOOOOO understand what you are going through. I myself have struggled for a month and cant really blame TOM. However... You have done so great! so so so great!
Don’t take that away based on this. It will pass, Find your motivation again. Its not easy and what once worked may not work this time around. Start fresh. From this point as your starting and not as your failing point.
Also, one thing I Noticed, coffee or lattes or anything like that tends to make my cravings worse. When I cut it totally out I could eat a 1 point WW snack cake and be totally satisfied and fulfilled even during TOM, when I started sneaking coffee back in the craving went out the roof!
Might try cutting it out for a few weeks and just see how that affects things for you.
Also lots of melon and water, keeps me very full, its very sweet and I can munch on it with out causing to much damage.
I wish you all the luck! 47 lbs is nothing to feel negative about and in no way spells out failure!
The true fact of the matter is this: you are a healthy person! Think back to Jan 2006. You were 210 pounds. Now, even with TOM/bloating/post-vacay/outta control healthy snacking, you are still 47.2 pounds down!! Look at that pic to the left, of you taking in the sunshine. You are healthy. A lot healthier than the pic above it.
And though your fears of getting the snacking under control are real, it is not like you are chompin on a slab of beef jerky all day long!! And you left the cookies at the store! Hooray. All I'm saying is, that even if you got pregnant in 2 weeks, you are still at a healthy weight. You are not high risk [according to your weight] and whatever weight you do gain during pregnancy, I know it will be whole foods based- that can't be bad! I know you are feeling bummed right now, but really, you have come so far and have such an accomplishment to celebrate- don't let baggy size 16's cloud your judgement!! :o)
I know you are freaking out over this plateau that is starting to turn into an uphill climb. Try not to stress out. All you need is elevated cortisol and stress if you're about to start trying to get pregnant.
You know what, if I had to live on cranberry juice drinks, salad and turkey, I would be turning the house upside down looking for a cookie, too! I question the judgement of your trainer on that. I think trainers often go for quick results without thinking in the long term. It's trainers, after all, who help body builders bulk up on 3,000-4,000 calories a day or more, then cut calories extremely low to lean completely out right before a show, and binge on sugar on show day to make their veins pop out. I know your trainer's not doing that, my point is just that sometimes trainers don't have our long-term health in mind. Maybe you could let the others experiment with the cranberry turkey program while you remain in the land of the sane.
I think-- and I know it's easy for me to say this but I'm going to go ahead-- I think you might be getting way too bogged down in this. Is it causing you to flit from one food theory to another? To try a three-day or one-week set menu? Are you subconsciously engaging in magical thinking? (If I don't eat the Wild Oats cookies but do drink my cranberry juice, I'll start losing again, etc). Could you consider backing off from this for a while and just eating well.? Eat a wide variety of wholesome food, don't worry about how many calories it has or any of that other stuff. Do as much exercise as you can manage given your health limitations. Do that for a couple of weeks and then weigh yourself. Test how your clothes fit. If you're not any worse off than you were while you were worrying, maybe it will be time to stop worrying about it.
Can you load up on even more veggies to fill you up? I've been known to eat a half pound or more of edamame at a go when I'm really fighting the desire to eat everything in sight. It's not a great idea, but veggies are "free" on WW and cheap on any plan.
I just know when I get that bottomless pit feeling no amount of chanting "this is plenty" will make it so.
of sounding anti-climatic, why not just going into a maintainence period. perhaps your body just needs to sit with current weight loss for a bit before it is ready to move further down the scale.
I hope that it makes a turn around for you soon. If you get pg in the next few weeks you'll have a healthy pg. You've come such a long way from where you started and you, of all people I know on this site, are really informed about nutrition. If you continue to eat healthy whole foods through out your pg, you won't gain a ton of unnecessary weight and what you do gain will come off quick because of your healthy lifestyle.
