My Hams, They Are Strung
Every step I take today brings pain as my hamstrings are sprained from yoga class Sunday morning. It is the third class I have attended since my doctor cleared me to resume mild exercise.
That class wasn't so pleasant, but the two before were lovely. While moving my body from familiar position to familiar position, I was relieved to see that I haven't "lost it" all while I've been recuperating. I still have some flexibility and muscle memory. My balance seems even better since my hips have been aligned by the chiro. My strength, however, STINKS! My legs were so shaky and I could barely hold my lunges for more than a few seconds. Oh, the shame . . .
Something that occurred to me at these classes was why I enjoy yoga so much more than other exercise. It's more like dance than an exercise. It's not just working muscles, it's a form of expression as well. It's a whole body experience--you're not separated from your body. I imagine athletes who participate in competitive sports feel that kind of connections with their bodies--that awareness. It's such a wonderful feeling that we just don't have as we bump along through life every day.
Speaking of bumping along through life--I took a major bump last week and am just now starting to get up from it. I have been majorly stressed due to work and last week I did not sleep more than two hours a night for five nights straight. On Thursday, I tried to take the day off Friday just to sleep (I was getting a migraine) but was told there were already 13 teachers planning to be out and there were no more subs. So, I dragged my ass to school Friday after another sleepless night and collapsed at the beginning of third period with a crushing migraine. They had to call my DH to come get me as I could barely more or talk.
Even today (Monday) I am still kind of shaky. I got some sleep this weekend (about 7 hours a night), but I'm having stressful dreams and am walking around with a ball of tension in my stomach at all times. The slightest thing can set me to crying. The stress beast has just eaten me alive and I don't know how to get away from it.
I'm trying to get things done to alleviate pressure and I'm trying to take care of myself, but it seems there's only so much I can do. After yoga yesterday I was thinking about how stress happens to everyone but some people just handle it better. This is the third stress-related migraine I've had this year--where I've gotten myself so upset and worked up that my head just exploded. But then I started thinking back to everyhthing bad that's happened to me since September and it really mounted up to quite a hefty list. (You all know some of the things, but not all). Maybe I should cut myself some slack, I thought. I've been through a lot of crap this year--none of it my fault. It's all just beaten me down and squashed me into this little twitching mass. How do I get back to the person I used to be?
I really need for school to be OVER. I just need some time and distance from all the pressure. A weekend just doesn't cut it--not even a three-day weekend. I know there's only six weeks of school left, but the worst is yet to come. I'm really afraid I'm going to snap. My body can only take so much and it will CRASH. How do I get some mental headspace? How can I stop thinking about stressful things when I can't do anything about them? I suck at mediation, by the way. (Probably because I can't stop thinking about things I shouldn't).
Can somebody just come over here and conk me over the head and put me out of my misery?